Register 2010: hedges and bits

Statements from 2010 that are not plain sincere assertions: sincere claims the speaker hedged or marked as uncertain (with the hedge words quoted), and statements made as a bit. Plain sincere, unhedged statements are on the video pages. Back to the overview.

John

995 statements · sincere 70% · playful 28% · other bits 1% · hedged or unsure 9%

Sincere but hedged (67)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 22 · wish / hope 3 · opinion marker 21 · other hedge 15 · hedge words not recorded 6.

Epistemic doubt (22)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John says he has a terrible toothache and is going to the dentist; he must have a root canal tomorrow, possibly two. — hedged: “Possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — John says he is losing weight because of his son Henry: looking at him, he guesses the only real motivator is love; an aside adds wanting ex-girlfriends to regret dumping you. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:36)
2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John's ultimate concern right now certainly involves making sure Henry is happy and healthy, but he doesn't know whether it should be limited to that. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:15)
2010-03-29 · Quotations (And Holden Hats) — John suggests our favorite quotations may say more about us than about the stories and people we quote. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:15)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — John says that even in the 19th century Chang and Eng could possibly have been separated by a surgeon, but they did not want to be, since conjoinedness has advantages too. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:52)
2010-04-30 · The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — John says the market assumed this until two months ago, when it realized Greece, a rich country with a strong currency, maybe can't pay back its debts. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:32)
2010-04-30 · The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — John says Greece is probably technically in a better economic position than the US was in 1945, but the market, for partly legitimate reasons, has decided it won't repay. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:42)
2010-04-30 · The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — John says doubt about rich countries repaying will probably raise their interest rates, which could cause more defaults and higher rates in a vicious circle; we would yearn for 10% unemployment. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:05)
2010-06-11 · Mmmm....PARTS — John reports the brothers have talked to some lawyers, who think Viacom probably made about $2 from stealing his video. — hedged: “who think that Viacom probably made” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-06-11 · Mmmm....PARTS — John tells Nerdfighters who want to go to VidCon that they should probably register now. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:45)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — Inspired by Hank, John makes a World Cup episode of Truth or Fail, hoping to turn Hank into a football fan. — hedged: “I might” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:17)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — John apologizes to Hank and to Red Green, saying his broken brain might have created an incorrect flashbulb memory. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:53)
2010-07-05 · With Esther — Without Harry Potter John would have no Esther, and there probably would not be a Nerdfighteria. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:51)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John says all American political parties now admit the US was wrong and the French were right, so maybe Americans should quietly go back to saying French fries. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:56)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John suggests that maybe this is the day to think about whom you love but find it hard to say 'I love you' to: not a romantic interest, but family or platonic friends, which he finds even harder. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:55)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — John suggests zombiness is defined not by shuffling, reanimation or cannibalism but by just walking around doing whatever is needed to keep walking around. — hedged: “it seems to me” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — Unsure himself, John asks Nerdfighters whether zombies are people and invites them to continue the conversation in the comments. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — John says able Muslims must make the hajj to Mecca once; Obama hasn't and likely never will, since the Saudi government bars non-Muslims from Mecca. — hedged: “unlikely” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:03)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says giraffes neck a lot; biologists long thought it was fighting, but while it sometimes is, it is also kind of a way of hugging. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:58)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John, saying he is no expert, finds fire-hosing spermatophores into a female's arm an unpleasant and inefficient way to reproduce, and wonders why squid haven't found a better way. — hedged: “it seems to me” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:03)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John notes a Nerdfighter named Stanage found space pasta might beat Earth beef if the space shuttle rather than Apollo 11 picked it up, provided pasta were already on the Moon, which as far as we know it isn't. — hedged: “might actually be” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:56)
2010-12-22 · I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — John reports that P4A 2010 generated more than 3,000 P4A videos and raised more than $135,000 that can be confirmed, probably much more. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:31)

Wish / hope (3)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2010-04-02 · Will Grayson, Will Grayson — John hopes viewers like the book and hopes to see a lot of them on tour. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:03:00)
2010-07-28 · Umbrellas Amuse Me: Observations from One Day in Munich — Asked for his fear, John answers with a hope: that 500 years from now the castles we have made will still stand, populated by people, music and stories. — hedged: “I just hope” [wish / hope] (00:03:25)
2010-11-26 · p4a, Space Pasta, and Giant Squids of Anger — John hopes all viewers will upload Project for Awesome videos on December 17 that show charities they care about in action. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:04)

Opinion marker (21)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2010-01-13 · Froghoppin' with Gatsby — John reads the eyes as Fitzgerald arguing that God is in the seeing business but not the doing business; how far God or the universe cares about human sorrows is, he says, a very interesting question. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:47)
2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — John thinks the nature of impending fatherhood is doing something you are unqualified to do and becoming qualified while doing it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:24)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — John says he is not losing weight because people shamed him; he thinks shaming is always inappropriate and a particularly bad motivator. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:07)
2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John says it is easy to go through life without an ultimate concern; he doesn't think Henry has one, being still in the business of self-preservation. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:02:01)
2010-03-19 · Foreign John Green Books and the Ultimate Concern — John says Hank's wish to die to recreate the Library of Alexandria shows why ultimate concerns are useful: they tell you what you value, here knowledge for all. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:29)
2010-03-19 · Foreign John Green Books and the Ultimate Concern — John thinks we all privilege those close to us over those who aren't, and threats close to us over distant ones, which is why Hank's farsighted concern impresses him. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:33)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — John thinks the truly fascinating thing about conjoined twins is not the metaphor but the question of whether and why we should separate them. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:58)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — John thinks conjoined twins are a helpful extreme case: in a world that only celebrates normal, not being normal does not make something bad or scary. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:21)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — On getting a best friend 'out of denial', John suggests the friend may simply not like you; some people won't want to kiss you, and refusing to accept that breeds narcissism. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:22)
2010-06-16 · In Defense of Contemporary Art — John thinks this is why people often dismiss contemporary art: overlooking things is comfortable. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:59)
2010-07-05 · With Esther — Winning would be a small way to thank Esther; John won't say 'for Esther', since she would hate that, but says they should win 'with Esther'. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:41)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John thinks Dan 3.0 will be a fascinating social experiment, though he fears that if the brothers did it people would make them put unicorns on their heads all the time. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:43)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John says Ze Frank gave the most astonishingly brilliant keynote address he has ever heard. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:34)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — John advises studying broadly, taking classes in many departments, because classes you don't think interest you end up shaping your life. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:18)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — John thinks crowdsourcing a book is a really cool idea and points Nerdfighters who want to help to guidetonerdfighting.com. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:58)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John proposes a theme week this week (week of 20 September 2010): open letters to their 15-year-old brothers. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-10-13 · On Hope and Chile — Asked why the brothers haven't made an It Gets Better video, John says others have said what he would say better, so he made a playlist of such videos instead. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:01:47)
2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — John says knowing such facts would not give an informed understanding of the French Revolution; we have gotten good at 'informationalism' but not yet very educational. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:46)
2010-11-11 · REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — John says that more than that, the study of history is essentially an exercise in empathy: imagining being a peasant, Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette or Robespierre. — hedged: “I believe” [opinion marker] (00:04:17)
2010-11-11 · REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — John believes thinking about those questions makes us better at living our little lives. — hedged: “I believe” [opinion marker] (00:04:46)
2010-11-15 · Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — John says the app makes clear it won't be easy: most people, as he did, will find things they'd rather not cut that must be cut and taxes they'd rather not raise that must be raised. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:57)

Other hedge (15)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John says his paternity leave will begin whenever the baby is born, which should be quite soon, and will last about three weeks. — hedged: “should be quite soon” [other hedge] (00:02:09)
2010-02-15 · Hello Baby!! — John invites questions about the baby and says he'll try to answer them in the comments. — hedged: “I'll try” [other hedge] (00:03:32)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — John has long thought Google is technically making individuals stupider: the memory in our heads is less needed when Google indexes massive external hard drives. — hedged: “I long thought” [other hedge] (00:01:29)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — John thinks long-form narratives like novels help us arrange lots of information into a story, since narratives are easier to remember than dislocated facts. — hedged: “I've been thinking lately” [other hedge] (00:01:57)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — John worries that as we spend more time online we will lose interest in, and think we no longer need, long-form narratives, long central to being a person. — hedged: “I worry” [other hedge] (00:02:20)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — John argues that whether you find babies cute is not necessarily relevant to whether you'll enjoy having a baby. — hedged: “I would argue” [other hedge] (00:00:42)
2010-06-11 · Mmmm....PARTS — As far as John can tell, what Viacom did to him and hundreds of others is exactly what it is suing YouTube for purportedly doing to Viacom. — hedged: “As far as I can tell” [other hedge] (00:00:00)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — John says, unsure and admitting he's not good at science, that in about six billion years the Earth will fall into the sun. — hedged: “or whatever” [other hedge] (00:00:27)
2010-06-25 · Book Nerd PARADISE — John says the conference lets you hang out with about 30,000 librarians. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:00:00)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — John has an extremely vivid flashbulb memory of discovering Red Green's poop in the Nintendo, but research suggests he was the only one who physically saw it. — hedged: “it would appear” [other hedge] (00:01:58)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — John concedes he may have invented the poop in the Nintendo and come to believe it, blaming a deceased miniature dachshund and Hank for poop that never existed. — hedged: “It is possible” [other hedge] (00:02:27)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — John says that despite his broken rib the brothers are thinking of exercising over the weekend and asks viewers for exercise suggestions, specifically nerd exercises. — hedged: “thinking about” [other hedge] (00:02:45)
2010-10-27 · You Are Awesome — John's inclination is to give it to This Star Won't Go Out and then hold a matching BlogTV fundraiser for the Uncultured Project and Save the Children, or the reverse, or something else. — hedged: “My inclination is” [other hedge] (00:02:04)
2010-11-19 · I'm Not Going Down: Thoughts from Amsterdam — John says Amsterdam's contradictions (an ancient city always under construction, boats that both keep out and contain water) are in all of us, or at least in him. — hedged: “or they're in me at least” [other hedge] (00:01:46)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John says the week's many examples of incredibly inefficient mating suggest sex is not actually the most important thing animals, including humans, do. — hedged: “its almost as if” [other hedge] (00:02:26)

Hedge words not recorded (6)

marked as unsure, but the hedge words were not quoted

2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John asks whether an ultimate concern should be limited to family, extend to politics, community, nation or species, weigh other species equally, or yield to self-preservation. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:24)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — Truth or Fail option one, one of two purported facts: the US goal against England in the 1950 World Cup 'Miracle on Grass' was scored not by an American but by a Haitian. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:57)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — Truth or Fail option two: the term 'soccer' derives from early football players often playing in their socks rather than cleats. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:08)
2010-11-24 · Babies and Catacombs: VIENNA (Thoughts from Places) — John says hearing this made him think about how the dead haunt us, and asks how we best honor them: near our sacred spaces, or by marveling at what they made for us? — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:52)
2010-11-24 · Babies and Catacombs: VIENNA (Thoughts from Places) — Saying it is not a rhetorical question, John wonders what, if anything, we owe the dead. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:52)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John asks whether, from an evolutionary perspective, an efficient mating system helps a species more than other adaptations, such as the giant squid's huge eye. — speculative (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:12)

Satire (1)

a mock position (e.g. a fake moral panic) — the opposite of what is meant

2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — Voicing the popular belief, John says Sigmund Freud referenced lemmings' mass suicide in a lot of his work. (00:00:29)

Parody (1)

imitating a genre or a person (mock documentary, mock critic)

2010-05-19 · Adorable Baby Is Adorable — John sings the escalating list: a diamond ring, wine, a superpower, an erupting volcano, a diaper rash, polka dots, a Pacific isle, the Sultanate of Oman, water lilies and a hand-knit quilt. (00:00:24)

Fiction (7)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

2010-04-02 · Will Grayson, Will Grayson — In keeping with tradition, John reads the opening of the novel: narrator Will Grayson on his best friend Tiny Cooper, who falls in love every hour and calls Will a robot. (00:00:44)
2010-04-02 · Will Grayson, Will Grayson — In the excerpt Will says he has not cried since he was seven and that crying is avoidable with two rules: don't care too much, and shut up. (00:02:31)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — In the story, the narrator's father, before 'zombification', was obsessed with an idea from a book that corn controls humans, evolving us to want more corn. (00:00:03)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — The narrator thinks his father was fascinated because he sensed he was not in control of his own desires, wondering why he wanted granite countertops at all. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:44)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — The narrator recalls shooting his zombified father a year ago; the Z'ed-up often smile when killed, and a sentimental kid called killing them 'completing' them. (00:01:26)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — When Marcos Marcos was Z'ed up and went for the narrator's puppy, Mr. President, the narrator 'completed' him and fled their Lincoln Park townhouse. (00:01:57)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — Now alone in a cellar, running out of gas and food and drinking a bottle of expensive wine a day, the narrator wonders what keeps him going rather than giving up and getting Z'ed up. (00:02:29)

Joke (5)

a gag; not a claim

2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — John jokes he will either tell his kid to call Grandpa or claim that giant blue pterodactyl-like birds in space poop the sky blue, ruining the kid as a science student. (00:00:51)
2010-02-15 · Hello Baby!! — John jokes that Hank never had a girlfriend in high school. (00:01:48)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John answers that Hank is a small, remote, uninhabited coral atoll south of the equator. (00:00:00)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — Asked what he would call a band, John says he would still call it Moe and the Lawns, or the Moby Moby Dicktones. (00:01:36)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — John says that since saying earlier this week (week of 6 September 2010) that a baby attacked him, he has now been attacked by a giant baby. (00:00:03)

