Register 2008: hedges and bits

Statements from 2008 that are not plain sincere assertions: sincere claims the speaker hedged or marked as uncertain (with the hedge words quoted), and statements made as a bit. Plain sincere, unhedged statements are on the video pages. Back to the overview.

John

756 statements · sincere 68% · playful 28% · other bits 4% · hedged or unsure 11%

Sincere but hedged (63)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 23 · wish / hope 7 · opinion marker 23 · other hedge 10.

Epistemic doubt (23)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked whether his two narrators combined would make his adolescent self, John says 'kinda', but notes differences: for one, he wasn't a good student in high school. — hedged: “Kinda” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:04)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — John says it is not clear what killed the dwarf elephants off, but it might have been people. — hedged: “it might have been” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:59)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — Many more questions were taped than fit; John says he may run some of them in a follow-up. — hedged: “maybe?” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — Asked whether the brothers will ever throw a nerdfighting convention, John says he doesn't know, maybe, and asks what viewers think. — hedged: “I don't know, maybe.” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:50)
2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — John suggests that Nerdfighters living in Mobile might see the show, since Hank probably can't; a link is in the sidebar. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:00)
2008-04-08 · Nerdfighting in Bangladesh — Guilt works and is probably the best way for charities to raise money, but the ads make viewers think the poor are fundamentally different, a 'them'. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:22)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John asks Nerdfighters to suggest in comments how the brothers should be punished, wondering about a shared or simultaneous punishment. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-05-06 · Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project — Because they might want to do such events more often, they set up an Eventful profile where Nerdfighters can request a visit to their city; they might come. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:50)
2008-05-19 · Three Things — John explains the idea: just as Wikipedia is a user-created encyclopedia, Omnictionary can become a user-created novel, read in any order and written by everybody, though he doubts it will work. — hedged: “This probably isn't going to work” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:44)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Tim Kaine: he could help turn Virginia blue and, as a very religious Catholic, help Obama with Catholics; but John finds him boring. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:13)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — John tells Hank that proposing 'Tobian' as the opposite of nerdfighterly in his last video might have been a mistake. — hedged: “I think that might have been” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — John says this is probably the last time he'll talk about politics on the channel, but he really believes in Daniel's candidacy. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:41)
2008-07-22 · OMFG CATCHER IN THE RYE!!! — John says he understands why Salinger might have found constant analysis of his novels intrusive and valued the reader who reads and runs, but reading is not about the author. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:44)
2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — John says that after he finishes at 4 p.m. the group will go to Grant Park to hear wizard rockers (names unclear) and possibly a special guest. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:48)
2008-08-02 · Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 — Perhaps because he is alone in a hotel room on a Saturday himself, John chooses to talk about how incredibly lonely it is to sit alone in a hotel room. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:12)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — In a description update John writes that Russia doesn't seem too keen on abiding by the peace agreement. — hedged: “doesn't seem” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2008-08-26 · The Catcher in the Rye, Part 2 — John argues people are not born knowing what to do about empathy: self-consciousness shows we can never fully feel someone else's pain, nor they ours. — hedged: “it seems to me” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:49)
2008-08-29 · Sarah Palin: An Introduction — John says that in what might be the most politically corrupt US state, Palin has a reputation for being strongly anti-corruption, a point in her favour. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:50)
2008-10-11 · Question Friday — Asked whether deconstructionism takes something away from the author, John says maybe, but authors don't own books, readers do. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John reports that nerdfighters voted on whether Hank should be punished for his slightly late video, and the consensus seems to be no. — hedged: “seems to be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John starts with the prologue, which he read several months earlier in a very different form, offering it as a possible insight into revision. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-10-21 · Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — Later this week (week of 20 October 2008) John will be in Atlanta, where the show starts at 6, not 6:30 (people should probably come early), then Miami, Orlando and Naperville. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:02)
2008-11-27 · Thanksgiving in Asheville — John hopes that one day celebrating intellectualism and nerd culture, and making sacrifices to protect the planet, might be normal. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:49)

Wish / hope (7)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — The winning blurb's author will receive special prizes, but John could not find out who that Nerdfighter is and hopes Hank knows. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:30)
2008-05-30 · The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — John announces the 2008 Tour de Nerdfighting across America and hopefully a few places in Canada, telling Nerdfighters to mark their calendars for November. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:48)
2008-05-30 · The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — John says they believe what happened in Grand Rapids can happen everywhere, and that they will hopefully go everywhere. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:20)
2008-07-02 · Live and In Person — John says he is, was or soon will be live-chatting on blogtv.com with Alan, aka FallOfAutumnDistro, and hopefully the viewers. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:00)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John has no Paper Towns advance copies to give away; earlier winners are still waiting for theirs, which he hopes to rectify tomorrow. — hedged: “I hope to rectify tomorrow” [wish / hope] (00:03:22)
2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — John says that at 8:08 p.m. on 8/8/08 he and, he hopes, many Nerdfighters will join Amy Krouse Rosenthal at The Bean in Millennium Park, where she will do something awesome. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:48)
2008-09-04 · Paper Towns Tour Dates! — John asks viewers to say in comments which of the two covers they prefer, calling it an extremely unscientific study. — hedged: “I'm hoping” [wish / hope] (00:00:42)

Opinion marker (23)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked what word he hates saying, John names 'celebrity': he thinks the world would be better if the word and the idea behind it ceased to exist. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:06)
2008-01-30 · I Am Not A Pornographer — John defines pornography as designed to titillate and doubts any halfway normal person would find anything in his book arousing. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:01:48)
2008-01-30 · I Am Not A Pornographer — John says a few parents should not decide what other parents' children read in school; each parent may sign or not sign the permission slip. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:03:06)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — John calls the God-burrito omnipotence question 'a question wrongly put'; omnipotence questions interest him, but he thinks the question for believers is how and whether God works in the world and we can join that work. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:36)
2008-05-05 · A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! — John thanks Nerdfighters for their punishment suggestions and says he thinks they have settled on one. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:47)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — John thinks we have to get past the idea that art is supposed to be merely pleasurable. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:41)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — Asked the key to YouTube popularity, John says YouTube's new demographics feature shows Nerdfighters are extremely loyal, which he thinks is because nerdfighting is something they all do together. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:10)
2008-05-30 · The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — John says Nerdfighters on Omnictionary are writing a novel wiki-style; the wished-for Nerdfighter encyclopedia is a good idea, but not for Omnictionary. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:19)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — John expects many teenage Nerdfighters hate Catcher in the Rye but thinks they should read it anyway; they can say why they dislike it and he will explain why they should like it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:47)
2008-07-22 · OMFG CATCHER IN THE RYE!!! — John says it is important to remember the book tells two stories: the Holden the story is about, and the Holden telling it from where he is now. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:43)
2008-08-02 · Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 — John agrees that discussions of Catcher rightly frame adolescence as the tension between innocence and experience, but thinks that is better discussed after the whole book. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:12)
2008-08-02 · Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 — John thinks Catcher is 'a wee bit misogynistic', citing Holden's claim that once you get past second base girls lose their heads and can't control themselves. — hedged: “Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:09)
2008-08-06 · Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — Asked why the new An Abundance of Katherines paperback costs only $3.99, John says books are generally too expensive, he would rather have readers than money, and it thanks readers in advance for buying Paper Towns. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:00:45)
2008-08-21 · INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — John, interviewed in the report, says the brothers are trying to bring people who feel like outsiders into a place where they feel like insiders. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:43)
2008-08-21 · INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — John says in the report they will keep making the videos for as long as people will watch them. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:27)
2008-08-26 · The Catcher in the Rye, Part 2 — After rereading the book, John instead wants to discuss the real purpose of symbolism, metaphor and the other tricks authors use to make readers believe in stories more deeply. — hedged: “what I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:49)
2008-09-11 · A Video about Videos — John favours sending Shawn more money but says it would not solve the problem; the question is hard, and everyone should share the tough choices Shawn makes daily. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:05)
2008-09-11 · A Video about Videos — John says that despite the world sometimes seeming not worth it, there is something beautiful in bringing a child into the world and promising to make the Earth good for them. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:24)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John tells Hank he will read from his new book Paper Towns, which comes out on Thursday, over his next couple of videos. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2008-10-17 · Vital Status Report from NYC — John says he would not want to teach writing because he does not think he knows anything about it, but likes reading books with people. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:00:58)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John says hanging out with 200 Nerdfighters last night, with hundreds more watching on BlogTV, is the nicest gift he has ever been given. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:50)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — Asked to make sure a Paper Towns movie doesn't ruin the book, John says a movie can't ruin a book: All the King's Men is still great despite Sean Penn's unconvincing accent. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:01:18)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — John has his pulse taken to show he is legitimately afraid and says getting on the table will be easy but standing on it exceptionally hard. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:29)

Other hedge (10)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John says Pakistanis have never been able to vote for Musharraf: he took power in a military coup and has been periodically, grudgingly re-upped by the National Assembly. — hedged: “unless I'm mistaken” [other hedge] (00:02:33)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — John expects to tour a lot when Paper Towns comes out in September and says he will let viewers know about signings. — hedged: “It looks like” [other hedge] (00:01:06)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — John says the last species of puppy-sized elephant is believed to have gone extinct about 4,000 years ago. — hedged: “it's believed that” [other hedge] (00:01:59)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — On the next Question Tuesday John will try to break the world record for most questions answered in four minutes. — hedged: “going to try” [other hedge] (00:00:36)
2008-07-02 · Live and In Person — John says the chat runs from 7pm to about 9pm Eastern and hopes viewers will come. — hedged: “like about” [other hedge] (00:00:00)
2008-07-13 · Willy's Elusive Head Turn — John says that as far as they can tell the sound has to be a human voice making sounds Willy's never heard, and they are out of such sounds. — hedged: “as far as we can tell” [other hedge] (00:02:13)
2008-07-22 · OMFG CATCHER IN THE RYE!!! — John faults a feeling in contemporary coming-of-age fiction that characters should be who you want to be or be with; Holden is no Edward Cullen but the guy you secretly know yourself to be. — hedged: “I would argue” [other hedge] (00:02:43)
2008-08-02 · Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 — John suggests Holden's wish to protect people and keep them innocent may in some ways inhibit the empowerment of women. — hedged: “it sometimes feels like” [other hedge] (00:03:38)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — John hopes Georgia continues on its path to democracy and economic growth. — hedged: “let's hope” [other hedge] (00:03:26)
2008-08-26 · The Catcher in the Rye, Part 2 — John calls this the miracle of text and of non-literal communication: the hunting hat, the movies and the carousel are Holden's way into us. — hedged: “I would argue” [other hedge] (00:02:45)

Fiction (7)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — In a phone skit John calls Orlando Bloom and asks him to put on his elf ears and get his bow and arrow, because 'they're taking Hank Green to Isengard'. (00:03:14)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — In the reading, the narrator says everyone gets one unlikely miracle, and his was growing up next door to Margo Roth Spiegelman. (00:00:56)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — The narrator describes Jefferson Park, an Orlando subdivision on a former Navy base, named for Dr. Jefferson Jefferson, an orange juice salesman who renamed himself "Doctor". (00:01:48)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — At nine, Quentin and Margo find a dead man in the park; Margo steps closer and asks what happened while Quentin wants to go home, then they bike home. (00:03:52)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — The narrator says he never worried much about finding the body: he did not know the man, and people he doesn't know die all the time. (00:05:32)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — That night Margo reports her investigation at his window: the dead man, Robert Joyner, a 36-year-old lawyer, had killed himself; he was getting a divorce, and maybe all the strings inside him broke. (00:06:23)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — The prologue ends with the narrator thinking Margo loved mysteries so much that she became one; part one is called The Strings. (00:08:59)

