Register 2023: hedges and bits

Statements from 2023 that are not plain sincere assertions: sincere claims the speaker hedged or marked as uncertain (with the hedge words quoted), and statements made as a bit. Plain sincere, unhedged statements are on the video pages. Back to the overview.

John

1312 statements · sincere 90% · playful 10% · other bits 1% · hedged or unsure 4%

Sincere but hedged (53)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 26 · wish / hope 7 · opinion marker 2 · other hedge 12 · hedge words not recorded 6.

Epistemic doubt (26)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John's comment says he and Hank have created a playlist called The Format, so it might become something. — hedged: “I do think it might” [epistemic doubt] (creator comment)
2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John says the secret keepers probably do not work, but he likes them conceptually. — hedged: “probably not” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:06)
2023-01-17 · John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — In a comment, John says he has an idea to follow Hank's formats for the whole year, finding the concept hilarious, though it will probably fall apart. — hedged: “it will probably fall apart at some point” [epistemic doubt] (creator comment)
2023-02-28 · Empathy and its Limits — John says there is probably something inherently isolating about illness. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:47)
2023-03-07 · What's the Deal with Paperback Publishing? — John says many books are still published hardcover-first, but he is not sure that they should be. — hedged: “I'm not sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2023-03-07 · What's the Deal with Paperback Publishing? — John says that if he gets $3 or $4 per hardcover sale, he might get $2 per paperback sale. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2023-03-28 · My Tuberculosis Reading List — John recommends Phantom Plague by Vidya Krishnan, probably his favorite TB history: approachable and readable yet rigorously researched. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2023-03-28 · My Tuberculosis Reading List — John hopes someone in the comments can help viewers find a way to read the paper. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:55)
2023-05-09 · on hope — John says that by hope he means needing to believe that love, connection, art and collaboration are, for lack of a better term, worth it. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:10)
2023-05-16 · Did TB Cause World War I? — John asks whether tuberculosis, which gave us the stethoscope, the Adirondack chair and New Mexico, also partly gave us World War I; his answer is 'kinda'. — hedged: “a little bit maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-05-16 · Did TB Cause World War I? — John thinks World War I would probably still have happened, given so many forces pushing toward conflict, but it might have been different, or possibly not happened at all. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:04:23)
2023-06-13 · touched by a king — John's comment says malaria remains a huge, cheaply preventable and treatable problem, but TB is deadlier and probably always has been. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (creator comment)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — John says Hank, historically less troubled than anyone he adores, may have a late-onset version of being intensely troubled: some get it at 2 like John, some at 43. — hedged: “I think that it might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:21)
2023-08-22 · The Panera Phenomenon — John says Franklin Pierce probably had tuberculosis too, but drank himself to death before it could kill him. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:20)
2023-09-12 · Barely Contained Rage: An Open Letter to Danaher and Cepheid — John says Danaher is hard to pressure as it owns little consumer-facing, except Pantone, which it is spinning off while its shareholders keep Pantone shares, so maybe pressure applies there. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:55)
2023-09-12 · Barely Contained Rage: An Open Letter to Danaher and Cepheid — John says lowering the tests' price to $5 would likely save hundreds of thousands of lives over the next 10 years. — hedged: “likely” [epistemic doubt] (00:07:13)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — John says an immediate, accurate GeneXpert diagnosis could have spared Phumeza much suffering; she might not have lost her hearing or endured years of disabling illness. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:31)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — John hopes Cepheid and Danaher may eventually treat XDR cartridges like the standard ones, which would help patients and prevent the most dangerous TB strains. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:00)
2023-10-03 · Nourished by Leaving — John says leaves dropped by young trees may in time become soil that helps support the same tree as it ages. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:36)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — John says that this season, which looked no different, something weird happened: Wimbledon might be good. — hedged: “seem like we might” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:57)
2023-11-21 · Minus Its Charms — John thinks he may be starting to get better: the last week has been a little better, which is why he can make a video at all, though there have been many false dawns. — hedged: “I do think I might be starting to get better” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — Hidden Potential helped John see that much of what he thinks of as his inability might be constructed, which profoundly changed his relationship to business and what he thinks he can write. — hedged: “might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:52)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John says there is no Fault in Our Stars sequel because it would maybe not be the happiest book, though people in Hollywood made suggestions. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (01:05:40)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John is thankful that childhood death worldwide is falling astonishingly fast and that most poor countries may be only 30 or 40 years from being middle-income. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (01:24:06)
2023-12-30 · John's Review of Auld Lang Syne — At least three of the verses were probably Burns's own, though he later said he took the song down from an old man. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:13)
2023-12-30 · John's Review of Auld Lang Syne — Burns died at only 37 of a heart condition, possibly worsened by his drinking. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:07:36)

Wish / hope (7)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2023-05-02 · GOOD NEWS — John says the MCOE's first wards will hopefully open next year (2024). — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:56)
2023-07-18 · Tuberculosis Fighters Have a Posse — John says that for too long the fight against tuberculosis has lacked the global constituency it needs, but he hopes that is starting to change. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:04:22)
2023-08-01 · Three Mornings — Asked by a European viewer, John says in a comment that the club is working on shipping to Europe, hopefully soon. — hedged: “Hopefully soon!” [wish / hope] (creator comment)
2023-10-24 · A Tale of Two Cancers — John says Sierra Leone will soon, hopefully, have its first radiotherapy available for cancer patients. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:45)
2023-11-07 · NaFaDoYBIMSCoM — John hopes that revealing his plan will jumpstart its execution. — hedged: “I'm hoping” [wish / hope] (00:03:13)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — Answering a viewer in a comment, John says they are working on international shipping for the Awesome Coffee Club, hopefully alongside a launch of tea. — hedged: “Hopefully” [wish / hope] (creator comment)
2023-12-05 · MASSIVE Tuberculosis News — John hopes the WHO will soon recommend the new shorter regimens, meaning more people surviving MDR-TB and less MDR-TB in the world. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:55)

Opinion marker (2)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2023-07-18 · Tuberculosis Fighters Have a Posse — John thinks Ronald Reagan first mentioned HIV four or five years after it emerged in the United States. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:27)
2023-11-10 · My Final Chemo Secret — John's comment corrects a viewer: $80 buys eight pairs, and four pairs cost about $45. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (creator comment)

Other hedge (12)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2023-04-11 · Wrexham's Most Amazing Feeling — John says Foster, in about his fourth game after a year retired, dove right to save the Notts County penalty, and the game ended seconds later in joy. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:02:55)
2023-04-18 · goodbye to my friend — John says anyone who has benefited from his work has benefited from Bill's, and there's a good chance Bill wrote or edited an early review of any book you love. — hedged: “there's a good chance” [other hedge] (00:03:08)
2023-09-14 · Talking Tuberculosis, GeneXpert, J&J, and more with MY HEROES — John says so many people have been exposed to TB that something like two and a half or three billion might test positive on a skin test; Dr. Sinha agrees. — hedged: “something like” [other hedge] (00:28:09)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — In a comment John says that, assuming third-party verification, he takes Danaher at its word that $7.97 is its cost, and hopes engineering brings costs down further. — hedged: “Assuming there's third party verification” [other hedge] (creator comment)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — John has heard Danaher committed to regular third-party verification of its at-cost pricing, so the test price falls if manufacturing costs fall. — hedged: “I've heard” [other hedge] (00:00:29)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — John reckons that if Cepheid sells 10 million cartridges a year at the reduced price, the world's poorest communities will save $200 million over a decade. — hedged: “Let's say” [other hedge] (00:00:58)
2023-09-19 · So, um.... GOOD NEWS?!?!?! — John has heard that some people involved, potentially including community members, resorted to name-calling and even threats toward people who work at these companies. — hedged: “potentially” [other hedge] (00:03:29)
2023-09-25 · PIZZAMAS IS HERE!!! — John says he will see Hank tomorrow for more Pizzamas and potentially Hank's first-ever mustache; something will happen with his facial hair. — hedged: “potentially” [other hedge] (00:04:14)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — In a comment John says Dear Hank and John should return by the end of the month. — hedged: “Should be” [other hedge] (creator comment)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — John says the socks' profit, which goes to cancer care access, is looking like it will reach several hundred thousand dollars. — hedged: “it's looking like” [other hedge] (00:01:27)
2023-12-05 · MASSIVE Tuberculosis News — Answering a commenter, John says generic competition makes drugs cheaper with volume through economies of scale, so bedaquiline's price may keep falling as more people take it. — hedged: “it's possible” [other hedge] (creator comment)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John says China's monopoly on the silk trade ended when two monks smuggled a few silkworms out of China to the Byzantine Empire. — hedged: “or something” [other hedge] (01:46:13)

Hedge words not recorded (6)

marked as unsure, but the hedge words were not quoted

2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John wonders what we do not know now that would be very obvious if only we had a way to know it. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:10)
2023-01-17 · John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — John does not know whether Hank is vegan. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:56)
2023-01-31 · I'm Going Back to College? — John does not know whether he can pass college math; they will find out starting in March. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:28)
2023-02-28 · Empathy and its Limits — John wonders whether birds dwell on past failures or feel low-level background anxiety, and says he doesn't know. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:00:58)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — John tells Hank he will see him soon, whether or not he sees him on Friday. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:51)
2023-10-17 · My Next Book — John doesn't know if he will ever publish another novel. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:46)