Playful (281)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John blames his teeth on not following dental-hygiene rules in high school and college: he thought brushing twice a day was a toothpaste-company conspiracy, and fear kept him from dentists for 10 years until 2002, when he had many cavities. (00:00:00)
2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John says he once thought math was an arbitrary conspiracy to make him suffer, but it is hugely helpful to adults, even writers; government invests in education because numerate citizens are useful. (00:00:29)
2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John says he has long struggled to follow rules because deep down he believed them arbitrary and meaningless, like a hurdler thinking the race would go faster without hurdles. (00:01:16)
2010-01-04 · It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — John argues professional hurdlers respect the utility of rules; rules stand between us and chaos, which is why he now brushes regularly and why their video blog needs rules. (00:01:45)
2010-01-08 · GUS HAS NO FUZZ! — Celebrating Alabama's college football national championship last night, John says the state may be 48th in education but is first in college football. (00:00:00)
2010-01-08 · GUS HAS NO FUZZ! — John thanks the Yeti for not going into labour during the game, and half hopes she will before next Wednesday (13 January 2010), so his Frog Hopper ride waits until after his paternity leave. — hedged: “I kind of hope” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-01-08 · GUS HAS NO FUZZ! — John congratulates Hank on spending 15 hours in Target without going insane or getting arrested. (00:00:29)
2010-01-13 · Froghoppin' with Gatsby — John says he liked Hank's ecosystem services video and learned a lot, but Hank's attempt to rib him there was an 'epic fail'. (00:00:00)
2010-01-13 · Froghoppin' with Gatsby — John says 'froofy' is not a word; Hank probably meant froufrou, a French word for frilly ornamentation, which more fine arts classes would have taught him. — hedged: “I think you might have meant” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-01-13 · Froghoppin' with Gatsby — John rides the Frog Hopper, screaming; the ride's audio is cut because Lady Gaga music was playing; afterwards the operator says he was the biggest guy she'd seen on it. (00:00:29)
2010-01-13 · Froghoppin' with Gatsby — John says his liberal arts education and time spent on the billboard eyes let him listen to Hank talk four minutes about something he doesn't understand yet; and he now knows 'frou-frou'. (00:03:46)
2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — John is very excited to be a father but sometimes thinks he is not entirely qualified: he forgets to shave and is lazy in the sense that he doesn't move much. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:08)
2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — Their dad can always answer kids' questions like why the sky is blue; John cannot, even though Dad has explained it to him 'like a thousand times'. (00:00:40)
2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — He compares it to writing and publishing a novel, except this 'novel' is a person who, if you mess up, will need a lot of expensive therapy. (00:01:32)
2010-01-18 · Fatherhood — When anxious, John reminds himself he is not the first organism to face parenthood and many were less qualified, such as Willy, who is adorable but 'an idiot' and not qualified to be a dad. (00:01:48)
2010-02-15 · Hello Baby!! — John complains, calling it the internet's most common sin, that people keep misattributing quotations to Einstein, who was a physicist, not a quotation-generation machine. (00:00:59)
2010-02-15 · Hello Baby!! — Reason two: John recalls their mom showing his high-school girlfriends his baby pictures and doesn't want embarrassing stories about Henry reaching a large audience. (00:01:43)
2010-02-15 · Hello Baby!! — Reason three: not everyone watching is a nerdfighter, as a YouTube message asking them to upload 'hot videos like kisses and other' shows; John doesn't want that sender seeing much of Henry. (00:02:30)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — John, phoning in, says Amanda Bynes did write the tweets and apparently deleted them afterwards. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:44)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John, reviving the tiny chickens bit, says he is ill with head pain: tiny chickens are breeding inside his head and can't get out. (00:00:01)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John says he has been thinking about 'going with your gut' and is opposed to it. (00:00:01)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — Changing Henry's diaper, John's gut told him to catch a fountain of pee in his cupped hands; it dribbled onto his feet and Sarah told him to drop it. (00:00:28)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John says his 'nerd brain' would have had him put the diaper over the fountain and solve the problem at once. (00:01:13)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John says that when his gut isn't giving him bad advice, it only tells him one thing: eat. (00:01:13)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John asks Hank and the Nerdfighters to tell him plainly when he gets fat, and says they failed to. (00:01:13)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John lists hints he missed: a Nerdfighter said he looked like the Barenaked Ladies' lead singer, and a comment called him the smart uncle and Hank the hot cousin. (00:01:13)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John says he is losing weight by not listening to his gut, which wants to eat everything, even his unique My Little Pony. (00:02:22)
2010-02-19 · Henry's Pee and My Gut — John concludes the world can celebrate emotionalism and gut instincts, but he will be a nerdfighter by getting fit and avoiding pee with his brain. (00:02:52)
2010-02-24 · JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — As his childhood story, John says he used to be skinny and has technically gained 63 pounds since a 1995 photo, the first maybe 20 needed, the last 43 optional. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-02-24 · JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — John says Nerdfighters did not fail to tell him he was fat as he claimed; the problem was that he underestimated Nerdfighteria and wasn't listening. (00:00:29)
2010-02-24 · JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — John says a Facebook group called 'John Green Is Fat', founded in November 2009, collects every picture of him looking as fat as possible; he calls it one of the great Facebook groups. (00:00:58)
2010-02-24 · JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — John says he loves a fan photo of himself with a brief mustache and the word 'pizza' under his face, and wants it as a shirt. (00:01:27)
2010-02-24 · JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — John apologizes to Nerdfighters for wrongly accusing them and asks them to keep the humiliation coming in comments, because it motivates him. (00:02:03)
2010-03-01 · The Marriage Ref SUCKS — John apologizes for his hoarse voice, saying the tiny chickens have migrated down into his throat. (00:00:00)
2010-03-01 · The Marriage Ref SUCKS — John says that while he watched the Olympic closing ceremonies the day before, Bob Costas cut away from the giant inflatable beavers to introduce The Marriage Ref. (00:00:33)
2010-03-01 · The Marriage Ref SUCKS — John summarizes The Marriage Ref for Hank: an unlikable couple who want to be on reality TV presents a disagreement, and three Hollywood celebrities joke and pick the winner. (00:00:33)
2010-03-01 · The Marriage Ref SUCKS — John retorts that Zucker's network spends millions of dollars on a show about dog taxidermy, so he is in no position to throw stones. (00:01:43)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John notes that in more than three years of videos the brothers have never discussed Red Green, and wonders whether Hank is guilty of a terrible crime. (00:00:16)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John says that as a kid his best friend was the Nintendo Entertainment System, and he hardly left the house. (00:00:29)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John says the family also had a miniature dachshund, Red Green, who hated him, enjoyed biting children and peed on John's carpet while staring at him. (00:00:49)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John says one summer morning he found Red Green had pooped inside the Nintendo through the flap he had left open overnight; the family knows Red Green for it. (00:01:29)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John says the doors were locked overnight, so the suspects are the family and Red; he knows he didn't do it, and finds their parents unlikely since he thinks they liked the Nintendo keeping him busy. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:58)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John concludes that either Hank put the poop in the Nintendo or Red Green, in a jealous fit, projectile-pooped into it, which he cannot rule out. — hedged: “far as I can tell” [other hedge] (00:02:23)
2010-03-05 · Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — John asks Hank to answer honestly whether he put Red Green's poop in the Nintendo or Red Green was a pooping genius, expecting the answer on Monday. (00:02:54)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — Asked how to know if you love him, John says that you don't generally find yourself asking that question. (00:00:00)
2010-03-10 · New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — Asked how a raven is like a writing desk, John says Lewis Carroll intended the riddle to have no answer, then offers that Edgar Allan Poe wrote on both. (00:01:36)
2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John has now spent seven weeks with newborn Henry and jokes that this makes him something of an expert on babies. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:00:32)
2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John says babies, though adorable, are a tiny bit self-centered: infants cannot apprehend that other people also have needs. (00:00:39)
2010-03-15 · Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — John's book Will Grayson, Will Grayson comes out in about 25 days and is available for pre-order, which John announces in Henry's voice. (00:01:42)
2010-03-24 · Top 10 Animal POWER MOVES — John says the threatened bombardier beetle turns around and sprays boiling hot acid out of its butt. (00:00:08)
2010-03-24 · Top 10 Animal POWER MOVES — John reminds Hank how he loves giraffes before ranking the giraffe's kick ninth. (00:00:19)
2010-03-24 · Top 10 Animal POWER MOVES — John says cuttlefish light up in blue, green, orange and yellow, swim over to prey as if inviting it to a party, and eat it. (00:01:13)
2010-03-29 · Quotations (And Holden Hats) — At tax season John reports to the IRS, for the 32nd consecutive year, that he has no fishing boat proceeds: they are the unicorns of his tax return. (00:00:02)
2010-03-29 · Quotations (And Holden Hats) — John recalls that after his Mental Floss article calling Bigfoot fictional, a namesake John Green, a famous Bigfoot apologist, wrote to say he was besmirching all John Greens. (00:00:38)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — John says many Nerdfighters on the Eff Yeah Nerdfighters Tumblr have posted photos holding Will Grayson, Will Grayson, though mirroring makes the title read backwards. (00:00:28)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — John reports the first event of the tour was last night and was great: there was a Star Wars stormtrooper and many people wore the Pizza John shirt. (00:00:50)
2010-04-07 · Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — As a kid John knew all his (imaginary) friends' phone numbers; now he knows about four, because an external device stores them. (00:01:39)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — Among his gift shirts is one featuring his 'rapping name' Jay Scribble and one reading 'ask me about conjoined twins'. (00:00:00)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — John says conjoined twins are one of his areas of expertise and that he collects books about them, playfully claiming one of the largest collections ever assembled. (00:00:29)
2010-04-12 · On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — John lists advantages of conjoinedness (going from poor in Thailand to rich in America, never being lonely) and notes ordinary human anatomy has disadvantages too, such as not flying. (00:01:52)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John says the patron saint against hemorrhoids (name heard as 'St. Theocra') is also patron of cab drivers, who get hemorrhoids from sitting and driving. (00:00:32)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John stresses that choosing the right patron saint matters, joking that St. Clare, not a patron of children, arrives late in a famous painting of her saving a child from a wolf. (00:01:02)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John recommends Padre Pio, a relatively recent saint whom many consider a bit nutty, as patron saint of YouTube, and shows he keeps him in his wallet. (00:02:00)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John notes possible candidates: St. Clare, established in screens, or Isidore of Seville, who died in 636 yet is patron saint of computer nerds. (00:02:00)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John argues YouTube gives everyone the superpower of bilocation: he is in his Indiana basement and at Hank's house in Missoula at once. (00:02:29)
2010-04-16 · The Patron Saint of Youtube — John tells Hank that on Monday he will be in both Indianapolis and Missoula, and says he looks forward to it. (00:02:29)
2010-04-21 · The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — John says Hank blew his mind on Monday with the size-of-the-universe video, and claims he will now blow Hank's mind with post-structuralism and Foucault's 'insurrection of subjugated knowledges'. (00:00:00)
2010-04-21 · The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — The Foucault talk is a ruse: John orders Hank to stop watching, asks Katherine to make him, and greets Nerdfighters free of Hank. (00:00:29)
2010-04-21 · The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — John says that when he asked Nerdfighters at a recent live show what to get Hank, they were flummoxed because Hank doesn't really like anything but ideas; then they realized he likes oxygen. (00:00:29)
2010-04-21 · The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — John encourages viewers to upload videos for Hank's birthday on May 5 and to use corndogs as birthday cakes, since Hank likes corndogs. (00:01:34)
2010-04-21 · The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — Viewers without a yard can plant in a container garden; John calls on Nerdfighteria to give Hank what he wants most, a higher oxygenation level of the planet. (00:02:32)
2010-04-26 · Nerdfighters, They Named a PLANE After Us — John narrates his day: he met up with David, went to the airport, and tried to film the security line until the government objected because it is apparently illegal. (00:00:00)
2010-04-26 · Nerdfighters, They Named a PLANE After Us — After a flight (John likes airplanes except in the sky), John and David drove into San Francisco and checked into their hotel, where John looked at pictures of Henry, whom he misses. (00:01:09)
2010-04-30 · The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — John says Greece is in his hug bucket, but he doesn't want to give it 150 billion euro, and therein lies the problem. (00:00:04)
2010-04-30 · The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — John's 'great rule of economics': if you're rich you have to be an idiot not to stay rich, and if poor you must be very smart to get rich; this holds for countries too. (00:00:28)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — John wishes Hank a happy 30th birthday on Hanko de Mayo, which he calls the most wonderful day of the year. (00:00:00)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — John says Hank is hard to shop for; Nerdfighteria got him the corndog shirt but felt it was not enough. (00:00:00)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — John says that, because Hank likes oxygen, Nerdfighteria planted more than 10,000 plants and trees for him on six continents to raise the world's oxygenation. (00:00:36)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — John says even his son got in on the act, planting Indiana native wildflowers for Hank. (00:00:36)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — John says homesick college freshmen generally cope by binge drinking, which he doesn't recommend. (00:00:25)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — John says American campuses treat getting drunk and throwing up on someone as intimacy; maybe old-fashioned, he thinks throwing up on someone is not an act of friendship. — hedged: “Maybe I'm just old fashioned but it seems to me” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:31)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — John advises college freshmen to remember that everyone is in the same boat; like alligators, they are as afraid of you as you are of them. (00:00:45)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — To get more Nerdfighter friends in real life, John suggests wearing your pizza shirt everywhere until someone recognizes it. (00:01:39)
2010-05-10 · Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — For Justin Bieber songs stuck in your head ('Bieber fever'), John prescribes a heavy dose of the Mountain Goats and the website themountaingoatswillcureyourbieberfever.com. (00:02:54)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — John tells them they will eventually kiss someone who wants to kiss them, and it will be disappointing and probably too tonguey. — hedged: “in all probability” [other hedge] (00:00:32)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — Asked whether smelling everything one touches is weird, John answers that it is not weird but synesthesia. (00:00:51)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — To a viewer hurt by a friend's fake online boy persona, John half-jokingly recommends his new book Will Grayson, Will Grayson, written with David Levithan. (00:01:19)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — To a viewer wanting to meet nerd girls, John suggests phrasing it less creepily and recommends book events. (00:01:43)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — John recalls that as a junior at Kenyon College he asked to have his major chosen for him and double-majored in English and Religious Studies, his most-taken departments. (00:02:18)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — John says he thinks majors are overrated: Hank majored in biochemistry yet is now, judging from his Wednesday video, a rapper, while John talks to sock puppets in a pizza suit. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:38)