Joke (22)

a gag; not a claim

2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John jokes that mustaches on 20th-century world leaders are a bad sign (Stalin, Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Kaiser Wilhelm II; Genghis Khan), so by comparison Musharraf is 'kind of a winner'. (00:02:04)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked whether he'd rather have an elephant-sized puppy or a puppy-sized elephant, John picks the puppy-sized elephant and writes a letter asking Evolution to make him one. (00:00:00)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked who would win American Gladiators, pirates or ninjas, John picks ninjas over scurvy-ridden pirates. (00:00:00)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John answers in the style of an astronomy entry: Hank is a ball of ice and rock once considered the ninth planet. (00:00:36)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Offered Game Boy, Teletubby, Harry Potter or George Lucas, John picks Harry Potter as the only 'real human', joking that a robot killed Lucas and made episodes 1-3. (00:01:35)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Rapid-fire answers: cookie dough over cake batter, supermodels 'all tied for last place', and a bookcase from 'a small family-owned' store called Ikea. (00:03:02)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — John says his video is like Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov in one way only: it comes in four parts. (00:00:00)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — Looking at the pictures, John wishes for a 'Photoshop for reality' to shrink elephants, nerd up humans and delete malaria. (00:00:37)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — John imagines Evolution's reply: it made him a puppy-sized elephant, but humans killed it; you're welcome for your thumbs. (00:01:59)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John answers with a mock spy dossier: CIA veteran, Navy SEAL, operative of a clandestine NSA division. (00:01:05)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — John jokes he'd play Twister with Mike Huckabee, who doesn't look flexible, and that Ron Paul's Twister would drop every colour but yellow for freedom and cost; he expects Paul's supporters to attack. (00:03:07)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — 'Who the F is Hank?': John answers that Hank is a sausage covered in cornbread batter and deep fried. (00:02:51)
2008-05-06 · Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project — John jumps to 'part four', then a later John interrupts to scold his earlier self for being unable to count to three. (00:01:05)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — Answering 'Who the F is Hank?', John says Hank is a tiny yellow songbird said to represent the soul of France, with an undetermined role in the Omnictionary Project. (00:02:13)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — Choosing between a million dollars and punching Hitler, John would time-travel to put evil baby Hitler, Stalin, Idi Amin and others in the Evil Baby Orphanage in Tibet, then sell the time machine. (00:02:42)
2008-09-21 · The Pwning of Oprah — John leaves a voicemail telling Oprah she was pwned and asking her to call back through his agent Jodi Reamer at Writers House. (00:02:14)
2008-10-07 · John Green on the Debate — John jokes about Dan Rather still being alive and working on HDNet, saying he would rather be in a home. (00:00:15)
2008-10-07 · John Green on the Debate — John jokes that he played a drinking game, drinking whenever someone said 'fundamental difference' or 'my friends', and is drunk. (00:00:41)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John tells a Margo figure a romance between them would not work, citing the yeti, the age difference and that she is his fictional creation. (00:00:00)
2008-11-27 · Thanksgiving in Asheville — John jokes that he hopes it may one day be normal to call your wife a Yeti. (00:01:13)
2008-11-27 · Thanksgiving in Asheville — Goaded by his talking hands, John throws himself against the wall to prove he is not an octopus. (00:02:16)
2008-12-26 · Skoodilypooping — John reads Nerdfighters' definitions such as Kamilanta (commenting on 15 videos a minute), Nippy Hat, Raypeto, Brucula (vampire Brussels sprouts), Hypochoso and cootie-oping. (00:01:27)

Hypothetical (3)

a thought experiment or "what if"

2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — Inspired by a post on his friend Lindsay's blog, John imagines what he would tell the people of the 14th century in a video only 60 seconds long. (00:02:18)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — In the memo John tells them the plague is spread by rats and is a tiny living thing inside the body, that the right amount of penicillium kills it, that washing with soap prevents spread, and that leeches don't work. (00:02:18)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — He lists science for them: the earth is round, the sun is at the centre of the solar system, the speed of light is invariant, the moon is rock, not cheese; plus Schrödinger's cat. (00:02:48)