Satire (2)

a mock position (e.g. a fake moral panic) — the opposite of what is meant

2023-03-14 · The Seduction of Despair — Voicing despair, John says life sucks, injustice worsens, the sun will boil the oceans, and there's no need to balance futility and struggle, as Fitzgerald put it: only futility. (00:00:20)
2023-06-27 · Alone on the Cancer Boat: A Vlogbrothers Reunion — John responds sarcastically that this is a good system. (00:06:35)

Joke (4)

a gag; not a claim

2023-04-14 · The Organism that Broke Biology — In a comment John thanks Hank for his kind words about AFC Wimbledon and jokes his five-year plan to have Hank fund the club's playing budget is on schedule. (creator comment)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — In a comment John jokes with a mock headline: Hank Green's brother John Green thinks every headline mentioning him is S-tier. (creator comment)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — In a comment John jokes that the Milton Keynes club would be Wimbledon's rival, except that in a normal rivalry both clubs should exist. (creator comment)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — John jokes that nobody is paying him to praise the socks because he is an unpaid intern. (00:00:58)

Hypothetical (1)

a thought experiment or "what if"

2023-03-07 · What's the Deal with Paperback Publishing? — Taking an average hardcover at $30 and paperback at $20, John says hardcovers cost somewhat more to print but not $10 more, so they are more profitable per unit. (00:00:44)