2010-05-14 · Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — John sums up his advice: pay attention to your pronouns, don't worry so much about kissing, and read David Foster Wallace. (00:03:32)
2010-05-19 · Adorable Baby Is Adorable — John says he and Sarah know the tunes of many lullabies but not the words, so they have made up their own lyrics. (00:00:00)
2010-05-19 · Adorable Baby Is Adorable — John says the weirdest case is their list of things Daddy will buy their baby son if the mockingbird doesn't sing. (00:00:00)
2010-05-19 · Adorable Baby Is Adorable — The song ends with Daddy grappling with the fact that buying goods and services may benefit the economy but is not necessarily the best way to get babies to sleep. (00:02:10)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — John jokes that making a baby is not the one-step process some people claim, particularly for a dude, but a seven-step process. (00:00:12)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — Step two, as a mock drill: wake every two hours, 24 hours a day for two weeks, to listen to a baby cry for 20 minutes, with no breaks. (00:00:47)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — Step three: there are several ways, from test tubes to turkey basters, but by far the most common is to have sex. (00:01:06)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — Step four: a pregnant woman gives up sushi, caffeine, alcohol and go-karts and vomits all the time; John jokes the person he loves most was less cranky when she drank coffee. (00:01:12)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — Step five: for the person giving birth it is the hardest-core thing they will ever do; for the other partner it's time to say 'you're doing awesome' and faint. (00:01:39)
2010-05-24 · How To Make a Baby — Steps six and seven: the baby cries, then you cry, and crying minutes in your house rise dramatically; then wearing your zombie unicorn hat becomes socially inappropriate. (00:01:52)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — John says that for the Friday of How-To Week he will answer the top 10 Google search queries beginning with 'how to'. (00:00:00)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — John demonstrates tying a tie (small end shorter, big end over, under, around and through), after joking that one should always choose a Christmas tie. (00:00:29)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — John says there are three approaches to kissing (the fish, the slightly stupid person, the jaw-dislocating snake) and advises being between the fish and the stupid person, never the snake. (00:00:59)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — John says he has lost 30 pounds in the last year on a simple colour-coded diet: less brown stuff and more green stuff. (00:01:27)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — John says getting pregnant is hard for a lot of people, but 90% of couples conceive within their first year of trying. (00:01:27)
2010-05-28 · How To Do Everything — Under How to Train Your Dragon, John says the way you imagine your enemy is often the way your enemy imagines you. (00:02:26)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John names Hank the prime suspect, with motive (John hogged the Nintendo and loved it more than Hank) and opportunity. (00:00:00)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John calls Red Green a very intelligent and bad dog but doubts that an eight-pound dog backed up to the Nintendo and pooped in it. (00:00:50)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — To test Hank's theory, John asked on Twitter for miniature dachshund owners to measure the dogs' anus height; several dozen nerdfighters did. (00:00:50)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John reports that a miniature dachshund's anus is on average three to five inches above the ground. — hedged: “seems to be” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:19)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — With a stack of books, a bendy ruler and an open NES, John shows poop could enter only if the dog kept its back straight; at a real pooping angle it cannot. (00:01:19)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John says, citing the internet, that dogs poop at an angle of about 50 degrees. (00:01:48)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John phones their dad and asks whether he put Red Green's poop in the Nintendo; Dad denies it. (00:02:28)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — John says only projectile pooping could have got poop into the Nintendo, and thinks it far more likely a human being did it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:28)
2010-06-02 · The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — With Mom, Dad and Hank all denying it, John says it was Red Green, a home invader, or a lying family member, and insinuates that it was Hank. (00:02:58)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — John casts singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton (who once bought him a beer) as, for today's purposes, a small media company, set against the somewhat larger Viacom. (00:00:00)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — The update adds that Viacom owes John sixty cents because Spike.com pirated this very video. (video description)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — The update asks viewers to ask Viacom where John's sixty cents is. (video description)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — By Viacom's measure YouTube does owe Viacom some money, John jokes, but far less than it owes LonelyGirl15 and 'that evolution of a dance guy'. (00:01:29)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — John says everybody agrees YouTube should pay Viacom that ad money; the dispute is the amount, YouTube valuing ads at their worth and Viacom as if money grew on trees. (00:01:29)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — The video has over 18,000 views on Spike.com; by Viacom's 'insane' formula Viacom owes Coulton $13,823, by real math $37. (00:02:27)
2010-06-07 · Viacom PWNED on Piracy — John says Viacom, which hates piracy, will surely pay Coulton $37, or $13,823 if views are worth what it claims, unless it defines piracy as stealing from someone with a lawyer. (00:02:56)
2010-06-11 · Mmmm....PARTS — John says that if Viacom is so opposed to piracy, he assumes it will be sending him his $2 soon. (00:00:45)
2010-06-11 · Mmmm....PARTS — John asks people to buy Paper Towns in the UK, joking that otherwise no other book of his will ever be published there. (00:02:17)
2010-06-16 · In Defense of Contemporary Art — John shows one of Jeppe Hein's roller-coaster benches, 'the only roller coaster I will ever ride'. (00:01:10)
2010-06-16 · In Defense of Contemporary Art — John tells Sarah the park is really good; his only complaint, he jokes, is that she didn't dome it in for climate control, and it's hot. (00:01:59)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — John shows an anglerfish someone gave him and calls it cute. (00:01:32)
2010-06-21 · You're Gonna Die — Hosting Truth or Fail while watching Spain play Switzerland, John says he has watched every World Cup match since 1994 and won't break the streak. (00:02:38)
2010-06-25 · Book Nerd PARADISE — Offered (in a staged choice) an early Mockingjay or Natalie Standiford's Confessions of the Sullivan Sisters, John picks Standiford's, says he is excited for it, and admits Mockingjay wasn't really there. (00:01:15)
2010-06-25 · Book Nerd PARADISE — John shows other conference swag, a gavel that is also a pen. (00:01:15)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — John sets out to use his knowledge of brains to definitively solve the mystery of the poopy Nintendo. (00:00:00)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — John acknowledges he was an inveterate liar as a child, as opposed to now, when he is a novelist. (00:02:27)
2010-06-30 · Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — Unable to apologize to the dead Red Green, John asks Willy's forgiveness on behalf of all canine kind and is licked. (00:02:53)
2010-07-05 · With Esther — They wrote silly questions on a volleyball to throw and answer, picked a Harry Potter character for Esther, had a puff fight, and hunted Boston for espresso and gelato. (00:00:31)
2010-07-05 · With Esther — John tells Hank he will find out at VidCon how pleasant it is to spend time with people wearing your face on their chest. (00:03:11)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John's number ten is dancing to the All Caps song 'Don't Unplug Me'; he says he can't dance but is passionate about it. (00:00:12)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John's number nine is Meekakitty's velociraptor: scary, but also alluring. (00:00:28)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John's number seven: hiimrawn asked him to dress as a turkey for his musical production, and when John asked what to do, Rawn told a man dressed as Batman to be a leader. (00:00:50)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — John's number six is singing on stage with Hank, which he calls the first and last time in his life. (00:01:07)
2010-07-20 · I Like Balls — John's Munich hotel offers a 'welcome body and hair shampoo', so he washes his body and hair with the same product. (00:00:26)
2010-07-20 · I Like Balls — John recalls Hank's Friday video showing two VidCon ball-pit balls signed by Shane Dawson, and says titling it 'Shane Dawson signed my balls' with a high-contrast Shane thumbnail would have guaranteed huge views. (00:00:26)
2010-07-20 · I Like Balls — John calls Hank's decision not to use that title almost heroic, then backs off the word since it is the day after Nelson Mandela's 92nd birthday. (00:01:14)
2010-07-20 · I Like Balls — John concedes the brothers lack the moral high ground, since their three most-viewed videos are, in order, giraffe sex, giraffe sex and giraffe sex. (00:01:14)
2010-07-20 · I Like Balls — John exclaims 'French the llama!' (00:02:12)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — Walking around Munich, John keeps seeing people with surfboards and wonders where the ocean is; he films in a field of sunflowers. (00:00:03)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — John mocks Snooki's tweet asking people not to fuss when she misses an apostrophe, 'coma' or period, taking 'coma' and 'period' literally. (00:00:52)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — John suggests Mark Wahlberg might believe Snooki is a fan if she spelled his name correctly, with a K. (00:01:18)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — John notes that Snooki calls groups of men 'packs of gorillas', though a group of gorillas is called a troop. (00:01:41)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — John calls Snooki's habit of calling her followers 'tweet-ohs' strange and fascinatingly racist. (00:01:51)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — Parsing Snooki's tweet about holding a hand 'with margaritas and the other', John finds three readings (giant hands, extra hands, a ménage à trois with a Margarita), showing why grammar matters. (00:02:07)
2010-07-24 · Grammar School with Snooki — John says Munich is lovely and that his punishment sounds horrible. (00:03:21)
2010-07-28 · Umbrellas Amuse Me: Observations from One Day in Munich — John says he really likes umbrellas, a roof you carry with you; umbrellas always amuse him. (00:00:29)
2010-07-28 · Umbrellas Amuse Me: Observations from One Day in Munich — John says a taxi almost hit him but swerved at the last second; none of it was caught on video. (00:00:58)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John jokes that showing Hank love should be enough without talking about it, but because it is Esther Day they will talk about family and love. (00:00:29)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — A restaurant near John's house, Hotcakes Emporium Pancake House Restaurant (he nicknames it 'Heifer'), still sells 'Freedom Fries' that look and taste like French fries. (00:00:29)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John says French fries are not actually French but Belgian, and are very bad for you. (00:00:58)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John asks whether a freedom fry is a French fry; Juliet's 'a rose by any other name' says names don't matter, but that worldview did not end well for Romeo and Juliet. (00:01:27)
2010-08-02 · I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — John's hypothetical: saying you like your brother and showing love (thousands planting trees for his birthday) is not the same as telling him you love him, which John thinks Esther wants. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:26)
2010-08-06 · Looking for Alaska at My High School — John was up at 5:30 a.m. because babies don't know about time zones; he grumbles that Birmingham is an hour behind Indianapolis though at nearly the same longitude. (00:00:00)
2010-08-06 · Looking for Alaska at My High School — Then he saw an Emily Dickinson quote graffitied on the wall, apparently in 2008, and felt the legacy was well maintained by today's students. (00:02:05)
2010-08-06 · Looking for Alaska at My High School — At the peak of his sentimentality John was stung by a bee on his left butt cheek, and he called Sarah to complain. (00:02:23)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — Having attended college and watched Animal House, John jokingly claims expertise and lists five facets of college: academics, relationships, binge drinking, road trips, living on your own. (00:00:20)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — Though not science-y, John took several biology classes in college, including 'AIDS, Ebola, and Emerging Viruses', which he jokingly says made him a hypochondriac. (00:01:30)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — For making friends, John advises being nice to everyone and calm, acting out his own uncomfortable overeagerness ('I wanna be friends') as scary for people. (00:01:44)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — John adds: never call kissing 'scoring', never call women 'the ladies', and don't pee or throw up on anyone or their belongings, which many students fail at. (00:02:06)
2010-08-11 · College Advice From an Expert — As an afterthought, John advises not getting too excited about The Fountainhead. (00:03:53)
2010-08-16 · Lust and Folly in London and Edinburgh — In London a department store 'ordered' John to lust for a red purse; he mocks a consumer mania in which wanting a handbag no longer suffices and you must be sexually attracted to it. (00:00:02)
2010-08-16 · Lust and Folly in London and Edinburgh — Right afterwards John got Starbucks and, he says, felt waves of hypocrisy. (00:00:02)
2010-08-16 · Lust and Folly in London and Edinburgh — John tells Hank he sometimes feels his job is to travel the world so everyone who wants to say good morning to Hank can. (00:02:00)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — John wears a fox hat, funny to readers of Looking for Alaska: he put something in a book and someone made it real. (00:00:00)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — Hence John's 'terrifying thought': zombies may be people, and in our weaker moments we may be zombies. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — Unlike WheezyWaiter, who 'cowardly' refuses to acknowledge that Explosion Wednesday is a thing, John says these videos are a thing. (00:02:49)
2010-08-20 · The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — In 'important developments in the field of your pants', John announces that a UK Nerdfighter has found a children's book called The Sweaty Yeti. (00:03:18)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — John notes Obama repeatedly says he is a Christian but also repeatedly said he'd allow importing prescription drugs from Canada, which hasn't happened, so they won't take his word. (00:00:08)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — From Obama's public schedule: during evening prayers on April 8, 2010 he dined with Dmitry Medvedev, and during noon prayers on April 5, 2010 he hosted the White House Easter Egg Hunt; no one saw him pray. (00:00:48)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — Per Obama's public tax returns, he and Michelle gave on average less than 1% of their income to charity in 2000-2005, so he was not performing zakat. (00:01:27)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — Since Obama fails four of the five pillars (never mind beer and pork hot dogs), John concludes he is either not a Muslim or a really bad one. (00:02:22)
2010-08-22 · Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — John asks the Drudge Report, Huffington Post, CNN and Fox News to find something else to talk about. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:47)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — In the description, John says he fulfils his punishment with this video, a mock nerd workout he hosts as 'Fitness for Nerds'. (video description)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — John recalls that in middle school he greeted people with a 'hello' move instead of just saying hello, which did not turn out to be a good social strategy. (00:00:47)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — Lifting Infinite Jest, a Mark Twain biography and the Norton Shakespeare as weights, John says books are beautiful for reading and also for holding. (00:02:05)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — John calls his dog Willy his workout partner as Willy interrupts the sit-ups to lick him. (00:03:31)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — Coaching viewers to face a bully, John says punching would not be very nerdy: Nerdfighters don't throw punches, but they do deflect them. (00:05:40)
2010-09-02 · Fitness for Nerds — John tells viewers born after 1985 that the up-up-down-down button sequence is called the Konami code. (00:07:41)
2010-09-06 · I HATE PENNIES!!!! (Also Nickels.) — John opens by saying he got attacked by a baby. (00:00:02)
2010-09-06 · I HATE PENNIES!!!! (Also Nickels.) — John says he loves Hank's Friday video on privatized risk and public regulation, whose passion made him want to talk about controversial issues near to his heart. (00:00:03)
2010-09-06 · I HATE PENNIES!!!! (Also Nickels.) — John declares that he hates pennies. (00:00:17)