Playful (208)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John proposes a motto for the Vlogbrothers in 2008: being less frequent doesn't mean the videos will be better. (00:00:00)
2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John asks everyone to find the new site in the video info, build a profile and become his friend, since Hank has more friends than he does. (00:00:36)
2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John says the evidence is mounting that Musharraf might be 'an asshat', mocking his mustache. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:34)
2008-01-04 · Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — John contrasts himself (in pajama pants at 3:10 pm) with Senator Clinton, who wants to be president, adding that the brothers are not endorsing anybody. (00:03:02)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — Asked about his diet and Weight Watchers, John protests that it isn't going well and the questions are mean. (00:02:04)
2008-01-08 · The Return of Question Tuesdays — John's most useless trivia: the political philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau really liked mooning people. (00:03:32)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — Since Evolution may take millions of years to answer his letter asking for a puppy-sized elephant, John shows the puppy-sized elephants nerdfighters made for him instead. (00:00:00)
2008-01-21 · A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — John says people are still criticising his nerd glasses, but he won't take them off because they're famous. (00:02:29)
2008-01-30 · I Am Not A Pornographer — John says the issue is not about him, but being told his novel for teenagers is pornography makes him mad. (00:01:17)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — John notes that among the many vitriolic, poorly spelled, obscene and un-nerdfighterly comments on Hank's last video there were also many excellent questions. (00:00:00)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — After struggling to pronounce her full name, John judges Queen Ranavalona more of an evil lady than Elizabeth Bathory. (00:01:35)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — John says Looking for Alaska is neither a great book nor the greatest book, but hopes it is good. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:02:06)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — John introduces Daniel Biss as Brotherhood 2.0's resident mathematician and future state congressperson, asks whether his new baby looked awesome on the ultrasound, and concludes babies are born awesome. (00:03:12)
2008-02-08 · QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — If forced to get a tattoo, John would probably get DFTBA on his hand, to remind himself he is supposed to be awesome. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:36)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John says he hasn't cut his hair because he is trying to set an all-time personal best puff level, a record held by himself at two. (00:00:00)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John reckons his toddler puff (about three inches) was one eleventh of his 33-inch height, so at 72 inches he still has two inches to go. (00:00:45)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John phones Daniel Biss, 'Nerdfighter resident mathematician and future state representative', who works out one eleventh of 72 in under a second. (00:00:45)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John says we need state representatives like Biss, whose math skills will 'pwn' the Illinois state budget every year. (00:00:45)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John bets the Yeti will stop him before he reaches the puff record. — hedged: “I bet” [other hedge] (00:00:45)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John had thought the 'in your pants' joke had run its course until a nerdfighter checking in books for third graders found 'Pooh Gets Stuck'. (00:02:05)
2008-02-14 · The Puff Pwns Gravity — John thanks A. A. Milne, the people at Dutton who turned his books into easy readers, and whoever titled 'Pooh Gets Stuck'. (00:02:33)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — John says the puff keeps growing and thanks the Yeti for supporting his hair, but thinks he is losing the will and the puff will be gone next time. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:13)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — For a trip to the Evil Baby Orphanage John would take A Love Supreme by John Coltrane and something by the Mountain Goats, though evil baby Stalin would steal them. (00:01:14)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — Given an hour with a Disney character, John would ask Mickey how it feels to be single-handedly responsible for the death of reasonable American copyright law. (00:01:24)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — In high school John said Christian Slater had never made a bad movie, and people called him 'Kuffs' for a long time afterwards. (00:01:32)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — Asked why the most-viewed Vlogbrothers videos are Hank's, John guesses Hank is funnier, but says one owes its views to a screenshot of two giraffes having sex. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:42)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — Asked which Republican presidential candidate he'd vote for, John jokes Abraham Lincoln; of living ones, he votes for the individual not the party and wants none of them. (00:02:17)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — Asked why Maureen Johnson, who has read Paper Towns, can't talk about it, John says for the same reason Hank can't: it's secret. (00:02:31)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — Asked whether Helen Hunt has seen the Helen Hunt song, John says no and tells Nerdfighters to keep fighting. (00:02:56)
2008-02-21 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — John says the Yeti is 28, and that seeing her would take money for a long expedition to Nepal. (00:02:58)
2008-02-26 · Best Wishes! — A couple of days ago (February 2008) John had an important phone call he can't name the other party of; nervous as always on the phone, he ended it by saying 'Best wishes!'. (00:00:00)
2008-02-26 · Best Wishes! — John tells teenage Nerdfighters wondering whether self-consciousness ever goes away that it doesn't. (00:00:31)
2008-02-26 · Best Wishes! — Puff levels are way down: John asked the barber for a little off the top, took his glasses off, and came out with very short hair. (00:00:37)
2008-02-26 · Best Wishes! — John calls 'Jambo Read' a nice pun: all the fun of a party, but with books. (00:01:41)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — In a Question Tuesday, John answers more than 55 viewer questions in four minutes, his world-record attempt. (video description)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — Asked about fishing boat proceeds, John says only the hardest-core nerdfighters will get the reference: another year with no profit from the ocean's bounty. (00:00:00)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — Asked whether he'd rather drink his own pee or vote for a current Republican candidate, John says it depends on how much pee: a few drops, sure. (00:00:57)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — John says a book written by all nerdfighters should be about the Evil Baby Orphanage, which would be a dream come true for him. (00:01:27)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — John's quick picks: Kant over Nietzsche, the Beatles over the Rolling Stones, cookie dough over cake batter, Vader over Voldemort, a blue shirt. (00:01:56)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — The Yeti isn't seen on camera because, John says, her cute would break the camera. (00:02:22)
2008-03-04 · SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — Answering several questions at once, John says yes to a trip to Nepal and to using his radio pieces as monologues, and names poverty as the world problem he would make go away. (00:03:20)
2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — John, in Mobile, Alabama on Friday, March 14, wears beads from a parade he walked past; all three of his visits there coincided with a parade. (00:00:06)
2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — John's favourite detail: the orange the Detroit artists use is a Disney paint colour called Tiggerrific Orange. (00:01:00)
2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — John gives sample LOLbooks for Moby-Dick and Hamlet, promising along the way that the club will never have to read Moby-Dick together. (00:02:05)
2008-03-15 · Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — John signs off with one more LOLbook, meant only for readers of a particular William Carlos Williams poem about plums. (00:03:03)
2008-03-27 · PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful — John's gas-station sweatshirt from Kentucky, bought because only mediums were left, is far too tight; he says he is not a medium. (00:00:00)
2008-03-27 · PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful — In the description John suggests the photo montage lets him go over the usual length, i.e. past the four-minute rule. — hedged: “I figure” [other hedge] (video description)
2008-03-27 · PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful — John has lately come to own a lot of Peeps merchandise, such as a Peeps puzzle. (00:00:00)
2008-03-27 · PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful — A Nerdfighter gave John the Peeps in South Carolina weeks ago; though some say not to eat Peeps after Easter, their expiration date is November 2009. (00:00:42)
2008-04-08 · Nerdfighting in Bangladesh — John greets the Puff, which he has not seen in a while. (00:00:00)
2008-04-14 · PAPER TOWNS-TACULAR — John notes his taxes are due tomorrow and says he hates taxes. (00:01:12)
2008-04-14 · PAPER TOWNS-TACULAR — John reports that the Yeti is sick and, whispering, takes Hank on a mock safari to see her asleep. (00:02:10)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John voted early in Indiana and got an 'I vote count' sticker, which he notes isn't a sentence. (00:00:00)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John admits he didn't do his Question Tuesday video last week (week of 14 April 2008), which means he will be punished. (00:00:00)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John says Hank will be punished too: he lost the Peeps contest without participating and made a video over four minutes without a photo montage, which breaks the rule. (00:00:00)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John probably won't write a sequel to one of his books, though he might write a sequel to a non-existent book. — hedged: “Probably not” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:53)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John's favorite German writer is Goethe, whose individual sentences, he says, outclass his entire body of work. (00:01:22)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — For the 'in your pants' game, John's favorite book title at the moment is Amy Krouse Rosenthal's Little Pea. (00:01:22)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John says he and Hank would not survive as characters in Into Thin Air; he would die on the walk to Everest. (00:01:52)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — Asked for favorite poets besides Walt Whitman, John recites unattributed lines from several poems, then can't find his Langston Hughes book in his cataloged home library. (00:03:00)
2008-04-21 · Belated Book-tacular Questions — John says Shakespeare would vlog about the poor quality of insults on YouTube. (00:03:00)
2008-05-05 · A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! — John admits he and the Nerdfighters forgot Hank's birthday: some Nerdfighters remembered, but they did not pool their cognitive surplus to make him something awesome. (00:00:00)
2008-05-05 · A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! — John contrasts this with Hank getting many people to blenderize birthday cakes and eat them for John's birthday. (00:00:00)
2008-05-05 · A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! — John is staying in a very fancy hotel in Atlanta whose only shortcoming is a twin bed. (00:00:49)
2008-05-06 · Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project — John coins 'Hankian' for his excited, busy state: like 'Nietzschean', but less frighteningly nihilistic. (00:00:00)
2008-05-06 · Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project — John asks viewers in Indiana and North Carolina to vote today, punning that their vote counts ('Count Chocula'). (00:01:05)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — John says his barber agreed to cut his hair but not his puff. (00:00:00)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — John says a gigantic pile of mulch delivered to his house was larger than his New York apartment. (00:00:22)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — John wanted to name the puppy 'Bubbles the Nerdfighting Puppy', but the Yeti said a boy named Bubbles would be weird to explain; John adds people would ask if Nerdfighters are for or against nerds. (00:00:54)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — John jokes that Willy is most adorable on video, where you can't smell that he always smells a little like his own pee. (00:01:36)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — Willy makes a many-noted noise when ignored and fakes needing to pee; John gets frustrated but forgives him when he tilts his head; a bundle of joy and of work. (00:01:58)
2008-05-18 · A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — John and Willy wish Katherine a happy birthday; John claims Willy is a talking dog. (00:03:10)
2008-05-19 · Three Things — John says he smells like horse manure because he went to a place in Indianapolis that gives away free horse manure. (00:00:00)
2008-05-19 · Three Things — John and the Yeti are instead slowly ripping out the lawn (he jokes he fears neighbours thinking him a crazy liberal more than an uninhabitable planet); he shows a new vegetable bed. (00:00:36)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — On Edward or Jacob, John calls Edward Cullen a beautiful but empty vessel for our hopes; people who are mostly ideas attract more, but loving one is not sustainable, so he picks Jacob. (00:00:41)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — John asks the men of YouTube to explain in the comments what fascinates them about giraffes who love giraffes. (00:01:10)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — Asked if he is jealous of Hank, John says no, although Hank has eight of their nine most viewed videos. (00:02:13)
2008-05-20 · Guys Love Giraffe Love — If the time machine's buyer killed John first, a Schrödinger's cat situation would follow; John thinks this solves the Evil Baby Orphanage's relation to history and is their premise. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:11)
2008-05-30 · The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — Willy needed a new cast after eating the old one; the new one has a heart on it, which John finds unfit for a dread pirate, hoping for a skull and crossbones next. (00:01:49)
2008-05-30 · The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — John says Nerdfighters value quality over quantity in recruiting, so as not to dilute the awesome. (00:02:47)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — John says the weeks between having a nominee and a running mate are his favourite time of every four years, because anybody could be the next vice president. (00:00:00)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — John jokes that 'anybody' excludes the 54% of Americans under 35 and anyone who is non-white, non-Christian, non-male or indicted, leaving old white people and Condoleezza Rice. (00:00:00)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Brian Schweitzer: funny in person, a down-home style that plays well in Appalachia, a popular red-state governor; the joke downside is his bolo ties. (00:00:46)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Joe Biden: the best grasp of foreign policy in the Senate and knows Sunnis from Shias, unlike certain Republican nominees; but he is too 'Joe Biden-y'. (00:01:15)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Chris Dodd: John says he has no idea why Dodd is considered a first-tier vice-presidential candidate and doesn't understand why anyone would vote for him. (00:01:44)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Kathleen Sebelius: a brilliant red-state governor who gets things done in a bipartisan way, but it is unclear how good she is at campaigning, and the ticket's name doesn't trip off the tongue. (00:01:44)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Jon Tester: seven fingers from a farming accident, the same six-dollar flat-top haircut in the same Montana place all his life, funny; but almost no political experience. (00:02:13)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Chuck Hagel: a moderate Republican opposed to the war, a Vietnam veteran, Western and Catholic; but his opposition to stem cell research won't fly with many Democrats. (00:03:12)
2008-06-04 · VEEPSTAKES! — On Bill Richardson: a popular governor in a state Obama needs, and a Spanish speaker; John jokes that media doubts about his vetting are 'code' for his cheating on his wife. (00:03:12)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — John says the video comes in 3.5 parts because he's tired of making four-part videos. (00:00:00)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — John reports comments from people named Toby who are nerdfighters, then three emails from people whose surname is Tobian. (00:00:43)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — Daniel Biss and his wife have had a baby; John does his seated happy dance and says the chosen name is also good, though everyone rooted for 'John Hank Bubbles'. (00:01:41)
2008-06-19 · Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — On the future course of history, John warns 14th-century people outside Europe that they are about to be in big trouble, and jokes they should kill any dude who looks like him. (00:03:17)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — John shows Willy, 'the Nerdfighting Puppy', getting his cast off; Willy still walks with a limp, which John jokingly says is because he thinks he still has the cast. (00:00:00)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — John says, like any foreign-language course, the Tobian site teaches ridiculous sentences, and recites three, planning to visit Tobi knowing only those. (00:00:48)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — For thing four, walking somewhere he would usually drive, John walks to the location of thing ten and films the rest of the video on the way. (00:01:17)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — John calls 'Mummy, How Do I Know If I'm a Nerdfighter?' by Debbie, 'the queen of Australian nerdfighting', the great work of Nerdfighter literature, of which only about five copies exist. (00:02:16)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — For thing ten, John goes into a bookstore to secretly sign one of his books, calling it one of his favorite secret hobbies; finding that the store seems not to have his books, he wonders what to sign. (00:02:45)
2008-07-01 · Live from LAX — On Tuesday, July 1, John vlogs from an airport and tells Hank to get used to such walls, since he will be seeing a lot of them between now and October. (00:00:00)
2008-07-01 · Live from LAX — Signing Looking for Alaska and An Abundance of Katherines, John met one sweet-looking old lady who loved the first half of Looking for Alaska but said the second half fell apart. (00:01:42)
2008-07-01 · Live from LAX — John jokes that Hank missed ALA because he is training body and mind to meet 'tens of billions' of nerdfighters on the Great American Tour de Nerdfighting 2008. (00:02:11)
2008-07-02 · Live and In Person — John jokes the live chat is like Question Tuesday, but with about a 1-in-1 chance of a question being answered instead of 1 in 400. (00:00:00)
