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Register 2011: hedges and bits

Statements from 2011 that are not plain sincere assertions: sincere claims the speaker hedged or marked as uncertain (with the hedge words quoted), and statements made as a bit. Plain sincere, unhedged statements are on the video pages. Back to the overview.

John

1112 statements · sincere 77% · playful 19% · other bits 4% · hedged or unsure 6%

Sincere but hedged (48)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 24 · wish / hope 4 · opinion marker 4 · other hedge 16.

Epistemic doubt (24)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

  • 2011-01-07 · CONCUSSED Question Friday — John may write another book with David Levithan; meanwhile he recommends Levithan's 'amazing' new solo book The Lover's Dictionary. — hedged: “Maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-01-12 · Top Six Conjoined Twin Pairs in History — John corrects himself: he is probably wrong that the Emancipation Proclamation freed Millie and Christine McKoy, since it freed some slaves but most were not freed until the 13th Amendment. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
  • 2011-01-12 · Top Six Conjoined Twin Pairs in History — Like many non-separated conjoined twins, Chang and Eng had a fascinating, rich life, in some ways probably better than if they had been born singletons. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:35)
  • 2011-01-17 · Cheating Cheaters of Cheatery: The Amazing Story of Brazil's Cotton War with the U.S. — Ten years earlier the fight would probably have ended there, but Brazil has since become a big economy, though nowhere near the size of the US. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:17)
  • 2011-01-26 · I OWN WARNER CHILCOTT! — John says Hank would probably choose a pill curing malaria over one curing male pattern baldness, malaria being possibly the biggest drag on world economic productivity; the market sees only baldness riches. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:23)
  • 2011-02-14 · CHUBBY BUNNY...blergh! — John calls Valentine's Day perhaps the most potent symbol of a weird obsession with romantic love, as if loving sustained relationships were only possible with a sexual partner; why not Best Friends Day? — hedged: “perhaps” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:07)
  • 2011-03-23 · Why Does My Dog Eat Poop? — John says smelly urine is probably dehydration, though it could be maple syrup urine disease, a real, rare disease whose first symptom is urine that smells like maple syrup. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:44)
  • 2011-04-25 · Meeting Greg Mortenson — John's addition to the Mortenson discussion: it seems that Mortenson's heart is in the right place, though that does not always matter. — hedged: “it seems like” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:23)
  • 2011-05-13 · Winkels to the Left, Winkels to the Right: Thoughts from Places, Antwerp — John argues that reading and writing books have become counter-cultural activities in the social media era, since books don't allow multitasking or update automatically. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:26)
  • 2011-05-23 · Eating the Unicorn — John says Tumblr seems to be the top destination for Nerdfighter jokes, Looking for Alaska quotations, DFTBA tattoos, Pizza John jokes and Humpy Hank sites. — hedged: “seems” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:50)
  • 2011-06-06 · Men Running on Tanks and the Truth about Book Editors — John concludes that, much as he'd like to think writers matter more than editors, they may not. — hedged: “may not” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:27)
  • 2011-06-15 · Question Tuesday! Paula Deen Riding Me (and critical reading) — Paramount also owns the movie rights to Looking for Alaska, not yet made; John says maybe they'll make one of them someday. — hedged: “you never know, maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:51)
  • 2011-06-29 · THE FAULT IN OUR STARS — The title comes from Julius Caesar's 'the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars'; John says that's easy for Shakespeare or a Roman nobleman to say, and he doesn't fully agree. — hedged: “I don't know that I agree” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-06-29 · THE FAULT IN OUR STARS — Readers of The Great Gatsby should also watch anyone wearing glasses and the green light, John's favourite metaphor in any book, except maybe Holden's hunting hat. — hedged: “Except maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:43)
  • 2011-08-10 · Understanding America's Debt Problem — John says this is probably not going away soon, but in the long run every show of political or economic inability chips away at the world's faith in the US. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:48)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — John agrees there is no cosmic mandate to make stuff, and the world probably won't be any different as a result of what you make or do. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:56)
  • 2011-09-26 · Awesome Bankers? — Using a made-up business selling 'keep calm and DFTBA' posters, John argues a successful business idea partly supports many people's jobs (designer, paper makers, printers, shippers), as with almost every good and service. — hedged: “kind of partly” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-24 · Signing Psychosis Takes Over — John says the ruins in the Indianapolis park were built as fake ruins but have kind of become real ruins through decades of neglect. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:16)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — In the author's note John says the book is fiction and that hunting for facts inside a story attacks the idea that made-up stories can matter, 'sort of' our species' foundational assumption. — hedged: “sort of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:16)
  • 2011-11-11 · The Bank of Nerdfighteria — John suggests Nerdfighters prefer lending to women perhaps because Nerdfighters are mostly women. — hedged: “Perhaps” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:17)
  • 2011-11-16 · Top 5 Zombie Apocalypses OF ALL TIME — John observes that we are in a golden age of zombie apocalypses and suggests it might be related to high unemployment and a general feeling of malaise. — hedged: “I think it might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-11-16 · Top 5 Zombie Apocalypses OF ALL TIME — John suggests that without Matheson's novel we might not worry about disease apocalypses at all, only 'boring' ones like meteors and food shortages. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:52)
  • 2011-11-21 · Old Man Narrates Young Girl — Disagreeing with the alarmists, John suspects SOPA would only make the internet a little worse, but says the internet needs to be better and SOPA doesn't push that way. — hedged: “I suspect” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:09)
  • 2011-12-05 · 5 Worst Typos of History — John says the name Imogen comes from Shakespeare's Cymbeline and is probably a transcription error for Innogen, so Imogen Heap's name rests on a typo. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:51)