2010-09-06 · I HATE PENNIES!!!! (Also Nickels.) — John says making pennies from steel instead of zinc would fix the cost but not the underlying problem: pennies are worthless, indeed worth less than nothing. (00:00:56)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — John admits the injury may really come from falling off his bike and breaking a rib. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:15)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — John says Facebook does not understand the internet. (00:02:03)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — John says getting the hiccups with a broken rib last night was torture; Hank had made him laugh with a joke they cannot tell Nerdfighters. (00:02:25)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — John says that in a Hollywood pitch meeting an executive described his first novel, Looking for Alaska, as 'Prank Academy with some sad bits'. (00:00:00)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — As an example, John says he recently threw Hank in a pool to hurt him and make other people laugh, and the footage still makes him laugh. (00:00:00)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — Following Amy's suggestion to TP houses with Tootsie Pops, John bought all the Tootsie Pops at Target (and a Diet Dr Pepper). (00:00:58)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — John combined TPing with ding-dong ditching, his heart racing as he ran away in panic every time. (00:01:27)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — John also TP'd the garden at friends' house with a note taped to their bush, more mailboxes, and a lonely island in a subdivision. (00:01:27)
2010-09-15 · Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — John declares that their pranking shall heal the world. (00:02:36)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John tells 15-year-old Hank that life is a lot like pizza, asking whether pizza is American, Italian, Greek or Brazilian. (00:00:14)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John says Brazilians eat more pizza than anyone in the world, with more than 6000 pizzerias, enough to eat at a different one every day for 18 years. (00:00:20)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John says that, like many 15-year-olds, Hank feels being made to look for metaphor, symbolism and theme in English class is a kind of torture. (00:00:39)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John says pizza is so ubiquitous that it is hard to say what pizza even is, and people are the same way. (00:02:31)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — Applying Bloom's definition, John notes there are Italians in Italy, Italians in America and Italians of Chilean descent. (00:02:44)
2010-09-20 · Life Is Like Pizza — John, who is on a diet, wonders whether he made the whole video so he could eat one piece of pizza. — hedged: “Maybe.” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:42)
2010-09-24 · Dumping My Girlfriend — John says that, as Hank pointed out on Twitter, the best antonym for 'virgin' suggested in the comments by far was 'virg-out'. (00:00:28)
2010-09-24 · Dumping My Girlfriend — Taking up Hank's order to dump his 15-year-old girlfriend, John phones Fran, his girlfriend at 15, to 'break up'; both are now married, and they agree to stay friends. (00:00:55)
2010-09-24 · Dumping My Girlfriend — John points to a My Little Pony behind him and tells 15-year-old Hank that people will one day paint ponies about his songs, which, he jokes, his brother will then steal. (00:02:31)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — Adding to Hank's Monday video, John advises that when you want to use 'effect' as a verb, don't, ever, no matter what. (00:00:10)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — John says his books sometimes win awards, are translated into many languages and are often nicely reviewed; the New York Times Book Review once called one 'miraculous', to which he says 'almost'. (00:00:20)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — John says being a professional person of letters does not stop him making hideous grammatical mistakes, such as the double negative in that very sentence. (00:00:33)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — In a furniture store John kept asking Sarah whether they needed a 'chest or drawers' until she answered that they might need a 'chest of drawers'. (00:00:58)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — John says he was probably about 25 before he realized that the hors d'oeuvres he ate at functions were the same hors d'oeuvres he read about in books. — hedged: “probably about” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:20)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — John says 'who' describes a person and 'that' everything else, so the Avett Brothers, one of his favorite bands, infuriate him by singing 'friends that I can trust'. (00:01:51)
2010-09-29 · MY FRIEND CHESTER — John says that, according to the comments on Hank's Monday video, mixing up 'orgasm' and 'organism' in biology class happened a lot. (00:02:40)
2010-10-04 · The Terrible Burden of Destiny: Chicago and Waupaca — John wakes up in Chicago on a friend's couch, borrows the friend's toothbrush, and hits the road in his station wagon. (00:00:03)
2010-10-04 · The Terrible Burden of Destiny: Chicago and Waupaca — Walking a long, beautiful path, John jokes that he took the road more traveled to avoid getting lost and was mostly deciding whether to pee in the woods; he walked back to the park restroom. (00:00:55)
2010-10-08 · GEEKING OUT Over Dying Declarations — A gigantic dictionary of famous people's last words, Last Words of Notable People, arrives in John's mail and he is overjoyed. (00:00:00)
2010-10-08 · GEEKING OUT Over Dying Declarations — John reads the book's Rabelais entry, which says Rabelais' last words became more widely discussed after their use in his Printz Award-winning Looking for Alaska. (00:00:26)
2010-10-08 · GEEKING OUT Over Dying Declarations — John stayed up until 3 a.m. reading the book, which he jokes gripped him more than the Hunger Games trilogy, while Sarah kept asking him to turn off the light. (00:01:54)
2010-10-13 · On Hope and Chile — John's son looks at him all day with his head tilted, as if asking whether he needs a diaper change or a nap (John voices the baby). (00:00:12)
2010-10-13 · On Hope and Chile — John doesn't know whether Chile's president is good at being president, but says he is good at making John cry. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:38)
2010-10-13 · On Hope and Chile — John does his happy dance in his basement because he was too socially awkward to do it in front of hundreds of Nerdfighters at the Bean in Chicago, and shows theirs. (00:00:47)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says the three most viewed Vlogbrothers videos all feature giraffe sex, yet the brothers have never actually made a video about giraffe sex, which he will now fix. (00:00:01)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says giraffes are extremely promiscuous and rarely mate with the same partner twice. (00:00:47)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John reads a Yahoo Answers question asking whether male giraffes are gay and would be interested in male humans, and despairs at the internet's disturbing questions. (00:01:00)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says giraffe mating involves flehmen: males smack females' bottoms with their faces to make them urinate, then drink the urine to tell whether they are ovulating. (00:01:53)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says courtship is mostly the male trying to mount and the female running away; coitus lasts up to several seconds and pregnancy lasts 400 days. (00:02:24)
2010-10-19 · Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — John says Hank's shirt isn't a lie, just an oversimplification, and jokes he will use it to tell Henry baby giraffes come from the heart between necking giraffes. (00:03:09)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — John says Hank's song made him sad he isn't more talented, joking that writing books barely counts since Lauren Conrad writes books. (00:00:00)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — John says he has always dreamed of playing music on stage with Hank and, lacking rhythm, has spent months learning an instrument to join Hank's band: the sing-a-ma-jig. (00:00:29)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — John asks what keeps Hank from being the next Justin Bieber: he has lyrics, guitar and a nerdy look, and his quark song shows he writes about subjects that matter. (00:01:09)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — Paraphrasing Christopher Walken, John says Hank needs more sing-a-ma-jig to reach the next level of his career. (00:01:09)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — John says anyone with two hands can make two sing-a-ma-jigs harmonize, but after months of non-stop practice he can make four harmonize, and play melodies. (00:01:09)
2010-10-22 · Making Adorable Music — John says a friend bought the Singamajigs for Henry, who after about 45 seconds of play looked at John as if to ask for 500,000 more. (00:02:04)
2010-10-27 · You Are Awesome — John notes Hank's Monday video failed to address whether John can be his sing-a-ma-jig player, and pleads with him. (00:00:01)
2010-10-27 · You Are Awesome — John says a Nerdfighter made Henry a Halloween costume: he is going as pizza. (00:00:01)
2010-10-27 · You Are Awesome — John says the surgery cost less than expected, so James at War and his wife drove from Texas to Chicago with a check for the difference, which John pocketed unopened and later found was $540. (00:01:41)
2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — On November 1, the start of NaNoWriMo, John says he is not doing it but is doing NAFADOYBIMSCOM: National Finish a Draft of Your Book, I Mean Seriously Come On Month. (00:00:00)
2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — John says the 1958 Academy Award-winning Disney documentary White Wilderness shows lemmings committing mass suicide and is mostly famous for staging it. (00:00:29)
2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — John says lemmings are not suicidal; the belief that they jump off cliffs en masse when overpopulated is false, though running lemmings sometimes run over cliffs. (00:00:29)
2010-11-01 · Consider the Lemming — John says Rousseau, whose philosophy deeply influenced the French Revolution, liked being spanked by girls so much he sometimes dropped his drawers in public hoping they'd smack him. (00:02:46)
2010-11-05 · God and Grain: The French Revolution, Part I — John says that while France was broke, King Louis XVI was not, and he and Marie Antoinette lived comfortably in the palace of Versailles, which would annoy a starving peasant. (00:01:05)
2010-11-05 · God and Grain: The French Revolution, Part I — John says the Third Estate paid all the taxes, produced the wealth and fought the wars, while the clergy paid no taxes; he jokes the nobility spent its days competing over costumes. (00:01:59)
2010-11-05 · God and Grain: The French Revolution, Part I — John says the problem will get better, then worse, then much worse and finally 'Napoleonically worse', and tells viewers to stay tuned for the next part. (00:05:06)
2010-11-10 · Headless Monarchy: The French Revolution, Part II — John says the king and the National Assembly then agreed to invade Austria, to plunder its wealth and food and to spread revolution, and Prussia joined Austria in a war against France. (00:04:10)
2010-11-10 · Headless Monarchy: The French Revolution, Part II — John says the monarchy had executed commoners and nobles by different methods, but Enlightenment thinking held that capital punishment should be egalitarian and rationalist, the same humane death for all: the guillotine. (00:05:02)
2010-11-10 · Headless Monarchy: The French Revolution, Part II — John promises that in tomorrow's video (11 November 2010) he will prove he is not wearing pants. (00:06:01)
2010-11-11 · REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — John says the sans-culottes and Jacobins answered the famine with bread price controls, worse even than war with Austria; it failed miserably, and eventually the army was sent to take grain from the countryside. (00:00:25)
2010-11-11 · REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — John says that amid famine, bankruptcy and many wars the Committee replaced the 'irrational and religion-y' calendar, renaming the months and making days of 10 hours and hours of 100 minutes. (00:02:28)
2010-11-11 · REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — John says that after the Committee collapsed France passed a new constitution and from 1795 to 1799 was run by directors who stole elections and bungled the economy but did not behead 16,000 people. (00:02:57)
2010-11-15 · Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — John says he read a newspaper headline, 'you fix the budget', and jokes that fiscal policy should go to a young adult novelist wearing his face on his torso. (00:00:00)
2010-11-15 · Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — John compares it to his own budget: things he wants but cannot afford (a dress he instead Photoshops himself into) and unwanted work that brings in revenue. (00:02:26)
2010-11-15 · Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — After joking that Europe has it all figured out, John says the deficit projections for most developed economies look much like America's. (00:02:56)
2010-11-15 · Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — In a postscript John says a grocery clerk ringing up his diapers and wipes looked at his shirt and asked if it was him; it was. (00:03:34)
2010-11-19 · I'm Not Going Down: Thoughts from Amsterdam — John says he always looks for interesting places in airports, like Atlanta's tiny interfaith chapel with Mecca's direction inked in, Martin Luther King's Nobel Peace Prize and a Chewbacca portrait. (00:00:00)
2010-11-19 · I'm Not Going Down: Thoughts from Amsterdam — John lists what he loves about Amsterdam, from its kissing doors, bicycles, canals and fries to its well-balanced citizens and old canal houses, with comic items mixed in. (00:00:32)
2010-11-24 · Babies and Catacombs: VIENNA (Thoughts from Places) — John says Vienna is packed with babies, which he insists are not cherubs, and that they made him miss Henry. (00:00:32)
2010-11-24 · Babies and Catacombs: VIENNA (Thoughts from Places) — Walking Vienna, John lists what he saw: Goethe, a two-headed eagle, narcissistic graffiti, Mozart, more babies and space invaders opposed to homophobia. (00:01:00)
2010-11-26 · p4a, Space Pasta, and Giant Squids of Anger — John urges viewers to get out there: leaving the bedroom is no fun, but a better P4A video makes for a better universe. (00:01:19)
2010-11-26 · p4a, Space Pasta, and Giant Squids of Anger — Saying they couldn't figure it out, John tells Nerdfighteria that if they determine whether moon pasta beats earth beef, the brothers will let them challenge them to do something horrible. (00:02:46)
2010-11-29 · Giant Tortoise Coitus — John says a male tortoise's attractiveness is decided mostly by neck length, and the longest-necked male generally gets the most desirable mating situations. (00:01:04)
2010-11-29 · Giant Tortoise Coitus — John says the male tortoise courts by walking up to the female and bobbing his head like crazy. (00:01:21)
2010-11-29 · Giant Tortoise Coitus — John says his glasses are crooked because his 10-month-old son is a glasses monster. (00:03:24)
2010-11-29 · John and Hank: The Out-Takes — John replies he'll do something more horrible, saying he loves the horrible things and is a masochist. (00:02:00)
2010-11-29 · John and Hank: The Out-Takes — John says that in some ways he feels he invented the giant squid of anger so that Vondell could make that image. — hedged: “In some ways, I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:02:16)
2010-11-29 · John and Hank: The Out-Takes — John recounts that the night before, Katherine wanted to thank the fish, and his wife answered 'I see you, fish', which he calls the best joke ever. (00:03:05)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John calls himself a giant squid of anger over the unfinished draft, then sets it aside to talk about giant squids of love. (00:00:20)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John says he has read so much about giant squid sex in the last 48 hours that he is surprised the hotel still lets him use the internet. (00:01:24)
2010-12-03 · Giant Squids OF LOVE — John says giant squid have an eye a foot wide. (00:02:21)
2010-12-08 · My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — John says the novella will never be published, not because he dislikes the genre but because his is bad, and it gets worse after the first page. (00:03:05)
2010-12-13 · 8 Things I Love — John says he is a crier, doesn't think Hank has ever cried in their videos, and would like to see Hank cry in one; the last time was probably when John was punching him. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:01:12)
2010-12-13 · 8 Things I Love — John says he has listened to 'Bread' on repeat 621 times, which raises the possibility that he is technically a fangirl. (00:01:55)
2010-12-13 · 8 Things I Love — John calls Henry's new habit of pointing where he wants to be carried 'the Napoleon', joking that Henry believes John is a horse. (00:02:58)
2010-12-17 · PROJECT FOR AWESOME 2010: Save the Children and Partners in Health — John's favourite raffle names Hank's new album after the winner (a winner called Jeff means an album called 'Jeff'); he jokes he will enter it about 400 times. — hedged: “in my opinion” [opinion marker] (00:02:45)
2010-12-17 · PROJECT FOR AWESOME 2010: Save the Children and Partners in Health — John says viewers who haven't subscribed to youtube.com/p4a won't have any fun today, then boasts he made a rhyme. (00:03:29)
2010-12-22 · I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — John says he also worried that P4A would raise no money, the website would break, and Nerdfighteria would hate the brothers and exile them to Elba. (00:00:11)
2010-12-22 · I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — Not being a mathematician, John phones 'Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician' and state representative-elect Daniel Biss to ask whether $135,000 is a lot; on hearing yes, John cheers. (00:00:47)
2010-12-22 · I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — John tells the contestant he is sorry she lost on Jeopardy!, thanks her, and awards her the non-existent Nerdfighter prize of the day. (00:01:28)
2010-12-22 · I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — Because his week has turned around, John shares his happy dance, performed around his hotel and coached by Wheezy Waiter, ending in a handstand. (00:01:44)
2010-12-29 · Baby on the Road: Thoughts from Places — John had been feeling nostalgic, but notes that on the old road trips he couldn't order Happy Meals or play in the Play Place, which he can do again now. (00:00:59)
2010-12-29 · Baby on the Road: Thoughts from Places — While Willy slept, John read Sarah an excerpt from a German review of one of his books as translated by Google. (00:01:06)
2010-12-29 · Baby on the Road: Thoughts from Places — John recalls reaching the world's smallest courthouse in Arthur, Nebraska after twelve hours of driving and finding it not actually that small. (00:02:06)