2008-07-02 · Live and In Person — John calls 'link in the sidebar' his catchphrase and jokes that he used to point in the wrong direction but now knows the right one. (00:00:29)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John says Brotherhood 2.0 was initially his idea; he has a crazy idea every 45 minutes and relies on Hank to reject them, but Hank said this one was not terrible. (00:00:25)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John does not recommend the Steak 'n Shake graveyard shift and jokes that anyone thinking of dropping out of college should 'get thee to Steak 'n Shake'. (00:00:53)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John jokes his own books are the best inspiration, then says that once you finish a book 'they' want the pale basement-dwelling writer to become a selling machine, though he only wants to stay home, make videos, eat Peeps and hang out with Willy. (00:01:11)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John protests that he is getting the short end of the stick, since Mom seems to make the case that he was the inferior sibling. (00:02:15)
2008-07-08 · Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — John sums up that, according to their mom, the meanest thing Hank did to him was try to kill him with a hammer, and his own was spilling red cough syrup on Hank's bedspread and hugging him too hard. (00:02:33)
2008-07-13 · Willy's Elusive Head Turn — John says that for someone with a brain the size of a baby fist, Willy is kind of a genius. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:44)
2008-07-13 · Willy's Elusive Head Turn — John says it was easy in the first month, but now he has had to search his vocal cords for new sounds. (00:01:13)
2008-07-13 · Willy's Elusive Head Turn — John and the Yeti try on camera to get Willy to do the head turn with new noises, without quite succeeding. (00:01:13)
2008-07-22 · OMFG CATCHER IN THE RYE!!! — Answering the common criticism that Holden Caulfield is unlikable, John tells readers that they are unlikable too, and so is he. (00:02:14)
2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — Because the day coincides with the Harry Potter conference Terminus, John says special guests will come: Secret Brother Adam, Secret Sister Rosianna, some of the Five Awesome Girls and Guys, and a surprise guest. (00:00:25)
2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — John declares The Bean the best public sculpture in American history, ahead of the Washington Monument. (00:01:17)
2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — John tells Hank that a Tobian came to see him in Spring Lake and asks how Hank could have thought that lovely woman was evil. (00:03:38)
2008-08-02 · Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 — John jokes, while comparing the hunting cap to a stuffed animal kept too long, that he believes Hank still has his stuffed ferret. — hedged: “I do believe” [opinion marker] (00:02:40)
2008-08-06 · Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — John says he gets extremely nervous speaking to large groups, and on video he looks like his seventh-grade self attempting to fast dance. (00:00:45)
2008-08-06 · Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — Asked for his autobiography title, John offers "Does My Eye Look Okay to You?" or "As the Puff Riseth", each subtitled "The John Green Story". (00:01:40)
2008-08-06 · Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — Asked which superhero he would be, John names Pants Power, the superhero with power pants created by his "secret sister" Debbie. (00:02:09)
2008-08-06 · Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — Asked whether there will be another Project for Awesome, John answers that Secret Brother Tom did not call it the "first annual" Project for Awesome for nothing. (00:03:07)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — John jokes that the only way to make the internet pay attention to news is via peanut butter face. (00:00:00)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — John says that in 1921 the USSR invaded (he says "invaded Russia") and Georgia became part of the USSR; he jokes that Georgian-born Stalin wanted it easier to kill about 500,000 Georgians later. (00:00:00)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — John says that on the face of it he favours Abkhazian independence because its would-be flag seems to offer a high five, but the history of Abkhazia is far less awesome. — hedged: “on the face of it” [other hedge] (00:01:21)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — Citing Ukraine a couple of years earlier, John says that when former Russian territories grow close to Western Europe, Russia can go "bonkers", even poisoning presidential candidates. (00:01:50)
2008-08-12 · PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — John ends by showing Hank Willy, "the happiest dog in the world", for exactly five seconds. (00:03:26)
2008-08-26 · The Catcher in the Rye, Part 2 — John has Willy tell Nerdfighters that the next scavenger-hunt clue is taped to a sign in Daniel Biss's front yard. (00:03:15)
2008-08-29 · Sarah Palin: An Introduction — John notes Palin is literally a moose hunter. (00:00:45)
2008-08-29 · Sarah Palin: An Introduction — John says Palin's son Track has joined the Army and is going to Iraq, joking that the name is a political liability and the deployment an asset. (00:01:17)
2008-08-29 · Sarah Palin: An Introduction — John expects the McCain camp to say her inexperience doesn't matter because McCain has plenty; he jokes that holds only while McCain is alive, which he thought was why one picks a vice president. — hedged: “I thought was kinda” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:47)
2008-09-04 · Paper Towns Tour Dates! — The back of both editions is a big photo of John in Amsterdam in mismatched argyle socks. (00:00:42)
2008-09-04 · Paper Towns Tour Dates! — John says he looks forward to three weeks in a car with Hank in November, joking it will not hurt their relationship. (00:03:25)
2008-09-10 · Willy Listening to His Song — John jokes that Willy almost turned his head all the way around like in The Exorcist. (00:01:58)
2008-09-21 · The Pwning of Oprah — John opens 'Riddle Sunday', answering riddles from Nerdfighters, ending with an anagram riddle that points to Oprah. (00:00:00)
2008-09-21 · The Pwning of Oprah — John reads YouTube's most-subscribed directors list: the Vlogbrothers have 41,818 subscribers and Oprah 41,365, so they have 'pwned' Oprah. (00:00:50)
2008-09-21 · The Pwning of Oprah — John, admitting he once thought a minute had 100 seconds, phones 'resident mathematician' Daniel Biss to confirm the numbers. (00:01:08)
2008-09-23 · Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday — John says he is seriously stressed about the release and got a haircut to keep the puff under control. (00:00:00)
2008-09-23 · Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday — After reciting the cities at speed, John tells Hank that is how fast he can talk and challenges him to match it. (00:01:41)
2008-09-23 · Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday — John says he scheduled no events during school hours; for school-night events he suggests telling parents they are book-related and offers to convince parents by email. (00:03:09)
2008-09-23 · Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday — John says the Yeti will be at many of the events, unless he has been making her up all along. (00:03:09)
2008-10-06 · Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — John samples a Shakespearean insult gum with insults from seven Shakespeare plays, choosing King Lear. (00:00:41)
2008-10-06 · Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — From their Berlin hotel room John admired the view but only saw what was odd about the church when Sarah noticed most of its steeple was gone. (00:00:41)
2008-10-06 · Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — A fan of German insults, John says he used 'sitzpinkler', a man who sits to pee, about a hundred times in his second novel. (00:01:21)
2008-10-06 · Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — John learned a new German insult in Germany, for a man who takes hot showers, and admits he is one. (00:01:21)
2008-10-06 · Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — John says that this time he literally means it when he tells Hank he'll see him tomorrow. (00:03:47)
2008-10-07 · John Green on the Debate — John says the debate had a clear winner, moderator Tom Brokaw, who was funny, charming and showed an excellent grasp of the issues. (00:00:09)
2008-10-07 · John Green on the Debate — John says Barack Obama was the debate's second winner, sounding smart, ready and fired up, while John McCain wandered the stage as if lost. (00:00:49)
2008-10-08 · J Scribble Goes to Borders — John starts the day with Shakespeare insult gum, reading an insult from The Merchant of Venice. (00:00:00)
2008-10-08 · J Scribble Goes to Borders — John says this is only his second video of the month-long Brotherhood 2.1 project and he already has nothing to talk about. (00:00:00)
2008-10-08 · J Scribble Goes to Borders — To avoid using new paper, John cuts pages of the Paper Towns manuscript into quarters, including blank page 308, and writes on them. (00:00:48)
2008-10-08 · J Scribble Goes to Borders — At the Borders in Indianapolis where he will sign in ten days, John plants the cards in his books while filming, joking he fears being arrested. (00:01:47)
2008-10-11 · Question Friday — John vlogs from a hotel room with two bathrooms and a bathtub he says is the size of a swimming pool. (00:00:00)
2008-10-11 · Question Friday — Asked if the Nerdfighting puppy is neutered, John says yes, joking that he had threatened to castrate Willy for peeing inside and then did it. (00:00:58)
2008-10-11 · Question Friday — John says Joe Biden anagrams to 'I Need Job' and Sarah Palin to 'Las Pirana'. (00:01:43)
2008-10-11 · Question Friday — John says Paper Towns comes out in six days and is the culmination of two and a half years of his life. (00:01:43)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John playfully insists the punishment decision is his, not the nerdfighters', then agrees with them: Hank is a good brother and should not be punished. (00:00:00)
2008-10-14 · Paper Towns Reading — John says the video will go over four minutes but he will get around the rule with a montage. (00:00:56)
2008-10-21 · Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — John tells Hank he is awesome: the two days they just spent together in New York and Boston were the most awesome of his life. (00:00:33)
2008-10-21 · Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — Asked for travel tips, John's first is never to underestimate Purell; he playfully says he is now a Purell addict who puts it on his face. (00:01:42)
2008-10-21 · Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — John advises travelling with your nerdfighting wallet. (00:02:07)
2008-10-21 · Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — John's main tip is never to check luggage: away for 33 days, he carries everything on by wearing dirty clothes. (00:02:07)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — While Hank sits in his fancy new house in Missoula, John has been travelling the country collecting t-shirts and failing to get a camcorder. (00:00:14)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — John is at the Biltmore Hotel in Miami, which he says gives guests booze at check-in; he toasts Hank. (00:00:23)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — John notes Hank's previous video was 4 minutes 16 seconds long and expects a 'weird semantic argument' against being punished. (00:00:36)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — After the MacBook's iSight camera freezes during his happy dance, John says it is why he is buying a camcorder tomorrow. (00:01:06)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — John marvels that something that existed only in his imagination now exists on his hotel bed, calling it the whole thematic structure of Paper Towns. (00:01:33)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — A Penguin publicist told John that Hank is his 'Sarah Palin' who fires up the base, while John is the serious old one. (00:03:15)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John records in a hotel bathrobe with about four minutes to make the video in one take, and warns it will be bad. (00:00:00)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John tells Hank he is being punished by having to do something he once agreed to: dress as Carrie Bradshaw for the Sex and the City movie, at home since it has left theaters. (00:00:00)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John says Nerdfighters showed last December they could take over YouTube, but he did not think they could take over the New York Times bestseller list. (00:00:51)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John says the last time these producers made a movie it won a bunch of Oscars. (00:01:21)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John says the Mr. Mudd producers were the ones he said 'best wishes' to months ago, and it did not make them hate him. (00:01:21)
2008-10-24 · Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — John recalls that on the day An Abundance of Katherines came out, he and the Yeti found no copies at a bookstore, then went home, had soup and watched CSI. (00:01:50)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — John greets Hank with Nerdfighters in Phoenix, Arizona, filmed on his new camcorder, which he is very excited about. (00:00:08)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — Asked to do NaNoWriMo, John says he cannot write a novel in a month and apologises that doing it in November is impossible. (00:00:46)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — John says he is considering doing 'national finish-your-revision-of-your-book month' in November and will try to. — hedged: “I am considering” [other hedge] (00:00:56)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — John says November is also 'national drive-around-America-with-your-brother month', which he is definitely going to do. (00:01:03)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — Answering a request to promote literature in schools, John tells how he spoke at a Seattle high school about why books matter while his zipper was flagrantly unzipped, which a student pointed out at question time. (00:01:41)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — Asked for a hug by a viewer who calls him a giant teddy bear, John objects to 'giant' and admits Weight Watchers hasn't gone well on the road. (00:02:33)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — Asked to campaign to make skydiving legal for minors, John says skydiving should not be legal for anyone; people should not jump out of planes. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:02:47)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — John adds that it would also put him out of a job, because Walmart thinks his books are too dirty to stock. (00:03:19)
2008-10-28 · The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — John finds one request he can fulfil, recording his happy dance in 18 different states, and says yes. (00:03:37)
2008-10-31 · Show 'n Tell Thursday — Book-related presents include a dreidel (John recalls the minivan is called that), a Black Santa with 'do not forget to be awesome' on his hand, and a 'real-life minivan' from Phoenix. (00:00:00)
2008-10-31 · Show 'n Tell Thursday — At a signing, a woman who works at Ning.com gave John a hat; he calls meeting someone from the company that made their Ning possible a celebrity sighting. (00:00:25)
2008-10-31 · Show 'n Tell Thursday — John says he kind of misses Willy and can't wait to get home, because a Nerdfighter in Los Angeles made a puppy-sized elephant costume for Willy. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:06)
2008-10-31 · Show 'n Tell Thursday — John shows a page from a fictional National Enquirer in which Oprah is pwned, with a headline 'Margo flips out over Tell All Book'. (00:01:54)
2008-11-03 · Hank and John from the Road — In Oklahoma City a man showed John a copy of Looking for Alaska he said was half eaten by a Hawaiian mongoose; John says he believed him. (00:01:48)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — John compares watching an election to watching a football game you care about, except nothing happens and the result affects the future of the whole world. (00:00:00)
2008-11-05 · On Loving One Another or Dying — John, who says he can't sing on key, sometimes sings along to Hank's drawn-out 'Vaseline' note to try to outlast him; he had consistently failed until that night. (00:00:00)
2008-11-05 · On Loving One Another or Dying — On the road, John says Katherine (Hank's wife) travels with them and they play a cow-spotting game called Cows; she has dominated him, but he went up seven to nothing while the other two slept. (00:02:54)
2008-11-17 · Life on Tour — The day starts with the iPhone alarm at an ungodly hour, brushing teeth while fielding questions about his hair, and meeting Hank and the Katherine in the hallway. (00:00:14)
2008-11-17 · Life on Tour — Katherine interrupts polite conversation to spot cows; John says she is very good at cows. (00:01:24)
2008-11-17 · Life on Tour — They arrive in Pittsburgh, where John jokingly contemplates how he will 'pwn' Maureen Johnson. (00:01:24)
2008-11-19 · Sharing Presents in Westport — One gift is an extra-large World's Best Grandma shirt; John notes it is too big in 'the book' too, and jokes about being called fat. (00:00:00)
2008-11-19 · Sharing Presents in Westport — A speaker says no one would dance with him at a dancing school, calling it the only semi-autobiographical thing in Paper Towns. (00:01:46)
2008-11-27 · Thanksgiving in Asheville — John welcomes YouTube's new 16x9 widescreen format, though he later says he doesn't know what to do with all the space. (00:00:00)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — John says that today, a snowy Sunday in December, he will conquer one of his greatest phobias: heights. (00:00:07)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — Narrating as Willy, John says that at an author party Scott Westerfeld and Justine Larbalestier teased him about his fear of heights and asked what it would cost him to stand on a hotel-room table. (00:00:24)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — John named $5,000, a figure meant to be high enough to avoid the table but not seem crazy; Scott and Justine agreed and offered $5,000 to his favourite charities if he stood on it. (00:00:48)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — John says he failed to get on the table at the time (calling himself a wuss), but Scott and Justine extended the deadline to today. (00:01:12)
2008-12-08 · I Am Afraid of Heights — John jokingly boasts that he has shown physical courage and proven 'once and for all' that Nerdfighters are tough. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:53)
2008-12-17 · Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org — John microwaves a Bridge to Terabithia soundtrack CD, panics and turns off the camera, then stands in his kitchen with steel wool and a 9-volt battery. (00:00:29)
2008-12-17 · Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org — John asks how the battery trick works and says he does not know because of poor scientific education. (00:00:58)
2008-12-18 · Introducing...The Awesome — John says he and Hank live on opposite sides of the country, shows roughly where on a widescreen map, and notes their offices look very similar. (00:00:00)
2008-12-18 · Introducing...The Awesome — John presents Heifer International, a featured P4A charity, as a way to buy animals for someone else that actually go to people who need them. (00:00:42)
2008-12-18 · Introducing...The Awesome — John tells Hank his Christmas present is a Heifer gift, jokingly 'five llama butts', since you can buy part of an animal. (00:01:10)
2008-12-26 · Skoodilypooping — John says his favourite thing about Christmas is Christmas pants, which is how he knows he's grown up. (00:00:00)
2008-12-26 · Skoodilypooping — John says cootie-oping reminds him of his beloved grandmother's word for making out, 'Scootily Poopin''. (00:02:07)
2008-12-26 · Skoodilypooping — John recalls arriving late with a high-school girlfriend to meet Nanny and Papa; Nanny asked if they had been Scootily Poopin', and when the girlfriend asked what it meant said 'as if you don't know'. (00:02:07)