Playful (128)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John says he keeps being astonished that people who behave like a 'first name plus numbers' account on Twitter or Reddit really do have such usernames. (00:00:00)
2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — When stressed, John reminds himself he is not a computer but a monkey wearing a jacket trying to make a YouTube video, so no wonder he is anxious. (00:00:00)
2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John says most people in history had no idea what happened inside the body; a few hundred years ago a doctor published a paper unsure where a swallowed pin would come out. (00:01:10)
2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — In a mock stand-up bit, John objects that we live 'in' countries but 'on' islands, since countries are human constructs and everything, even Earth in space, is an island. (00:01:38)
2023-01-10 · Introducing: The Format — John says that sometimes, reading the "I'm 14 and this is deep" subreddit, he thinks the posts actually are kind of deep and its users are just jaded. (00:02:08)
2023-01-17 · John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — John says videos where someone answers the web's most searched questions about themselves raise the question of trust; part of him wants the person's sibling to answer instead. (00:00:00)
2023-01-17 · John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — John checks Wikipedia mid-video, saying he often does so when trying to remember everything Hank does. (00:00:29)
2023-01-17 · John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — John says Hank did not invent 3D glasses but something more important: 2D glasses that render 3D movies in two dimensions. (00:00:58)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — John calls Tumblr an ancient, creaky social media platform known for friendliness to brands, its abundance of ships and its fondness for copypasta. (00:00:00)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — John let the Tumblr algorithm pick his new username, sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog. (00:01:31)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — On Tumblr John sometimes answers questions but mostly posts memes about being famously bullied off Tumblr and returning not as a soul-endowed human but as a charitable coffee company. (00:02:00)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — John says he no longer wants to be an individual, with all its inherent fragility; he wants to be a company and would rather not be a person on the internet again. (00:02:29)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — Posting on, John invented his own lore: having worked unpaid for the Awesome Coffee Club, he is the world's only ethically sourced unpaid intern. (00:02:29)
2023-01-24 · Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — Asked how this will end, John jokes it will end brilliantly, then admits it will end in catastrophe, but he can never resist the social internet. (00:03:28)
2023-01-31 · I'm Going Back to College? — Watching his children's games, John thought that, though a very poor player, at 45 he could score lots of goals against seven-year-olds, since even 'good' ones are terrible. (00:00:00)
2023-01-31 · I'm Going Back to College? — In a channel comment John apologizes for the video's inconsistent lighting, which he did not fix because he is taking it down a notch in 2023. (creator comment)
2023-01-31 · I'm Going Back to College? — In 1999 writing a three-page paper took John real effort; now he can do it, and writes one every Tuesday. (00:01:56)
2023-02-07 · Mid-Morning Existential Crisis: The Format Returns — Opening off-script, John says the video is like a parts video with some Project for Awesome material, and that he is going to use The Format. (00:00:00)
2023-02-07 · Mid-Morning Existential Crisis: The Format Returns — In a comment, John jokes that he has to keep doing this ridiculousness for another 11.75 months. (creator comment)
2023-02-07 · Mid-Morning Existential Crisis: The Format Returns — John says he took the book's charges personally and can only answer them with his trademark peevishness and irascibility. (00:00:33)
2023-02-07 · Mid-Morning Existential Crisis: The Format Returns — John says, as if it were news, that he has been reading a lot about tuberculosis recently. (00:02:20)
2023-02-14 · Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — John says they are in Jamaica on vacation and jokes that the most radical, countercultural thing two content creators could do in 2023 is to go on vacation and not make content about it. (00:00:24)
2023-02-21 · Maybe Art Only Needs to Be — John wants the secret keepers a little wonky, but says that with pottery, as with brains, centering is helpful. (00:00:23)
2023-02-28 · Empathy and its Limits — John says the sycamore tree he is filming is older than the moving image, so he is filming something that predates the idea of filming. (00:00:29)
2023-02-28 · Empathy and its Limits — Filming far from the camera, John calls buying a 30-foot microphone cord the single best decision of his life so far. (00:01:58)
2023-03-07 · What's the Deal with Paperback Publishing? — John notes the large print edition will no longer be mistaken for the paperback, so he will stop getting emails asking why the paperback's font is so big. (00:02:55)
2023-04-04 · The Search for Real Feeling — John mourns his 30-foot microphone cord, destroyed in a travel-related catastrophe and never to be replaced, except by a new 36-foot cord. (00:00:00)
2023-04-04 · The Search for Real Feeling — John says so much is going on that his hair looks like 2008 John's because he hasn't had time for a haircut. (00:00:14)
2023-04-11 · Wrexham's Most Amazing Feeling — John jokes that Ryan, part owner of many companies, is a real Hank Green when it comes to jobs. (00:00:20)
2023-04-28 · I Discovered a Soap Secret — In a channel comment John teases that Hank is bad at promotional comments and urges viewers to get Sun Basin Soap at good.store, which gives 100% of its profits to charity. (creator comment)
2023-05-02 · GOOD NEWS — John visited the site of the future dormitories and staff housing and met boys engaged in the cross-cultural tradition of watching big machines. (00:02:26)
2023-05-09 · on hope — John accepts the addition: watching iCarly with his daughter is valuable, and he completely agrees. (00:01:10)
2023-05-09 · on hope — John playfully describes seeing, over the weekend, an elderly man receive a very fancy hat encrusted with minerals from every corner of the earth except where he lives. (00:01:39)
2023-05-16 · Did TB Cause World War I? — John says the assassination was kind of a farce: wildly incompetent support staff around the Archduke on one side, wildly incompetent mostly teenage would-be assassins on the other. (00:00:29)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — John found it funny that Hank tweeted he was getting chemo and asked for pelican pictures, then minutes later apologized in case that was how people found out. (00:00:24)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — John enjoyed a Tumblr post wondering which line of All Star Hank would have used as a title had this happened in the Vlogbrothers All Star era; John guesses Hank would pick an abstract one. (00:00:29)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — With Hank's enthusiastic encouragement, the website counting days since Hank started a new thing reset to zero, the new thing being not a channel or soap company but chemotherapy. (00:00:43)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — Less intentionally funny: the brothers' YouTube account effectively said sorry about the cancer but congratulations on the views, with confetti. (00:00:58)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — John asks people to spare a thought for the employees of DFTBA and Complexly, who now have him, a store-brand Hank Green, as temporary CEO. (00:02:55)
2023-05-23 · Rough Week — John now understands concretely that Hank does a lot of things very well, and says he will do some of them less well. (00:03:07)
2023-05-30 · How Does He Do It? — In a comment replying to a viewer about '15 billion subscribers', John concedes the slip, saying Hank would never have made that mistake. (creator comment)
2023-05-30 · How Does He Do It? — John jokes that, as they used to say in French class back home in Alabama, it is not possible. (00:00:24)
2023-05-30 · How Does He Do It? — John admits, with mock struggle over the word, that making things happen sometimes requires meetings, which he really dislikes. (00:01:08)
2023-06-13 · touched by a king — Pointing out an exhibit to Hank as a microscopy enthusiast, John says people always say humans are the worst, and sure, but look how hard we have worked to get better. (00:01:14)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John says all these people were led by CEO Hank Green until Hank was 'fired by cancer', which demanded months of grueling treatment. (00:00:15)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John jokes that Hank kept working anyway: making ads for the Socks Club and Crash Course Coin, shooting SciShow, pitching business ideas daily and making Vlogbrothers videos while in pain. (00:00:29)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — With Hank 'fired', John became CEO, a prospect John says nobody was excited about. (00:00:58)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John says he is bad at meetings: he notes that ten people in a 30-minute meeting spend 300 minutes of human life and attention, the most valuable resources on the planet. (00:01:05)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John says he can't really read a spreadsheet and is not renowned for leadership; most of his career has been spent alone in the basement typing. (00:01:27)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John says he didn't know business's three-letter acronyms, such as CAC (customer acquisition cost), LTV, ROI and ROE. (00:01:40)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — John announces the Awesome Coffee Club is accepting new members now, calling it the best coffee in the world. (00:03:05)
2023-06-20 · Reflections from a Terrible CEO — Admitting he can't sell socks like Hank, John says the socks are so comfortable you don't feel the toe seam. (00:03:25)
2023-06-27 · Alone on the Cancer Boat: A Vlogbrothers Reunion — At VidCon John's children jumped into a deep Squishmallow pit; told he had to jump too to get one for their cousin Orin, John did. (00:07:34)
2023-06-27 · Alone on the Cancer Boat: A Vlogbrothers Reunion — John watched a 19-minute video of every person who completed Wipeout over 25 years, probably because Hank is messing with his algorithm. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:09:37)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — John answers that by that definition of musicals, his favorite is Penguins of Madagascar. (00:02:56)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — Asked about cereal and milk, John describes putting the cereal in, then filling the bowl with cold water from the refrigerator's water button. (00:02:56)
2023-07-18 · Tuberculosis Fighters Have a Posse — John says his tuberculosis obsession goes so far that even on vacation he is reading a book about Arthur Conan Doyle and his contributions to tuberculosis research. (00:00:00)
2023-07-18 · Tuberculosis Fighters Have a Posse — John says that whenever he brings up tuberculosis socially, which is every time, people say they thought it was a problem of the past, as he once believed it a 19th-century problem. (00:00:29)
2023-08-01 · Three Mornings — In a comment, John says he is the club's temporary CEO and unpaid intern, and did not get Hank's salary with Hank's promotion. (creator comment)
2023-08-01 · Three Mornings — John says DFTBA runs the Awesome Coffee Club, Marta is one of the farmers whose beans he drinks daily, and DFTBA staff recently went to Colombia to learn from her and other farmers. (00:00:42)
2023-08-01 · Three Mornings — John says Marta being paid fairly is good for her and part of why awesome coffee is awesome. (00:01:56)
2023-08-01 · Three Mornings — John jokes that nobody pays him to say it, since he is the club's unpaid intern, but it really is the best coffee in the world and good to drink thanks to Marta, Dolores and others. (00:05:35)
2023-08-03 · I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day. — John suspects part of Esther's thinking was that the two nerds found it hard to say 'I love you' to each other, so she made them do it yearly. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:00:29)
2023-08-03 · I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day. — John says he is now functionally forced to say 'I love you' to Hank once a year, and the brothers have been saying it more in private. (00:00:58)
2023-08-03 · I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day. — John says the summer has sucked and he feels the need to add a 'but': he has gotten closer to his brother, though there were better ways to do it. (00:03:45)
2023-08-03 · I love you, Hank. Happy Esther Day. — John says he learned a lot this summer by being promoted from unpaid social media intern to temporary and reluctant CEO, though he'd rather have learned it differently. (00:03:45)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John replays a clip of his January 2023 video in which he said his only goal for the year was to take it down a notch. (00:00:00)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — Mocking his past self as a sweet newborn, John says that, as the real world shows, you do not get to decide the notch situation. (00:00:00)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John lists what took 2023 up a notch: Hank got cancer and had to have chemotherapy and radiation. (00:00:00)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John says he was unexpectedly promoted to reluctant and temporary CEO of two companies with 115 employees in total. (00:00:29)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John jokes that Hank also kept coming up with millions of business ideas, taking it up another notch. (00:00:29)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John says he had a somewhat dramatic confrontation with one, possibly two, of the world's largest drug companies over a tuberculosis drug's price, if the second keeps price gouging the poorest countries. (00:00:29)
2023-08-08 · TAKE IT UP A NOTCH — John compares the notch to a helium balloon slipping away sometime in February and rising; it will probably descend at some point, but not for him to know when. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2023-08-18 · The #1 Tip for People Who Use the Internet — In a channel comment John says he will start replying 'Man, that was an ugly frog!' whenever he sees a really bad take. (creator comment)
2023-08-22 · The Panera Phenomenon — John opens a Format video in four parts, like the heart's chambers, starting with one normal shot so the thumbnail tricks viewers into thinking it is a normal video. (00:00:00)
2023-08-22 · The Panera Phenomenon — In a weather check John says it is hot and disgusting, like a bath made of wet air, and he hates it. (00:00:29)
2023-08-22 · The Panera Phenomenon — John notes Yung Gravy did not need Panera for the rhyme and could have named Fazoli's or O'Charley's, but chose Panera. (00:02:20)
2023-08-22 · The Panera Phenomenon — John wondered whether Panera pays rappers to name-drop it, but thinks instead that the word Panera is just inherently melodic. (00:02:40)
2023-08-29 · Breaking News: CEO Demoted — John opens by saying he just took the most magnificent bath: a near-daily bath-taker and self-styled expert, he calls this the greatest soap he has ever encountered. (00:00:00)
2023-08-29 · Breaking News: CEO Demoted — John says he did not necessarily want to be CEO and attend a lot of meetings, but is aware he was not the protagonist of the story. (00:00:45)
2023-08-29 · Breaking News: CEO Demoted — John asks whether nailing a soap's description that way is copywriting or poetry, and answers that it is both. (00:01:57)
2023-08-29 · Breaking News: CEO Demoted — John says he wasn't very good at the job and is thrilled to be demoted back to his natural role as unpaid social media intern making memes about the coffee. (00:01:57)
2023-08-29 · Breaking News: CEO Demoted — John declares he speed-ran being CEO and thanks Hank for trusting him with it. (00:03:24)
2023-09-05 · I Ain't Even Here, Sergeant. I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. — John says that at 11pm, instead of his usual worries and mortifications, the story lets him leave his body, a flesh sack that is also a bacterial colony. (00:02:45)
2023-09-05 · I Ain't Even Here, Sergeant. I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. — John says he hates it when YouTubers tease something they can't talk about, but he really can't. (00:03:24)
2023-09-14 · Talking Tuberculosis, GeneXpert, J&J, and more with MY HEROES — John says he must walk upstairs to plug in his computer, having misplanned his battery, joking that this is a super professional livestream. (00:49:39)
2023-09-25 · PIZZAMAS IS HERE!!! — John says during Pizzamas the brothers make videos back and forth every day as in 2007, celebrating the seven minutes in 2008 when he had a mustache. (00:00:13)
2023-09-27 · John Goes ... to the UNITED NATIONS? — John compares seeing these TB fighters to how his daughter would feel seeing Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift the same night; they invited him to dinner and he tried to keep his cool. (00:00:29)
2023-09-27 · John Goes ... to the UNITED NATIONS? — John calls the UN grounds' beautiful landscaping, which some of the world's richest people get to look down on, a metaphor. (00:00:58)
2023-09-29 · Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — John calls the Cheez-A-John, a terracotta planter of his head, the weirdest thing ever to happen to him: chia seeds grow his hair, or it holds any plant. (00:00:00)
2023-09-29 · Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — John plans to plant mint in the planter so he can offer guests a mint julep with mint from his own head. — hedged: “I think I'm going to” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2023-09-29 · Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — John says the family is concerned that Hank hinted his mustache might become permanent, and insists it should only be a Pizzamas mustache. (00:01:27)
2023-09-29 · Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — As exhibit A, John says Hank looks like Minneapolis rapper Prof, except soft; after citing a memorable Prof lyric, he says Prof can pull off the mustache because he is hard. (00:02:14)
2023-09-29 · Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — As exhibit B, John cites the great goatee debacle of 2011: since it aged so poorly, a post-Pizzamas mustache might too, so it has to end with Pizzamas. (00:02:14)
2023-09-30 · An Incredible Update — With Sarah out of town, John says he will drink champagne by himself to celebrate. (00:03:30)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — In a comment John says Wimbledon's full-game 1-0 lead was the longest they had held one in five years. (creator comment)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — John will travel to England to see his friend Mike Birbiglia perform comedy and AFC Wimbledon perform, by the betting odds, tragedy. (00:00:29)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — John says Wimbledon are bad: unlike other fourth-tier clubs owned by Hollywood celebrities or the Saudi government, a fan-owned club never has money. (00:01:24)
2023-10-05 · America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — John hails central defenders 'Greatbeard' Ryan Johnson and Joe Lewis, whose aggressively rolled-up shorts hide the DFTBA logo, which John is fine with. (00:03:12)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — The description says John and his mom make homemade hot sauce that costs $65 per bottle, takes about eight months and has a fairly high chance of catastrophic failure. (video description)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — John starts pepper seeds in a portable planter in the guest bathtub, choosing weird early-20th-century varietals (habaneros, lipstick peppers, paper lanterns) rather than common ghost peppers. (00:00:08)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — Around April the seedlings go into the garden, followed by four months of weeding and watering. (00:00:29)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — John went a little over the top this year (2023) and harvested peppers by the thousands. (00:00:51)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — John makes a pepper-mash sauce: stems cut, peppers blended until nearly liquid, then salted at about a tablespoon per three pounds of peppers. (00:01:06)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — The mash ferments in labelled jars (one called Mostly Scotch Bonnet), burped daily while getting the kids ready for school, for about three weeks. (00:01:30)
2023-10-31 · How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — Opening the jars is the risky moment: mold would mean all the work was for nothing; this year (2023) there was no mold. (00:01:50)
2023-11-07 · NaFaDoYBIMSCoM — John says that when he started writing about tuberculosis a few years ago he expected a small, straightforward project with no risk of a movie adaptation; it has not been small, because tuberculosis is not a simple concept. (00:00:29)
2023-11-07 · NaFaDoYBIMSCoM — John admits he has already finished a draft, so this is really a finish-a-revision month. (00:03:13)
2023-11-21 · Minus Its Charms — Checking on the dawn, John finds it too gray and rainy for a visible dawn, which as a metaphor is a little on the nose. (00:01:35)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — John admits that yes, he has a favorite tuberculosis book of the year. (00:00:29)
2023-11-28 · John's (Mostly Book) Holiday Gift Recommendations — John tells Hank what he wants: another Viridian Sun bath box, sent to his house and wrapped by Hank, on Christmas Day. (00:03:50)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — John says Potato already does a lot of work: fetching a Poké Ball and eating any granola left on the kitchen table. (00:00:00)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — John says the parents wanted a regal name like the Dread Pirate Fireball Wilson Roberts, but the kids insisted on Potato and won. (00:00:36)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — Potato is a Lagotto Romagnolo; as he outgrows his puppy coat he will turn browner and so resemble a potato. (00:01:05)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — Potato will eat almost anything (small rocks, grass, a kind of moss) but is not a huge fan of potatoes; he ate a 128 GB memory card, and John says he would get mad, but about six years ago (2017) he ate one himself. (00:01:34)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — Potato seemingly does not know he has a tail and is astonished each time he sees it. — hedged: “Seemingly” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:03)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — Asked whether Potato likes socks, John offers him a Hank Green cancer sock. (00:02:32)
2023-12-12 · POTATO! — Addressing Potato, John says dogs can get tuberculosis, but it is quite rare. (00:02:32)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John admits stealing money Hank rolled into his trophies, and says Hank sold his baseball cards on eBay in college, jokingly crediting that with teaching Hank e-commerce for DFTBA.com. (00:33:53)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John reveals that Hank's second most embarrassing secret is faking a British accent for a full year as a teenager. (00:39:36)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John says that on tour the brothers abandon one opinion a day, such as whether a hot dog is a sandwich, Phil Collins' music and M&M flavors. (00:48:57)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Judging their Pizza John cocktails, John names the winner the 'old school Vlogbrothers joke': equal parts Strawberry Hill, champagne and Diet Dr Pepper. (00:54:14)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — At their first rehearsal show for 150 people, Hank forgot the words to his songs, but Olivia in the front row knew them all. (00:58:41)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John recounts Henry insisting a Lego villain is really bad when John urges imagining him complexly, and calling learning to turn on the TV a good kind of learning. (01:29:35)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — In Oklahoma City, a man showed John a copy of Looking for Alaska half-eaten by a Hawaiian mongoose. (02:36:42)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — John says Brotherhood 2.0 left about 70 million abandoned projects along the way; Question Tuesdays appeared only once. (02:40:46)
2023-12-30 · John's Review of Auld Lang Syne — Auld Lang Syne is also a rousing ode to splitting the check. (00:04:13)
2023-12-30 · John's Review of Auld Lang Syne — That is why John has worn Adidas sneakers almost every day for the last 17 years. (00:06:57)