Wish / hope (4)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

  • 2011-01-07 · CONCUSSED Question Friday — John hopes to finish his zombie apocalypse novella within a week or so; he calls it terrible and wants to get back to his real book. — hedged: “Hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:49)
  • 2011-01-31 · Revolution in Egypt: A 4-Minute Introduction — John hopes Egypt makes the transition to real democracy; we can support it by continuing to pay attention to its story even when it is no longer shiny. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:39)
  • 2011-02-09 · NERDFIGHTERS UNITE! (in your pants) — John announces that some Nerdfighters are building Your Pants, like the old forum My Pants but yours; hopefully live within a week at yourpants.org, for friendships and decreasing world suck. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:02:23)
  • 2011-10-24 · Signing Psychosis Takes Over — John hopes he finishes, because otherwise some viewers will get unsigned books and be mad at him, and he at himself. — hedged: “I hope” [wish / hope] (00:01:25)

Opinion marker (4)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

  • 2011-09-12 · Adorable Baby and Insufficient Cartography — John thinks some Nerdfighters were put off by Hank's Friday video, feeling he did not address 9/11 directly or seriously enough. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:04)
  • 2011-09-26 · Awesome Bankers? — John says he is pretty worried a credit crunch is coming. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Showing the TFIOS-ometer, John says he is very nearly up to 135,000 signatures, with roughly 15,000 to 20,000 to go; he has not counted recently. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:27:42)
  • 2011-12-05 · 5 Worst Typos of History — Gaiman's Law held again: John found what he thinks is the book's only typo, in the author's note, immediately. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:29)

Other hedge (16)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

  • 2011-01-12 · Top Six Conjoined Twin Pairs in History — Though exploited all their lives, John says it is hard to say Millie and Christine would have been better off separated at birth. — hedged: “its hard to say” [other hedge] (00:03:25)
  • 2011-01-17 · Cheating Cheaters of Cheatery: The Amazing Story of Brazil's Cotton War with the U.S. — The US spends more than $3 billion a year on its cotton subsidy, making American cotton artificially cheap; John calls this a bit of an oversimplification. — hedged: “a bit of an over-simplification” [other hedge] (00:00:31)
  • 2011-01-31 · Revolution in Egypt: A 4-Minute Introduction — It looks to John like Mubarak will have to make a graceful exit, and that is when the hard work will begin. — hedged: “it looks like” [other hedge] (00:02:50)
  • 2011-03-18 · TERRIBLE — John says there are something like thousands of miles of tunnels under Moscow because it is the perfect sand for tunneling, 'or something'. — hedged: “or something” [other hedge] (00:02:53)
  • 2011-03-18 · TERRIBLE — John says that if the legends are true, billions of dollars' worth of books lie under Moscow right now, and people have searched for them for 427 years. — hedged: “if the legends are true” [other hedge] (00:03:14)
  • 2011-04-20 · Tulipomania — John says that in 1637, almost all at once, the tulip bulb market collapsed, falling about 99% in two months. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:01:12)
  • 2011-06-01 · The Evil Baby Orphanage Returns...for George Washington? — John questions the nearly universal assumption that the American Revolution was a good thing, asking how removing baby Washington would change history. — hedged: “what if” [other hedge] (00:00:49)
  • 2011-06-01 · The Evil Baby Orphanage Returns...for George Washington? — John says the Revolutionary War was decidedly bad for slaves, who most needed a government's protection, and slavery almost certainly would have ended earlier had America stayed a British colony. — hedged: “almost certain” [other hedge] (00:01:22)
  • 2011-06-10 · Then I Took Off My Bra — John says the probable title of his new novel, and its central observation, were taken from a Nerdfighter, and thanks Nerdfighteria. — hedged: “probable” [other hedge] (00:02:30)
  • 2011-08-10 · Understanding America's Debt Problem — John says governments with a debt-to-GDP ratio over 90% traditionally tend, though not always, to default on their debt. — hedged: “I mean not always” [other hedge] (00:00:58)
  • 2011-08-10 · Understanding America's Debt Problem — John's third reason: the whole world is invested in the American economy; by some estimates half of US currency in circulation circulates outside the US. — hedged: “by some estimates” [other hedge] (00:03:20)
  • 2011-08-31 · How to Become An Adult — John tells new graduates there is "like a 20% chance" that they are unemployed. — hedged: “like a 20% chance” [other hedge] (00:01:16)
  • 2011-11-30 · Honey Badgers: The Crazy Truth — John says there are many reports, though hotly debated among naturalists, of honey badgers attacking larger prey like wildebeest, zebras or water buffalo by biting off the testicles first. — hedged: “although it is hotly debated among naturalists” [other hedge] (00:00:20)
  • 2011-11-30 · Honey Badgers: The Crazy Truth — Many wildlife biologists speculate that cheetah cubs look like honey badgers as an evolutionary adaptation, since predators avoid attacking honey badgers. — hedged: “speculate” [other hedge] (00:01:23)
  • 2011-12-09 · Puppies and The Tour de Nerdfighting 2012 — Tickets are going fast and New York is almost sold out; they are trying to add a second New York event; ticket details are in the doobly-doo. — hedged: “we're trying to add a second event” [other hedge] (00:02:19)
  • 2011-12-19 · Sharpie Face and Little Hank: The Project for Awesome's Aftermath — John hopes to finish The War for Banks Island around January 20th. — hedged: “hoping” [other hedge] (video description)