Hank

635 statements · sincere 72% · playful 25% · other bits 3% · hedged or unsure 14%

Sincere but hedged (65)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 36 · wish / hope 9 · opinion marker 13 · other hedge 7.

Epistemic doubt (36)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Per that analysis, Clinton and Obama are very similar, Obama seemingly a bit stronger, both far stronger than McCain; the others ignore the environment. — hedged: “seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:00)
2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Hank says candidates' 'energy independence' mostly means drilling for more American oil, though oil is the problem, so more drilling may not be the solution. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:00)
2008-02-11 · Nerdfighters Blurbing Book Club! — Hank tells John he finished the Christmas books John gave him and Katherine; he passed one ('Mouse' as heard) on through a used bookstore and may keep another to reread. — hedged: “kind of maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-03-07 · Shawty Got Low, Tritube and Blurbing — For the 20,000th subscriber, Hank, and possibly John, will video-chat via Stickam on Nerdfighters.com's front page tomorrow night at 7 Mountain, 6 Pacific, 9 Eastern. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:19)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Hank argues Twitter is not for telling anyone how you are but for defining yourself through the self the internet lets you create across many platforms. — hedged: “seems to be” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:39)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Hank says Twitter followers are a new, undefined kind of relationship, probably like his with Nerdfighters: not fans, not friends, but in between; some Nerdfighters are now his friends. — hedged: “I imagine that it's very much like” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:12)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Hank has kind of decided to try Twitter, going in knowing more about what it is for, and says viewers can follow him there. — hedged: “I kind of decided” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:10)
2008-04-10 · Barack John Obama Green — Hank adds that maybe it is about trying to create a world where people can live without feeling extremely guilty every second of their lives (what 'it' refers to is unclear). — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:56)
2008-04-16 · ITCHY MUSIC! — Hank has a rash over his entire body; his doctor says it is a side effect of a viral infection he probably got at the Barack Obama rally. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-05-16 · Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) — Hank says John will probably post a video this weekend and has promised two videos in the next seven days. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:23)
2008-06-16 · Maine Inspires Deep Thoughts — Responding to a comment on the Obama's Idiots channel about 'environmental and Democratic propaganda', Hank partly agrees on the Democratic part: he doesn't want that to be what nerdfighting is. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:40)
2008-06-16 · Maine Inspires Deep Thoughts — But Hank doubts he wants anyone anti-environment in the community, because being a nerdfighter is about respect and caring for others. — hedged: “I don't know if” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:09)
2008-06-24 · Questions Answered! — Viewers told Hank the difference between mono and uni is that uni is Latin and mono Greek; he had thought both were Latin. — hedged: “Apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:54)
2008-06-24 · Questions Answered! — Lots of evil people had pets: Hitler had a German Shepherd, Blondi, who apparently died by poison pill, the same way as Hitler and his girlfriend. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:08)
2008-06-24 · Questions Answered! — Lenin loved cats and had lots of them; Hank adds that Lenin sort of opened the door for Stalin to take over after he died. — hedged: “sort of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:42)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Hank says there are probably very few nicer places in the world to watch baseball than Missoula, but the home team 'kind of sucks a lot'. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-07-27 · How to Buy Glasses Cheap...and Help Hank Pick Frames! — Hank says glasses are very expensive and doubts they are worth it, since they are mostly hunks of plastic. — hedged: “I don't know if” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:40)
2008-08-04 · Breakdancing in Missoula Montana — Hank recently went to watch a breakdancing crew practise, which he calls possibly the most entertaining thing he has seen outside YouTube since Grand Rapids, Michigan. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-08-04 · Breakdancing in Missoula Montana — Worried the Chicago library where they will speak lacks space, Hank asks people to pre-register via the sidebar, though he doesn't know if it guarantees anything. — hedged: “I don't know if” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:36)
2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — Hank says they are holding the event because the Barnes & Noble in Manhattan apparently doesn't think John Green can draw a crowd, so this unsanctioned gathering will show that Nerdfighters can. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:45)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank says they may print the top three or four shirts, and some will be available on the Great American Tour de Nerdfighting. — hedged: “We may take the top three, we may take the top four, I'm not sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:03)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — EcoGeek's one employee left for a bigger position, so Hank is doing all his old work again; he is hiring and may have found someone. — hedged: “I think I may have” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-09-25 · Obama llama Duck — Hank says his favourite viral video is probably All Your Base Are Belong to Us. — hedged: “I think mine is probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:28)
2008-10-24 · IRON MAN BLOGTV CHALLENGE! — Hank says a friend he calls the best breakdancer in Missoula will make a cameo and may breakdance on his living-room floor. — hedged: “may very well” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:30)
2008-10-24 · IRON MAN BLOGTV CHALLENGE! — Hank says he may read some of Paper Towns on the stream. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:30)
2008-10-24 · Talking to Myself — Hank is pretty sure he is going to lose but will try his hardest. — hedged: “pretty sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:14)
2008-10-28 · Early Voting with Hank — Hank says a Nerdfighter blurb on the back of the book would be cool, though he does not know if it can be worked out with the publisher. — hedged: “I don't know if” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:20)
2008-10-30 · Hank and Katherine...On the Rise — Hank says they dropped the orange from the song because it took 27, possibly 28 takes to get it right. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:37)
2008-10-30 · Hank is Late (dr horrible) — Hank and Katherine just got back from the Seattle event; Hank thanks the Nerdfighters there and thinks the library never had a bigger crowd. — hedged: “I think that we sort of, like” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:54)
2008-10-30 · Hank is Late (dr horrible) — Hank says John may be writing the Paper Towns screenplay for the people who made Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:52)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — Hank says there may be a special update later with official news, and that Nerdfighters will see John on the road to Louisville, Kentucky tomorrow. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:45)
2008-11-06 · Funny Noises from Tennessee — The misreading gives Hank an idea: a video of 50 jokes, mixing his own favourites with viewers' jokes. — hedged: “I kind of want” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:38)
2008-11-24 · DFTBA Records — Hank plans free extras with the album, like digital liner notes and maybe a fake book, and probably free buttons with physical CDs; the digital version costs less. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:34)
2008-11-30 · 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) — Hank says he kind of wants to make another video like this one. — hedged: “I kind of want to” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:55)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says that when he and John started on YouTube probably 50% of their comments were negative; now the Nerdfighters generally say kind, supportive things. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says he weighs about 15 pounds more than he used to, so he may go down that road eventually too. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:51)

Wish / hope (9)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — Hank says they will hopefully be in the upstairs conference room; he won't have his guitar or sing, but will sign John's books for anyone who buys them. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:15)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank says many Nerdfighters at Terminus asked about the Nerdfighter T-shirt contest; it is in the works and hopefully a video about it will come soon. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:33)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank says he and Katherine will go to Yellowstone next week (week of 18 August 2008) and hopes to have Yellowstone footage to show. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:33)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — Hank hopes all viewers 18 or older voted today, calling it a historic day. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:01:15)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — Hank corrects John's video of the day before: his CD is only currently available on the tour; afterwards they will sell and ship it online, hopefully in early December. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:15)
2008-11-24 · DFTBA Records — Hank says people who could not buy So Jokes on the tour can now get it digitally, and a physical copy hopefully by mid-December. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:03)
2008-12-17 · One More Day Until the P4A!!! — Hank hopes viewers have cleared their schedules for the next two days to watch, rate and comment on Project for Awesome videos. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:00)
2008-12-22 · A Christmas Song! — Hank says he hopes no one takes the song too seriously. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:02:54)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says he gave Katherine a ukulele and hopes viewers will see a Hank and Katherine duet in the future. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:21)

Opinion marker (13)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2008-02-11 · Nerdfighters Blurbing Book Club! — Hank says he likes reading a lot and fears not enough people do, not because they don't want to but because they lack reasons to read. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:32)
2008-02-11 · Nerdfighters Blurbing Book Club! — Hank picks Maureen Johnson's 13 Little Blue Envelopes as the first book, fitting since it is a Nerdfighter's book. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:00)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank tells John he thinks they should make videos more often. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:29)
2008-04-16 · ITCHY MUSIC! — Hank recommends Narciso Lobo, whom he thinks is active in YouTube's singer-songwriter community; his originals beat his covers; he links 'The Song We Never Wrote'. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:24)
2008-04-16 · ITCHY MUSIC! — Hank's random find: 'We Shall Overcome' by a woman called Gustav, whom he thinks is German; probably the best song he stumbled across this year (2008). — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:24)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — Hank wonders what happens to change forgotten at airport security (he has left 35 cents four times) and thinks transportation security staff should get a tip jar because the job sucks. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:37)
2008-06-16 · Maine Inspires Deep Thoughts — Hank thinks the people we give chances to should include future people, like our kids, because we have only one planet and it must stay livable for centuries and millennia. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:09)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — Hank says he thinks he has fixed 'my pants', central to the Nerdfighter community: the spam filter had been out of control and locked many people out. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:51)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Hank thinks no publisher could refuse a big list of ready buyers and that UK Nerdfighters can get Paper Towns published in the UK quickly. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:30)
2008-12-11 · The 2008 Project for Awesome!!! — Hank introduces the Project for Awesome, which he believes is the largest YouTube community-inspired event ever. — hedged: “what I believe to be” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2008-12-17 · Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org — Hank thinks people everywhere should know more about science and asks how to promote scientific literacy among young people. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:48)
2008-12-22 · A Christmas Song! — Hank says the Project for Awesome was pretty freaking awesome this year (2008) and they will talk more about it soon. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:31)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says he is a big fan of answering haters' comments with Shakespearean insults, and sees it as proof of a great well of awesome in the world just being uncapped. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:22)