Hank

966 statements · sincere 74% · playful 24% · other bits 2% · hedged or unsure 13%

Sincere but hedged (92)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 39 · wish / hope 5 · opinion marker 40 · other hedge 8.

Epistemic doubt (39)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank says the rental was a good experience overall but the price seems steep; the model makes no sense to him unless he gets more for his money or pays less. — hedged: “seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:52)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank argues that as Super Bowl ad spending soared, advertisers had to justify it, so the ads became a spectacle in themselves; people enjoying ads more than the game is a cultural nexus worth studying. — hedged: “I believe is probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank corrects John: Einstein didn't say many things attributed to him, but he was still a quotation generation machine who said many beautiful things. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:55)
2010-02-22 · TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND!! — Thinking about childhood injuries, Hank suggests to John that stories from their childhood could be this week's (week of 22 February 2010) theme. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-02-26 · Ningmaster Tom — Hank reports Tom's family thinks he will probably be okay, though how seriously he is injured is not yet known and recovery will not be instant; he and John are very nervous. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:47)
2010-03-03 · VidCon Schedule Spectacular! — Disagreeing with John's last video, Hank says he watched The Marriage Ref and found it entertaining, not that bad, perhaps because of his man crush on Alec Baldwin. — hedged: “It might just be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:27)
2010-03-26 · Top 10 Freaking Amazing Explosions — Hank says the 50-megaton Tsar Bomba was probably about five times the Tunguska event, roughly 4,000 Hiroshima bombs. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:41)
2010-04-05 · Google in your Brain — Hank says the mis-captioned snippets are funny now, but technology will probably soon get speech right, so it is worth thinking about what that will mean. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:08)
2010-04-19 · I Shall BLOW YOUR MIND — Hank says our galaxy has at least 200 billion stars like the Sun, maybe as many as 400 billion, since counting them is hard. — hedged: “could be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-04-23 · VidCon: User Generated Conference — For Sunday VidCon has a convention space, audio-visual supplies, maybe a small budget, and many people dedicated to the online video community. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:40)
2010-04-23 · VidCon: User Generated Conference — Rather than deciding on the spot at the conference, the organizers decided lead time and preparation would be better, so Hank is asking for ideas now. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:40)
2010-05-03 · Net Neutrality in the Shower — Hank says if everyone uses their 'information showers' at once, telecoms might be unable to deliver what they promised; getting more bandwidth costs money and cuts into their profits. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path two: Hank says that, apparently, time passes more slowly for someone travelling near the speed of light, so a traveller could return to find cures developed. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path nine: futurists expect brains in robot bodies or minds downloaded into computers; Hank is happy he likely won't live to see it, as it doesn't sound like life. — hedged: “I'm pretty sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:55)
2010-05-17 · My YouTube Story is Short — Hank says May 17 is not really YouTube's fifth birthday: YouTube was created in February 2005, and May 17 is apparently being marked as the birth of the YouTube community. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-05-21 · How to Make a Website in Four Minutes — Hank says he enjoyed making a how-to video and suggests making next week (week of 24 May 2010) how-to week. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:24)
2010-06-14 · Be The Change - vlogbrothers — Hank says Turing did everything a person can to win his nation's support, saving thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of British soldiers' lives and creating world-changing machines. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:40)
2010-06-23 · GOOOOOOOL!!!! — Hank shows John's own cell-phone footage of the goal, in which John says he sees 'two images'; Hank says John apparently broke his glasses. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:35)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank says he feared all of YouTube would hate the brothers after VidCon, from people sick of hearing about it or over some epic failure. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:33)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — Hank says the slow development of human children is a side effect of relying on cultural rather than genetic evolution, which is what makes people amazing, so complaining would be foolish. — hedged: “I guess” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:59)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Hank reports Wyclef Jean is running for president of Haiti, with his supposed strength being that he is not a politician and doesn't know Haitian politics. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — Hank says Dan has just started a project, Dan 3.0, giving his life over to his viewers, who decide what he does for the next year, from small tasks to big trips. — hedged: “kind of decide” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:30)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — The description says Hank believes we don't hear aliens because it is foolish to assume other civilizations communicate, think or act as we do, and if they do, they probably don't last long, as we probably won't. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — Hank suggests civilizations may change into something we can't understand, such as consciousnesses downloaded into sun-powered planet-wide computers that emit no signals. — hedged: “Or maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:58)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — Other options, Hank says: aliens may be hiding, like Star Trek's Prime Directive against interfering with non-spacefaring civilizations, or keeping us in a zoo and watching us. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:27)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — Hank says the first civilization to hear our radio signals might not exist yet, and by the time it does, we might not exist anymore. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:56)
2010-09-14 · Thoughts from Places: YouTube HQ — Physically, Hank says, YouTube could be wherever the data for its billions of videos are stored, but he has no idea where that is and thinks it might be a secret. — hedged: “I actually think that that might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-10-01 · Supernote and Charlie's Birthday — Hank reports that a planet that may have liquid water and could easily support life has been found 20 light years away, which he finds very exciting. — hedged: “may” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:54)
2010-10-07 · The Fermi Paradox: A Song — The song lists possible resolutions: advanced technology rarely evolves, technology leads to its own destruction, species lose interest in reproduction (wording unclear), or aliens hide until we grow up. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:20)
2010-10-07 · The Fermi Paradox: A Song — The song argues our listening is limited by our senses and has lasted only a couple dozen years, so we may not notice aliens; the cosmic phone could be ringing unanswered. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:55)
2010-10-11 · Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — Hank lived in Florida most of his life and, after moving away, saw much wrong with it; now he realizes his memory of it was selectively negative. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:40)
2010-10-15 · TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — Hank admits he sometimes feels like a huge failure, says everyone is petrified of failure, and says knowing others made far bigger failures keeps him trying new projects. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-10-25 · Rocky Horror + Glee = ? — Hank says what probably bothers him is that Glee will drop the absurdity, the alien stuff and the experience built by many thousands of audiences worldwide, and just sing songs that won't change your life. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:57)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank says horse domestication probably happened only once, in one place, and within a thousand years had spread everywhere it could. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:58)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank says horses' complex social structure leads foals raised by people (after their parents were killed for food) to put humans at the top of their hierarchy, which is probably how domestication happened. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:56)
2010-12-07 · Tongue Twisters — Hank says tongue twisters are probably more mind twisters than tongue twisters: people reading them silently take longer than reading non-twisting sentences. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:00)
2010-12-07 · Tongue Twisters — Hank says one could easily argue that this speech ability is what makes humans special as a species. — hedged: “you could easily argue” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:47)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — In the description Hank says he found many amazing autocompletes and might do this again, or John might. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank supposes autocomplete works by finding what other people searched for that starts with the same letters, which he calls convenient-ish. — hedged: “I imagine” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:15)

Wish / hope (5)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank says his old drug's monthly price rose sharply within a year; he hopes the new, half-price one won't keep rising '100% every year'. — hedged: “Hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:58)
2010-03-26 · Top 10 Freaking Amazing Explosions — Hank says Top 10 week has turned out to be quite fun and hopes they do it again sometime. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:00:00)
2010-04-14 · Fun is Important. Being Serious Isn't — Hank hopes they can distinguish important from serious: serious has never been on the agenda for him; what is on the agenda is 'important fun'. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:01:54)
2010-07-02 · VidCon by the Numbers — VidCon will hopefully stream three simultaneous live streams during the entire conference. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:20)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — Hank says the song is more sentimental than his usual fare but is about love, and hopes John likes it. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:00:10)

Opinion marker (40)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank thinks that if the iPad takes off it will be in ways no one expects, as blogs broke the newspaper format, the iPod the album, and films never suited desktop computers. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank thinks the iPad will make sense for study guides with interactive tests and diagrams, but not for a regular one. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank thinks YouTube must recognise that people don't like watching long-form content on computers; rentals won't really work unless they work with people's televisions. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:52)
2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank says The Cove rental costs $3.99 and, he thinks, is available only in North America and only until this Sunday (31 January 2010), after which it will be on Netflix. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:56)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank apologizes to Amanda Bynes, says they are fans, and says misquoting Einstein saying something lovely is fine; Einstein likely doesn't care because he's dead. — hedged: “I think there is a very good chance” [opinion marker] (00:03:16)
2010-02-26 · Ningmaster Tom — Hank says that, objectively, what he and John make on their own is not interesting or that good compared with most entertainment. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-02-26 · Ningmaster Tom — Hank says what is really interesting is when it goes beyond two brothers into a large community of many people working to make it exist in a real way. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:23)
2010-03-17 · Side-Boob is Not my Ultimate Concern — Hank thinks he would die for the freedom of the people he cares about before he would die for their lives. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:29)
2010-03-17 · Side-Boob is Not my Ultimate Concern — Hank finds it more interesting to ask where he draws lines between what he'd die for, fight for, care about at all, and not care about. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:11)
2010-03-26 · Top 10 Freaking Amazing Explosions — Reacting to John's list, Hank marvels at stabbing someone with your own broken bone but thinks the exploding ant deserved first place. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:04)
2010-04-05 · Google in your Brain — Hank thinks we dramatically underestimate our brains' complexity: AI would require writing the software that runs our brains, and we have no idea how brains work. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:10)
2010-04-05 · Google in your Brain — Hank thinks speech recognition combined with a bionic implant, which to him does not seem far off, would dramatically change what it means to be a person. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:08)
2010-04-14 · Fun is Important. Being Serious Isn't — The description says the video partly responds to the 'debacle' of the Streamy Awards, whose organizers Hank thinks assumed important online video had to be serious, prompting a rightful rebellion. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (video description)
2010-04-14 · Fun is Important. Being Serious Isn't — Hank thinks fun is about the most important thing there is, after trying to make the world better, and gets angry when people make things about being serious. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:09)
2010-04-14 · Fun is Important. Being Serious Isn't — Hank tells John and Nerdfighters they are lucky to be in new media, where things needn't be taken so seriously; he least wants it to become serious business and lose the fun. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:28)
2010-04-19 · I Shall BLOW YOUR MIND — Hank says the universe is big, but he thinks we have an important place in it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:35)
2010-04-19 · I Shall BLOW YOUR MIND — Hank thinks understanding the scope of the universe, the act of understanding itself, is more important than the existence of all the star stuff in it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:35)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — Hank says his own hug bucket is sturdy and quite full: daily hugs from Katherine, which he prefers above all, plus John, Alex Day, Charlie McDonnell, Shay Carl, friends and family. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:09)
2010-05-03 · Net Neutrality in the Shower — Hank argues it is not the telecom companies' job to enforce the law, and that we should not make it their job. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:57)
2010-05-21 · How to Make a Website in Four Minutes — Hank says making a website has always been his first step in realising an idea: once it is online it has a life of its own, so getting one up fast matters. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:00:29)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank's own view (description): YouTube should pay Viacom some reparations based on the views of Viacom-owned content. — hedged: “In my opinion” [opinion marker] (video description)
2010-06-14 · Be The Change - vlogbrothers — Hank feels change is hard to see, especially for young people: at 15 you can't see how fast the world has changed, so it may seem nothing can change. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:02:08)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank says that after VidCon nobody seems to hate them; in fact many people seem to like them more. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:01)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank thanks everyone who supported VidCon and says its success came from low expectations and a really amazing community, making it a really important thing. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:11)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Hank says the epic travel vlogs they've been doing are part of the future of vlogging, but he won't do one today. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — Hank finds Dan 3.0 fascinating for about 20 reasons, some of them why he would never do it and some why he would really like to. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:00)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — Hank says people treat Dan 3.0 as a cute stunt, but Dan doesn't know what to do with his life, like many of us; others seem to have it figured out but don't. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:29)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — Hank says Dan believes his community will decide better than he would alone, and that Dan is doing what many wish they could: asking for help figuring out what to do. — hedged: “I think Dan is doing” [opinion marker] (00:02:29)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — Hank notes both brothers owe punishments (his makeup tutorial is not done; John is unpunished) and proposes an agreement that both be complete seven days from now. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:49)
2010-08-30 · Thoughts from Places: The Centennial Valley — Hank feels that at the ranch he got as close to nowhere as he could and found it more of a place than anywhere he had been in a long time. — hedged: “I just feel like” [opinion marker] (00:03:01)
2010-09-17 · Positive Prank Calls!! — Hank says he positively prank-called 10 people, which he thinks is a good day's work, though occasionally people seemed somewhat annoyed. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:34)
2010-09-17 · Positive Prank Calls!! — Hank hopes the people he called will feel better about the planet and society; he thinks it is easy to get discouraged only because we get told the bad news and never the good. — hedged: “I really think” [opinion marker] (00:03:05)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank thinks video games are compelling because they simplify real life, which is complicated: games give goals and you know when you've failed or succeeded. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:56)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank says the bond between horse lovers and horses is unlike any relationship he has had, and is bred into the genes of both horses and horse lovers. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:03:20)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank argues it is ridiculous to think we changed horses so much without realising that they have changed us a lot too. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:20)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank thinks one reason is that everybody wants to help but struggles to get involved without feeling depressed about a broken world; people want meaning without feeling bad, and that is what P4A is for. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:18)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank thinks P4A will be done a little differently next year (2011). — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:15)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank thinks he is prouder of the Project for Awesome than of anything else he has ever done. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:57)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank is impressed that video quality and participation keep rising, that people work together as equals because they want to, and that 'we are all people being people' whatever our circumstances, with implications beyond P4A. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:03:02)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank thinks autocomplete's real value is less its convenience than its ability to let us peer into the soul of mankind. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:23)

Other hedge (8)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2010-07-08 · Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — Hank guesses the quake was about a one on the Richter scale, though it felt impressive and his heart is racing. — hedged: “I bet” [other hedge] (00:00:32)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Hank argues not being a politician is no strength: to an extent you want the person fixing your car to be a mechanic with the right tools. — hedged: “to an extent” [other hedge] (00:00:58)
2010-08-30 · Thoughts from Places: The Centennial Valley — Hank says that, as far as he can tell, Monida has only a sagging barn he has seen in many online photos, some closed shops and a distant school-bus graveyard. — hedged: “As far as I can tell” [other hedge] (00:00:29)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — Hank says it is possible, and it constantly worries him, that advanced civilizations tend to destroy themselves, through atomic winter, big natural events or losing interest in procreation. — hedged: “It is possible” [other hedge] (00:01:58)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank says saying things wrong is, as far as he is concerned, the most embarrassing thing that can happen, and as with an open fly, people are often too embarrassed to tell you. — hedged: “as far as I am concerned” [other hedge] (00:00:02)
2010-10-20 · Strange Charm: A Song about Quarks — The chorus names the quarks up, down, strange, charm, top and bottom, says you have them even if you don't know what a quark is, and that with leptons and bosons they make up everything we know exists. — hedged: “unless something's amiss” [other hedge] (00:00:31)
2010-10-25 · Rocky Horror + Glee = ? — Hank says Rocky Horror's cult rise embodies things credited to the internet, two-way content and creating on others' work, a desire strong enough to find outlets decades before the internet. — hedged: “as far as I'm concerned” [other hedge] (00:01:59)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — Hank shows a new end screen the brothers are thinking of using: the left side (shirts, Truth or Fail) will change, while previous/next, subscribe, Twitter and Facebook stay; he asks for opinions. — hedged: “thinking of” [other hedge] (00:03:03)

Satire (2)

a mock position (e.g. a fake moral panic) — the opposite of what is meant

2010-05-31 · Farmville!!!!! A Song — In the song, a narrator who discovered FarmVille on Facebook prefers its adorable farm, where the sky is always blue and animals never die, to real life. (00:00:24)
2010-05-31 · Farmville!!!!! A Song — The narrator admits it might not be real life but says he doesn't mind, since there is nowhere he would rather spend his time. (00:01:50)

Parody (2)

imitating a genre or a person (mock documentary, mock critic)

2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — In a mock-inspirational moral, Hank says he is proud to be in the PEN15 Club with everyone else in it and came through that moderate adversity stronger, because he must be himself. (00:01:56)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — In a nature-documentary parody, Hank presents footage of visiting YouTuber Dan Brown as a rare creature filmed 'outside its natural habitat', performing bizarre 'displays'. (00:00:00)

Joke (12)

a gag; not a claim

2010-01-20 · OMG MY BROTHER HAD A BABY — Hank jokes the baby was surely named after John's 'younger, smarter, better looking brother', or possibly his grandfather, and will take after his mother, judging by his black hair. (00:02:15)
2010-06-09 · Should We Sue Viacom? — Answering newcomers asking 'who the F is Hank?', Hank says Hank is an unincorporated community in Texas, an inside joke the brothers can't let go of. (00:00:00)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank shows two playpen balls signed by Shane Dawson, so technically Shane Dawson signed his balls. (00:01:01)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — The alter ego, 'the voice inside your head', tells Hank he is not his achievements and that his accomplishments are all luck or cheating. (00:01:22)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — On behalf of his curious nephew, Hank asks everybody how their poop has been lately. (00:03:13)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Hank shows John an image from the Tumblr and tells him he is a meme. (00:03:31)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — Asked to introduce himself, the demon says 'Intumescence'; Hank looks it up on his phone ('a swelling up with blood or other fluids') and shortens it to Toomey. (00:00:29)
2010-09-22 · Non-VIrgin...a Lexical Gap? — Hank tells 15-year-old John to dump his girlfriend now, so that he has one girlfriend in his past he dumped before she dumped him. (00:03:18)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank says the common Vlogbrothers comment 'you lose the game' is often misspelled (shown on screen), so instead of losing the Game he thinks of the failure of the American education system. (00:01:19)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank jokes that in the worst case, in 20 years John writes vampire novels and Hank plays an afternoon Vegas lounge show, singing his quark song to five people who don't know him. (00:00:58)
2010-12-10 · Project for Awesome and Thoughts from DC — Hank gives a mock tour of invented D.C. monuments and meets a 'squirrel ambassador' who apologizes for the crimes of Scuzzy Kizoozle. (00:02:14)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — Hank's song hedges every vow: he'll do whatever she asks unless it is really evil or uncomfortable, get what she dreams of if it won't leave him destitute, and stay till time ends. (00:00:56)

Hypothetical (5)

a thought experiment or "what if"

