Skip to content

I Was So Sad that I Did Comedy

2024-06-21 · letter vlog · Hank · 7:58 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: Projects) · mode: Personal update · tags: heavy topic, self promotion, timely hook

Hank recalls how cancer treatment and brain fog left him unable to enjoy or want anything until stand-up comedy restored his interest, how that became a comedy special Sam Reich offered to produce, and announces it is out on Dropout today.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Before his biopsy results Hank feared he might die within a month and handled practicalities; afterwards only good news

  • ★★ Hank tells an unshared moment: after an ultrasound suggested cancer, he asked his normal doctor before biopsy results whether he would be dead in a month; she could not say for sure. — 00:00:00 · cancer
  • ★★ That day Hank wrote letters, recorded bedtime stories he tells Orin and made sure Katherine had his passwords; handling practicalities was more comfortable than staring into the abyss. — 00:00:29 · Orin Green, Katherine Green
  • ★★ After that first ultrasound Hank only got good news: not metastatic, one of the most treatable lymphomas, fairly early stage; on chemo he could feel the tumors shrinking. — 00:00:44 · chemotherapy

00:00:58 — Chemo and brain fog made it hard to enjoy or care about anything; Marvel Snap and music still worked

  • ★★★ Hank says cancer treatment made it hard to enjoy anything: nausea, fatigue, constant discomfort and a powerful brain fog that made focusing hard. — 00:01:05 · cancer
  • ★★★ With mortality pushed into the potentially near future, Hank lost sight of the point of anything and stopped being interested in much, a problem he had never had before. — 00:01:20
  • ★★ His first solution was staying in existing structures, making Vlogbrothers videos and tweeting about science; it helped but was work, with an undercurrent of 'why'. — 00:01:40 · Vlogbrothers
  • ★★ Hank says being sick is depressing, not in the colloquial sense but literally. — 00:01:57
  • ★★ Hank could still enjoy Marvel Snap, a mobile card game in roughly five-minute rounds, where he trounces opponents he assumes are children. (playful) — 00:02:03
  • ★★ Music kept its beauty for Hank; with nice headphones he could still love it as art. — 00:02:14

00:02:26 — Stand-up comedy saved him; he grew obsessed with how comedians work and found interest again

  • ★★★ Asked for media to enjoy while sick, Hank got podcasts, TV, games and movies but was usually too foggy for them; the people who sent stand-up comedians saved him. — 00:02:26
  • ★★ Hank says stand-up comedy is always less than 15 seconds from a joke and its bits rarely last more than a few minutes. — 00:02:45
  • ★★ Hank says stand-up got him out of scrolling TikTok, an emotional minefield and less rewarding than a 60- or 90-minute crafted piece that tells a story. — 00:02:55 · TikTok
  • ★★ Hank watched maybe an unhealthy amount of stand-up, even stand-up he disliked, curious why it worked on its audiences. (hedged) — 00:03:10
  • ★★ Stand-up began to look to Hank like a magic act: misdirection and control of the audience through silence, sound, stillness, movement, the microphone and stance. — 00:03:24
  • ★★★ Obsessed, Hank wrote his cancer journal as comedy bits and found himself interested without effort or external structure, holding tight to that thread for fear of losing it. — 00:03:53

00:04:22 — Building the show at the Roxy, Sam Reich's offer of a Dropout special, and Hank's reasons to do it

  • ★★★ Finishing chemo, Hank worked on stand-up with friend Sarah Aswell, booked Missoula's Roxy, and grew from 10 to 30 minutes into the bones of a 60-minute special. — 00:04:22 · Missoula, Montana
  • ★★★ Not trusting praise, Hank sent a 50-minute recording to comedian friends; Sam Reich, CEO of Dropout, gave feedback and offered to produce it as a Dropout special. — 00:04:41
  • ★★ Hank considered declining as a science guy, not a comedian; Sam said Hank going first would draw attention to lesser-known comics, which Hank doubts but found convincing. — 00:05:21
  • ★★★ Hank's first reason for doing the special: more people should talk openly and honestly about cancer, and he is glad to be one of them. — 00:05:49 · cancer

  • ★★★ Hank's second reason: after a while he wanted nothing; he wants to want things, and questioning whether wanting is okay drives him back toward a bad place where he did no good. — 00:06:00

    “I want to want things.”

  • ★★ Hank kept working on the special for months with Sarah Aswell, his original Missoula comedy coach, and hired Ben Acker for parts he struggled with. — 00:06:25 · Missoula, Montana

00:06:37 — The special is out on Dropout: price, other Dropout shows to watch, where to leave feedback

  • ★★★ Hank announces his comedy special is out on Dropout today and viewers can watch it now. — 00:06:37
  • ★ Hank says Dropout is a streaming service costing $6 per month. — 00:06:50
  • ★★ Hank calls Dropout the best content subscription he has outside YouTube Premium, like a streaming service designed specifically for him. — 00:06:58
  • ★★★ Hank asks viewers to sign up for Dropout: he makes no extra money from it, but it is the only way to watch the special, which they produced amazingly. — 00:07:03
  • ★★ Hank recommends other Dropout shows: Game Changer's last two seasons, Very Important People's first, Dimension 20, Mintopolis (which he is in) and Breaking News. — 00:07:12
  • ★★ Hank asks viewers to tell him what they think of the show in the comments here or on Twitter or Threads, since Dropout has no comments. — 00:07:40 · Twitter

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description says Dropout also sells a 'Pissing Out Cancer' shirt with all proceeds going to This Star Won't Go Out. — video description · This Star Won't Go Out (charity)
  • ★★ The description says Hank's head still isn't entirely on straight, but he learned how lucky he is in opportunities, support and a brain almost always interested in stuff. — video description
  • ★ In a channel comment Hank says he and Ben Acker are fans of each other and met on a nerd cruise. — creator comment
  • ★ Asked in the comments for stand-up special recommendations, Hank names Chris Fleming. — creator comment

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: cancer · Dropout · Hank Green's stand-up comedy special on Dropout · Sam Reich · stand-up comedy

Also: People: Katherine Green · Orin Green

Works: Breaking News (Dropout) · Dimension 20 · Dungeons & Dragons · Game Changer · Marvel Snap · Mintopolis · Very Important People

Organizations: Roxy Theater · Threads · TikTok · Twitter

Concepts: card game · chemotherapy · depression · desire · disease · lymphoma · magic (illusion) · metastasis

Places: Missoula, Montana

Products: YouTube Red

Only in the description or credits: Ben Acker · Chris Fleming · Sarah Aswell · This Star Won't Go Out (charity)

Also centred on stand-up comedy: Cancer Made me Do It.

← Previous: The Tea · Next → taking a break