Other hedge (7)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2008-04-30 · BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — Hank says YouTube and the internet provide ways to participate, and hopes the Vlogbrothers are something viewers and the brothers do together, not a waste of time. — hedged: “I also like to hope” [other hedge] (00:03:18)
2008-05-11 · Nerdfighting IRL — Hank says the event made them realise they kind of want to do this more, and they are thinking about doing more events. — hedged: “thinking about” [other hedge] (00:04:12)
2008-06-16 · Maine Inspires Deep Thoughts — Hank understands if the environment isn't someone's top issue; health care is about as important to him, if not more, because it affects him personally. — hedged: “pretty much” [other hedge] (00:01:38)
2008-07-27 · How to Buy Glasses Cheap...and Help Hank Pick Frames! — Hank says the markup on glasses in stores is at least 100%, so '25% off' still means paying a little less than twice what the store paid. — hedged: “generally” [other hedge] (00:01:09)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank says John won't see this for a while because he is on a boat in the ocean in Europe without internet; Hank never really knows what John is doing anymore. — hedged: “or something” [other hedge] (00:00:00)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Hank and Katherine are thinking about buying a home and hope to get one house; he might show viewers around in a video tour. — hedged: “thinking about” [other hedge] (00:01:52)
2008-10-08 · Hanks actual Vlog — Hank is thinking of a text version of the map for Nerdfighters not on Facebook; he won't make anyone join, and though resistant at first, now finds Facebook compelling. — hedged: “I'm thinking about” [other hedge] (00:01:56)

Satire (10)

a mock position (e.g. a fake moral panic) — the opposite of what is meant

2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In Hank's sketch a lender says that, because house prices will keep rising, loans now go to everybody without proof they can repay. (00:00:26)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch the borrower, who cannot afford payments, is offered no mortgage payments for two years and assumes he will be richer and his house worth more by then. (00:00:44)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch the loan originator is glad he need not secure the bad loan and sends it off to the bank. (00:01:14)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch the bank, needing capital for more loans, sells its loans as assets, claiming they will be repaid or backed by rising house values. (00:01:22)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch the bank labels bad mortgages triple-A and really bad ones triple-B, and sells the worst unnamed while offering buyers really great interest rates. (00:01:58)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch a banker dismisses long-term risk: the financial sector thinks only about next quarter, as its investors do. (00:02:39)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch the banker says housing prices always go up and, if not, the government will catch them because if the banks go down the country goes down. (00:02:55)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch, two years later the borrower cannot pay, finds his mortgage worth more than his house, and decides to stop paying. (00:03:08)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — In the sketch an investor finds his mortgage-backed securities worthless; the bank says buyers everywhere hold them and it may have triggered a global recession. — hedged: “it's possible that we may have triggered” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:31)
2008-11-07 · Vlogging from Gadsden — Hank jokes that John Green should have become president but lost to 'this scoundrel' Barack Obama, and that he himself would not have been John's vice president. (00:00:00)

Fiction (4)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

2008-07-10 · What Would Captain Picard Do — In the first verse Wesley, given his first command, fears failure and is told it's arrogant to think you'll never make a mistake. (00:00:09)
2008-07-10 · What Would Captain Picard Do — In the second verse a man revived after three centuries worries about money; the captain tells him currency was abolished and they invest in themselves. (00:02:07)
2008-07-10 · What Would Captain Picard Do — The third verse praises the captain's moral calls: refusing to kill the Borg using Hugh and insisting to a Cardassian torturer that there were still four lights. (00:03:03)
2008-10-31 · SPWNING Halloween — Hank sings a repeated song: Edward and Edwina Spoonhands can hardly eat cereal or type, but agree it's not as bad as it could be, so they clack their fingers and sing. (00:00:59)

Joke (6)

a gag; not a claim

2008-01-13 · Being Weird in the Airport — Hank announces that what he is about to do (per the description, a performance to 'They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard') will probably classify him as a freak. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-04-30 · BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — Hank jokes that he and John have 'killed a man' with YouTube videos, each half-killing him. (00:00:00)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — Hank proposes joke titles for Book 8, such as 'Harry Potter and the Paper Towns' and 'Harry Potter and the nerdfighters'. (00:02:57)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — Hank jokes that he is wearing his Montana Grizz shirt because it brought about the election of 'seven-fingered' Jon Tester in 2006. (00:00:44)
2008-11-24 · DFTBA Records — Hank jokingly claims DFTBA stands for 'digital furry thimble-sized barking animals'. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:22)
2008-12-22 · A Christmas Song! — Hank's comic song says Jesus is the one man who gets nothing for Christmas, though he hasn't been bad and it is his birthday too. (00:00:00)

Hypothetical (1)

a thought experiment or "what if"

2008-12-17 · Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org — Hank's example: a teacher buying 30 copies of Jurassic Park to excite kids about genetics; some would call Crichton an idiot, others a good idea; donors decide. (00:02:17)