2010-05-03 · Net Neutrality in the Shower — Hank imagines that when bandwidth runs short again telecoms would cut the next biggest user, probably YouTube, while Comcast.com's videos come in faster than ever. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:57)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path seven: an evil dictator could selectively breed for longevity by forbidding sex until ever-later ages over thousands of years; Hank says it would work but be really evil. (00:02:26)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — In his first made-up word problem (1-in-5 terrorist risk per cigarette, 40% piranha risk per premarital sex), Hank computes survival as 80% times 60%, 48%. (00:05:39)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — In the poison-dart problem (6 Tylenol, 4 Imodium AD, 4 antidote pills, three picks), Hank gets a 33% chance of no antidote, so 67% survival. (00:06:28)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — In the terrorist-velociraptor problem (one bullet, four trigger pulls, 30% chance a hit stops it), Hank gets 32% for no shot, 68% for firing and 20% survival. (00:07:38)

Playful (234)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2010-01-06 · 15 Hours in Target! — Hank feels a bit of a jerk complaining when John did nothing and has a root canal today, though John did break the rules of dental hygiene despite Mom buying them a toothbrush every year. (00:01:27)
2010-01-06 · 15 Hours in Target! — Near the end of his 15 hours in Target, Hank eats 'one last heaping spoonful', coughs, and calls it a horrible idea. (00:03:09)
2010-01-06 · 15 Hours in Target! — Hank assigns John's punishment: face his fear of heights with a full session on the Frog Hopper, and tell Hank he loves him while up there. (00:03:17)
2010-01-11 · Ecosystem Services 101 with Hank — Hank says the steep downhill skiing he avoids killed a Kennedy and Sonny Bono in 1997, the year he turned 17. (00:00:00)
2010-01-11 · Ecosystem Services 101 with Hank — Hank is skiing, but the kind that is mostly looking at stuff, not steep downhill slopes; he is not much for adventure and finds it fun. (00:00:00)
2010-01-11 · Ecosystem Services 101 with Hank — Hank contrasts his Master of Science with John's 'froofy' Bachelor of Arts: he can teach John scientific explanation, John can teach him that the Gatsby billboard was God or something. (00:00:00)
2010-01-11 · Ecosystem Services 101 with Hank — Hank says the valuation included a category for beauty, which he is enjoying today and has spent money on, from his boots to the gas to drive out. (00:02:47)
2010-01-15 · Introduction to Chemistry with Hank — Making or breaking bonds drastically changes properties: sodium explodes in water and chlorine gas is deadly, but bonded ionically they are delicious on food. (00:02:26)
2010-01-15 · Introduction to Chemistry with Hank — Lacking time for chemical reactions, Hank says John now knows infinitely more chemistry than four minutes ago. (00:02:55)
2010-01-20 · OMG MY BROTHER HAD A BABY — In Hank's telling, John was a senior in high school in 1995 and took little notice of freshman Sarah, who remembers the 'charmingly nerdy upperclassman'; they had few interactions. (00:00:12)
2010-01-20 · OMG MY BROTHER HAD A BABY — Ten years later Sarah's sparring partner at a Chicago boxing club turned out to be John's ex-girlfriend, also from Alabama, which reconnected John and Sarah. (00:00:41)
2010-01-20 · OMG MY BROTHER HAD A BABY — John and Sarah then exchanged emails for over a year, roughly 'the length of a short Russian novel', which led to a string of dates in 2004. (00:01:09)
2010-01-25 · Name My Dog! — Hank recalls his logarithmic age scale, mentioned briefly in the vegetarianism video: people should have many birthdays when young, since more happens then, and fewer when old; the snags are choosing the coefficient and getting anyone to buy in. — hedged: “I believe” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-01-25 · Name My Dog! — Whether they keep the dog depends on Cameo, who (Hank jokes) outvotes everyone on pet decisions and is firmly against the dog; the dog kind of dislikes Cameo, or possibly likes her too much. If they become friends, they will keep her. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:35)
2010-01-25 · Name My Dog! — The first round offers two dog 'facts', one a lie: Chewbacca's vocalizations were based on an Alaskan Malamute's, or all dogs are ambidextrous; the answer is not given here. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:17)
2010-01-25 · Name My Dog! — Hank asks viewers to say in a comment if they know what his 'Let's go! Anybody?' line is from. (00:03:17)
2010-01-29 · The iPad and Dolphin Murder — Hank notes Apple introduced a tablet PC on Wednesday, mocks the idea that no one had thought of one before, but says he finds it very interesting. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank says the first high-profile Super Bowl ad aired in 1973: Farrah Fawcett spreading Noxzema on quarterback Joe Namath's face, setting a bar for racy ads later outdone by GoDaddy. (00:00:36)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank says Apple's 1985 ad showing IBM users as lemmings walking to their deaths flopped and was instrumental in getting Steve Jobs fired. (00:01:17)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank remembers loving the Bud Bowl as a kid, which makes him question whether it was a good marketing strategy for an alcoholic beverage. (00:01:17)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank says a 1997 ad showed the late Fred Astaire dancing with a Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. (00:01:17)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank says the bankruptcy of Epidemic.com, which paid people to email ads to their friends, is a main reason he believes people are not jerks. (00:01:46)
2010-01-29 · An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — Hank suggests the falling price reflects television weakening and YouTube rising, then immediately allows that it possibly does not. — hedged: “Possibly not” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:15)
2010-02-03 · Win The Awesomest Prizes EVAR! — Hank says he bought three raffle tickets for the Tom Felton guitar and hopes he wins. (00:01:17)
2010-02-06 · Truth or Fail: SUPERBOWL — Hank says he knows very little about football and borrowed his outfit from a friend to look more Super Bowl-ish. (00:00:00)
2010-02-06 · Truth or Fail: SUPERBOWL — Hank says we must accept our true selves and his true self is a nerd, but he does like a good game of football. (00:00:00)
2010-02-06 · Truth or Fail: SUPERBOWL — Round one, option one: 5'6" Darren Sproles is the smallest player in the NFL today (one option is false). — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:00:44)
2010-02-06 · Truth or Fail: SUPERBOWL — Round one, option two: William 'the Refrigerator' Perry was the largest NFL player of all time (one option is false). — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:00:44)
2010-02-08 · Hypocrisy: All They Want is Money — Hank contrasts Dove's campaign that real women are beautiful with Axe body spray's pitch of using women for sex; both brands are owned by Unilever. (00:01:33)
2010-02-08 · Hypocrisy: All They Want is Money — Hank says media companies, owning around 10,000 properties, are worse: Time Warner owned both the UK softcore magazine Nuts and Hanna-Barbera; MTV runs channels for young children and horny men. (00:01:54)
2010-02-08 · Hypocrisy: All They Want is Money — Hank finds it depressing that Ben & Jerry's, marketed as the quirky independent ice cream for hippie types, is owned by one of the world's biggest food companies. (00:03:10)
2010-02-12 · Google Search Stories: Harry Potter — Hank says he will let the search story stand on its own, is excited to have the brotherhood renewed, and expects John's next video to be awesome. (00:02:19)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank rebuts John: he did have girlfriends in high school, naming four, all but one of whom would call him their boyfriend. (00:00:25)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank says he knows the six types of quarks and also who Amanda Bynes is, from Hairspray, which he has seen about five times: physics knowledge doesn't exclude pop culture. (00:01:40)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank sings a short song (lyrics partly unclear) naming the quark types, saying quarks make up everything we can see whether or not you know what they are, and praising Amanda Bynes. (00:02:09)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank concludes that John embarrassed Amanda Bynes into deleting her tweets, and that the internet is so weird. (00:03:09)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank asks viewers to misquote John and him in the comments, attributing quotes they never said, which they might then say. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:42)
2010-02-22 · TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND!! — Hank does a low-movement dance to 'Don't Unplug Me', a song by Kristina Horner's new band All Caps. (00:02:14)
2010-03-03 · VidCon Schedule Spectacular! — Hank doubts anyone takes The Marriage Ref seriously and says that, compared to The Bachelor, it is fantastic since the couples are already married. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:00:56)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank, answering John, insists he did not put poop in the Nintendo and offers a 'satisfaction guaranteed' argument in five points. (00:00:00)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank's first point: nobody wants to touch dog poop, he never has unless asked, and he cannot imagine Jesus or their mom asking him to put it in the Nintendo. (00:00:00)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank's second point: Red Green was a smart, bad dog; a black light Hank got in high school in the 90s showed Red had peed hundreds of times in his room. (00:00:29)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank argues that Red Green soiled almost every part of their home, so it was only a matter of time before some got into the Nintendo. (00:00:52)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank's third point: dogs normally pick out important items and mark them, and the Nintendo was an important item that would not slip past Red. (00:00:52)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank's fourth point: a commenter on John's video said her mom's beagle, similar to a dachshund, poops in weird places like the shower ledge, paint cans and the vacuum cleaner. (00:01:22)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank's final point: it was their shared Nintendo, which he loved too and would never endanger; he compares it to John and a ninth-grade crush, then drops the comparison. (00:01:22)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank says the host, Heather, is an egg farmer, the kind of profession people have in Montana where he lives. (00:02:20)
2010-03-08 · GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — Hank calls the eggs the best part of the evening, better than watching James Cameron's ex-wife beat him at the Academy Awards. (00:03:10)
2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank says Lemon is happiest right after pooping, which makes him nostalgic for the days when he enjoyed pooping. (00:00:58)
2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank hates it when a show fades to black on his full-screen computer and he sees his own slack, dull face; he wants to go do something with his life but is mid-show. (00:01:27)
2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank says Air Canada delayed a flight because passengers refused to board during the game, and shows a graph of Edmonton's water use during the final (people holding their pee). (00:01:57)
2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank passes on Katherine's question: why don't we have water beds that double as aquariums? (00:01:57)
2010-03-12 · Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — Hank once left ramen noodles boiling until the water boiled away and the noodles caught fire. (00:01:57)
2010-03-17 · Side-Boob is Not my Ultimate Concern — Hank would not give his life to be the first to break the sound barrier skydiving; he calls Baumgartner a bit of an idiot and hopes he doesn't die. (00:01:14)
2010-03-17 · Side-Boob is Not my Ultimate Concern — Truth or Fail candidate facts: one four-leaf clover per 100 three-leaf clovers; by legend St. Patrick used the shamrock to explain the Trinity to pagan Irish. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:03:16)
2010-03-26 · Top 10 Freaking Amazing Explosions — Hank can hardly imagine living when global nuclear war was feasible; even not living in the '50s, he wants to build a bomb shelter. (00:03:41)
2010-04-05 · Google in your Brain — Hank opens with a dramatic reading of YouTube's auto-captioning of John's video imploring him to teach John's son science, lest John explain the blue sky with pterodactyl poop. (00:00:29)
2010-04-09 · Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — Hank tells baby Henry that his dad John is not good at science and worries he can't answer Henry's questions, so they are answering them pre-emptively. (00:00:09)
2010-04-09 · Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — Asked how the internet works, Hank says they upload videos to YouTube, people watch and sometimes email, and beyond that he has no idea. (00:01:02)
2010-04-09 · Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — With dark comic delivery, Hank says hamburgers come from calves taken from their mothers young, raised in confined animal feeding operations, then killed and ground up. (00:02:03)
2010-04-09 · Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — Asked why people do bad things, Hank says it is not a science question, then answers: because their parents weren't as kind and loving as Henry's. (00:03:31)
2010-04-09 · Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — Hank hopes Henry learned a lot and becomes a little scientist like him; the genes must be in there somewhere. (00:03:50)
2010-04-14 · Fun is Important. Being Serious Isn't — Hank playfully declares that fun, Stephenie Meyer, Austin Powers and Weird Al Yankovic are important, and he doesn't care who hears him say it. (00:01:20)
2010-04-23 · VidCon: User Generated Conference — Hank floats ideas for the Sunday: a VidCon/YouTube open mic session, a poetry slam (if those aren't lame now), flash mobs, or the world's largest circle of people videotaping each other. — hedged: “It could be” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:09)
2010-04-23 · VidCon: User Generated Conference — Hank explains Calvinball, a no-rules ball game from the mind of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes, and says it sounds like a pretty good time. (00:01:09)
2010-04-23 · VidCon: User Generated Conference — Impractical ideas, like 45 minutes of Shane Dawson touching his hair, probably won't make the cut, but innovative ideas for the people and space will be accepted. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:07)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — Hank notes April 28 is Administrative Professionals Day and thanks administrative professionals, admitting he has no idea what they do. (00:00:09)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — For National Poetry Reading Day Hank recites a joke haiku and one of his favourites, Shel Silverstein's 'Hug-o-War' (hugs instead of tugs, where everyone wins). (00:00:21)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — A Nerdfighter's comment about a 'bucket list of hugs' led Hank to coin the 'hug bucket': the bucket all your hugs go into, with people you want to get inside it. (00:01:04)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — Hank jokes that VidCon will be very good for his hug bucket. (00:02:32)
2010-04-28 · Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — Hank says he will play his song 'What Would Captain Picard Do?' in front of Wil Wheaton, who in his head is still Wesley Crusher. (00:03:02)
2010-05-03 · Net Neutrality in the Shower — It is the brothers' dad's 60th birthday; Hank teases that he won't mention I Love Lucy, the lack of silicon transistors, or that both sons will soon be over 30. (00:00:00)
2010-05-03 · Net Neutrality in the Shower — Hank says instead of infinite variety we'd get a finite amount of crap, which is just crap; an infinite amount of crap is hope, where some of it sticks. (00:03:13)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Hank says he wouldn't mind being young forever, and proposes ten paths people might take to immortality. (00:00:00)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path one: hope medicine cures heart disease and cancer until life expectancy rises more than a year per year; then doctors can always fix you before you die. (00:00:29)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path three: cryonics is basically the same as speed-of-light travel, except with freezing, which Hank calls less cool. (00:00:58)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Path four: Hank says Elizabeth Bathory thought bathing in the blood of virgins restores youth; he doesn't know if it works but will steer clear. (00:01:27)
2010-05-07 · How to Live Forever — Hank finds this funny because in science fiction, once machines get smarter than us, they don't grant us immortality but see us as less useful than flies. (00:01:27)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — In rap, Hank calls it perhaps the second oddest weekend of his life: he browsed Portland real estate with a MythBuster's wife on Adam Savage's iPad. — hedged: “may have been” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:08)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — Hank raps about the weekend he took part in w00tstock, writing the lyrics on a barf bag on the plane home after hearing Adam Savage say he likes his music. (00:00:23)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — Landing in Seattle, Hank spent three hours talking with nerdcore rapper MC Frontalot, then met Molly with her boyfriend and assistant, and hung out with the Presidents of the USA's drummer. (00:00:42)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — He also saw his friend Stephen Toulouse, who runs bans on Xbox Live, ate pizza bought by organisers Paul and Storm, and found Wil Wheaton adorably excited. (00:01:12)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — Hank performed on a bill with Savage, Fraction, Frontalot and Loading Ready Run, and the crowd was so loud he couldn't believe it was happening to him. (00:01:34)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — Days after the world was planting trees for him, Hank was up in front of a thousand geeks, living his dreams. (00:01:53)
2010-05-12 · Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — Hank says he is prepared to accept w00tstock as the pinnacle of his career and doesn't mind if it's all downhill from here. (00:02:01)
2010-05-17 · My YouTube Story is Short — Hank says nothing of significance to YouTube appears to have happened on May 17, 2005, his first problem with the chosen date. — hedged: “It appears to me” [other hedge] (00:00:14)
2010-05-17 · My YouTube Story is Short — Hank's second objection: May 17 is already the birthday of 'the most important Catherine in the entire world', his wife. (00:00:29)
2010-05-17 · My YouTube Story is Short — Hank notes he is the only person besides YouTube's founders who appears twice on YouTube's community-history timeline, while John is not on it at all. (00:00:45)
2010-05-26 · How to Be Green Without Being a Prick — Hank feels that he and his viewers are kind of dual citizens, of the USA and of the internet, and being in the top five twice is troublesome. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
2010-05-31 · Farmville!!!!! A Song — Hank jokes that everyone has wilted FarmVille crops, but the game's cows, chickens and pigs never die no matter how much you neglect them. (00:00:00)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank says that beyond the 'poopy Nintendo' case there are bigger messes (BP in the Gulf, Israel and Palestine) and, closer to home on YouTube, Viacom's attack on YouTube is a very big deal. (00:00:01)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing Viacom, sets out its two demands of YouTube: compensation for views of illegally uploaded videos, and manual approval of every video put on the site. (00:00:37)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — In the sketch Viacom wants one billion dollars; YouTube counters with $2 per thousand views on illegally uploaded content, which it says is more than anyone else gets. (00:01:04)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing YouTube, says the vast majority of YouTube clips are uploaded legitimately by their owners, from a guy in his living room to big media companies like Viacom. (00:01:23)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — When Viacom recalls YouTube as all Daily Show and Family Guy clips, YouTube answers that was 2007; since then its content identification system has all but eradicated illegal uploads. (00:01:34)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing Viacom, reads an email from YouTube co-founder Steve Chen: removing potential copyright infringements would cut traffic and virality to maybe 20%; YouTube calls it out of context. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:59)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing YouTube, says Viacom has repeatedly put its own clips on YouTube while disguising that it uploaded them, so YouTube cannot know which videos Viacom wants online. (00:02:15)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — YouTube (Hank) asks why, if YouTube is so dirty, Viacom unsuccessfully tried to buy it; Viacom says that is irrelevant to its lawsuit. (00:02:35)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing YouTube, says Viacom-owned Spike.com routinely monetizes independent creators' videos with 30-second pre-rolls without the owners' permission. (00:02:45)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — When Viacom says those creators are welcome to sue, Hank's YouTube concludes that for Viacom it is OK to steal from someone who can't afford a lawyer. (00:02:55)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — YouTube (Hank) calls independent creators the backbone of YouTube; Viacom calls them a sideshow to illegal copyrighted content, which YouTube calls infuriating and factually inaccurate. (00:03:04)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — Hank, voicing YouTube, says YouTube keeps growing because users, independent creators and major media companies upload great content people want to watch. (00:03:20)
2010-06-04 · YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — The crux, in Hank's telling: Viacom, an old media company, can't handle a change that means it will make less money; he asks it to take its poop out of YouTube's Nintendo. (00:03:37)
2010-06-09 · Should We Sue Viacom? — Hank thinks even Google's masterminds would struggle to keep YouTube solvent under manual approval. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
2010-06-09 · Should We Sue Viacom? — After browsing Spike.com, Hank calls it a really bad website that appeals to his 14-year-old self: boobies, violence, butts and Mountain Dew. (00:01:56)
2010-06-18 · You just lost THE GAME! — Hank, with Nerdfighteria, stages a mock intervention: John must cut back on soccer, since making a second Twitter account to tweet about the World Cup is too much. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-06-18 · You just lost THE GAME! — Hank won't argue whether soccer is a good game, but however great it is, it is just a game. (00:00:00)
2010-06-23 · GOOOOOOOL!!!! — Hank quips that Twitter knows the news before the news knows the news. (00:00:00)
2010-06-23 · GOOOOOOOL!!!! — Watching soccer is mostly false hope, Hank says, until a stoppage-time goal makes all the exertion, exhaustion and frustration pay off. (00:01:34)
2010-07-02 · VidCon by the Numbers — Six days before VidCon, Hank says there is no space in his head for anything except VidCon, not even a tale about brain chemistry. (00:00:00)
2010-07-02 · VidCon by the Numbers — Prompted by his phone ringing, Hank adds that he was 250 minutes over his allotted 750 phone minutes in June. (00:02:49)
2010-07-02 · VidCon by the Numbers — Hank coyly says that maybe they will do VidCon again sometime. — hedged: “maybe, maybe, maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:17)
2010-07-08 · Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — Hank says the Earth should be trustworthy and stay in place, but since it does a lot for us and we don't do much for it, it's entitled to a little shaking. — hedged: “I guess maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:32)
