Should people worry about what others think of them?
Hank said in 2012 that fear of judgment never goes away and shouldn't make you hide, and in 2018 that caring what others think is on balance probably good. Since 2013 John has tried to worry less, saying in 2024 that outside validation is fickle and leaves you hollow when it goes.
Axis: no, others notice far less than we fear ... yes, reputation and others' views matter
Positions by date: 14 records in 14 videos. The position was refined (2014, 2018), never reversed, in these records.
John
| date | how | position | video |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2013-02-12 | first on record | John: none of the 6,000 Nerdfighters he met had anything to be embarrassed about; he holds up Sarah's insight that everyone is too busy thinking about themselves to think about you, which he is still trying to internalize. | Talking to the President 00:02:28 |
| 2014-09-02 | refine | John distinguishes self-inflicted mortification, which can usefully test our self-image, from mortification by others, where nothing is gained and a lot is lost. | MORTIFICATION 00:02:22 |
| 2019-07-16 | restate | To people who felt embarrassed or mortified after meeting him, John says it's okay, even screaming in the cereal aisle: don't worry about it, there's so much else to worry about. | star struck 00:02:55 |
| 2023-01-03 | restate | John says that when he worries the way people see him matters more than the way he is, he should take it down a notch. | TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH 00:02:55 |
| 2024-11-01 | restate | John says relying on outside validation is not good because it is always fickle; when it goes, as in a Tumblr 2013 incident, you are left hollow. | Working Through a Crisis with My Brother 00:05:36 |
| 2024-11-05 | restate | John says the more people like you, the more dislike you; you fixate on them, see yourself through them, and your happiness comes to depend on those least inclined to like you. | Why Do I Still Make YouTube Videos? 00:01:27 |
Hank
| date | how | position | video |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2012-11-16 | first on record | Hank says everyone fears judgment, but hiding from it by being bland, not trying or never sharing is a terrible way to live; the fear never goes away, you get more comfortable in it. | We're all Scared 00:02:12 |
| 2014-04-11 | restate | Hank says attractiveness to others is a terrible basis for self-worth: regardless of gender, you do not exist to please someone else. | What Boys Look For in Girls 00:03:12 |
| 2014-11-18 | refine | Hank: embarrassment is about feeling wrong, not being wrong; the answer is confidence in one's own wrongness, which he can feel among trusted people such as Nerdfighteria. | How to Never Feel Embarrassed Again 00:02:26 |
| 2016-02-19 | restate | Valuing Lemon taught Hank that feeling valued and knowing you matter is much more about how you think of others than about how others think of you. | Thanks, Lemon 00:03:22 |
| 2016-05-20 | restate | Hank counts doing things you're proud of regardless of the opinions of the masses among what really matters. | I AM A GOLDEN GOD 00:03:01 |
| 2018-05-04 | refine | Hank says caring what others think is not bad: on average, despite negative consequences, it is probably good because it prevents you from being really bad. | When to Attack a Moose 00:01:10 |
| 2021-09-10 | restate | Hank says if you go bigger and try harder, some people will probably think it is cringe, but some might wish they could dance like you too. | The Most Important 10 Words a Stranger Ever Said to Me 00:02:33 |
| 2026-10-01 | restate | Hank understands and supports friends who resent online creators not being recognised as impactful or as artists, but it does not bother him: he cares that his work is interesting, not what people call it. | Are We Still YouTubers? 00:06:24 |