Satire (2)

a mock position (e.g. a fake moral panic) — the opposite of what is meant

  • 2011-01-26 · I OWN WARNER CHILCOTT! — As Hank asked, John emailed Warner Chilcott's CEO Roger Boissonneault, ironically to tell him he is doing a fantastic job. (00:00:11)
  • 2011-02-23 · WE ARE 812 YEARS OLD — John says, with a pointed pause, that it is 'fine' if viewers don't believe carbon dioxide emissions contribute to climate change. (00:00:29)

Fiction (1)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — John recaps Chapter 1: Hazel and Augustus meet at a cancer kids' support group; he says she looks like V for Vendetta-era Natalie Portman and invites her to watch it at his house. (00:00:37)

Joke (35)

a gag; not a claim

Hypothetical (5)

a thought experiment or "what if"

  • 2011-06-01 · The Evil Baby Orphanage Returns...for George Washington? — Assuming, dubiously, that without Washington the war is lost or not fought, John says the US probably takes at least 70 more years to gain independence, following a 'Canada model' to representative democracy. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:59)
  • 2011-06-01 · The Evil Baby Orphanage Returns...for George Washington? — John says it is not unreasonable to think that with slavery ending in the early 19th century the Civil War might have been avoided. — hedged: “it's not totally unreasonable to assume” [other hedge] (00:01:35)
  • 2011-07-04 · How to Turn Your Dumb Summer Job Into $162,000 — John's example: $7.50 an hour is $247 a week take-home; ten summer weeks make $2,470; after about $500 of spending (Hank's album Ellen Hardcastle, Deathly Hallows, dinners with friends), $1,970 is left. (00:00:50)
  • 2011-07-22 · Your Yard Is EVIL — John imagines suburbs with vegetable gardens in every front yard (cheaper food, more vegetables, less fuel), where the first person to lay turf grass would rightly be thought crazy. (00:02:18)
  • 2011-09-26 · Awesome Bankers? — In the example, John has no spare money, borrows $100 from a bank to print posters, sells them, repays with interest, and after living costs needs another $100 loan to keep going. (00:00:58)

Playful (210)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

Hank

1175 statements · sincere 83% · playful 15% · other bits 2% · hedged or unsure 9%

Sincere but hedged (86)

Split by hedge type (derived from the quoted hedge words with a fixed word list — see the overview): epistemic doubt 47 · wish / hope 6 · opinion marker 7 · other hedge 25 · hedge words not recorded 1.

Epistemic doubt (47)

