Skip to content

The Case of the Poopy Nintendo

2010-06-02 (said on 2010-06-01 — implied: date said in the video; uploaded 1 day later) · story · John · 3:30 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: community lore

John reopens the case of Red Green's poop in his childhood Nintendo: a crowdsourced measurement of dachshund height and a mock experiment suggest the dog could not have done it unaided, so he insinuates that Hank did.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — The 20-year-old case: Red Green's poop in John's NES; Hank's motive and opportunity; Hank's denial

  • ★★★ John recalls that almost 20 years ago he went to bed without closing his Nintendo's game flap and woke to find the dog Red Green's poop inside it. — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ John names Hank the prime suspect, with motive (John hogged the Nintendo and loved it more than Hank) and opportunity. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John recalls that Hank denied putting poop in the Nintendo and blamed Red Green himself. — 00:00:00 · Hank Green

00:00:50 — Testing Hank's theory: Twitter survey of dachshund anus height; book-stack and bendy-ruler experiment on the angle of attack

  • ★★ John calls Red Green a very intelligent and bad dog but doubts that an eight-pound dog backed up to the Nintendo and pooped in it. (playful) — 00:00:50
  • ★★ To test Hank's theory, John asked on Twitter for miniature dachshund owners to measure the dogs' anus height; several dozen nerdfighters did. (playful) — 00:00:50 · Twitter, Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ John reports that a miniature dachshund's anus is on average three to five inches above the ground. (playful, hedged) — 00:01:19
  • ★★★ With a stack of books, a bendy ruler and an open NES, John shows poop could enter only if the dog kept its back straight; at a real pooping angle it cannot. (playful) — 00:01:19
  • ★★ John says, citing the internet, that dogs poop at an angle of about 50 degrees. (playful) — 00:01:48

00:02:28 — Only projectile pooping fits; a human is more likely; John phones Dad

  • ★★★ John says only projectile pooping could have got poop into the Nintendo, and thinks it far more likely a human being did it. (playful, hedged) — 00:02:28
  • ★★ John phones their dad and asks whether he put Red Green's poop in the Nintendo; Dad denies it. (playful) — 00:02:28 · Mike Green · first in: 2010-03-05, Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK

00:02:58 — Everyone denies it; three possibilities, insinuating Hank; sign-off

  • ★★★ With Mom, Dad and Hank all denying it, John says it was Red Green, a home invader, or a lying family member, and insinuates that it was Hank. (playful) — 00:02:58 · Sydney Green, Mike Green, Hank Green

Humor (dominant)

  • Hank had motive: John hogged the Nintendo, which is true... — 00:00:00

    “and also I loved the Nintendo more than I loved you, which is also true.”

  • To gather data for his poop experiment, John turns to social media. — 00:00:50

    “First I used Twitter for what Twitter is designed for.”

  • A larger dog could not poop into the Nintendo because the open game flap would act... — 00:01:48

    “as a kind of spit shield at the salad bar, if you will, to any potential poop attacks.”

  • Mom, Dad and Hank all deny it; John says he is not saying it was Hank. — 00:02:58

    “I'm just saying it wasn't Mom, it wasn't Dad, it wasn't me, and there's no one else in our family.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Nintendo Entertainment System · Red

Also: Mike Green · Sydney Green · The Mentalist · Twitter

Also centred on Nintendo Entertainment System: GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE

Also centred on Red: GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE

Replies to

Later videos replying to this one

Part of an exchange of 5 videos, 2010-06-02 – 2010-06-11.