The brothers' agreement never to use the L-word about each other (2010)
running joke · status: running joke (last seen 2026) · last event: callback (2026-08-03)
In August 2011 Hank explained that he and John had a long-standing agreement not to say they love each other. From then on they said 'I love you' once a year on Esther Day, and by 2022 and 2023 they said it was getting easier and that they said it more in private.
Told alongside: John asks Nerdfighters to tell someone they love that they love them on Esther Day (2010) · Esther Day: the brothers' annual videos on Esther Earl's birthday about what she chooses (2010) · Hank's Hodgkin lymphoma diagnosis and chemotherapy (2023) · John asks viewers to comment who it is hard for them to say 'I love you' to (Esther Day 2010) · The brothers ask viewers to join the annual Esther Day livestream party (2021) · John asks viewers to attend Esther's family's Esther Day event in Quincy, Massachusetts (2012)
About: Esther Day, love
| date | event | what | video |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2010-08-02 | first use | John tells Hank that he loves him. | I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 00:02:55 |
| 2010-08-27 | callback | John says it was because of Esther that on Esther Day he told Hank he loves him, which he does, though he doesn't want to talk about it. | Rest In Awesome, Esther 00:01:08 |
| 2011-08-03 | callback | Hank recalls the brothers' long-standing, 'from birth' agreement never to use the L-word about each other, which Esther's request overrides; he defers John ('I will get to you later') and ends with 'I love you'. (playful) | I Love My Brother 00:00:58 |
| 2011-08-05 | callback | On a belated Esther Day, John uses the L-word about Hank: 'I love you'. | Vidcon: Thoughts from Places 00:02:20 |
| 2011-08-19 | callback | John stumbles telling Hank he 'likes' him, and both find the moment scary and too awkward for eye contact. (playful) | Outtake Insanity and NERD FACTOR 00:02:02 |
| 2012-07-31 | callback | John loves Esther Day and is grateful to Esther for the gift of making people say 'I love you' to each other. | Nerd Olympics 00:02:32 |
| 2013-08-03 | callback | John tells Hank he loves him and to soak it up, as he won't hear it again for 365 days. (joke) | Esther Day 2013 00:01:39 |
| 2015-08-03 | callback | John notes Esther Day is the brothers' one day a year to acknowledge their love verbally and 'reluctantly' tells Hank he loves him immensely. (playful) | I Love You, Hank. Esther Day 2015 00:00:33 |
| 2016-05-03 | callback | John wonders why it is so easy to say 'I love you' to his parents when he can only say it to his brother once a year, on Esther Day. (playful) | No Fumar 00:00:56 |
| 2017-08-03 | callback | John says he will not say 'I love you' to Hank again for a year, and at the end looks forward to saying it again in 365 short days. (playful) | HAPPY ESTHER DAY!!! 00:00:53 |
| 2019-08-03 | callback | Hank would never say any of that without the tradition; ten years in, it is normal for him. | I Love John: Esther Day 2019 00:03:17 |
| 2021-08-03 | callback | Under a title that censors the L-word, John says it is almost embarrassing to tell Hank how deeply he loves him, then says it. | I L*** Hank 00:00:29 |
| 2022-08-03 | callback | Hank wishes John a happy Esther Day, tells him he loves him, and says that saying it is getting easier, and he has ideas why. | Why is it So Hard to Say 'I Love You'? 00:00:00 |
| 2023-08-03 | callback | John says he is now functionally forced to say 'I love you' to Hank once a year, and the brothers have been saying it more in private. (playful) | I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day. 00:00:58 |
| 2023-08-04 | callback | Hank thanks John for his lovely Esther Day video and tells him he loves him too. | The Biggest Science Story of the Week 00:00:29 |
| 2024-08-03 | callback | John tells Hank he loves him, noting they have traditionally said it only on Esther Day for fear of being too cloying or sentimental. | I Love Hank. (Also I'm back.) 00:00:45 |
| 2025-08-03 | callback | Hank says saying 'I love you' to his brother is not physically difficult but not natural: even after all these years of Esther Days, the words feel like they belong somewhere else. | Why I Actually Love My Brother 00:00:00 |
| 2026-08-03 | callback | John tells Hank he loves him. | Esther Day 2026: Some Thoughts on Loss 00:04:08 |
What is said about it
9 statements, by date (the events above are the turns of the thread; these are the details).
- 2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John jokes that showing Hank love should be enough without talking about it, but because it is Esther Day they will talk about family and love. (playful) — 00:00:29
- 2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John's hypothetical: saying you like your brother and showing love (thousands planting trees for his birthday) is not the same as telling him you love him, which John thinks Esther wants. (playful, hedged) — 00:02:26
- 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — announcement: Hank opens by announcing it is Esther Day and trying out 'I love you' on John, promising he'll get there eventually. (playful) — 00:00:00
- 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank: Having put it off since the opening ('John, I will get to you later'), Hank ends the video by telling John 'I love you'. — 00:03:16
- 2011-08-19 · Outtake Insanity and NERD FACTOR — John tells Hank the last reason they came to Montana is that Hank is his brother and John likes him; both then find the moment too awkward. (playful) — 00:02:02
- 2021-08-03 · I L*** Hank — John: On Esther Day John tells Hank he loves him. — 00:00:00
- 2021-08-03 · I L*** Hank — John: Esther knew non-romantic love got too little attention and that John rarely said 'I love you' to Hank, so she gave them Esther Day, for which he is grateful. — 00:00:29
- 2025-08-03 · Why I Actually Love My Brother — Hank says dads and daughters, dads and sons (newly) and sisters say 'I love you', but brothers not so much. — 00:01:31
- 2025-08-03 · Why I Actually Love My Brother — Hank says he doesn't think John needs to hear that Hank loves him, nor does Hank need to hear it from John: he knows John does. — 00:01:45