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GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!!

2010-03-08 · letter vlog · Hank, Heather · 3:36 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: guest or collab

Hank answers John's accusation with a five-point comic case that he did not put poop in the family Nintendo (blaming the dog Red Green), then reports watching the Oscars at egg farmer Heather's house and shows her tiny, gigantic and double-yolk eggs.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Part one: Hank's five-point case that he did not put poop in the Nintendo (Red Green's peeing, dogs marking important items, a commenter's beagle, 'our Nintendo')

  • ★★★ Hank, answering John, insists he did not put poop in the Nintendo and offers a 'satisfaction guaranteed' argument in five points. (playful) — 00:00:00 · John Green
  • ★★ Hank's first point: nobody wants to touch dog poop, he never has unless asked, and he cannot imagine Jesus or their mom asking him to put it in the Nintendo. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Sydney Green
  • ★★ Hank's second point: Red Green was a smart, bad dog; a black light Hank got in high school in the 90s showed Red had peed hundreds of times in his room. (playful) — 00:00:29
  • ★★ Hank argues that Red Green soiled almost every part of their home, so it was only a matter of time before some got into the Nintendo. (playful) — 00:00:52
  • ★★ Hank's third point: dogs normally pick out important items and mark them, and the Nintendo was an important item that would not slip past Red. (playful) — 00:00:52
  • ★★ Hank's fourth point: a commenter on John's video said her mom's beagle, similar to a dachshund, poops in weird places like the shower ledge, paint cans and the vacuum cleaner. (playful) — 00:01:22
  • ★★ Hank's final point: it was their shared Nintendo, which he loved too and would never endanger; he compares it to John and a ninth-grade crush, then drops the comparison. (playful) — 00:01:22

00:01:51 — Part two: watching the Oscars at a friend's house (Alec Baldwin, Buzz Aldrin); egg farmer Heather's tiny, gigantic and double-yolk eggs; late-90s family photo; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank watched the Oscars at a friend's house though he is not interested in them; Alec Baldwin was co-hosting. — 00:01:51
  • ★ Hank says he learned that 80-year-old astronaut Buzz Aldrin will be on Dancing with the Stars. — 00:02:20
  • ★★ Hank says the host, Heather, is an egg farmer, the kind of profession people have in Montana where he lives. (playful) — 00:02:20 · Montana
  • ★★ Heather says she gets about a hundred eggs a day, about 3,000 a month. — 00:02:20
  • ★★★ Hank says that with so many eggs some come out abnormal and shows a tiny egg, a gigantic egg and a double yolk, which he calls pretty rare and delicious. — 00:02:20
  • ★ Hank calls the eggs the best part of the evening, better than watching James Cameron's ex-wife beat him at the Academy Awards. (playful) — 00:03:10
  • ★ Hank ends with a late-1990s picture of John, himself, Maggie and Red. — 00:03:10 · John Green

Humor (significant)

  • Hank guarantees his innocence 100%, with Ze Frank as his witness. — 00:00:00

    “I will get a tattoo of dog poop on this pathetic bicep if I am proved wrong.”

  • Hank says he has never touched dog poop unless someone else asked him to. — 00:00:29

    “So if I put poop in the Nintendo, it's because Jesus came and told me to do it. Or mom.”

  • Hank argues you would not put poop in something you love, comparing it to John and his ninth-grade crush. — 00:01:51

    “You loved her. Why would you put poop in her?”

  • 80-year-old astronaut Buzz Aldrin is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. — 00:02:20

    “Well, you have to wonder, will he do the moonwalk?”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Heather (friend, mentioned from 2010) · Nintendo Entertainment System · Red

Also: People: Alec Baldwin · Buzz Aldrin · James Cameron · Kathryn Bigelow · Sydney Green · Ze Frank

Works: Dancing with the Stars

Places: Montana

Events: Academy Awards

Myths: Jesus

Also centred on Nintendo Entertainment System: The Case of the Poopy Nintendo · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE

Also centred on Red: The Case of the Poopy Nintendo · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE

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