Hank

1279 statements · sincere 89% · playful 11% · other bits 0% · hedged or unsure 10%

Sincere but hedged (111)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 72 · wish / hope 3 · opinion marker 12 · other hedge 15 · hedge words not recorded 9.

Epistemic doubt (72)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2023-01-06 · After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — Hank says it seems humans will make a living computer sometime in his lifetime. — hedged: “it seems like” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:35)
2023-01-13 · Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — Hank says green poop is probably from something eaten (green vegetables, food colouring) or medications such as antibiotics; with diarrhea or symptoms lasting days, see a doctor. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
2023-01-13 · Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — Hank says black poop is more concerning and less common than green; it could mean bleeding in the GI tract, so see a doctor immediately. — hedged: “It could be” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:25)
2023-01-13 · Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — Hank says a shaking dog could be stressed, anxious, nervous, cold or excited; if it is new and worrying, see the vet, as he is no doctor. — hedged: “It could be” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:40)
2023-01-20 · Behind the Scenes in the Deep Sea — Hank says he cannot go to the deep sea and probably shouldn't, leaving it to researchers dedicated to understanding and protecting it. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:29)
2023-01-27 · An Announcement 3 Years in the Making — Hank names his two most powerful tools: this community, which has supported many good things over the years, and the people who work at Complexly and what they have made. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:10)
2023-02-10 · If it ain't broke don't fix it. — Getting older, Hank says maybe the level of energy needs to come down a little, sometimes. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank says many fan works look like they took more than two days; he has never made anything like them and has no idea how hard it is, but it seems very difficult. — hedged: “it seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:12:31)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank says it is very hard for all of us to adjust to the internet's power, and easy to look toward Section 230, probably the most important piece of legislation in internet history. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank says maybe both differ again from ChatGPT creating content he then reads, made by a machine. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:31)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank takes the implication to be that this shouldn't be worked out from words written in 1996, but decided by new legislation that considers the internet as it exists now. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:12)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — In a comment Hank says that since we exist, a filter seems more likely to lie in the future, though with a data set of one we can only guess. — hedged: “It just seems more likely to me” [epistemic doubt] (creator comment)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank says there are a hundred million stars in our galaxy and most of them seem to have solar systems. — hedged: “it seems like” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:02)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank says humans take up the available space, and interstellar travel, though very hard, seems possible, so the whole galaxy becomes available space. — hedged: “it does not seem to be impossible” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:32)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank says it seems good news that we haven't seen aliens, because otherwise we would be part of their available space. — hedged: “it seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:32)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank's second, lonely option: we may last a long time, but civilizations rarely arise, maybe once per galaxy or less; then we are alone and extraordinarily special. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:59)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank's rarely discussed third option, which he would find very good news: life's tendency to take up all available space may be something a species can get beyond, and humans may be starting to. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:28)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank hopes we are at the start of such a shift and may someday solve the Fermi paradox by becoming its solution, which would be pretty cool. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:27)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank says the reason humans so often have bad backs may stretch all the way back to the advent of bipedalism. — hedged: “it seems like maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank says on closer study it was the reporting of back pain, not the pain, that was rare: people were just living through their pain. — hedged: “it seemed like” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:56)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank concludes that maybe humans are not optimized for bipedalism, or bipedalism is just very hard to optimize for in our body type. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:36)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says the current AI wave looks set to become 30 to 40 giant AI developments over the next three months to five years, and he is not ready. — hedged: “it's starting to seem a little bit like” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Admitting it is a leap, Hank suggests that a good way to imagine what is coming is that society is about to be full of invasive species. — hedged: “it might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:51)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says some demographics and groups may have fewer immunities to rapid change, so AI will not affect everybody equally. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:35)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says it feels obvious that for society and ecology the next couple of decades will be fast times, and urges viewers to get ready. — hedged: “it's starting to feel kind of obvious” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:37)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank says a few years ago he decided to try to get big on TikTok because he missed being part of a new platform's rise, as with YouTube. — hedged: “I think I kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Hank says Montana can probably not ban TikTok, at least at the moment. — hedged: “Kind of maybe, but probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:47)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Hank says the ban may also be unconstitutional. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:47)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Not claiming to understand US-China relations, Hank says what the Chinese government would do with its influence over TikTok in 10 years may differ greatly from today. — hedged: “seems like potentially” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:33)
2023-04-28 · I Discovered a Soap Secret — Hank says everyone at the office has a different favourite, and his is probably Navigator, which he sums up in one word as clean. — hedged: “I think that mine is probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:52)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank says it seems his cancer was caught early, though he is still waiting on a scan to confirm it. — hedged: “it seems like” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:52)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank expects John will probably take some time off, since posting only John on the channel would be weird; they will play it by ear. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:13:00)
2023-06-02 · Chemo is Weird, Y'all — Hank says the schedule suits Vlogbrothers: a full week of recovery before his first video (maybe next week (week of 5 June 2023)), then two weeks before the next. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2023-06-02 · Chemo is Weird, Y'all — Hank says hippos have pink sweat that protects them from the sun, maybe so they don't get skin cancer. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:26)
2023-06-16 · So, About This HAIR… — Hank says it is probably true that those connections are arbitrary: we just happened into them. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:53)
2023-07-07 · What to Get for a Cancer Patient — Hank says asking what you can do almost feels like a way to get out of actually doing something, since the sick person will not ask, and it adds work to an already stressful burden. — hedged: “I don't know if this isn't it” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2023-07-07 · What to Get for a Cancer Patient — Hank got many flowers in the first week, so he suggests scheduling flowers for two or three months after hearing the news. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:39)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Hank speaks of a world with less TB as fast as possible, and maybe someday a world with none. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:45)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Hank says that barring something very weird he will officially be in remission in maybe two months, then be monitored for years. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:06:40)
2023-07-21 · The Biggest Weirdest Telescope We've Ever Built — Hank says neutrino observations, together with the gravitational wave background data, could help rewrite the laws of physics. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:07:52)
2023-07-28 · Let's Try Radiation Therapy! — Hank says his doctors think he likely still has microscopic disease, probably centered where his lymph nodes were very swollen. — hedged: “it is likely” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:43)
2023-08-04 · The Biggest Science Story of the Week — Hank says a science story has been missed this busy week, perhaps the biggest of all: we may now understand what caused this year's (2023) record North Atlantic surface temperatures. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-08-04 · The Biggest Science Story of the Week — Hank suggests the story may be bigger than room-temperature superconductors or a powerful new solid tumor cancer treatment. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-08-11 · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — The description concedes Hank may be bringing his own particular experience to his reading of the film, but insists on it anyway. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2023-08-11 · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — Hank reads Puss as a beloved entertainer who over-invests in how strangers perceive him, under-invests in deeper relationships, and is driven deep down by fear. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:20)
2023-08-18 · The #1 Tip for People Who Use the Internet — Hank says the most common reactions are probably seen first, though an uncommon one may come first, which would be great if they were Pokemon cards, but they are not. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:00)
2023-08-18 · The #1 Tip for People Who Use the Internet — Hank says sorting 'go touch some grass' takes from legitimate, useful criticism is possibly the hardest part of the job; after a very long time he is still getting better at it. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:30)
2023-08-25 · Remission — Hank says cancer treatment is no joke: he has lasting effects, perhaps for life, including pain from radiation and surgery, and he can't really lie on his left side. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:24)
2023-09-01 · The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — Hank, who could never grow much facial hair (two failed goatees), says he might now be able to grow a beard. — hedged: “might kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:01)
2023-09-01 · The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — Wondering what posthumous videos are trying to say, Hank suggests they may say that the things we make aren't really about us. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:06:10)
2023-09-08 · Giraffes are Way More Complicated Than We Thought — Hank says whole-genome analyses showed giraffes should probably not be considered one species; there might be three, four, five or six. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
2023-09-08 · Giraffes are Way More Complicated Than We Thought — Hank says recent research also looks at ways herding people might be good for the savanna and its wildlife. — hedged: “might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:21)
2023-09-15 · The Worst Disease in Human History — Hank says a couple of years ago he would probably have guessed malaria, then AIDS, as the deadliest infectious disease, and needed a hint to reach tuberculosis. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2023-09-15 · The Worst Disease in Human History — The description adds that TB may replicate slowly for evolutionary advantage too: possibly, having lived with humans so long, it evolved to linger rather than kill quickly. — hedged: “Possibly” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2023-09-22 · A Feeling I've Never Felt Before — Hank calls it a good new creator sensation, made possible by many people's hard work, and maybe the biggest thing they have ever done, certainly in that time. — hedged: “it might be... like maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:11)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank says the lab record is so much colder than anything natural that, apart from other intelligent systems, it is probably the coldest any matter in the universe has ever been. — hedged: “we're pretty sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:28)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank says a supergiant's core may exceed a billion Kelvin, and a supergiant going supernova could in some areas exceed 100 billion Kelvin. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:48)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank allows that unknown events may be hotter, and that billions of years from now the expanding universe might become colder than the German lab. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:02)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank concludes that the hottest and coldest things ever happened in one tiny corner of the universe in a short time, temperatures unlikely to exist naturally anywhere else: that's us. — hedged: “seem” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:31)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank says countries already accept such trade-offs at home (closing coal plants), but one country deciding for another is different, so geoengineering could cause war. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:07:21)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank says continuing the accidental marine cloud brightening didn't seem scary to him, but maybe it is: seawater spraying might pull rain from elsewhere or salt croplands. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:11:16)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — Hank says they will probably eventually settle on an actual job title for him at DFTBA. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:04:54)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — Hank says he is not leaving Complexly; he may take special projects and smaller things, and stop being a bottleneck when sick or busy talking about worms on TikTok. — hedged: “I think maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:52)
2023-10-13 · Cancer Made me Do It. — Hank says comedy is maybe one of the most important art forms, the only one humans evolved a special noise (laughter) to appreciate. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:58)
2023-11-17 · WHAT AM I DOING — Hank says humans will curate the suggestions and not pick all, but the list may grow from hundreds to thousands; the form closes after a week. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:04:35)
2023-12-01 · It's OK if you think less of me after this! — Hank says on current trends the holiday items will probably sell out before December 8, and they will probably order more in the new year. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:53)
2023-12-01 · It's OK if you think less of me after this! — Hank is excited for what he thinks is a big new chapter, though maybe this is as big as it gets; regardless it is already big and doing good. — hedged: “I hope. I don't know.” [epistemic doubt] (00:08:47)
2023-12-08 · Did Natural Cancer Treatments Save My Life? — Hank says 10 years ago his treatment would have been worse, 30 years before that horrible and probably disabling for life, and 30 years before that nonexistent. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:49)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank says many people in France seem to avoid the pun by pronouncing ChatGPT phonetically in English. — hedged: “it seems like” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:37)
2023-12-22 · Let's Talk About Death — Hank suggests much of the right thing to do may be doing what feels right: not hedonism, but living as an animal evolved to be in community with others. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:22)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says he read there are probably fragments of dinosaur bone on the moon, since the dinosaur-killing asteroid probably shed debris as far as Jupiter. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:27:37)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says goats have horizontal rectangular pupils, which probably help them look out in multiple directions. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (01:17:33)

Wish / hope (3)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — The description says destroying a platform's cultures is a dramatic step, and hopes lawmakers are motivated by more than distaste for social media and looking tough on China. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (video description)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank hopes this is not his last Vlogbrothers video for four months, but will not pressure himself if it is. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:13:00)
2023-10-13 · Cancer Made me Do It. — Almost no one will be able to see the shows, but Hank hopes to film the show and release it somehow, since he thinks it's worth people's time. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:04:32)

Opinion marker (12)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Correcting a meme, Hank says the Rax trip was the number two P4A perk, not number one, which is still pretty amazing. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:08:48)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Hank says the ban, headed to Governor Greg Gianforte, who is expected to sign it, would stop people downloading TikTok from an app store. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:47)
2023-05-05 · New Office Tour!! — Hank first found Emily Rayna on TikTok and reached out to her over a year ago to start the project, which is now complete. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:21)
2023-06-27 · Alone on the Cancer Boat: A Vlogbrothers Reunion — Hank says his chemo is the cheapest part of his treatment, cheaper than the scans; switching to a newer drug over a lung problem would raise it from $300 to, he thinks, $15,000. — hedged: “i think” [opinion marker] (00:06:13)
2023-08-04 · The Biggest Science Story of the Week — Hank adds that part of the extra light came from less Saharan dust this year (2023), for what he thinks are unrelated reasons. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:55)
2023-08-25 · Remission — Hank says all this brings another side effect, a permanent anxiety; some people may avoid it, but he doesn't think he will. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:03:28)
2023-09-01 · The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — Having re-rolled his head, Hank appears to have less head hair and expects to be more bald than before. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:32)
2023-09-28 · What the Heck is the UN? — Hank says the two-thirds rule makes the UN move slowly, which he thinks is by design: dealing with a whole planet, you don't want too-big mistakes. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:06)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank predicts that in 10 to 20 years renewables will be far better than fossil fuel infrastructure, and we simply won't use fossil fuels. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:05:54)
2023-10-13 · Cancer Made me Do It. — Rather than announcing tour dates as such a video usually would, Hank doesn't think he is going to tour the show, for a couple of reasons. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:02:55)
2023-12-01 · It's OK if you think less of me after this! — Hank thinks over 50 people now work full-time for DFTBA, which is 15 years old and has become quite big. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:08)
2023-12-08 · Did Natural Cancer Treatments Save My Life? — Hank took fish oil, vitamin D and magnesium; he thinks the magnesium especially helped, as his muscle cramps cleared up. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:58)