real uncertainty about whether it is true

  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — We want simple assumptions about the Tucson tragedy that blame those we already blame, when really it is a breakdown in the human brain, probably the most complicated system in the known universe. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:55)
  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — As a species we don't know most answers; accepting that, and that our simple explanations are flawed, sometimes dangerously so, especially in political news analysis, may be the hardest and most important part. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:30)
  • 2011-02-02 · Top 5 Awesome Things About the Webb Telescope — Decreasing suck is extremely important, probably in the end more important than increasing awesome, Hank says. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:30)
  • 2011-02-25 · Gussie Manlove UNCOVERED! — Perhaps because of her divorce, Hank says, Gussie figured she would never marry again and became a typesetter, which she did for much of her life. — hedged: “perhaps” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:08)
  • 2011-03-11 · Superhero Creation Myths — Hank says this is unsurprising because sex, disease and violence were probably among the most important forces in early humans' lives. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:30)
  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank says spent fuel rods sit for years in pools whose cooling has also failed; lacking primary containment, if the water boils off they could melt down and burn, spewing radioactive dust. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (00:04:56)
  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank says the workers remaining at the site are literally risking and possibly sacrificing their lives for their country, and wishes them luck. — hedged: “possibly” [epistemic doubt] (00:05:41)
  • 2011-03-21 · Helping Haiti — Hank says the two letter writers seemed a bit frustrated with the process, thinking Water.org should just drill the well and leave things as they were. — hedged: “seemed” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:31)
  • 2011-03-30 · The Ice Cream Changes — Hank says he doesn't know why our brains like these progressions, but they obviously do. — explicitly uncertain: “I don't know” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:40)
  • 2011-04-13 · 31 Jokes for NERDS! — Hank invites viewers who didn't get a joke to ask in the comments, where somebody will probably explain the nerdy thing they don't know. — hedged: “Probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:23)
  • 2011-04-18 · 2D Glasses! Take the Headache out of 3D — Hank says the glasses probably won't work with televisions made for three-dimensional viewing, which use a different technology. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:13)
  • 2011-04-22 · 500,000 Subscribers (Almost...and Thank You) — Hank cannot express how thankful he is to make videos; this should be the 500,000-subscriber video, but he needs no special occasion to thank viewers. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:02)
  • 2011-04-27 · NASA: Increasing Awesome — NASA has identified thousands of planets outside the solar system, many apparently Earth-like with liquid water. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:03)
  • 2011-05-02 · Osama Bin Laden is Dead — Hank says Ayman al-Zawahiri remains al-Qaeda's number-one man, long its chief of operations, but per his reading and leaked CIA documents lacks bin Laden's charismatic following. — hedged: “sort of” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:05)
  • 2011-05-02 · Osama Bin Laden is Dead — Hank thinks al-Zawahiri might find it hard to keep the loyalty bin Laden held together in al-Qaeda, which could be a pretty good thing. — hedged: “It might be” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:19)
  • 2011-05-06 · Happy Birthday To Me! — Hank got a letter from the IRS saying he underpaid his 2009 taxes and owes a lot of money; he doesn't know whether to believe it. — hedged: “I don't know whether to believe them or not” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:28)
  • 2011-05-16 · Grab It By The Testicle — Hank says the next step of life might look like a fall but could be a flight. — hedged: “Might” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:28)
  • 2011-05-25 · Thoughts from a Battlefield — Hank says two views of 1800s Western Native Americans prevail, cowboys-and-Indians fighting and New Age earth-wise nomads, probably each with some truth. — hedged: “there's probably elements of truth” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:43)
  • 2011-05-25 · Thoughts from a Battlefield — Hank says we are obsessed with remembering where we lost battles, but it is more important for our culture, maybe our species, to remember where we lost our humanity and moral sense. — hedged: “I think it's probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:00)
  • 2011-06-03 · I AM A BAD PERSON! — Hank doubts that wanting to be good makes one good: he knows he isn't a bad person but not that he is a good one, so he wants criteria for being good. — hedged: “I don’t know that that’s precisely true” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:35)
  • 2011-06-08 · Punishments, Floods, and Pink Hitler Babies — Hank proposes John's two punishments, without saying which is which: a video of more than 35 parts (six times six), and making many sandwiches with gross ingredients. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:37)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — Hank finds the checklist too restrictive: Star Trek's Lieutenant Commander Data doesn't respire, grow or reproduce, yet is alive and even sentient. — hedged: “seems a little bit” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:54)
  • 2011-07-11 · Hank Talks to NASA About the Space Shuttle — Hank says NASA's crewed exploration program might become one of his generation's most significant legacies for humankind. — hedged: “might” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:24)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says that, unlike in traditional warfare, we often don't know where cyber attacks come from, and the right team could pull off an attack that destabilises the entire world. — hedged: “could” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank explains the attack: a hacker found a vulnerability in the vBulletin software running Your Pants and released an exploit, probably as a simple script, which script kiddies ran to own servers, steal passwords and send spam. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank finds it sort of weirdly cool that Anonymous can do these things, but says that is not what keeps him up at night. — hedged: “kind of, like, sort of” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:41)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says Chinese hackers, maybe sponsored by their own government, have hacked governments and private corporations for years and stolen billions of dollars of intellectual property. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:41)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says no one knows who built Stuxnet or took credit, but it was almost certainly a multinational project spearheaded by the United States government. — hedged: “Almost certainly” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:40)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank, not usually an alarmist, finds this scary: he is glad Iran's nuclear weapons program was set back significantly but doesn't know if it was worth creating an entirely new type of warfare. — hedged: “I don't know if” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:09)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank also worries about the legislation meant to protect us: it will probably ruin much of what's great about the internet and will never be effective, since Congress will always be far behind the hackers. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:09)
  • 2011-08-12 · The Fair: Testacular! — Hank tweeted that he may stop going to see movies if he hasn't read the book first, because seeing the film first ruins it; many people agreed. — hedged: “I think I may” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:56)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank says the very tame butterfly in his close-ups puzzled him, so he asked Twitter; the consensus is 'probably an eastern comma', but anglewings look so alike that they would probably need to examine its genitalia to be sure. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (video description)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank says Lepidoptera is probably the most beloved insect order: people think of insects as creepy and gross, yet beg to be covered in butterflies. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank says most of the butterflies they saw, tens of thousands he thinks, were western whites, alongside a bunch of other species. — hedged: “I'm pretty sure” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:59)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Some days it seems to Hank that the purpose of life is to convert energy into beauty; he knows it is not rationally true, but says that is sometimes okay. — hedged: “Some days it seems to me” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:22)
  • 2011-09-14 · How to Make Ideas Real: Readit1st.com — Hank liked the idea because it promotes reading, could through advertising actually employ a writer, which he would love, and seemed nerdfightastic. — hedged: “could potentially” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:33)
  • 2011-09-23 · The Improbability of Place - Thoughts from the San Juans — Hank says waking from a lucid dream can leave the body still in the dream state for a few seconds: he cannot move and loses proprioception, then moves weakly; he does not know why. — hedged: “I don't know what that's about.” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:22)
  • 2011-09-28 · Cup Stacking and Glasses Picking — Hank is kind of worried sport stacking is coming to an end, because there may be no way to get better than Steven Purugganan already is. — hedged: “kind of worried” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:58)
  • 2011-10-07 · Steve Jobs and a Song — Hank suggests the goal may be for the world to be less good without us at the end of our lives; if so, maybe we don't have to be special to be like Steve Jobs, just good. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:34)
  • 2011-10-26 · 7,000,000,000 People — Hank predicts the coming era will probably be one of the most exciting and vibrant in human history, and also potentially violent and dangerous. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:48)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank learned about physiognomy while searching the website of Kim McGuire, who played Hatchet-Face in Cry-Baby and with whom he is 'kind of obsessed'. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:36)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank says physiognomy is wrong and people should not judge others by their looks, but that in some cases you kind of can. — hedged: “kind of” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:04)
  • 2011-11-09 · 27 Part Video — Hank thinks Coulton's joke that he didn't have to sign 150,000 pre-ordered CDs was probably a reference to The Fault in Our Stars. — hedged: “I think is probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:36)
  • 2011-11-09 · 27 Part Video — Hank says he is thinking maybe he'll start doing a live show on 11/11/11 and tells viewers to come back then and see. — hedged: “I'm thinking maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-11-28 · Stuffed with STUFF! — Hank says URLatron, which turns a Tumblr into a .com domain, launched well but few people signed up, probably because it was too expensive. — hedged: “I think it was probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-12-12 · Our Grandfather — Hank says he made this video on Sunday because when it is posted he will probably be on a plane to Birmingham for Papa's funeral. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-12-16 · Project for Awesome Logistics — Hank is not sure, but thinks the posters will be sold at a straight flat price. — hedged: “I'm not sure. I think” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:45)

