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Happy Third Chocolate Day!

2014-02-14 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:47 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Sports (also: Everyday life) · mode: Personal essay · tags: timely hook, self promotion

On Valentine's Day, Hank riffs on chocolate and the Winter Olympics: Olympians' strange skills may be valued only by cultural agreement, but he doesn't care why; he just loves watching.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Valentine's Day as a chocolate holiday; Hank and Katherine's Tim Tam slam plan

  • ★★ Hank says Valentine's Day ranks third for chocolate consumption in the United States, after Halloween and Easter. — 00:00:09 · United States
  • ★★ Hank says more than fifty million tons of chocolate are consumed on Valentine's Day. — 00:00:14
    • check: more than fifty million — doubtful
  • ★ Hank and Katherine plan to spend Valentine's Day Tim Tam slamming Bailey's Irish Cream while watching the Olympics: being an adult is pretty cool. (playful) — 00:00:20 · Katherine Green

00:00:38 — Olympians' single-minded focus; why are such skills valuable? Cultural agreement, but who cares

  • ★★ Hank admires that some people can focus on one thing for years to become the best in the world at it, which takes a lot of sacrifice. — 00:00:40
  • ★★★ Hank asks why being good at skiing and then shooting is more valuable than being good at Flappy Bird, and guesses the answer is cultural agreement. (hedged) — 00:00:55 · social construction
  • ★★★ Hank says he doesn't care where that value comes from: he just wants to watch it happen, happily, from his couch. — 00:01:03

00:01:18 — Curling is weird, but no weirder than ice dancing or hockey, his favourites

  • ★★ Hank finds curling ridiculous but admits it is objectively no weirder than ice dancing or hockey, his two favourite events. (playful, hedged) — 00:01:18

00:01:37 — NBC's mini-documentaries; Tina Maze and the Swiss skier tie for first; hidden significant figures

  • ★★ Hank says NBC's mini-documentaries make him care about events he otherwise wouldn't: one about pop star and world-class skier Tina Maze made him root for her. (playful) — 00:01:37
  • ★★ Hank reports the event ended in a tie for first between Tina Maze and a Swiss skier who had needed nine knee surgeries after a terrible crash. — 00:01:55
  • ★★ Hank says a timed event cannot truly tie: the timing has more significant figures than are shown, so someone knows who won, but they sign a contract not to tell. — 00:02:07
  • ★ Hank says that if two athletes are that close, they both deserve the gold. — 00:02:28

00:02:30 — Olympic commercials: McDonald's 880-calorie frappe; athletes burn 8,000 calories a day

  • ★★ Hank, who doesn't watch much TV, says the only problem with the Olympics is the constant commercials, such as McDonald's selling a frappe after feats of athleticism. (playful) — 00:02:30
  • ★★ Hank says an Olympic athlete, burning about 8,000 calories a day, could probably eat McDonald's advertised 880-calorie frappe; the rest of us couldn't. (playful, hedged) — 00:02:45

00:02:54 — Enjoy 'Olympic Chocolate Day'; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank tells viewers to enjoy 'Olympic Chocolate Day': play games, read a book, be with people they love, and not let athletes make them feel bad about the couch and chocolate. (playful) — 00:02:56

00:03:06 — End-screen trailer for The Art Assignment

00:03:21 — Blooper: a falling poster, Gunnarolla, looking for tape

In the description and comments

  • ★★★ In the description, Hank says it doesn't really matter why we value these weird Olympic things, because caring is valuable for its own sake. — video description
  • ★ The video ends with a trailer for The Art Assignment. — video description · The Art Assignment

Humor (significant)

  • Hank is happy to watch Olympians speed down the ice from his couch while he spoonerises 'Tim Tam slamming'. — 00:01:16

    “While tamming slim-slams!”

  • Defending ice dancing and hockey as his two favourite events, Hank redefines hockey. — 00:01:31

    “Hockey is basically just full-contact team ice-dancing with sticks! And less awesome outfits!”

  • Unable to choose between Tina Maze and the Swiss skier, Hank learns they tied for first. — 00:02:04

    “I don't care about this WHY AM I CRYING!!!?”

  • Hank mocks Olympic ad breaks, voicing McDonald's right after extreme feats of athleticism. — 00:02:37

    “Try out our 880-calorie chocolate-covered strawberry frappé!”

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: Olympic Games · Valentine's Day

Also: People: Dominique Gisin · Gunnarolla · Katherine Green · Tina Maze

Works: Flappy Bird

Organizations: McDonald's · NBC

Concepts: biathlon · curling · ice dancing · ice hockey · significant figures · social construction

Places: Slovenia · United States

Events: Easter · Halloween (holiday)

Products: Baileys Irish Cream · Tim Tam

Only in the description or credits: The Art Assignment

Also centred on Olympic Games: I Don't Understand My Life · 16 Sports that Should Be in the Olympics · I Have Uncovered an Olympics Mystery… · The Olympics Mystery Explained!!!

Also centred on Valentine's Day: The Puff Pwns Gravity · Your Spying Thieving Valentine: Hank · CHUBBY BUNNY...blergh! · Valentines Candy Taste Test with Hank and Katherine

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