Other hedge (15)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2023-01-27 · An Announcement 3 Years in the Making — In a later channel comment replying to praise, Hank says "we'll see": it is a very difficult thing that many people are working on from many angles, and they will need to watch closely that it achieves its goals. — hedged: “We'll see!” [other hedge] (creator comment)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank says the argument that YouTube is not just hosting content but creating a new kind, the recommendation, seems a little bit right to him. — hedged: “a little bit” [other hedge] (00:01:50)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank says it looks like the Supreme Court will not find YouTube liable in this case. — hedged: “It looks like” [other hedge] (00:02:15)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank's first option, which he does not love: civilizations do occur but do not last long; we would conquer the galaxy if we had the time, but we don't. — hedged: “it is possible” [other hedge] (00:01:30)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Hank expects the ban to be fought in the courts in a number of ways. — hedged: “I do imagine” [other hedge] (00:00:47)
2023-06-16 · So, About This HAIR… — Hank writes it is too early to tell how well treatment is going, but early signs indicate his cancer cells are responding well, meaning dying a bunch. — hedged: “early signs indicate” [other hedge] (video description)
2023-08-25 · Remission — Hank says untreated Hodgkin lymphoma has about a 90% chance of killing you within five years, and about a 10% chance if treated. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:00:21)
2023-08-25 · Remission — Hank says if his cancer came back in 10 or 20 years that would probably be great, because by then he guesses there will be even better treatments. — hedged: “my guess is” [other hedge] (00:05:51)
2023-09-15 · The Worst Disease in Human History — Hank says scientists think the wall makes it easier for TB to form strong biofilms, which keep out antibiotics and immune cells and let TB hold on in the body for a long time. — hedged: “we think” [other hedge] (00:01:56)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank says that, as far as we can tell, the hottest and the coldest place in the universe are the same place, though it sounds like a riddle. — hedged: “As far as we can tell” [other hedge] (00:00:28)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank says the hottest thing in the universe since the Big Bang, 13.7 billion years ago, happened on Earth: particles in a particle accelerator reached 7 trillion Kelvin. — hedged: “as far as we can tell” [other hedge] (00:04:26)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank says the cost of solar, wind and batteries has fallen about a thousand times since he graduated college, and they are already better than fossil fuel infrastructure in most ways. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:05:54)
2023-12-01 · It's OK if you think less of me after this! — Hank says Newman's Own is, as far as he knows, the only big consumer brand that gives all its profit away, except maybe Good Store. — hedged: “as far as I know” [other hedge] (00:04:55)
2023-12-08 · Did Natural Cancer Treatments Save My Life? — The description says Hank is so happy to be cancer free, at the moment anyway, because chemotherapy exploded the cancer cells. — hedged: “at the moment anyway” [other hedge] (video description)
2023-12-08 · Did Natural Cancer Treatments Save My Life? — Hank says Streptomyces verticillus was never used in traditional medicine, as far as is known. — hedged: “as far as we know” [other hedge] (00:01:25)

Hedge words not recorded (9)

marked as unsure, but the hedge words were not quoted

2023-01-06 · After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — Hank wonders whether people were as freaked out when computers first did math problems as they now are when AI writes a requested poem. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:00)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank says the great filter could be AI, global warming, nuclear weapons or social media, maybe TikTok; we don't know. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:59)
2023-03-10 · Is it Good or Bad that we Haven't Met Aliens? — Hank suggests advanced species with advanced philosophies may favor quality over quantity: there may be many civilizations in the Milky Way that simply aren't loud. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:58)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank asks what a society looks like with such entities roving in it, controlled by anyone from the Orlando teenager to Vladimir Putin, and says he does not know. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:18)
2023-04-21 · On TikTok Bans — Hank is unsure whether to give it attention, since those he votes for won't be Montana's majority soon, and the others win points for this and like the attention. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:07)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank does not know whether he will make Vlogbrothers videos, Dear Hank and John, SciShow or Tangents during treatment; he is playing it by ear. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:06:14)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — Hank agrees he has been more troubled of late and says he doesn't totally know what's going on. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:21)
2023-08-25 · Remission — Asked whether there is cancer inside him now, Hank says he is also confused: nobody knows whether cancer remains, whether his immune system will clear it, or whether he will relapse. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:04:41)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank says that sometimes humans seem clearly insignificant on the scale of the cosmos and sometimes nothing seems more significant, and he is really not sure which it is. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:05:31)

Joke (2)

a gag; not a claim

2023-11-10 · My Final Chemo Secret — Hank jokes that early orders might get one of his antique Garfields in the box, and a very small chance of an Odie. (00:04:06)
2023-11-24 · It Wasn't Supposed to be Thanksgiving Yesterday — Hank says two Garfields a day are still going out in the cancer sock orders, and it is fine if viewers don't know what that means. (00:03:44)

Hypothetical (2)

a thought experiment or "what if"

2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank's example: marine cloud brightening might take water that would have rained over land, so crops fail and people lose income and food. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:07:21)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank asks what if stratospheric injection cooled the planet a degree but dried up Southeast Asia's monsoon, leaving hundreds of millions food insecure. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:10:21)