Wish / hope (6)

a wish about the future, not a claim about what is true

  • 2011-03-07 · Why is Haiti Poor? — Hank says that does not mean we can't help people in small ways; he is excited to be part of that and hopes to let viewers help in future. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:27)
  • 2011-05-02 · Osama Bin Laden is Dead — Hank says his next album will hopefully come out the month after this one, in June. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:46)
  • 2011-06-08 · Punishments, Floods, and Pink Hitler Babies — Hank hopes to have the album at LeakyCon and on sale at DFTBA shortly after, around July 13. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:30)
  • 2011-09-09 · 10 Years after September 11th, and Diablo III — Hank says the posters are out of stock but should be back hopefully by Monday (12 September 2011); viewers can back-order them at DFTBA.com and they will ship when they arrive. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:01:29)
  • 2011-10-17 · VidCon 2012!!! — For those who can't come, Hank hopes to see them at a gathering soon: opportunities on America's east or west coast should arise fairly soon (no spoilers). — hedged: “Hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:24)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Hank hopes that by Friday (23 December 2011) John will have the Project for Awesome voting results, showing which charities get the money everyone raised. — hedged: “Hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:07)

Opinion marker (7)

marks a view as the speaker's own; not doubt

  • 2011-05-11 · 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — Hank thinks The Sims is the most popular simulation game ever and finds it weird that people choose to pretend to be a person. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:00)
  • 2011-06-03 · I AM A BAD PERSON! — GOOD magazine challenges readers to skip meat in June; Hank thinks he'll try, though not fully, since he must eat what his in-laws serve. — hedged: “I think I’m gonna try” [opinion marker] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank expects the book to be a pretty big deal. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:03:09)
  • 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank thinks Esther asked for Esther Day a little for herself and for Nerdfighteria, but mostly for the brothers themselves. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank thinks Esther, at both the beginning and the end of her life, had a special wisdom: she knew loving each other is pretty much the most important thing we do. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:01:27)
  • 2011-10-21 · Signing Psychosis, BlizzCon, TFiOS, Awesome Adventures, and URLatron — Hank congratulates John on an amazing classic book cover for what he thinks will be an amazing classic book. — hedged: “what I think is going to be” [opinion marker] (00:03:11)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank asks whether his goatee changes who he is or how others see him. He thinks not so far, does not know if he seems different, and wonders whether contacts in high school would have made him a different person. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:02:26)

Other hedge (25)

