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We Need to talk about Sarapocial Relationships

2023-11-03 · letter vlog · Hank, Brittany Broski · 7:56 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Nerdfighteria (also: Internet & YouTube) · mode: Personal essay · tags: community lore

Hank explains parasocial relationships and describes the reverse, a creator's relationship with the audience he imagines, which John named a 'sarapocial relationship'; he wants Nerdfighteria's core to be strong, dense and capable, and admits it costs him parts of himself and means holding space for disagreement.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting; parasocial relationships defined, from Hank's teenage obsessions to Zeus and Artemis

  • ★★ Hank says that in the last ten years it became normal to talk about parasocial relationships, though they have always existed. — 00:00:00
  • ★ Hank says that in high school he was obsessed with Gordon Gano and Helen Hunt. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Hank defines a parasocial relationship: brain systems built for social relationships used for a relationship with someone who does not or cannot know you, such as Huckleberry Finn. — 00:00:00
  • ★ Hank says such relationships go far back: people can have them with fictional characters, and people had them with Zeus and Artemis. — 00:00:00

00:00:29 — Brittany Broski's clip on being attached to her audience; Hank's relationship with the Nerdfighteria he imagines

  • ★★ Brittany Broski: In a clip from Colin and Samir's show, Brittany Broski says every decision she makes is for her audience; she doesn't want them mad or unhappy with her content. — 00:00:50
  • ★★ Brittany Broski says she thinks it is unacceptable for a creator not to be attached to their audience. — 00:00:50
  • ★★★ Hank says he has always had a strong, real relationship with the unknown people who watch: a parasocial relationship with something he invented in his head and calls Nerdfighteria. — 00:00:50 · Nerdfighteria

00:01:40 — John's term 'sarapocial'; the community's core and Hank's wish that it be strong, dense and capable

  • ★★★ Hank says there is no word for this reverse relationship, but on the phone yesterday (2 November 2023) John called it a 'sarapocial relationship', which Hank thinks is the best possible term. — 00:01:40 · sarapocial relationship, John Green
  • ★★ Hank says the relationship is tricky because community members differ in upbringing, place and values, yet are more similar to each other than humanity at large: there is a core. — 00:01:40 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ Hank says he tries to understand what ties the community together by talking to people, reading comments and doing the Nerdfighteria census, and that understanding constantly informs everything he makes. — 00:02:29
  • ★★★ Hank says he cannot control the core but wants things for it: he wants it to be strong, dense and capable. — 00:02:29 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ By strong Hank means shared values knit the core together, so even in conflict people can check back in on the values they still agree about. — 00:02:29
  • ★★ By dense Hank means many different shared things, rarely found outside the core, which he wants to be unassailably good. — 00:02:58
  • ★★ Hank says some shared things can be controlled: the average nerdfighter knows much more about tuberculosis, pelicans and AFC Wimbledon than the average human. — 00:02:58 · tuberculosis, AFC Wimbledon
  • ★★ Hank says the share of trans or non-binary nerdfighters is much higher than in the general population. — 00:03:28 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ Hank says the share of nerdfighters who voted for Donald Trump is much lower than in the general population. — 00:03:28 · Donald Trump, Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ Hank says these traits arose naturally: the brothers did not set out to attract non-binary people or exclude Trump voters. — 00:03:28 · Donald Trump
  • ★★★ By capable Hank means the community can act for itself and the world, from TB access to Crash Course, SciShow and the clubs funding maternal health in Sierra Leone; membership should feel valuable. — 00:03:57 · Nerdfighteria, tuberculosis, Crash Course, SciShow, Awesome Socks Club, Awesome Coffee Club, maternal death, Sierra Leone
  • ★★ Hank says many of these projects have the core as their foundation but grow far beyond it and do much more good than if they never left it. — 00:03:57

00:04:38 — The hard parts: Hank considers himself 'not mine' and needs some self left for the self

  • ★★★ Hank says that for a long time he has considered himself 'not mine': between this relationship, obligations to companies and stakeholders, and family and friends, he had lost parts of himself. — 00:04:38
  • ★★★ Hank says sharing a great deal of yourself is an absolute good, and a shared self is richer, but it is also good to keep some self for the self. — 00:05:07
  • ★★ Hank says keeping something for himself was forced on him by others rather than chosen, but that has changed some since he got sick, which he thinks is probably healthy. — 00:05:07

00:05:38 — A community that disagrees with itself; why the brothers won't be the deciding voice

  • ★★ Hank says another hard part is that the community is many people who sometimes disagree, so it is a relationship with something that does not agree with itself. — 00:05:38 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ Hank gives examples: part of the core finds heavy TikTok use ludicrous, given the data it holds, while part disagrees; the core has disagreed over separating art from its creator. — 00:05:38 · TikTok
  • ★★★ Hank says disagreement is okay, normal and healthy; if everyone agreed on everything there would be a problem. — 00:06:07
  • ★★ Hank says the brothers are uncomfortable being the deciding voice in disagreements: he does not trust himself with that power, and those who disagree would feel alienated. — 00:06:07 · John Green
  • ★★ Hank says this kind of relationship is more common now than ever because of the structure of the internet. — 00:06:36

00:07:01 — The sarapocial relationship as a job; gratitude for a tremendous core; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank says the sarapocial relationship is a much bigger deal in a creator's life than the parasocial one: it is also a job, and informs everything he does in public. — 00:07:01 · sarapocial relationship
  • ★★★ Unsure whether to credit initial values, constant worry, luck or the people themselves, Hank says the community has a tremendous core and he could not wish for a better group. — 00:07:01 · Nerdfighteria

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description says those best at sarapocial relationships are often people Hank dislikes, like Trump and Musk; being good at something does not mean being good. — video description · sarapocial relationship, Donald Trump
  • ★★ The description says the core differs between platforms and how people feel when consuming different media matters hugely. — video description
  • ★ The description recommends Brittany Broski's whole interview. — video description

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: parasocial interaction · sarapocial relationship

Also: People: Brittany Broski · Donald Trump · Gordon Gano · Helen Hunt (actor)

Projects: Awesome Coffee Club · Awesome Socks Club · Crash Course · Nerdfighteria Census · SciShow

Organizations: AFC Wimbledon · TikTok

Groups: Colin and Samir

Concepts: maternal death · non-binary gender · pelican · transgender · tuberculosis

Places: Sierra Leone

Characters: Huckleberry Finn

Myths: Artemis · Zeus

Only in the description or credits: Elon Musk

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