Playful (159)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2008-01-08 · Sledding and YouTube Tag — Hank loves sledding: winter sports are best when they need no skill; he is no skier or snowboarder and just sits and goes. (00:00:01)
2008-01-08 · Sledding and YouTube Tag — Hank hates sesame seeds for the same reason he has no insurance: a disorder in his colon they irritate; his doctor forbids them, ruling out many buns. (00:01:48)
2008-01-08 · Sledding and YouTube Tag — Hank says that for a whole college summer he paid for no food, living as a freegan out of the trash and friends' and Katherine's mom's kitchens, aiming for zero impact. (00:02:18)
2008-01-08 · Sledding and YouTube Tag — Hank jokingly 'confesses' he is a paid actor hired by John's publisher, then says they really are full brothers, rebutting a YouTube drama report ('Trevor'). (00:02:44)
2008-01-08 · Sledding and YouTube Tag — Hank says he was his high school's mascot, dancing at all the games in a Wildcat costume as 'Willy the Wildcat'. (00:02:44)
2008-01-13 · Being Weird in the Airport — Hank says he is bored in an airport and tired of people looking at him funny just for talking to a camera. (00:00:00)
2008-01-13 · Being Weird in the Airport — Hank jokingly argues that talking to a camera shouldn't make him a freak, since actors talk to cameras and are treated like gods. (00:00:00)
2008-01-20 · John and Hank on NPR Today! — Hank films himself at a radio station wearing expensive headphones, with John talking in his ears; the station staff don't know why he is filming yet. (00:00:07)
2008-01-20 · John and Hank on NPR Today! — Hank says being on NPR feels like the nerd version of being knighted, with NPR as the queen of nerds; he was scared at the time and is excited now it's over. (00:01:21)
2008-01-28 · Denver Airport...Via Isengard — Hank performs the full 'Taking the Hobbits to Isengard' meme song at Denver airport, a full-length version of his earlier airport Isengard gag. (00:00:23)
2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Hank says he used to post every other day but now posts about every other week, and has about 400 video ideas that won't get made without the pressure. (00:00:00)
2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Hank says Romney and Huckabee scare him, while McCain only half scares him. (00:00:41)
2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Hank says a black president would be amazing and Obama seems ready to take on the system; he likes the way Obama talks. (00:02:02)
2008-02-04 · Obama Says Subscribe — Hank declares a 'man crush' on Obama and says he and John are both pretty much Obama supporters now. — hedged: “pretty much” [other hedge] (00:02:02)
2008-02-19 · Your Spying Thieving Valentine: Hank — Hank says the affiliate reports also show what people buy, and that Nerdfighters' buying habits are 'interesting', meaning nerdy; he lists examples. (00:00:58)
2008-02-19 · Your Spying Thieving Valentine: Hank — Hank shows several valentines: one 'from Helen Hunt', one naming Queen Ranavalona, a 'place head here' card, and one shaped like Nerdfighter fingers; he promises to treasure them. (00:02:28)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — Hank says his one spectacularly successful video did well because people thought it would show giraffe sex, so he wrote a song about it. (00:00:00)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — Hank sings that about ten months ago he made a video showing a picture 'of an intimate nature' and only realised its draw a hundred thousand views later. (00:00:31)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — The refrain asks where the Vlogbrothers, and America, would be without people who love giraffes who love giraffes. (00:01:00)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — The song says love is beautiful across animals but can be 'pretty screwed up' (a duck, a dachshund with a cat, bunnies with chickens), which Hank isn't down with. (00:01:28)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — Hank says he has never done so many frightening Google searches; SafeSearch is pretty good, but technically clean results can still be things you don't want to see. (00:02:58)
2008-02-27 · People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — Hank quips to John that at haircuts the stylist offers to just take a guess, when you want to see what they're doing. (00:02:58)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Fighting light from a window and a stuck tripod, Hank says he used to be good at making videos and no longer knows what he's doing. (00:00:36)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Hank describes Twitter as writing down what you are doing at every moment, but selectively only the coolest things, like hanging out with someone famous. (00:00:36)
2008-03-21 · Twitter After School Time — Hank jokes that his doctor suggested he tweet his poops, explaining he has a dysfunctional colon, and then posts that on Twitter. — hedged: “I think my doctor actually suggested” [opinion marker] (00:01:02)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank says Google is apparently going to Mars and asking for videos on why one should be among the first hundred colonists; he makes his. (00:00:00)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank lists his qualifications: prime condition, having read Kim Stanley Robinson's Mars trilogy many times, green-technology expertise and the vlog habit of non-conversational family contact. (00:00:00)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank says a Mars colonist lives 40 light minutes away from everything they have known. (00:00:24)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank says the first thing he ever had published in print was 'Let's Go to Mars', in Space Times Magazine, and reads an excerpt about Mars calling to us. (00:00:53)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Asked whether he is a founding member of the Mars Society, Hank says yes. (00:01:23)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank complains John challenged him to a Peeps eating contest without consulting him, forgetting they agreed last year (2007) never to have one again; he 'defused' it by pinning a Peep John. (00:01:23)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank says he is trained in biochemistry, computer science and creative nonfiction. (00:01:23)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — After biting the head off the Peep version of John that has sat on his desk for about six months, Hank thinks his digestive problems are what would keep him from Mars. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:52)
2008-04-01 · Please Google, Take Me to Mars — Hank concedes the Peeps eating contest: Peeps are no longer sold after Easter and his old Peep John would break his teeth, so he loses. (00:03:00)
2008-04-10 · Barack John Obama Green — In a 'special edition of Brotherhood 2.0', Hank stands with a companion in the longest line of his life to see Barack Obama; getting up at 7 a.m. shows he is a big fan. (00:00:00)
2008-04-10 · Barack John Obama Green — Watching John's video from the day before, Hank noticed it sounded familiar, and he intercuts John's 'us problem' lines with Obama's speech. (00:00:55)
2008-04-10 · Barack John Obama Green — Hank says his brother and Barack Obama are both very made of awesome. (00:01:57)
2008-04-16 · ITCHY MUSIC! — Hank reminds John that he promised a Question Tuesday not on Tuesday and must deliver before the week is out or be punished. (00:03:37)
2008-04-24 · Pills Pills Pills — Hank says, exaggerating, that insured patients get the drug with no side effects while uninsured ones get the cheap one that 'sometimes kills you'. (00:00:44)
2008-04-24 · Pills Pills Pills — Hank says the steroids make him very hungry and very emotional, and he was also given Lortab, which he is being careful with. (00:01:53)
2008-04-24 · Pills Pills Pills — This time the rash covers Hank's whole body except two parts, and sometimes his skin hurts badly. (00:02:22)
2008-04-24 · Pills Pills Pills — Owing a punishment for his infraction, Hank has been reading viewers' punishment ideas and asks for ones not involving death or torture. (00:03:11)
2008-04-30 · BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — Hank says Vlogbrothers videos have been viewed 11 million times at 3.7 minutes each, 40.7 million minutes or 77.4 years: one human lifetime. (00:00:00)
2008-04-30 · BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — Hank guesses the Vlogbrothers audience is mostly girls and wonders whether girls like the channel better than boys. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:13)
2008-04-30 · BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — Hank says pooping kills about 14,000 hypothetical people a year in America, and each Super Bowl eats up more than 150 lives. (00:02:09)
2008-05-07 · From the Airport: And some Nerdfighterlike — Hank says he has seen viewers' videos and thinks they are 'so jokes' (cool). (00:00:00)
2008-05-07 · From the Airport: And some Nerdfighterlike — Hank performs a cover of 'Nerdfighterlike', a love song about a long-distance online crush: adapting to a time zone, staying up on Skype, a date to the library. (00:00:40)
2008-05-07 · From the Airport: And some Nerdfighterlike — Hank says 200 people there don't know what Nerdfighters are, 'so that'll be fun'; he will see John in a couple of hours. (00:03:04)
2008-05-11 · Nerdfighting IRL — Hank shows the inaugural Maureen Johnson happy dance from three angles filmed by Nerdfighters, calling it possibly the most important thing that happened that night. (00:02:21)
2008-05-11 · Nerdfighting IRL — Hank says everyone knowing the words to Accio Deathly Hallows felt like being a rock star in a library full of nerds, a room with more awesome than any concert hall; it moved him. (00:03:03)
2008-05-11 · Nerdfighting IRL — Hank says he went over time but has been granted amnesty because the video had a montage (several). (00:04:12)
2008-05-16 · Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) — Hank says he is finally doing his punishment, which he learned only yesterday; it was chosen from suggestions by Nerdfighters and John. (00:00:00)
2008-05-16 · Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) — As the punishment, Hank sings a cover of a ToyBox pop song about a 'World Wide Web girl' chatting online. (00:00:59)
2008-05-16 · Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) — Hank says Katherine had to hear every take and his learning of the song, on the day before her birthday; he admits he is not the easiest person to live with. (00:02:53)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — Hank claims his own version of Question Tuesdays: answering one question long-windedly and then asking viewers twelve, little known because they have never done it. (00:00:16)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — To show viewers what caffeine does to him, Hank drinks a shot of espresso with milk, water and sugar. (00:00:45)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — Hank asks John to give the 'peg-legged' puppy an eyepatch, and maybe a parrot, for tomorrow's video; though on Team Ninja, he'd love a pirate puppy. (00:01:37)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — Since Michigan Hank has been puzzling over mono- and uni-, which he calls Latin prefixes for the same thing, and over why 'trivia' means 'three streets'. (00:02:06)
2008-05-22 · Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — Hank also asks about anagrams in math, whether evil people like Hitler or Stalin had pets, and what an iota is. (00:03:05)
2008-06-01 · Tetris Day! — Hank thanks Russia for Tetris and notes the Tetris song is a folk melody and so not protected under US copyright. (00:03:13)
2008-06-02 · Tetris Day! — Hank lists the tools needed (scissors, knife, tape, video camera, tape measure, straight edge, coloured construction paper, Sharpie) and tells young viewers to get parental permission for the knife and cut away from themselves. (00:01:22)
2008-06-02 · Tetris Day! — Hank thanks Russia for Tetris and notes the Tetris song is a folk melody and so not protected under US copyright. (00:02:57)
2008-06-08 · Monkeys!!! (with pants) — Hank, on vacation in a hotel room with Katherine, films in the bathroom shower because he can't make videos when other people are in the room. (00:00:00)
2008-06-08 · Monkeys!!! (with pants) — Hank says he likes zoos for giraffes who love giraffes, but the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. has no giraffes, which disappointed him. (00:01:29)
2008-06-08 · Monkeys!!! (with pants) — At the zoo they saw gorillas and ducks 'loving their own species', and mostly interesting monkeys. (00:01:29)
2008-06-08 · Monkeys!!! (with pants) — Hank sings a zoo song listing the animals he saw and concluding that humans are just monkeys with pants. (00:01:58)
2008-06-08 · Monkeys!!! (with pants) — Hank says the song was hard to write around the line 'all we are is monkeys with pants', and that singing in the shower feels like being alone although Katherine can hear. (00:02:27)
2008-06-16 · Maine Inspires Deep Thoughts — Hank calls wanting to destroy the world 'kind of Tobian', a word he says he just made up because it sounds evil (he also tries 'Decepticony'). — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:07)
2008-06-27 · Marion the Nerdfightarion — Hank tells Nerdfighters they will see him perform a song about Star Trek in the next week or so. (00:02:20)
2008-06-27 · Marion the Nerdfightarion — Hank says he will see John this weekend. (00:02:24)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Hank spends the Fourth of July watching a baseball game in Missoula, Montana, which he says he does 'for America'. (00:00:00)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Hank says Americans celebrate with simulated battles of fireworks, baseball and hot dogs, things bad for bodies and the environment, but sometimes life is just about having fun. (00:01:10)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Doing 'what culture said' he should, Hank ate a chicken hot dog with green chilies, mini corn dogs and cotton candy. (00:01:10)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Hank films the Montana fireworks from very close up and remarks that it hardly seems safe. (00:01:37)
2008-07-04 · America Stands for Awesome — Watching the fireworks, Hank says this is why 'we can't help but love America'. (00:01:37)
2008-07-10 · What Would Captain Picard Do — The chorus says Picard would ensure the safety of his ship and crew, complete the mission, make himself a better person and bring peace to the galaxy for free. (00:00:59)
2008-07-10 · What Would Captain Picard Do — In his song Hank says that when you're confused and the choice is too hard, you should think of what Captain Picard would do. (00:03:54)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — In the song Hank says he wants a Book 8: he thinks there's an unwritten story and it's time to put fingers to keys. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:14)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — Hank wants J.K. Rowling to say the (Deathly Hallows) epilogue was crap, 'cause we all know it was crap'. (00:01:42)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — The song lists stories people might want: Harry's sons, Grindelwald and Dumbledore, Voldemort having a son, the veil as a dimensional portal, and Hagrid's parents. (00:01:42)
2008-07-18 · Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — Hank pre-empts punishment for going over four minutes: there was a montage, and the montage exception covers it. (00:04:36)
2008-07-27 · How to Buy Glasses Cheap...and Help Hank Pick Frames! — Hank jokes he will have to redraw his cartoon self with the new glasses, since viewers liked the old ones. (00:02:07)
2008-08-04 · Breakdancing in Missoula Montana — Hank thanks Missoula's one and only breakdance crew, joking they'd be the best in town even among 10,000, and says it was a surprise to find breakdancing going on there. (00:00:29)
2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — Hank says he had assumed Times Square was a square, but it is in fact a triangle. (00:00:00)
2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — Hank says he is being advertised to like never before and jokes he will leave and buy so much stuff, mostly a Coca-Cola. (00:00:00)
2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — Hank tells Nerdfighters anywhere on the East Coast they have to come, excusing only those as far away as Florida, then softens it to 'if you can, do it'. (00:00:46)
2008-08-05 · Everyone's Your Friend… — After a passer-by asks to be in his video, Hank says New York is the place to talk to a camera like a stupid person, since its job is to attract weird people. (00:01:15)
2008-08-12 · Eight Days of Awesome — Hank says the past days have possibly been the longest sequence of awesome days in a row since mankind was invented. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-08-12 · Eight Days of Awesome — Hank tells John the only way to continue the awesome is to discuss the political situation in Georgia while giving himself a Ze Frank peanut butter mask. (00:04:09)
2008-08-12 · Eight Days of Awesome — Hank tells viewers who want to see John in a peanut butter mask to subscribe. (00:04:09)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank says one of the spiders was still alive, giving him the willies; his heart is beating hard. (00:00:43)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank says there are many spiders in his basement, where he has to work, and he only kills them because they are a dangerous kind (comically: they eat you and your leg rots off). (00:01:07)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank calls his rest after the awesome days 'a sort of metric Sabbath': on the tenth day he rested. (00:01:36)
2008-08-15 · Metric Sabbath — Hank admits missing Terminus is a little pathetic, but says that's part of life: every week can't be the awesomest week ever. (00:02:33)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank admits he and John are embarrassingly bad at giving rewards; past Blurbing Book Club winners never actually received anything. (00:00:35)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank introduces the non-existent Nerdfighting Prize of the Day, a badge of honour for a deserving Nerdfighter, which he has been awarding in his head and sometimes in comments. (00:00:35)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank lists the prize's advantages over real prizes: winners can show it to everyone, get it immediately, it needs no shipping or carbon dioxide, and anyone might win. (00:01:05)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank loses track of which part he is on and says this is why he doesn't do parts videos. (00:02:03)
2008-08-18 · This Video Comes in Threven Parts — Hank bets he will get his next video up before John posts his Catcher in the Rye video. — hedged: “I'm pretty sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:03)
2008-08-21 · INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — Hank says he is not a big fan of local news and would like more people to watch this video on YouTube than the TV report, to prove they're better. — hedged: “I kinda feel like” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2008-08-21 · INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — Hank awards today's non-existent Nerdfighter prize to fans seen in the report, identified only as 'Mrs. Pink Hair and DFTBA Trucker Cap' (one or two people, unclear). (00:02:08)
2008-08-21 · INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — Hank jokes that he and John never discussed continuing the vlogs before John announced it to the world. (00:03:27)
2008-08-27 · Butte Montana — Hank sings that Butte, Montana, is home of the Berkeley Pit. (00:00:22)
2008-08-27 · Butte Montana — The song says the pit is filled with arsenic (one other word unclear). (00:00:22)
2008-09-07 · This Song is for Willy — Hank sings that John's new dog looks confused, then wary, then tilts his head when he hears a sound he has never heard before. (00:00:07)
2008-09-07 · This Song is for Willy — Hank sings that John feared Willy had no new sounds left to hear, so he called on the Nerdfighters to act really weird. (00:00:49)
2008-09-07 · This Song is for Willy — Hank sings that the song is for Willy, whatever the world thinks of how silly that is. (00:00:49)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Discovery asked for the camera back, so Hank concludes he will not keep doing the segments, although they told him not to assume anything. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:20)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Hank rejects John's claim in a BlogTV chat that John talks faster, saying everyone would recognise that Hank talks faster. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:29)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Hank says he is totally in favour of the discussed contest for who can talk faster on YouTube. (00:02:29)
2008-09-13 · Hank Vlogs (and a String Quartet) — Hank acknowledges the quartet will make the video too long but says it is okay because it is pretty much a separate video. (00:03:30)
2008-09-25 · Obama llama Duck — Hank says some things can only be said by referencing obscure, absurd old viral videos, and sings an Obama version of the Llama Song. (00:00:22)
2008-09-25 · Obama llama Duck — In the song Hank urges a vote for Barack Obama as the next president and sings that 'that guy is leaving town'. (00:00:45)
2008-09-25 · Obama llama Duck — Hank says that on a recent trip to Canada people asked whether Obama could be their prime minister too. (00:01:44)
2008-09-25 · Obama llama Duck — For newcomers, Hank explains that he is Hank, his brother John writes books, and anyone enjoying the video is probably a nerdfighter, made of awesome. (00:02:08)
2008-09-26 · Obama Llama Song — The song urges listeners to vote for Barack Obama, wishes him luck and says he will be the next president. (00:00:02)
2008-09-26 · Obama Llama Song — The song says 'we' are tired of the current president, whom everyone hates, and that he is leaving town. (00:00:02)
2008-09-26 · Obama Llama Song — The song says Republicans claim to want change but then want to stay the same; the singer will vote neither left nor right, only for change. (00:00:26)
2008-09-29 · The Financial Crisis...Simplified — Hank says that, with a bad hair day and the world having a bad financial day, he will explain the recent financial crisis wearing a different hat for each character. — hedged: “I think I'm gonna” [opinion marker] (00:00:07)
2008-10-08 · Hanks actual Vlog — Hank says Eventful showed three nerdfighters in Missoula, one of them himself and one Katherine, and thanks the unknown third. (00:00:00)
2008-10-08 · Hanks actual Vlog — Hank says the brothers asked Nerdfighters to help them 'pwn' Oprah, and together they got more YouTube subscribers than Oprah. (00:00:32)
2008-10-08 · Hanks actual Vlog — Driving home the day before, Katherine thought she saw a dead body behind a razor-wire fence; Hank went to look and found a naked mannequin wearing shoes. (00:02:55)
2008-10-09 · Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow — Hank, who calls Barnes & Noble a great store and does not advocate its destruction, is a bit upset: the early shipping feels like disrespect to his brother. (00:00:31)
2008-10-09 · Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow — Hank announces that Let It Snow, with stories by John, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle, is available now, and teases John's top billing, which is alphabetical. (00:01:20)
2008-10-14 · Numa Numa Hank Dance — Hank says his video is late because his computer crashed about 18 times, noting it is Columbus Day and still the same day in Montana, and hopes to avoid a punishment. (00:00:00)
2008-10-14 · Numa Numa Hank Dance — Hank shows his house while doing a Numa Numa dance, calling it a life goal he has had for the past couple of years. (00:00:29)
2008-10-16 · Paper Towns Collab Album Project!!! — Hank says someone recalled that during Brotherhood 2.0 he performed a song every Wednesday, so he is going to do so. (00:00:00)
2008-10-16 · Paper Towns Collab Album Project!!! — Hank playfully says that despite the presidential election he can only think about Paper Towns, whose release is on the scale of buying his first house. (00:01:56)
2008-10-21 · Lonesome Cloud — While John is on the road across the US, Hank says he has had a tiny chance to relax, though he is a bit jealous of John's nerdfighter events. (00:00:52)
2008-10-21 · Lonesome Cloud — Hank jokes that brotherhood means each brother thinks the other's basket is better (the grass is always greener). (00:01:23)
2008-10-21 · Lonesome Cloud — The new room is echoey and has only a bookshelf; it is unfinished because Hank got angry at the assembly instructions. (00:01:48)
2008-10-22 · Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — On the phone Hank argues his video was 3 minutes 50 seconds; the rest was black space because the song ran longer than the video track. (00:02:32)
2008-10-24 · IRON MAN BLOGTV CHALLENGE! — Hank says anyone watching this video can find him live on BlogTV (link in the sidebar), jokingly promising to stay online as long as the video is; watching him work will probably be boring. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:30)
2008-10-24 · IRON MAN BLOGTV CHALLENGE! — Hank asks viewers to keep his BlogTV stream open, even muted, because he wants more viewers than Shay Carl. (00:01:17)
2008-10-24 · Talking to Myself — In a phone skit with another Hank, Hank says he can see 'their point' and concedes his video was technically longer than four minutes. (00:00:00)
2008-10-24 · Talking to Myself — Rebutting the 'evil Hank' on the phone, Hank says it was he, not the evil Hank, and above all the Nerdfighters who helped John get there. (00:01:35)
2008-10-28 · Early Voting with Hank — Hank says he just voted early, filling in a ballot at a polling place, so the day feels to him like election day, November 4th. (00:00:00)
2008-10-30 · Hank and Katherine...On the Rise — In the outtakes Hank complains that Katherine devours him for one missed chord, then sings a 'shake that orange' ditty. (00:03:42)
2008-10-30 · Hank is Late (dr horrible) — Hank records the video while dressed like Carrie Bradshaw, which he calls embarrassing on its own. (00:00:01)
2008-10-30 · Hank is Late (dr horrible) — Hank says this is his first ever one-take Brotherhood 2.0 video. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:52)
2008-10-31 · SPWNING Halloween — Hank calls Halloween a very Nerdfighterly day: Nerdfighters don't need an excuse to be weird, and he thinks they should do it every day. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:25)
2008-10-31 · SPWNING Halloween — Hank says the obvious costume for him is Edward Spoonhands, and that viewers who don't know what that is will find out now. (00:00:46)
2008-10-31 · SPWNING Halloween — Wearing fuzzy horns on his glasses, Hank says he can't see what it looks like but it seems like Geordi La Forge with horns instead of goggles. — hedged: “I don't know what this looks like” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:10)
2008-11-03 · BlogTV in St Louis! — Hank says they will do a Question Tuesday on Monday, which is what today is in St. Louis. (00:00:00)
2008-11-03 · Hank and John from the Road — Hank films John's vlog while John drives, and jokes that he will edit it so John sounds like an idiot. (00:00:00)
2008-11-03 · Hank and John from the Road — Hank and Katherine have a friendly competition over who spots cows first, and Hank says she is far ahead; he keeps mistaking or missing cows. (00:02:53)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — Holding Willy, Hank says the Vlogbrothers are not political, but sometimes you have to show your true colors. (00:01:45)
2008-11-06 · Funny Noises from Tennessee — Hank teases that John never edited and recorded a whole video for him on the road, as Hank did for John, and suggests John might do so next week (week of 10 November 2008). — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2008-11-06 · Funny Noises from Tennessee — On the way home from the Knoxville gathering, John told Hank not to worry about his late video, since all Nerdfighters want from him is funny noises. (00:01:08)
2008-11-07 · Vlogging from Gadsden — Hank credits the CD's design to SharkeyeJones, pointing viewers to the YouTube channel and calling him one of the greatest illustrators of his generation. (00:00:46)
2008-11-07 · Vlogging from Gadsden — Hank shows John's signing table (John has wandered off, gets a big chair while Hank gets a little one), stacks of John's books, Nerdfighter shirts, and Katherine reading Paper Towns. (00:00:46)
2008-11-24 · DFTBA Records — Hank says the Tour de Nerdfighting was fantastic and that, thanks to viewers, he lives in Nerdfighteria, the best place in the world. (00:00:23)
2008-12-11 · The 2008 Project for Awesome!!! — Hank says they promote charity one day a year in the holiday season, then go back to silly songs, cat videos and being profane. (00:00:00)
2008-12-17 · One More Day Until the P4A!!! — Hank jokes that if YouTube breaks his project's thumbnails it owes him a front-page feature, and says that is what he told them and what they did. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:43)
2008-12-22 · A Christmas Song! — Hank grumbles that HD video will only let everyone see his zit. (00:00:00)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank accepts the label: if the commenter calls being a gay nerd homo sapiens activist a bad thing, then he'll be one. (00:00:00)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says Nerdfighters are good at insulting people and often invoke Shakespeare, reading one commenter's Shakespearean reply to an offensive comment. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:53)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank says many haters seem to be the same person commenting again and again, which makes him feel better about YouTube: a few evil people, not tens of thousands. — hedged: “It seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:22)
2008-12-29 · Comment Haters and Christmas — Hank thanks John for 'all of my llama butts', saying he can hardly imagine life before them. (00:02:21)