Playful (139)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2023-01-06 · After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — Hank says he did not fall while ice skating but dove in front of Orin to make him laugh, hurting his knee; that is why he is now squatting. (00:00:00)
2023-01-06 · After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — Replying to a viewer who read his low shots as taking John's 'take it down a notch' literally, Hank's comment says he should have gone lower every shot. (creator comment)
2023-01-06 · After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — Hank imagines a living computer would be huge news on Friday and not even new gossip by Wednesday (11 January 2023), the gossip 40 years from now still being Harry Styles and Taylor Swift doing something; a year later, introducing a computer friend would be nothing weird. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:35)
2023-01-12 · Whatcha think??? — Hank says he also watched this video and found it very cringy. (00:00:00)
2023-01-12 · Whatcha think??? — Asked in a comment whether video replies on YouTube are really back, the channel replies: why not? (creator comment)
2023-01-13 · Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — Hank thanks John for joining him in their brand new format, which he is sure they will bring back, but today does something else. (00:00:00)
2023-01-13 · Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — Hank repeats, as he has said before, that the sky doesn't exist: it is an illusion, a kind of one-coloured rainbow. (00:01:20)
2023-01-20 · Behind the Scenes in the Deep Sea — Hank notes that for the last few videos John has copied whatever he did (low-budget Bo Burnham, a Google autofill video) and calls it cheating, or at least lazy. (00:00:03)
2023-01-20 · Behind the Scenes in the Deep Sea — To make it hard for John to copy him, Hank takes him behind the scenes of one of the most advanced aquarium exhibits in the world. (00:00:03)
2023-01-27 · An Announcement 3 Years in the Making — Hank jokes that deciding what to do with such an asset only requires understanding the whole problem landscape of global education. (00:00:40)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — Hank lists among his plans for the day a mild existential crisis about halfway through it. — hedged: “I think I might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:21)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — Apologising for the glitch, Hank quotes 'a man' who once said there are still some glitches to work out. (00:00:43)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — The clubs' success makes Hank think about what's possible, which means facing what's impossible: him doing more things, which he would love to do. (00:00:43)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — In his promised existential crisis, Hank says he doesn't know which of his projects is most important or which he enjoys most, a weird thought for a bunch of chemical reactions. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:10)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — Hank says Wet or Dry sounds like a terrible podcast idea but may be his best ever; it is fun and silly, though maybe not for kids. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:40)
2023-02-03 · My Mid-Afternoon Existential Crisis — Hank shows something Hank's channel received and jokes that John sees himself in it. (00:03:09)
2023-02-10 · If it ain't broke don't fix it. — Hank says the hamstring must be the most ridiculously named muscle, worse than the calf, which at least names a living animal. (00:00:27)
2023-02-10 · If it ain't broke don't fix it. — A good friend whose place Hank visits often introduced her brand-new dog to him as Hank. (00:02:00)
2023-02-10 · If it ain't broke don't fix it. — Hank says people can give dogs human names, but should avoid the names of people who will be at their house a lot and soon. (00:02:29)
2023-02-10 · If it ain't broke don't fix it. — Hank remembers the gluteus maximus and calls it definitely the most ridiculous muscle name. (00:03:02)
2023-02-14 · Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — Hank says they haven't made a single TikTok and that he took four pictures on the trip, all of cats. (00:00:37)
2023-02-17 · COUNTDOWN TO THE PROJECT FOR AWESOME — Hank says Butfartman, Beanie Sanfurbs, Crank Green, Dave the Fish and Glenn and Dale are mascots of former Projects for Awesome; no one knows this year's (2023) mascot until it starts. (00:00:31)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank gift-wrapped the Peeps labelled to open on P4A day one, but his son thought they were a present, opened them at John's house and ate them. (00:00:29)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — After spilling pickle juice on stream, Hank points to all the paper towels he used, thanks Katherine Green, and admits he bought too many pickles. (00:01:02)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank stands by his view that a Twinkie filled with Dr Pepper baked beans beats one without. (00:01:57)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank says he and John both crunched a lemon on the stream, and it went badly both times. (00:02:56)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank says Darcy crunching carrots, rewarded for every $10,000 raised, got the P4A through the $2 million barrier. (00:02:56)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank says last year (2022) he had to pretend to be a crab and this year (2023) a cute little housefly, and both times it hurt his knee. (00:05:16)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — The title meme, in the Stefon format: the internet's hottest club is the P4A livestream, which has everything, from bean-filled pickles and the word hummus to Rax. (00:06:14)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — On a 'You can cry here' meme, Hank says crying is in the P4A's founding documents: not required, but encouraged. (00:12:31)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Explaining the 'Tony Orange' memes, Hank says he couldn't remember Ted Lasso's name, only that his last name was a noun. (00:13:03)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Fan art notes Nerdfighteria turned 16 this year (2023), so it has a driver's license and is an organ donor. (00:13:03)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Hank broke an egg over his head and immediately regretted it, and did no Sharpie face at all this year (2023). (00:13:32)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Fan art shows a Hanklerfish crunching a lemon; Hank calls him lovely and says he has made a mistake. (00:15:20)
2023-02-24 · The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — Fan art imagines 'The Road to Rax' as a video game whose levels are the P4A's bits: the Dr Pepper Peep, bean pickle, lemon lips, raw coffee beans and Tyrannosaurus Rax. (00:16:16)
2023-03-03 · The Law That Made the Internet — Hank says the law passed as part of a much larger bill when Mark Zuckerberg was 11, and when he was 12 the Supreme Court struck down almost all of it except one section. (00:00:40)
2023-03-17 · This is a Video!! — Ranking his studio chairs, Hank calls the one his mother painted his best, gives his microscope chair seven out of ten and his drum throne, which falls whenever he sits on it, zero. (00:00:29)
2023-03-17 · This is a Video!! — Asked about how niche escalators are, Hank says Missoula recently lost its only escalator, in the Herberger's, but got another at the new airport. (00:01:22)
2023-03-17 · This is a Video!! — Because a viewer wants to see pelicans, Hank shows pelican after pelican. (00:02:28)
2023-03-17 · This is a Video!! — Hank phones Amy, who left her number; she is at Disney World as a visitor, not a cast member, and he asks her not to share his number. (00:03:40)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank explains that vertebrates' bone-protected spinal column stays flexible through many vertebrae separated by intervertebral discs: a firm but squishy ring containing a gel. (00:00:15)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank says he and John have very similar genetics and lifestyles, so he is now scared and will watch for the warning signs. (00:01:27)
2023-03-24 · The Two Reasons Why Humans Have Such Bad Backs — Hank notes kangaroos seem to have bipedalism figured out, and all birds are bipedal and seem to be doing fantastic. (00:03:43)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says someone brought mongooses to Hawaii to eat the rats; they did not control the rats well but ate many native species that had never met a mammalian carnivore. (00:00:35)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says there is almost certainly a teenager in Orlando, Florida running the leaked model at home and teaching it to behave however they want. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:12)
2023-03-31 · The Coming AI Invasion — Hank says he focuses on that teenager because he would have been that teenager if this had happened when he was young. (00:01:30)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank says he revised his goal to making better content than most people on LinkedIn, which he says does not seem hard. (00:00:58)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank's LinkedIn post says things besides taxes, such as traffic fines, should be a percentage of income. (00:02:19)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank's post jokingly suggests an income-based surcharge on cheap time-saving things like fast food, since charging him more would be the free-market thing. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:19)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank says the Venus flytrap post, with a business lesson he admits he does not understand, is now his top LinkedIn post. (00:02:43)
2023-04-07 · Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — Hank says that after he took off on TikTok John joined and they now share it, but LinkedIn is his. (00:03:42)
2023-04-14 · The Organism that Broke Biology — Hank admires John's effort to get nerds to like sports; he long thought John was trying too hard, but weekly AFC Wimbledon news, even bad, has started to get to him. (00:00:00)
2023-04-28 · I Discovered a Soap Secret — Hank says one of the best parts of Sun Basin is its product descriptions, and reads Navigator's lyrical, impressionistic description aloud. (00:01:58)
2023-04-28 · I Discovered a Soap Secret — Hank says the Navigator description was not written by an artificial intelligence. (00:02:20)
2023-05-05 · New Office Tour!! — Inside a set of shelves is a little microscopy room, where Hank can also turn on a noise machine, turn off the lights and pretend nothing, himself included, exists. (00:01:53)
2023-05-05 · New Office Tour!! — Hank shows a French cleat wall: each piece lifts off and, with a cleat on the back, can be hung anywhere on the wall as a shelf. (00:02:52)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank says nobody expects the American health care system to move quickly, so when it suddenly gets efficient it is disconcerting, like a horse with hands or a flight attendant running mid-flight. (00:00:54)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — Hank says Hodgkin's was first thought to be a form of tuberculosis when discovered in the early 1900s, joking to John that everything is tuberculosis. (00:11:14)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank says ranking the articles about his own cancer diagnosis in a tier list is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, which he decided on when the New York Post article came out. (00:00:00)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts his hometown paper the Missoulian in E tier: it only ran the wire story, mentioned John in the second paragraph and used the saddest frame from his video. (00:00:00)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts The Decider in E tier: putting 'this sucks so bad' in the headline makes the news sound bad and scary, and it adds a blurb on John. (00:00:29)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts CBS News in B tier for a fine job, and CNN in B rather than A for calling him a YouTuber, not a YouTube star. (00:00:58)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank gives The New York Times an A: it calls him a novelist and YouTube star, says treatable cancer without scare quotes, and spends two paragraphs on his books. (00:00:58)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts The Hill in the middle: it called him a popular YouTuber and TikTok creator revealing his diagnosis. (00:01:27)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts NPR alone in S tier for a condensed article that got the point across and whose author suggested bummer-free media, telling him to play Animal Crossing. (00:01:56)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank guesses the NPR author, Tilda Wilson, is already in the community: a They Might Be Giants lyric in the Twitter bio, and they follow him. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:56)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank sends the Los Angeles Times to D tier for calling him John Green's brother in the headline, including the short search-result version. (00:02:26)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts HuffPost in S tier: it skipped the reveal angle and explained Hodgkin's lymphoma, interviewing the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and an oncologist. (00:02:26)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts the Daily Gossip in F tier for listing his diagnosis among celebrity and TV news: the wrong vibe. (00:02:55)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank gives USA Today a D for its scary 'bad news' framing, bumped to C for a blurb about his novel. (00:03:16)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts the Today show with NPR in S tier for its "what he wants his fans to know" frame. (00:03:16)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank puts the New York Post in F tier: a scare-quote vibe around 'sucks so bad' and a strange picture used with the story and its tweet, despite calling him an author. (00:04:05)
