Skip to content

Esther Day 2026: Some Thoughts on Loss

2026-08-03 · letter vlog · John · 4:32 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Philosophy & meaning (also: Nerdfighteria) · mode: Personal essay · tags: calendar ritual, heavy topic, civic or action cta, recurring series

On Esther Day 2026, John reflects that Esther Earl has now been gone as long as she lived, that grief over early death can intensify as one learns what the dead have missed, and that he has not reconciled himself to death's injustice; yet he holds that love is stronger than death and survives in others.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Esther Day: its origin and Esther having been gone almost as long as she lived

  • ★★ John explains that since 2010 the community has marked Esther Day each August 3rd in memory of nerdfighter Esther Earl, who wished for a day to tell friends and family 'I love you'. — 00:00:00 · Esther Day, Esther Earl, Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ John finds this year (2026) especially strange: Esther has been gone almost 16 years, as long as she lived, and much of his life has passed without her. — 00:00:00 · Esther Earl

00:00:29 — Grief, the unfairness of early death, Amy Krouse Rosenthal's count of days, and love surviving death

  • ★★★ John says grief over early death eases with time in some ways, but for him it intensifies, because you learn more about what the dead missed. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ At his wedding, at his kids' births, or watching a sunset, John has thought how unfair it is that a friend who died in high school never gets such days. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ John notes that almost all of the 120 billion people who have ever lived are no longer here. — 00:00:58
  • ★★ John calls Amy Krouse Rosenthal another friend who died too soon; he misses her and finds it unjust that she can no longer see her kids or the sunset. — 00:00:58
  • ★★ Amy Krouse Rosenthal (quoted): John reads Amy Krouse Rosenthal's reckoning that a generous 80-year life amounts to 29,220 days on Earth. — 00:01:27 · first in: 2020-12-31, Auld Lang Syne: The Anthropocene Reviewed
  • ★★ Amy Krouse Rosenthal (quoted): In the passage, Rosenthal guesses she may get to look at a tree some 12,395 more times: a lot, but not infinite, and anything less than infinite is unsatisfactory. — 00:01:27
  • ★★★ John says he still has not reconciled himself to the fundamental injustice of death; he understands that life isn't fair in the abstract but not in day-to-day life. — 00:02:13
  • ★★ John cannot reconcile himself to his friend Henry having almost died of TB and living with its scars. — 00:02:13 · tuberculosis
  • ★★ Nor can John reconcile himself to the deaths of Esther, Amy, or the kids he met in the hospital over half his life ago. — 00:02:13 · Esther Earl
  • ★★ John says around half of all people who ever lived did not live to age 10. — 00:02:49 · child mortality
  • ★★★ John says he understands that death is natural and universal, but understanding and accepting are different. — 00:02:49
  • ★ Years ago a very famous interviewer asked John why he writes so much about loss and grief; he answered a little defensively, something like "well, it's a big deal, Terry." (playful) — 00:02:49
  • ★★★ John says he writes so much about loss and grief because learning to live with loss has been his biggest challenge, and he thinks it is many people's biggest challenge. — 00:03:15

  • ★★ John calls humans creatures who can conceive of the infinite yet live bound by the finite, a strange place worth exploring. — 00:03:15

    “We are creatures who can conceive of the infinite, who nonetheless live bound by the finite.”

  • ★★★ John holds, as one of his grounds of being, that love is stronger than death: the love Amy, Esther and others poured into the world is still with it. — 00:03:15 · Esther Earl

    “love is stronger than death. That's one of my grounds of being.”

  • ★★ John says he too will one day not see sunsets, but others will, and he hopes the love he shared will stay with them, so our love survives as long as we do. (hedged) — 00:03:43

00:04:08 — P.S.: the Esther Day party, the ask to say 'I love you', and sign-off

  • ★★ John hopes viewers will join him, Sarah and lots of others today for an Esther Day party hosted by Esther's family, with more info in the description. — 00:04:08 · Esther Day, Sarah Urist Green, doobly-doo, Esther Earl
  • ★★★ John hopes viewers will overcome the awkwardness of saying 'I love you' and let people in their lives know they love them. — 00:04:08
  • ★ John tells Hank he loves him. — 00:04:08 · Hank Green

In the description and comments

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: Amy Krouse Rosenthal · Esther Day · Esther Earl · grief · love

Also: child mortality · doobly-doo · Henry Reider · infinity · Sarah Urist Green · tuberculosis · Valentine's Day

Only in the description or credits: Dear Hank and John · Hollywood, Ending

Also centred on Amy Krouse Rosenthal: A Video about Videos · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition · The Terrible Burden of Destiny: Chicago and Waupaca · SIGNING MADNESS · Beckoning Lovely · Because We're Here

Also centred on grief: Rest In Awesome, Esther · John and Rainn Wilson Talk Romance · Thanks, Lemon · You Are Here · Hard Week · About THAT Scene in Looking for Alaska

Also centred on love: I Love My Brother · Happy Esther Day! · Lives Made of Love - Esther Day 2016 · Two Love Stories · Uncertain and Afraid · you're bundled up now? wait till you get older.

← Previous: 'Are You John Green?' · Next → Just Trying to Figure Out My Job