I L*** Hank

2021-08-03 · letter vlog · John · 3:53 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Nerdfighteria (also: Global development, Personal life) · mode: Personal essay · tags: calendar ritual, community lore, heavy topic, civic or action cta

On Esther Day 2021 John tells Hank he loves him, reflects on why vulnerability makes it hard to say, honours Esther Earl's legacy in This Star Won't Go Out and Nerdfighteria's projects, and asks viewers to acknowledge the love in their lives.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Esther Day's origin and why it is hard for John to tell Hank he loves him

★★ On Esther Day John tells Hank he loves him. — 00:00:00 · Hank Green, Esther Day, Esther Earl
★★★ Eleven years ago, asked what holiday to celebrate on her birthday, Esther Earl imagined one celebrating non-romantic love in friendships and families, which too often goes unspoken. — 00:00:00 · Esther Earl, Esther Day
★★★ Telling Hank he loves him feels like looking at the sun or confessing a secret; the vulnerability may be what makes it hard, and John dislikes it though it is essential to loving and being loved. (hedged) — 00:00:29
★★ Esther knew non-romantic love got too little attention and that John rarely said 'I love you' to Hank, so she gave them Esther Day, for which he is grateful. — 00:00:29 · Esther Earl, Esther Day

00:00:58 — Esther's death, This Star Won't Go Out's support for families, tonight's virtual gala

★★ Esther died a few weeks after the first Esther Day in 2010, aged 16; her parents then founded This Star Won't Go Out, which gives direct financial support to families of kids with cancer. — 00:00:58 · Esther Earl, This Star Won't Go Out (charity), cancer, Esther Day, This Star Won't Go Out (book)
★★ Childhood cancer treatment can be very expensive in the US, with indirect costs such as a parent leaving work; the charity helps families spend more time with their kids. — 00:00:58 · United States, cancer, This Star Won't Go Out (charity)
★★ John is amazed by what Wayne and Lori have accomplished in the last ten years. — 00:01:27
★★★ Tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern, This Star Won't Go Out's annual gala is virtual and free, with special guests including Sarah Urist Green and chances to donate. — 00:01:27 · This Star Won't Go Out (charity), Sarah Urist Green, This Star Won't Go Out (book)

00:01:56 — Esther's book; doing things with Esther; Nerdfighteria's response to her calling

★★ John recommends that viewers new to Nerdfighteria read Esther's book, also called This Star Won't Go Out. — 00:01:56 · This Star Won't Go Out (book), Esther Earl, This Star Won't Go Out (charity)
★★★ After Esther died, the community talked about doing things not just for her or in her memory but with her, carrying her legacy in its work. — 00:01:56 · Esther Earl, Nerdfighteria
★★★ For John nothing rights the wrong of Esther's illness and death or lessens the grief of those who loved her, but he is very proud of how Nerdfighteria responded. — 00:01:56 · Esther Earl, Nerdfighteria
★★★ John sees the response in thousands celebrating Esther Day, the community's commitment to child health including pediatric cancer care in impoverished communities, and support for This Star Won't Go Out. — 00:02:26 · Esther Day, Nerdfighteria, This Star Won't Go Out (charity), cancer, Esther Earl, This Star Won't Go Out (book)
★★ Esther's memory lights the way in all these projects, and John hopes they continue for many years. — 00:02:26 · Esther Earl

00:02:55 — The ask: acknowledge the love in your life and say what you mean

★★★ John hopes viewers take a moment today to acknowledge the love in their lives, especially the kinds that are hard to say out loud. — 00:02:55
★★★ We are only here briefly; John sometimes protects himself from cracking open with cynicism and irony, but today he urges gathering courage, being with Esther and saying what we mean. — 00:02:55 · Esther Earl

00:03:25 — John tells Hank he loves him; gala reminder; a sneeze from between takes

★★ In a P.S. John says he really hopes to see viewers at tonight's Esther Day Gala, linked in the description. — 00:03:25 · This Star Won't Go Out (charity), Esther Day, Esther Earl
★★★ John tells Hank he loves him and thanks him for loving him, growing with him and everything they get to do together. — 00:03:25 · Hank Green
★★ Feeling Esther would want a joke, John shares something that just happened to him between takes: 'Sneezing is never normal. I never sneeze.' (playful) — 00:03:25 · Esther Earl

Threads in this video

milestone · Esther Day: the brothers' annual videos on Esther Earl's birthday about what she chooses (2010) — Eleven years ago, asked what holiday to celebrate on her birthday, Esther Earl imagined one celebrating non-romantic love in friendships and families, which too often goes unspoken. (00:00:00)
callback · The brothers' agreement never to use the L-word about each other (2010) — Under a title that censors the L-word, John says it is almost embarrassing to tell Hank how deeply he loves him, then says it. (00:00:29)
reminder · John asks Nerdfighters to tell someone they love that they love them on Esther Day (2010) — John hopes viewers take a moment today to acknowledge the love in their lives, especially the kinds that are hard to say out loud. (00:02:55)
restate · Is unironic enthusiasm better than being cool? — We are only here briefly; John sometimes protects himself from cracking open with cynicism and irony, but today he urges gathering courage, being with Esther and saying what we mean. (00:02:55)
callback · The doctor who said 'sneezing is not normal, I never sneeze', nicknamed Dr. NeverSneezer Scrooge by Hank (2021) — Feeling Esther would want a joke, John shares something that just happened to him between takes: 'Sneezing is never normal. I never sneeze.' (00:03:25)
retold · Death of Nerdfighter Esther Earl, John's friend (2010) — Esther died a few weeks after the first Esther Day in 2010, aged 16; her parents then founded This Star Won't Go Out, which gives direct financial support to families of kids with cancer. (00:00:58)
restate · What makes a good romantic relationship or friendship? — Telling Hank he loves him feels like looking at the sun or confessing a secret; the vulnerability may be what makes it hard, and John dislikes it though it is essential to loving and being loved. (00:00:29)
restate · Does suffering have meaning, or is it mostly unnecessary harm to be reduced? — For John nothing rights the wrong of Esther's illness and death or lessens the grief of those who loved her, but he is very proud of how Nerdfighteria responded. (00:01:56)
reminder · Hank invites viewers to donate to This Star Won't Go Out on Esther Day (2012) — Tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern, This Star Won't Go Out's annual gala is virtual and free, with special guests including Sarah Urist Green and chances to donate. (00:01:27)
reminder · John asks viewers to pre-order This Star Won't Go Out, Esther Earl's book (2013) — John recommends that viewers new to Nerdfighteria read Esther's book, also called This Star Won't Go Out. (00:01:56)
asked · The brothers ask viewers to join the annual Esther Day livestream party (2021) — In a P.S. John says he really hopes to see viewers at tonight's Esther Day Gala, linked in the description. (00:03:25)

Where the stories that moved here went next

The brothers ask viewers to join the annual Esther Day livestream party (2021) — invitation (not a request); last: reminder, 2026-08-03
Esther Day: the brothers' annual videos on Esther Earl's birthday about what she chooses (2010) — running; last: milestone, 2026-08-03

Mentioned

Central: Esther Day · Esther Earl · love · This Star Won't Go Out (charity)

Also: cancer · cynicism · doobly-doo · irony · Sarah Urist Green · This Star Won't Go Out (book) · United States

Only in the description or credits: Lori Earl · Wayne Earl

Also centred on love: I Love My Brother · Happy Esther Day! · Lives Made of Love - Esther Day 2016 · Two Love Stories · Uncertain and Afraid · you're bundled up now? wait till you get older.

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