a hedge that matches none of the word lists

  • 2011-02-11 · 200 People in Your Pants — Hank says they will 'theoretically' open Your Pants to everyone very soon. — hedged: “theoretically” [other hedge] (00:03:24)
  • 2011-03-07 · Why is Haiti Poor? — Hank says the Dominican Republic is roughly ten times better off than Haiti, which is strange because both are on the same small island, Hispaniola. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:01:01)
  • 2011-03-07 · Why is Haiti Poor? — Hank says colonialism made it worse: Haiti was France's biggest Western Hemisphere investment, with 300,000 slaves against about 20,000 in the Spanish-owned, three-times-larger Dominican Republic. — hedged: “pretty much” [other hedge] (00:01:52)
  • 2011-03-11 · Superhero Creation Myths — Hank says superheroes began to be created in about the 1930s. — hedged: “or so” [other hedge] (00:01:47)
  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank says the reactor sits in roughly eight-inch-thick steel primary containment inside a concrete-and-steel secondary containment; water through the hot rods makes steam that drives a turbine for electricity. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:03:03)
  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank says some fuel rods apparently broke; with the heat this let water split into explosive hydrogen, and hydrogen explosions damaged primary and secondary containment of at least one reactor. — hedged: “it appears” [other hedge] (00:04:37)
  • 2011-05-11 · 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — Hank says Maxis pretty much created the simulation game, starting with SimCity and later making The Sims. — hedged: “pretty much” [other hedge] (00:00:56)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — Hank says his 'want' is loose, meaning reacting to surroundings to fulfil needs; he doesn't really think programs want, having instructions rather than needs, but asks how different that is from bacteria following their genes. — hedged: “I don't really think” [other hedge] (video description)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — Asking on Twitter, Hank mostly got the list of criteria apparently taught in schools: move, respire, sense, reproduce, excrete and nourish. — hedged: “appears to be” [other hedge] (00:00:41)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — By Schrödinger's definition too, Google qualifies: made by humans, it now organizes itself using power from the grid, so Hank ventures a cautious yes, Google is alive. — hedged: “venture a cautious yes” [other hedge] (00:02:51)
  • 2011-06-27 · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety — Granting that psychopaths rise in business by being smooth, ruthless and deceitful, Hank adds that, unafraid of letting others down, they take insane risks and immense responsibilities. — hedged: “a rather shoddy case” [other hedge] (video description)
  • 2011-06-27 · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety — Hank wonders whether anxiety is the most common emotion overall; right now it feels like his most common emotion. — hedged: “I'm feeling like” [other hedge] (00:00:58)
  • 2011-06-27 · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety — VidCon is the most stressful thing in Hank's life: assume 10,000 things with a 1% failure rate, and he sees only the failures while everyone else sees the 9,900 successes. — hedged: “let's just assume” [other hedge] (00:02:09)
  • 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank says he looks forward to John's video about VidCon on Friday, assuming that's what John will make. — hedged: “I just assume” [other hedge] (00:03:16)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says Stuxnet proved a computer hack can do real-world damage, and doubts that, having been done once, it can be stopped from being done again. — hedged: “I doubt” [other hedge] (video description)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank says looking at butterfly genitalia is pretty much the only reliable way to tell butterfly species apart. — hedged: “Pretty much” [other hedge] (00:01:28)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank wonders whether people can still care about nature if they lack his opportunities to go out, experience it and see how amazing it is. — hedged: “It made me wonder whether” [other hedge] (00:01:57)
  • 2011-09-28 · Cup Stacking and Glasses Picking — The man who popularized sport stacking was a P.E. teacher who, Hank says, now runs a roughly four-million-dollar-a-year sport stacking business. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:02:41)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Hank says he talked with Joe about the neutrino that supposedly went faster than light; he hasn't discussed it, though asked on Twitter, because he is reserving judgment and finds faster-than-light matter hard to accept. — explicitly uncertain: “I'm reserving judgment” [other hedge] (00:03:05)
  • 2011-10-17 · VidCon 2012!!! — Some of VidCon will be livestreamed - they are not sure about all of it - and the whole thing will be videotaped and put up afterwards. — hedged: “we're not sure” [other hedge] (00:03:04)
  • 2011-10-26 · 7,000,000,000 People — Hank says the 7 billionth person may be born while viewers watch this video, though nobody will know who that person is. — hedged: “it is entirely possible” [other hedge] (00:00:29)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank says PayPal takes about 33 cents from every donation, so a dollar donation loses a third; he advises against giving just a dollar. — hedged: “like” [other hedge] (00:03:08)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — In the description, Hank says he agrees with the song's perspective, but not completely. — hedged: “not, like, completely” [other hedge] (video description)
  • 2011-12-02 · F#*%? An Explanation of Curse Words — Hank says swearing may give insight into the origin of language: our ancestors' first words may have lived where we now store swears. — hedged: “it's actually possible” [other hedge] (00:01:56)
  • 2011-12-07 · World's Stupidest Dog — Answering viewers, Hank confirms the Project for Awesome is happening December 17th and 18th and says its website should be up very soon. — hedged: “We should have” [other hedge] (00:03:07)

Hedge words not recorded (1)

marked as unsure, but the hedge words were not quoted

  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank says he has made no judgement on nuclear power because he does not know whether its benefits outweigh its risks, though he understands both sides well. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:05:56)

Joke (29)