2010-07-14 · Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — Hank cuts in to announce that the Vlogbrothers have just broken into the top 100 most-subscribed YouTube channels, thanking Ray William Johnson, Charlieissocoollike and Meekakitty. (00:03:33)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank jokes that he has slept for four days to recover from VidCon, where he says he did not sleep at all. (00:00:00)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank plays 'Kitty Accordion' with his cat, insisting it is not torture because she would run away if she didn't like it. (00:01:01)
2010-07-16 · VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — Hank adds that the end of the spill lasts only until it happens again. (00:02:13)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — After someone took a photo with Snooki, another person asked Hank if he was Hank Green and wanted a photo with him, leaving Snooki confused: 'when worlds collide'. (00:00:29)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — Via a sarcastic mustached alter ego, Hank lists recent honours: a character in a major Russian film did the Nerdfighter salute, an idol said he respects Hank's work, and John won a literary prize in Germany. (00:01:22)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — The chorus laments that however much young adult fiction Hank reads, he keeps coming up dry: whatever he reads, it is not Harry Potter. (00:02:04)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — The punishment outfit must include a sweatshirt cut off at the ribs and a headband, preferably leg warmers, and possibly a whole-body leotard. (00:02:34)
2010-07-21 · I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — Hank finds the phrase 'in shape' weird: he is in the shape of a skinny guy with a high percentage of body fat and no muscle. (00:03:13)
2010-07-26 · Hank's Life in a Day — Answering 'what is in your pocket', Hank shows his brand-new, huge Droid X ('like holding an iPad up to my ear'), a waterproof camera and the pills he takes every day. (00:00:00)
2010-07-26 · Hank's Life in a Day — On one of the hottest days of the year, Hank shows one of his dog Lemon's strategies for coping with heat. (00:00:29)
2010-07-26 · Hank's Life in a Day — At the garden plot Hank notes they have sunflowers too, telling John he doesn't have to go to Germany to see sunflowers. (00:01:27)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — Hank says he sometimes forgets that not everyone in America is like him and most people don't live their lives online; many Americans still have dial-up, have never streamed a video, or think LOL means 'lots of love'. (00:00:01)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — Hank jokingly warns John to prepare before Henry turns four, citing Bill Cosby's 'brain damage' routine about young children. (00:01:16)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — Hank tries to teach his nephew the meaning of perseverance and relaxation, but the boy grasps neither idea. (00:02:12)
2010-07-30 · Demon Four Year Old — Hank says his nephew is obsessed with the size of his poops and assumes everyone else is interested too. (00:02:47)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — Hank opens by telling John he loves him, then moves straight on. (00:00:00)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — Hank says the Vlogbrothers are now the 81st most subscribed channel on YouTube and are about to be passed by Toby Turner; he jokes 81st is as high as they will go. (00:00:00)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — They visited Greenough Park, which Hank and Katherine used to live across from; Hank likes to throw rocks while Katherine builds things out of them. (00:00:32)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — Hank argues new experiences should start out subpar, like a first apartment with the toilet beside the bed, so that later upgrades feel significant and make you happy. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:01)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — So the nephew's first baseball game was the Missoula Osprey, which Hank calls the worst team in the minorest of the minor leagues; there was no rally. (00:01:31)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — The nephew then had to leave, which Hank found sad but also a bit of a relief because the boy is a little high-maintenance. (00:01:31)
2010-08-04 · Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — Hank finds it weird to serve bison burgers next to the range, though he concedes the animals are half-cow ranch animals, then notes his own wallet is bison leather. — hedged: “I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:03:02)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — In middle school a cool kid asked Hank to join the 'pen 15 club'; craving acceptance he agreed and got 'pen 15' written on his hand, which reads as 'penis'. (00:01:27)
2010-08-13 · The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — Hank adds that once you do know what you're doing with your life, it's really boring, speaking from experience. (00:02:29)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — Hank brings back for an interview the 'Demon Four-Year-Old', a 'friend' he introduced a couple of weeks ago whom viewers liked though Hank is not a big fan. (00:00:00)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — After signing off, Hank says a pig's orgasm lasts over 30 minutes and wonders who measured it. (00:03:16)
2010-08-23 · Make-up Tutorial: Katniss Everdeen Look — Hank has to make a makeup tutorial but neither he, Katherine nor anyone they know owns makeup, so they go to Target. (00:00:04)
2010-08-23 · Make-up Tutorial: Katniss Everdeen Look — Looking for a makeup wearer he admires, Hank picks Katniss Everdeen and reads that at the opening ceremonies her face is nearly clear of makeup, with some highlighting. (00:00:34)
2010-08-23 · Make-up Tutorial: Katniss Everdeen Look — Hank aims for a smoky but subtle District 12 look with silver shimmer and dark eyeshadow, and says it would have been awesome had he ever worn makeup before. (00:01:43)
2010-08-23 · Make-up Tutorial: Katniss Everdeen Look — Hank thanks women for wearing makeup on special occasions but says men think they are pretty all the time. (00:03:23)
2010-08-24 · FRENCH THE LLAMA! John is 33! — Showing his favourite book, Hank hopes the crowd shows many Harry Potters and some John Green books, and not so many Stephenie Meyer books. — hedged: “I'm hoping” [wish / hope] (00:00:29)
2010-08-24 · FRENCH THE LLAMA! John is 33! — Hank's song bids goodbye to 32-year-old John, recapping his year (travel, a son, VidCon, a book with David Levithan) with the refrain 'now you're 33, French the llama'. (00:03:23)
2010-08-30 · Thoughts from Places: The Centennial Valley — Hank says Monida, a town on the Montana–Idaho border, has a population of two. (00:00:29)
2010-08-30 · Thoughts from Places: The Centennial Valley — Hank stepped in a whistle pig hole and sprained his ankle; Katherine feared the hospital was 500 miles away (it is 179), and he could not dance at the reception. (00:01:47)
2010-09-03 · ANOTHER Oil Rig Explosion?! REALLY?! — Hank says corporations are used to risk: Microsoft's new phone flopped and probably lost tens or hundreds of millions of dollars, a normal part of business. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:56)
2010-09-08 · Where are the Space Aliens?! — Hank says we have detected nothing: as far as we can tell, aliens either aren't out there or aren't watching TV. (00:01:28)
2010-09-11 · Giant Baby Attack — Hank adds that Facebook does not understand Nerdfighteria. (00:02:05)
2010-09-14 · Thoughts from Places: YouTube HQ — Hank says he woke at about 4 a.m. needing to pee, with a spiral staircase between him and the bathroom, and got up four more times without falling. (00:00:00)
2010-09-14 · Thoughts from Places: YouTube HQ — Hank says his first thought was that YouTube HQ must be the coolest place to work, people making YouTube more awesome between Nerf gun fights, but the reality is very different. (00:00:58)
2010-09-17 · Positive Prank Calls!! — After a red-paint joke, Hank's script says laughing burns 20% more calories than resting, so people should laugh as often as possible. (video description)
2010-09-22 · Non-VIrgin...a Lexical Gap? — Hank says 'deflowered', his first choice for the opposite, has a negative connotation, with synonyms like corrupt and sully. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:37)
2010-09-22 · Non-VIrgin...a Lexical Gap? — Hank says 33-year-old John will write a video letter to 15-year-old Hank saying the same thing about critical reading, and he will be right. (00:02:42)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank corrects common phrases: it is 'couldn't care less' (if you could care less, you care), 'for all intents and purposes', not 'intensive purposes', and 'hold the fort', a military metaphor. (00:00:19)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank tells Alanis Morissette that getting a death-row pardon two minutes too late is extremely unfortunate, but not ironic. (00:00:48)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank says not to repeat a word already inside an acronym ('PIN number', 'ATM machine'), though 'the La Brea Tar Pits', literally 'the the tar tar pits', is fine. (00:00:57)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank warns that saying 'I sure love it here in England' in a pub in Wales will get you punched: England is not a synonym for the United Kingdom. (00:01:50)
2010-09-27 · Stop Embarrassing Yourself — Hank runs through correct pronunciations of often-mispronounced words: awry, epitome, Edinburgh, ethereal, meme, haphazard, facetious, hyperbole, colonel, Boolean and dishevelled. (00:03:10)
2010-10-01 · Supernote and Charlie's Birthday — Hank says there is also a prize for the cumulative team effort, so if all of Nerdfighteria posts SuperNotes the team could become SuperNote champions of the world. (00:00:54)
2010-10-01 · Supernote and Charlie's Birthday — For Charlie McDonnell's birthday, Hank jokes he won't believe anyone who hasn't subscribed to him and, because Alex Day said they should write him ukulele songs, sings a short birthday song. (00:00:54)
2010-10-01 · Supernote and Charlie's Birthday — Hank explains that a SuperNote's length depends on lung capacity and on the ability to hold your breath, since you cannot inhale while exhaling and the body wants to keep inhaling. (00:01:39)
2010-10-01 · Supernote and Charlie's Birthday — Hank advises ignoring the body's urge to breathe and, physiologically, filling and emptying the lungs rapidly to 'super oxygenate' the blood until the gums tingle, then starting the SuperNote. (00:02:08)
2010-10-07 · The Fermi Paradox: A Song — Hank says he is excited about Song Wednesdays' return and cannot stop writing nerdy songs. (00:02:43)
2010-10-11 · Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — Hank says it is very hot everywhere the air isn't conditioned, so no one is outside and everyone, himself included, is stuck in huge SUVs. (00:00:12)
2010-10-11 · Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — Enterprise rental car gives Hank a 'quadruple upgrade' to a 'real big truck'; he jokes that in Montana it would be called a boat, not a truck. (00:00:24)
2010-10-11 · Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — Hank lists Florida's downsides: unnecessarily hot, a ridiculously bright sun, big cars needed everywhere, styrofoam cups, and fire ants, which stung him, deservedly. (00:00:50)
2010-10-11 · Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — Hank finds it extraordinarily upsetting that almost 10 years have passed since he graduated from college. (00:01:46)
2010-10-15 · TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — Hank presents 'the Top 7 most epic fails of history', in no particular order, so viewers can see that their own failures, however big they seem, are insignificant. (00:00:29)
2010-10-15 · TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — As fail number two, Hank acts out a Trojan commander telling his men to bring the horse the departed Greeks left into the city and leave it unguarded overnight. (00:01:06)
2010-10-15 · TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — Hank says fail number three is getting involved in a land war in Asia, 'one of the classic blunders': anyone trying to take over all of Europe should leave Moscow alone. (00:01:32)
2010-10-15 · TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — Hank adds that a small, technologically sophisticated island nation should not bomb a country it is not at war with, especially one that has just developed a city-destroying bomb. (00:01:47)
2010-10-20 · Strange Charm: A Song about Quarks — Hank calls dft.ba one more way that Nerdfighteria is taking over the internet. (00:02:15)
2010-10-25 · Rocky Horror + Glee = ? — Hank says points go to commenters who correctly guess which role he played in his Rocky cast, and he looks forward to the guesses. (00:03:26)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Among his questions Hank wonders whether non-Nerdfighters would wear the giraffe love shirt if it were sold at Target or Hot Topic. (00:00:00)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Fable III is keeping Hank up late trying to save his citizens, and he thinks he will have to replay it from the start to get everyone to live. (video description)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank calls it a plot hole in Glee's Rocky Horror episode that Mr. Schuester cast himself as Rocky opposite 16-year-old Rachel as Janet, wondering how the 'Touch-a Touch Me' number would really have gone. (00:00:29)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank says the best case for the Vlogbrothers in 20 years looks a lot like now, making videos that are 'informational' and 'educational', and says to shoot for that. (00:00:58)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank is puzzled that viewers urged him to buy the game, since he thought they wanted entertaining videos and songs, which he can't make while saving Albion; he admits he'd have bought it anyway. (00:01:56)
2010-10-29 · Hank Has Questions — Hank says being nerdy is important to his job, joking that nerds playing video games is a law of nature. (00:01:56)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank sings that Phineas Gage was 25 in 1848, working on the railroad, when he forgot the tamping sand and the tamping rod destroyed his left frontal lobe. (00:00:10)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank sings that the doctor doubted the rod had passed through Gage's head, since he'd surely be dead, until a coughing fit brought brain matter out. (00:00:51)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank sings that the doctor told the family to prepare for death; Gage spent months in bed, yet within months walked downstairs as if losing a quarter of his brain hadn't harmed him. (00:01:32)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank sings that Gage was 37 when he went back to his home and family as his death neared, and that, as is common after severe head trauma, seizures killed him. (00:02:54)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank thanks Katherine and Lemon for helping film the video, joking that Lemon didn't help at all, and apologizes for the unclean lens. (00:03:26)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — Hank apologizes for not addressing whether John can be his sing-a-ma-jig player: he isn't sure he can write for it and thinks he took John to be kidding; now he'll research whether he can. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:32)
2010-11-03 · Phineas Gage: A Song — In an outtake, Hank is filming with the dog tied to him, a tumbleweed blows over his MacBook, and he exclaims that he loves Montana. (00:03:51)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — Hank tells viewers who flipped ten heads that there is nothing special about their coin, or about them, so it is no magical coin to bet on in Vegas. (00:00:48)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — Hank says no one, not Miss Cleo, Albert Einstein or even Dr. Manhattan, could know where an individual coin would fall. (00:01:52)
2010-11-08 · Probability 101 — Hank says he hated word problems in school, but now that he is teaching them he loves them. (00:05:30)
2010-11-12 · Blood!!! — Hank says he is on his way to the Western Montana Blood Bank to give blood, calling himself a universal donor they can't get enough of. (00:00:00)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank says he's tired of the pre-release media blitz for the film: he bought his tickets on Fandango four months ago. (00:00:00)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank sings that however much young adult fiction he reads, nothing makes him feel again the way Harry Potter did: everything he reads is not Harry Potter. (00:01:22)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank sings he was impressed with Frankie Landau-Banks, though her epic pranks don't compare with saving the world, and that 13 Little Blue Envelopes was fantastic but not the best book he has read. (00:01:22)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank sings that, no joke, he also reads books his own brother wrote, and they too are not Harry Potter. (00:01:22)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank sings that he read Twilight in his darkest nights; Edward has a killing curse coming, and the name Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington alone beats anything in Breaking Dawn. (00:02:39)
2010-11-17 · HARRY POTTER SONG! — Hank sings that Diagon Alley beats Ankh-Morpork, President Snow is no Voldemort, and Lyra's parentage is a good plot twist, but none of it is Harry Potter. (00:03:02)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank asks why it is called piggyback riding, says everyone knows the answer, and asks viewers to tell him. (00:00:00)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank says despite the saddle his legs, knees, hips, butt and back hurt: 'give or take 90%' of his things. (00:00:58)
2010-11-22 · Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — Hank says horses changed how people worked, travelled and fought wars: a rider could kind of be a ten-foot-tall, four-footed being that runs fifty miles per hour and carries thousands of pounds. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:50)
2010-11-26 · p4a, Space Pasta, and Giant Squids of Anger — Hank asks whether flying Apollo 11 to the Moon, filling the capsule with pasta and shipping it back would be more energy-intensive per calorie than growing a cow. (00:02:23)
2010-11-29 · John and Hank: The Out-Takes — When John says the brothers will let Nerdfighteria challenge 'us' to something horrible, Hank says he thinks John means only himself, then says he'll do something horrible too. (00:01:52)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — Hank thanks John for making it animal sex week in a week when he has to write a song, so he wrote a song about animal sex. (00:00:00)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — The song says male giraffes have more sex with each other than with females. (00:00:31)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — In the song Hank tells a girlfriend who loves evolutionary biology that there are a lot of ways to make a baby, citing animal mating habits. (00:00:43)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — The song says dolphin sex lasts twenty seconds at most. (00:00:58)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — The song says barnacles' 'junk' is fifty times bigger than their body size. (00:01:05)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — The song says the male anglerfish 'gets completely screwed' and the flatworm uses a sword-like penis to stab in its sperm. (00:01:10)
2010-12-01 · Makin' Babies: A Song — Hank says he wanted chimpanzee mating footage for the chimpanzee line but found it too much like human sex; he concedes the song was a little creepy and asks viewers. (00:01:45)
2010-12-07 · Tongue Twisters — Hank tells commenters demanding punishment for a video over four minutes that the 'Nerdfighter montage exception' applies, so he remains punishment-free. (00:04:06)
2010-12-10 · Project for Awesome and Thoughts from DC — Hank recounts being woken repeatedly by garbage trucks, joking D.C. must have the most trash of any city, then a showerhead like a Star Trek TNG defense system and a hinged mirror. (00:01:13)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — In the song Hank calls it creepy how often romantic pet names ('girl', 'baby', 'boy') refer to little children, so he dedicates the song to 'the adult female I love' instead. (00:00:19)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — Hank sings that love is hard and messy, can hurt worse than fire and make you want to tear down a building, but is also the best thing that has ever happened to him. (00:01:36)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — Hank tells viewers to go to youtube.com/p4a and subscribe, warning they will regret it if they don't. (00:03:02)
2010-12-15 · Adult Female: A Song — On the end screen Hank links some of his old songs and points to his videos of playing Assassin's Creed, where he sometimes sings while killing people. (00:03:16)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank jokes that Mike Huckabee's attempt to 'hack' the Republican presidential nomination kept P4A from taking over the whole first page of 'most discussed', but P4A's hack was more successful. (00:00:19)
2010-12-20 · Thoughts on the Project for Awesome — Hank says this year (2010) they hacked for charity harder than ever: WheezyWaiter's chest hair, John's fear of heights, and YouTube itself from the inside out. (00:01:56)
2010-12-27 · To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — Hank says it feels like a long time since there's been a vlogbrothers video; skipping one day gave him 'Vlogbrothers withdrawal'. (00:00:00)
2010-12-27 · To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — Hank got a light, so he can now make videos at night, which helps because in a Montana winter nighttime starts at four. (00:00:14)
2010-12-27 · To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — Katherine gave Hank a heavy bag that turned out to be full of his favourite guilty-pleasure foods, including fudge rounds, of which one is left. (00:00:51)
2010-12-27 · To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — A gift from his mom that Hank took for a musical instrument, enjoying the noise it made, turned out to be a cheese cutter. (00:01:33)
2010-12-27 · To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — Hank replays a clip of himself about a year ago wishing for a housed time-lapse camera that clamps to a tree or pole; he now has one, which doubles as the 'nerdiest scepter'. (00:02:28)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Answering 'Is My Life is Liz real', Hank says obviously not, yet being 'dramatized' doesn't make it unreal, since high school is about as dramatized as it gets. (video description)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Among his description answers, Hank says Brett Favre is married, though maybe not for long, and that no, your house is not haunted. (video description)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank says Google now tries to guess what you want to know before you finish typing, apparently because people are too lazy to move their fingers more than necessary. (00:00:04)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank reports that after 'is Facebook down', the second most common Google question starting with 'is' is 'is Lady Gaga a man?', and answers for everyone: no. (00:00:39)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank notes a recurring autocomplete trend of asking whether people are gay: Daniel Tosh, Justin Bieber and Nate Berkus, whom Hank does not even know. (00:00:51)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank lists 'is my' autocompletes (husband or boyfriend gay, Mac 64-bit, license suspended, house haunted), calling the Mac one a legitimate question and the haunted house amazing. (00:01:00)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — After 'is my dog' autocompletes ending in 'is my dog gay?', Hank jokes the dog is probably omnisexual and remarks on our hang-ups. (00:01:26)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank types 'is John Green' (married, gay…), asks why everybody wants to know if everybody's gay, and answers the list, saying John is married and not dead. (00:01:46)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Finding nothing autocompletes for 'is Hank Green' (no one cares), Hank asks viewers to Google 'is Hank Green awesome' so that, maybe, it will autocomplete. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:13)
2010-12-31 · Is Lady Gaga a Man? — Hank reports 'is g…' autocompletes (Google making us stupid, God real, gonorrhea curable) and that fewer people ask whether Google is gaining a monopoly than whether it is gay. (00:02:32)

