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I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day.

2023-08-03 · letter vlog · John · 5:28 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: Nerdfighteria) · mode: Personal essay · tags: calendar ritual, fundraising ask, heavy topic, community lore

On Esther Day John tells Hank he loves and admires him, confesses how hard saying it once was, and argues that Hank's cancer this summer showed him how much love, accompaniment and attention matter; he asks viewers to say 'I love you' and to support This Star Won't Go Out.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Esther Day: its founder Esther Earl and its theme of non-romantic love

  • ★★ John explains Esther Day: a holiday founded by Esther Earl, a friend and longtime nerdfighter who died of cancer in 2010 at 16, for the love between family and friends. — 00:00:00 · Esther Day, Esther Earl, Nerdfighteria

00:00:29 — Why Esther Day exists for the brothers: John's old phone calls when he couldn't say 'I love you'

  • ★ John suspects part of Esther's thinking was that the two nerds found it hard to say 'I love you' to each other, so she made them do it yearly. (playful, speculative) — 00:00:29 · Esther Earl, Hank Green
  • ★★ John confesses that after their occasional long phone calls in the college years he wanted to say 'I love you' to Hank but didn't, saying it only after hanging up. — 00:00:29 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John says he is now functionally forced to say 'I love you' to Hank once a year, and the brothers have been saying it more in private. (playful) — 00:00:58 · Hank Green, Esther Day

00:01:27 — This Esther Day hits different: Hank's cancer, the cost of not saying 'I love you', admiration, their dad's cancer

  • ★★★ John says this Esther Day hits different: Hank's cancer diagnosis reminded them life is fragile and that they are fortunate in the people they share life with. — 00:01:27 · cancer, Hank Green, Esther Day, Esther Earl
  • ★★★ John says it also reminded him of the cost of not saying 'I love you': he needs the people in his life to know he loves them, and to know he is loved. — 00:01:27
  • ★★ John says Esther saw this at 16 better than he did in 2010, and gave them the holiday as a chance to tell people they care. — 00:01:27 · Esther Earl, Esther Day
  • ★★ John tells Hank he doesn't just love him but deeply admires him; few gifts in his life stack up with the one he received on May 5th, 1980. — 00:01:59 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John says their dad had cancer twice when they were little, which had a huge impact on his life and theirs. — 00:01:59 · Mike Green, cancer

00:02:46 — This Star Won't Go Out's financial support for families of kids with cancer; asks to say 'I love you' and donate

  • ★★★ John says he has been reminded how hard cancer is for patients and those supporting them, because societal structures are not set up to support patients and families effectively. — 00:02:46 · cancer
  • ★★ John says Esther's family set up This Star Won't Go Out, giving direct financial support to families of kids with cancer, and he understands better than ever how much it helps. — 00:02:46 · This Star Won't Go Out (charity), Esther Earl, cancer
  • ★★ John notes that the brothers do not need money, so it was no big deal for Hank to leave his job at a moment's notice indefinitely, but for most people that and much more isn't easy. — 00:03:16 · Hank Green
  • ★★★ John encourages viewers to say 'I love you' to the people they love, especially when it's hard. — 00:03:16 · Esther Day
  • ★★★ John encourages viewers to check out This Star Won't Go Out and donate if they can, at tswgo.org. — 00:03:16 · This Star Won't Go Out (charity)

00:03:45 — The summer sucked, but love matters: accompaniment and attention; sign-off

  • ★★ John says the summer has sucked and he feels the need to add a 'but': he has gotten closer to his brother, though there were better ways to do it. (playful) — 00:03:45 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John says he learned a lot this summer by being promoted from unpaid social media intern to temporary and reluctant CEO, though he'd rather have learned it differently. (playful) — 00:03:45
  • ★★★ John says the summer sucked massively, but he has seen up close how much love matters: from colleagues at DFTBA and Complexly, Hank's spouse and kid, family and friends. — 00:04:18 · DFTBA Records, Complexly, Katherine Green, Orin Green

  • ★★★ John says what we really need and can give each other is accompaniment and attention: walking with and listening to each other so no one goes through things alone. — 00:04:47

    “accompaniment and attention, to walk with each other and to listen to each other”

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Mentioned

Central: cancer · Esther Day · Esther Earl · love · This Star Won't Go Out (charity)

Also: accompaniment · Complexly · DFTBA Records · Katherine Green · Mike Green · Orin Green · Valentine's Day

Also centred on love: I Love My Brother · Happy Esther Day! · Lives Made of Love - Esther Day 2016 · Two Love Stories · Uncertain and Afraid · you're bundled up now? wait till you get older.

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