a gag; not a claim

  • 2011-01-14 · Top 5 Actual Conspiracies — Hank voices Butler turning the plotters down: he and Roosevelt are 'totally like buds', so why would he lead a coup against 'my man Frankie D'? (00:03:06)
  • 2011-01-24 · The 1200% Increase in my Prescription Drug Costs — Hank jokes that, with the savings card's April Fools' Day expiry, the drug company is 'just playing a little joke' on everyone who relies on its medication, a date he later calls 'obviously just made up for fun'. (00:01:43)
  • 2011-01-28 · Is Hank Green Batman? — Since people wonder whether he is Batman, Hank swaps his glasses for a Batman mask and tries a Batman voice. (00:00:54)
  • 2011-03-30 · The Ice Cream Changes — Hank jokingly introduces Friday as the most popular song of the year, depending on your definition of popular, of year and of song. (00:03:09)
  • 2011-05-02 · Osama Bin Laden is Dead — Hank jokes that his guess for when the raid becomes a made-for-TV movie is a minimum of six months. — hedged: “my guess is” [other hedge] (00:01:49)
  • 2011-05-30 · Horatio, the Newest Member of our Family — Hank introduces his new zit, Horatio, as the newest member of the family and apologises to people named Horatio. (00:00:04)
  • 2011-05-30 · Horatio, the Newest Member of our Family — Hank says Horatio is trying to get rid of Hank's face so he can do the vlogs alone, and viewers can vote which would be better. (00:03:16)
  • 2011-06-03 · I AM A BAD PERSON! — Hank jokes that being a little better lowers your chance of being taken from your cradle by a time traveller and sent to the Evil Baby Orphanage. (00:02:58)
  • 2011-06-08 · Punishments, Floods, and Pink Hitler Babies — Hank jokes that because of Hitler pink became an effeminate colour, the entire world switched, and that is why pink ribbons are for boobies. (00:00:54)
  • 2011-06-27 · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety — Hank jokes that we are then shocked when psychopaths in power send pictures of their penis to random interns. (00:03:02)
  • 2011-07-06 · John Green is an IDIOT! And so are you. — Hank jokingly defines bias as the inclination other people have to ignore our perfectly legitimate perspectives, while we ourselves have only tiny amounts of it. (00:00:26)
  • 2011-07-20 · HARDCASTLED! — Hank makes toy giraffes from LeakyCon mate, remarking that from what they have learned about giraffe love it should be two males. (00:00:54)
  • 2011-07-25 · I Am Not a P#$$Y - this video contains mild swear words. — Hank mocks that the driver sits amid the most advanced safety equipment humanity has created while the best safety equipment on his bike is a 'frickin' foam hat'. (00:01:27)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank jokes that the Russian mafia's hackers have collected so many credit card numbers that they can no longer sell them, as if criminals were saying they have too many and don't know what to do with them. (00:01:41)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — Hank jokes that they have never watched an old video and that he has never seen 'the show' Brotherhood 2.0, then says he likes his own old videos because that guy is so funny. (00:02:19)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — Hank jokes that being a lepidopterist sounds like a nice, beautiful job, but lepidopterists mostly spend their time staring at butterfly genitalia, so anyone switching careers should expect a lot of it. (00:01:28)
  • 2011-08-24 · HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN! — As mock presents Hank 'gives' John the week's news: a potential end to Gaddafi's rule, an embarrassed East Coast, Liverpool beating Exeter City 3-1, Hurricane Irene, a Barbie set, a Twitter founders' product. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank jokes that he had Katherine check his own hair whorl, which is clockwise, 'so now we know for sure'. (00:01:23)
  • 2011-11-04 · You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — Hank sarcastically notes that PayPal takes all of any donation under 33 cents: 'So that's great.' (00:03:22)
  • 2011-11-18 · Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — Hank's first reason, played for laughs: he doesn't want himself or most people under 30 to go to jail, which would be bad for the economy. (00:01:16)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Ron Paul anagrams to 'our plan', which Hank ties to people asking the Occupy movement what its plan is. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Rick Perry yields 'prick' plus pirate slang ('Yar! Prick!'), which Hank says any pirate would say on seeing Perry's ads in the Bible Belt. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Hank found no good anagram for Michele Bachmann, probably because he was trying too hard to find one containing 'maniac'. — hedged: “I think that's probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:10)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — For Mitt Romney Hank passes over 'not my merit' for 'Yo, Mr. Mitten' and declares he will call Romney Mr. Mitten from now on. (00:01:10)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Tim Pawlenty, who dropped out early, gets 'Latent Wimpy'. (00:01:40)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Rick Santorum anagrams to Rick Santorum: Hank says nothing needs doing to his name to make it funny any more. (00:01:40)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Newt Gingrich's name contains 'right wing', a riddle like Tom Marvolo Riddle; adding his middle name Leroy yields 'right-wing Cylon', which 'genuinely' freaks Hank out. (00:02:06)
  • 2011-12-30 · How to Tip Properly — Hank calls himself kind of an insane person who spends many afternoons watching videos about goat sex and fictional soccer teams. (00:00:23)
  • 2011-12-30 · How to Tip Properly — Hank jokes that the market idea is how the UK gets QI and Doctor Who while the US is stuck with History Channel documentaries on fictional apocalypses, so 'tipping kills Time Lords'. (00:03:12)