2023-05-26 · My Cancer Press Tier List — Hank was in the New York Post twice the same week: the other article was about invisible creatures having sex on your face while you sleep, a topic from Journey to the Microcosmos. (00:04:31)
2023-06-02 · Chemo is Weird, Y'all — By day six Hank blamed his bad feelings on laziness; now feeling much better while just as lazy, he tells past and future Hank it was the chemo. (00:01:27)
2023-06-02 · Chemo is Weird, Y'all — Hank concludes that if Orin felt fine and he feels fine, everybody should feel fine. (00:04:21)
2023-06-16 · So, About This HAIR… — Hank's reasoning: the one person he is objectively smarter than is himself four years ago, who knew less and had fewer experiences, and who does not exist. (00:00:00)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — Hank says he would like all the good parts of worry without the worry: to have worried, but not to be worried. (00:01:59)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — Asked for his favorite musical of all time, Hank names Shrek 2. (00:02:56)
2023-07-07 · What to Get for a Cancer Patient — Hank says someone gave him oil for his bald head, shows the head, and notes it turns out to be a good shape; he had always had hair. (00:02:39)
2023-07-07 · What to Get for a Cancer Patient — Hank says he loves to complain about being sick and would love people to let him. (00:08:49)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — The description says Hank is not out of the woods yet, but the woods are much less woodsy, so he feels good. (video description)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Hank admits that during the last year he sometimes thought John was over-investing in tuberculosis, a feeling he no longer has: going deeper shows people working on real solutions. (00:00:29)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Parodying the statement, Hank says he misplaced his normal Vlogbrothers lens and is shooting on a 50mm, which is why the video looks weird. (00:01:24)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Hank says his cancer is clearly responsive to chemotherapy: he has killed and pissed out so many cancer cells. (00:05:42)
2023-07-14 · The Good News Video — Hank calls this the best news video in all 15-plus years of Vlogbrothers. (00:07:15)
2023-07-21 · The Biggest Weirdest Telescope We've Ever Built — Hank tells John he has given up on wearing a hat. (00:00:00)
2023-07-21 · The Biggest Weirdest Telescope We've Ever Built — Hank loves that the name IceCube stands for nothing because it is a big ice cube, though it is really more like a hexagonal prism. (00:05:26)
2023-07-28 · Let's Try Radiation Therapy! — In a reply comment, Hank says he asked the DoorDash driver, who said once Hank had the order it could not be taken back. (creator comment)
2023-07-28 · Let's Try Radiation Therapy! — After treatment Hank got McDonald's, then ordered boba home through DoorDash; the receipt showed he got Dakota's sushi instead, and he assumes Dakota got his boba. (00:04:23)
2023-08-11 · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — Hank says Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, which he watched last week (week of 31 July 2023), is a weird movie because it is about a YouTuber who gets cancer. (00:00:01)
2023-08-11 · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — Hank likens Puss's accidental family (love interest Kitty Softpaws, an adopted chihuahua son) to his own: his romantic interest Katherine and his very cute six-year-old son. (00:02:16)
2023-08-11 · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — Hank tells John he has finally found his own Penguins of Madagascar. (00:05:13)
2023-08-25 · Remission — A friend who plays a lot of Dungeons & Dragons told Hank that was like a DC2 saving throw; Hank protested that the friend has seen him roll many ones. (00:00:58)
2023-09-01 · The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — Hank, an O-negative universal donor who always felt guilty when not donating blood, is now no longer allowed to donate, which frees him of that guilt. (00:00:46)
2023-09-01 · The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — Hank stares at beards, even studied a former colleague's beard at a housewarming party, asking teen-boy questions at 43. (00:02:30)
2023-09-08 · Giraffes are Way More Complicated Than We Thought — After giraffe videos in 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2016, Hank says more than seven years without a giraffe video is the channel's longest giraffe drought. (00:00:29)
2023-09-22 · A Feeling I've Never Felt Before — Hank says having this much beard is a new sensation he did not expect: when something touches it, his face tingles. (00:01:17)
2023-09-22 · A Feeling I've Never Felt Before — Hank says there is some sensation chasing: some people even chase negative sensations just because they want to feel. (00:02:16)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — The description says you are a story you tell to yourself, and sometimes that story has a mustache. (video description)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Hank says it is a very pretty day in Missoula, Montana; if every day were like this everybody would live there, he jokes, then says just kidding. (00:00:29)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Hank says enthusiasm for Pizza John never decreases; with his Pizza John stuff in hand, it is time to go home and give himself a mustache. (00:00:49)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Hank recalls a TikTok comment saying he went from enthusiastic TA to grizzled tenured professor in two months, and says he feels that. (00:01:06)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Hank says his shaving has reached a classic Pizza John, the mustache running down for peak ridiculousness, but he will clean his up: that one is John's, so what is his? (00:02:15)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Wearing his new mustache, Hank wishes John a happy Pizzamas from whoever the heck this guy is, saying he does not recognize himself. (00:03:33)
2023-09-28 · What the Heck is the UN? — The description congratulates humanity on not repeating World War II for 78 years and begs it to keep it up. (video description)
2023-09-28 · What the Heck is the UN? — Hank says that in 1945, after a long war everyone hated, countries got together to form the United Nations so it would never happen again. (00:00:29)
2023-09-28 · What the Heck is the UN? — Hank says keeping the peace gets tricky when a veto power wages war itself and can veto efforts to stop it; nobody claims it is a perfect system. (00:02:55)
2023-10-02 · The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — Hank worries Katherine will be mad about sunglasses he left outside; editing three days later, they are still there. (00:03:48)
2023-10-04 · A Messy and Unhinged Introduction to Geoengineering — Hank urges viewers to follow both scientists' channels, which are accessible and low-lift, joking it would put them among the most informed people on climate change. (00:00:58)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — In a channel comment Hank says he got the news he was in remission and immediately hurt himself at the gym. (creator comment)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — Hank says he has never been a full-time CEO: in that time he also wrote two novels, made countless TikToks and spent far too much time on Twitter. (00:01:01)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — Hank says that when he told Katherine he was stepping down from executive leadership at both companies, you should have seen her eyes: the best anniversary present ever. (00:06:51)
2023-10-06 · I Quit — Hank says he told Katherine this was his last Pizzamas video so he could shave his mustache, and she said he didn't have to. (00:07:20)
2023-10-13 · Cancer Made me Do It. — Hank watched so much stand-up during chemo that he went deep and became a little snobby about comedy, naming comedians people haven't heard of. (00:00:50)
2023-10-27 · I Keep Thinking About Taylor Swift — Hank recalls that when he first got sick and was losing his hair, people sent him lots of hats, which seemed pointless in summer; he still has them now that it is cold. (00:00:12)
2023-10-27 · I Keep Thinking About Taylor Swift — At the summit venue Hank spotted a test-print fabric scrap from their shirt maker: a dual shirt with Pizza John and Three Wolf Moon on it. (00:03:32)
2023-11-10 · My Final Chemo Secret — Hank likens chemo to the Star Wars prequels: just when it seems to make a little sense, it gets worse again. (00:00:16)
2023-11-10 · My Final Chemo Secret — Joking that everyone on chemo gets very good at at least one mobile game, Hank says he reached Infinite on Marvel Snap. (00:00:48)
2023-11-10 · My Final Chemo Secret — Hank says he hid a pelican on every sock, and all are designed by him. (00:03:40)
2023-11-17 · WHAT AM I DOING — Hank tells viewers who think he talks about his cancer a lot to imagine what it is like inside his head. (00:00:23)
2023-11-17 · WHAT AM I DOING — Hank recalls that the channel spent a long time trying to figure out whether their childhood dachshund pooped in their Nintendo. (00:00:31)
2023-11-17 · WHAT AM I DOING — Though told not to make big decisions like buying a car during chemo, Hank paid around the price of a new car for 10% of the game, against some advice, because he wanted to be alive. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:46)
2023-11-17 · WHAT AM I DOING — Hank walks viewers through downloading Gubbins together on their phones, typing G-U-B-B into the App Store or Google Play. (00:04:55)
2023-11-24 · It Wasn't Supposed to be Thanksgiving Yesterday — Hank describes Black Friday as the day Americans turn off their lights from 6 to 7 p.m. to honor sailors lost before the US Lighthouse Service, then admits the 'fact' isn't true. (00:00:00)
2023-12-08 · Did Natural Cancer Treatments Save My Life? — Hank tells John that he got cancer, by far the worst thing that has ever happened to his body; untreated, he would be on his way to dying. (00:00:00)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank jokes that after a hundred thousand years of talking, people cure cancers, make the iPhone and take over the planet's dry parts. (00:00:31)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank reads Phil Fish on Mastodon: life is extra surreal for French speakers because, in French, ChatGPT sounds exactly like "cat, I farted", so TV news keeps asking with a straight face whether it will steal your job, how schools are dealing with it, and about a lawyer caught using it. (00:01:29)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank says his own research found that Pepsi's slogan 'brings you back to life' was rendered in China as bringing your ancestors back from the grave. (00:02:28)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank says Sega is a word for a sexual act in Italian. (00:02:57)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank says English is not exempt: Nintendo went ahead with the Wii anyway and pulled it off. (00:03:37)
2023-12-15 · Cat...I Farted. — Hank urges France to stick with its language and call ChatGPT, the most revolutionary language tool of the century, 'cat I farted'. (00:03:37)
2023-12-22 · Let's Talk About Death — Hank cooks and eats Buddy the Elf's special pasta, which he says has no pasta sauce in Buddy's version (unlike other YouTubers' attempts); it is basically candy with noodles, bad, and hurts his tummy. (00:00:00)
2023-12-22 · Let's Talk About Death — Hank wonders whether the selves who had experiences he has now forgotten, like those in online clips of him, are already dead. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:01:24)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — From a 2011 tweet, Hank recalls a donation vote to keep or shave his goatee ($993 to $879) that he calls a huge mistake, since the first SciShow and Crash Course episodes were filmed with it. (00:16:34)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says talking to his niece Alice is like talking to a bad chatbot: she answers a different question than the one asked. (01:01:37)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says that besides Vlogbrothers his greatest accomplishment is the internet's most viewed video of a goat giving birth. (01:12:43)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says humans have eliminated about 40% of species in the last 500 years, more in 400 years than in the previous million. (01:15:10)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Asked why Dave Green is never in the videos, Hank says Dave, a third unsuccessful brother, was made up by Tumblr; John is surprised to have an imaginary brother. (01:35:21)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Hank says their biggest childhood argument was about John's lying: John was the better liar, so Hank got blamed. (02:02:12)