Other voices

85 statements · sincere 66% · playful 28% · other bits 6% · hedged or unsure 11%

Sincere but hedged (7)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 2 · wish / hope 1 · opinion marker 3 · other hedge 1.

Epistemic doubt (2)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

2010-01-22 · ThisIsNotJohn — Maureen Johnson: She describes herself as a friend of John's and fellow YA author, probably best known to Nerdfighters as the originator of the 'In Your Pants' joke. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
2010-08-27 · Rest In Awesome, Esther — Esther Earl: In the clip Esther says she might tell her younger self that family is important. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:07)

Wish / hope (1)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: She thanks viewers for their comments on the last video, including constructive criticism of the 'apocalyptic' lighting, which she is trying to fix. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:00:00)

Opinion marker (3)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Maureen thinks there is a huge benefit to giving away free books and materials whenever possible. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:23)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Like John, she thinks the coming revolution of e-books and other ways of delivering books will radically change the way we read, and we have to embrace it. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:53)
2010-02-10 · HOW TO GET AN AGENT — Maureen Johnson: Maureen says getting an agent is hard; publishing is a business, part of why she doesn't think people should publish at 15: it takes adjusting, facts, and much longer writing practice. — hedged: “I don't think” [opinion marker] (00:01:32)

Other hedge (1)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: She says that if the rumors are true, Apple is announcing its tablet today. — hedged: “if all the rumors are true” [other hedge] (00:01:53)

Fiction (1)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

2010-01-28 · RIP JD Salinger — Holden Caulfield (character): In the passage, Holden pictures thousands of little kids playing in a field of rye by a cliff, with him catching anyone about to go over. (00:00:00)

Joke (4)

a gag; not a claim

2010-01-22 · ThisIsNotJohn — Maureen Johnson: Maureen jokes that she is 'second prettiest green brother' and the Conan to John's Leno: John is giving her the show only to take it right back, having picked her because she is bad at videos. (00:00:20)
2010-01-22 · ThisIsNotJohn — Maureen Johnson: The song 'Actual John Green' casts John as dangerous, with the refrain 'Actual John Green'; most lyrics are unclear in the audio. (00:01:48)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: On what Hank should name his dog, Maureen says YouTube has spoken: name it 'Boobs', imagining calling for it in the park; anything else would let Nerdfighteria down. (00:03:20)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — Demon Four Year Old (character): Toomey says his favourite food is penguins, which taste of codfish and auroch heart, and that he likes Glenn Beck, at which Hank ends the interview. (00:01:18)

Playful (24)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Maureen records at about 2:30 Wednesday morning while packing for a flight to London, so as not to be punished for a missed video. (00:00:00)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: She tells viewers to turn their expectations down: nothing this week (week of 25 January 2010) will be as complicated as Friday's video, as things are crazy. (00:00:00)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Maureen says 80% of the comments noticed that 'John Green' had boobs, an interest she says YouTube shares with baby Henry; 'the man just had a baby'. (00:00:54)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: She is excited about the tablet and will probably buy one, but not on the first day, because new products always have something wrong with them. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:53)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Free books are also good in the form of libraries, which she calls the building blocks of society. (00:02:22)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Mid-interview she was distracted by her 2010 Rob Pattinson annual and made a Rob Pattinson joke; she implies that joke is what the New York Times quoted. (00:02:22)
2010-01-27 · Boobs and the iPad — Maureen Johnson: Her advice: never make a Rob Pattinson joke to the New York Times; she had been warned that interviewers quote only the stupidest thing you say, and found it '100% true'. (00:02:51)
2010-02-05 · DARE TO SUCK — Maureen Johnson: Maureen says she turned in her draft at 1 a.m. last night and is free-ish today, though dazed, as if hit on the head with a plank. (00:00:00)
2010-02-05 · DARE TO SUCK — Maureen Johnson: Asked by a viewer afraid of sucking at writing, Maureen tells nerdfighters, who want to decrease world suck, that they should instead dare to suck. (00:00:27)
2010-02-05 · DARE TO SUCK — Maureen Johnson: Like someone who buys a violin, a beginner must practise for years (she says 8 to 10) before playing Carnegie Hall: you have to suck first. (00:00:59)
2010-02-05 · DARE TO SUCK — Maureen Johnson: She says writers she knows laugh together about how bad their drafts are. (00:02:26)
2010-02-05 · DARE TO SUCK — Maureen Johnson: Maureen says John is taking one more week of paternity leave with baby Henry (joking he will then make Henry get a job), so she fills in on Wednesday before John returns. (00:03:25)
2010-02-17 · WRONG WRONG WRONG — Hank Sock (character): Hank Sock tells Hank that John's video was wrong on five major points and that, back after three weeks, John must be held accountable. (00:00:07)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — Molly Lewis: In her song 'My Hope', Molly Lewis hopes people's old Myspace pages stay up long enough for their children to find and be embarrassed by them. (00:01:31)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — Hank Green (quoted): Hank's song 'Nerdfighteria Island' imagines John and Hank waking on an island that is like the internet in 3D, full of nerdy friends making videos. (00:05:07)
2010-05-05 · HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — a guest: Self-described jugglers and sword swallowers for VidCon wish Hank a happy birthday. (00:07:44)
2010-06-25 · Book Nerd PARADISE — Julie Strauss-Gabel: Asked whether the new book will be John's next book for sure, his editor says yes; she says she loves it, though she has not finished it. (00:00:34)
2010-07-05 · With Esther — Esther Earl: Esther doesn't know which Harry Potter character she'd be, maybe a mix of Luna and someone else; she agrees half Luna, half Dumbledore would be very beautiful. — hedged: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:00)
2010-07-08 · Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — James at War: James claims the earthquake made a button fall off his jacket. (00:00:57)
2010-07-08 · Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — James at War: James calls himself a dork: someone kind of into everything but not really good at anything. (00:03:13)
2010-07-08 · Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — James at War: James thanks Hank and says he can't wait for VidCon to start and be over so he can make a video about it. (00:03:37)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Evil Hank (character): An 'evil Hank' alter ego berates Hank to stop stalling and be interesting, says this is his job now, and directs each part of the video. (00:00:00)
2010-08-10 · JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — Evil Hank (character): Evil Hank plays an unexplained internet clip (per the description, a weird Taiwanese video about Snooki) and says it is just an internet thing. (00:02:50)
2010-08-18 · Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — Demon Four Year Old (character): The Demon Four-Year-Old opens with the fact that a human brain weighs three pounds. (00:00:00)