Other voices

47 statements · sincere 66% · playful 23% · other bits 11% · hedged or unsure 2%

Fiction (3)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

2008-07-30 · Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — Dan John Miller: Dan John Miller is heard reading lines, apparently from the audiobook. (00:02:23)
2008-10-01 · The Man Who Throws the Tetris Piece — a guest: In the opening skit, voices playing the brothers recall playing Tetris together and a dream of it becoming real, ending in alarm over John. (00:00:34)
2008-10-01 · The Man Who Throws the Tetris Piece — Bill Martin: The song casts the unseen figure who throws the Tetris pieces as the greatest video-game villain, one nobody can defeat and who never gives the straight piece. (00:01:49)

Joke (2)

a gag; not a claim

2008-10-17 · Vital Status Report from NYC — a guest: In a comic bit, a guest who has not read Paper Towns claims it is about paper, sounds like a picture book, and will be a movie with Tom Cruise playing the towns. (00:02:32)
2008-11-17 · Life on Tour — Maureen Johnson: In a staged scene, Maureen Johnson says she and John are mortal enemies because wherever he goes he crosses her name out of Let It Snow; a truce is discussed. (00:02:02)

Playful (11)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2008-04-10 · Barack John Obama Green — a guest: The video opens with a mock press conference: a speaker calling himself John, who 'works for the city', says he announced to his wife, dog and cat that he endorses Senator Barack Obama. (00:00:00)
2008-06-26 · Don't Suck on That Bone — Sarah Urist Green: Sarah says she is pretty excited, calling it a really big day for Willy. (00:00:00)
2008-06-27 · Marion the Nerdfightarion — Marion: Marion gets the book, repeats that she can't believe she got it, and describes the signature as 'J, scribble'. (00:01:25)
2008-08-20 · Scavenger Hunting — video description: The description invites viewers who want to follow the scavenger hunt, with its (existent) prizes, to subscribe to the neverftba YouTube channel. (video description)
2008-08-25 · Oh John Green, You're 31 — video description: The description awards the non-existent Nerdfighter Prize of the Day to a fan for a cake called 'Looking for Alaska: A Cake'. (video description)
2008-09-21 · The Pwning of Oprah — Daniel Biss: Daniel Biss confirms he is a professional mathematician with a PhD from MIT and that 41,818 is larger than 41,365. (00:01:25)
2008-10-17 · Vital Status Report from NYC — a guest: At a diner, a guest playfully introduces John Green, Scott Westerfeld and Maureen Johnson as famous people. (00:00:58)
2008-10-17 · Vital Status Report from NYC — Alex Day: Alex Day introduces himself as responsible for the largest tag project in history. (00:00:58)
2008-10-31 · Show 'n Tell Thursday — video description: In the description John says it is still Thursday where he is, having just got home from the tour event, and hopes that gets him out of a punishment. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (video description)
2008-11-04 · Election Night In Indianapolis! — both: The brothers note that Elizabeth Dole no longer has a job, thanking their Dad and Mom for not voting for her; 'we just don't like Elizabeth Dole'. (00:00:44)
2008-12-18 · Introducing...The Awesome — both: They say they featured none of their own videos and no best friends, except a video their parents made. (00:01:35)