Other voices

73 statements · sincere 88% · playful 12% · other bits 0% · hedged or unsure 0%

Playful (9)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2023-02-14 · Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — both: The brothers say they have had an awesome time without collaborating or making content, instead making 'a different kind of content called life'. (00:01:18)
2023-02-14 · Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — both: The brothers say they have had only about two fights since becoming professional partners; one, about two weeks ago, came when one of them was exhausted and being annoying. (00:01:50)
2023-02-14 · Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — both: The brothers say John offered Sarah a million-dollar bet that their outdoor couch swung like an outdoor swing; she declined because he seemed so confident, and it turned out to be a stationary outdoor bed. (00:02:10)
2023-05-09 · on hope — a guest: An off-camera voice adds watching iCarly with your daughter to the list of valuable things. (00:01:10)
2023-05-19 · So, I've got cancer — John Green (quoted): John answered Hank with a very John Green thought: a year from now would have been better. (00:04:20)
2023-06-30 · Bon Your Vivant — both: Asked their favorite baseball team, both answer the Missoula PaddleHeads; they went to a game yesterday, which was wildly enjoyable, and the team won. (00:03:25)
2023-09-26 · THE REVEAL — Katherine Green: Asked by Hank whether his new mustache is good, Katherine answers that it is a look. (00:02:32)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — both: On vacation together in Jamaica, the brothers call going on vacation without making content about it the most radical, countercultural thing two content creators could do in 2023. (00:00:24)
2023-12-24 · John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — Maureen Johnson: Maureen Johnson says she and John are mortal enemies because he crosses her name out of Let It Snow and signs her books; they agree to a truce. (02:33:42)