Playful (174)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

  • 2011-01-05 · Homeless Man with a Golden Voice Gets a Job — Hank calls John's headdesk lame and demonstrates a proper one: aim for the mouse pad and thump the desk with your fists for the Foley effect, because they are about movie magic. (00:01:41)
  • 2011-01-05 · Homeless Man with a Golden Voice Gets a Job — An ad for a touch-free sensor soap pump makes Hank headdesk: why avoid touching it when you wash your hands afterward anyway? (00:02:10)
  • 2011-01-05 · Homeless Man with a Golden Voice Gets a Job — Checking whether 'our strategy' worked, Hank finds Google does not autocomplete 'is hank green' but Bing does (and suggests 'hank green is cute'), so for this purpose Bing beats Google. (00:02:35)
  • 2011-01-05 · Homeless Man with a Golden Voice Gets a Job — Hank shows a time-lapse of a flower opening made with the garden watch cam his parents got him from ThinkGeek, the only place he now wants presents from since he already owns all DFTBA Records merchandise. (00:03:20)
  • 2011-01-10 · Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories — Theories that the birds were killed by secret government weapons programs (acoustic or biological) are, Hank says, almost the most boring conspiracy theories he has heard: no chutzpah, no pleasure in their own absurdity. (00:00:09)
  • 2011-01-10 · Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories — Hank presents his list of the top five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time, meant to make the lame bird theories feel ashamed of themselves. (00:00:32)
  • 2011-01-10 · Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories — Hank says anyone who thought some of these theories did not seem far-fetched should go see a therapist. (00:03:21)
  • 2011-01-14 · Top 5 Actual Conspiracies — Hank left the Church of Scientology out of the conspiracy-theories video: if Scientologists believe we are reincarnated meat-bodies of alien spirits destroyed by Xenu, he's fine with it; they think outside the box. (00:00:13)
  • 2011-01-14 · Top 5 Actual Conspiracies — Hank presents the Business Plot as an example of why kids shouldn't get face tattoos: what seems a great idea now may seem the worst idea ever in ten years. (00:02:05)
  • 2011-01-14 · Top 5 Actual Conspiracies — Hank says the plot apparently didn't seem a bad idea then: right-wingers called Roosevelt's government jobs and help for the poor communist, and fascist dictatorships, working in Italy and Germany, looked like a quick fix. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:02:27)
  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — John is always saying marvelous things like that while Hank must type for hours to find one: that's why John is the professional writer and Hank the professional goofball. (00:00:35)
  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — Nobody knows the answer to a history test question on the implications of the Magna Carta, Hank jokes: without it we might all be Nazis, or dead, or fighting genetically engineered space monsters, or drinking pig's milk for breakfast. (00:01:24)
  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — Hank signs off to go play Lego Harry Potter, where at least he knows the difference between good and evil. (00:03:52)
  • 2011-01-24 · The 1200% Increase in my Prescription Drug Costs — Hank is very pissed off and reorganizes his bookshelf, one of the few things that calm him, while explaining why. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-01-24 · The 1200% Increase in my Prescription Drug Costs — Likening the lapsed $50 savings card to a heroin deal's 'first time's free', Hank says drug companies apparently use the same marketing strategies as drug dealers. (video description)
  • 2011-01-24 · The 1200% Increase in my Prescription Drug Costs — If Warner Chilcott does not change the policy, Hank thinks John and Nerdfighteria should make 'Warner Chilcott' a new curse word; he later uses it as a verb. (00:03:10)
  • 2011-01-28 · Is Hank Green Batman? — Hank accepts George Watsky's challenge 'that wasn't intended to be a challenge', attempts his fast rap, and fails. (00:00:11)
  • 2011-01-28 · Is Hank Green Batman? — Typing 'is h' into Google now suggests Hank is awesome, and 'is Hank Green' brings up what people wonder about him, including whether he is gay and whether he is Batman. (00:00:36)
  • 2011-01-28 · Is Hank Green Batman? — Hank reveals to Twitter followers the two truths and a lie he posted (first gray hair; trombone in high school; closet Alan Jackson fan), with the answer behind a click. (00:03:23)
  • 2011-02-02 · Top 5 Awesome Things About the Webb Telescope — Hank jokes that the telescope unfolds in 'like twelve thousand' different ways that could go wrong, which freaks him out. (00:01:46)
  • 2011-02-02 · Top 5 Awesome Things About the Webb Telescope — Hank jokes that 'we went to fix the Hubble like ten thousand different times'. (00:02:28)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank says the day after Super Bowl Sunday that this is maybe the first time ever he cared about a Super Bowl, taunting Steelers fans. — hedged: “maybe” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:09)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank's first reason to like the Green Bay Packers: many Wisconsinites live in Missoula and he doesn't like seeing his friends cry. (00:00:09)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank suggests the ban exists because rich owners could not make money from teams owned by the community, and calls it stupid. (00:01:14)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank's 'horrible brain crack' idea: film the books and knick-knacks behind him and link each to a review or its story; about 200 hours of work, so it stays unmade. (00:01:22)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank says the Super Bowl is not really about football but about eating food, hanging out with friends and watching commercials. (00:01:47)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank is tired of Coca-Cola commercials: Coke is bubbly sugar water that cannot solve the world's problems, and people like it because it is candy in a bottle. (00:01:50)
  • 2011-02-07 · Cancer Sniffing Dog — Hank wants a future where a doctor's-office Labrador sniffs patients and barks or doesn't, though he admits that would be a horrible way to learn you have cancer. (00:02:44)
  • 2011-02-11 · 200 People in Your Pants — The Your Pants Facebook application produces messages like 'Are you sure you want to remove Your Pants?', which Hank says sounds like a bad text-based romance simulator. (00:00:10)
  • 2011-02-11 · 200 People in Your Pants — Hank also shows two giraffes, Cowboy Bebop's Jet, his junior-cotillion photo, a Pro Image of soccer-days John, VidCon and LeakyCon programs, an 'evil baby Hitler' and a concept Chevy Volt. (00:01:09)
  • 2011-02-11 · 200 People in Your Pants — Hank ends with Yoda, Nerdfighter-made anglerfish and penguins, Mace Windu, Gungans, the original Scuzzy Kizoozle Curl, Han Solo, a narwhal spearing a seal and a battered Jar Jar. (00:01:44)
  • 2011-02-16 · This Video Brought to you by Nyquil — Hank woke about 25 times from the same embarrassing dream of building a satellite from Lego pieces with an incompetent team. (00:00:21)
  • 2011-02-16 · This Video Brought to you by Nyquil — Hank asks why missing the ball in baseball is called a strike, when striking someone means hitting them; it makes no sense. (00:01:25)
  • 2011-02-16 · This Video Brought to you by Nyquil — Hank feels the brothers have been unfair to the giraffes and thinks they can make it up to them. (00:02:28)
  • 2011-02-21 · Hank Interviews His Mayor — Hank says he and John are less presidents of Nerdfighteria than co-mayors, since it is more like a town or small city, so he wanted to ask a mayor about the job. (00:00:21)
  • 2011-02-21 · Hank Interviews His Mayor — Hank laments that Missoula has lost Golf Land and Qwivals and feels the town is lacking family fun centers. (00:01:37)
  • 2011-02-25 · Gussie Manlove UNCOVERED! — Their house is now for sale; Hank says viewers can look at the very strange interior photos online, or buy it and become part of the story. (00:02:22)
  • 2011-03-02 · How to Name Your Baby Properly — Rule one: say the name out loud in every possible permutation, perhaps running it past a focus group of 12-year-olds. (00:00:31)
  • 2011-03-02 · How to Name Your Baby Properly — Rule four: stop trying to be cute with names that play on the surname; Hank admits he'd love a daughter named Olive Green but says don't do it. (00:01:32)
  • 2011-03-02 · How to Name Your Baby Properly — Rule seven: name your child a real name, not a comic book character, item of clothing, profession, or a virtue like Chastity they will rebel against. (00:02:48)
  • 2011-03-02 · How to Name Your Baby Properly — A bad name probably won't lead to anything but a little extra adolescent angst, which adolescents will find somewhere anyway. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:03:17)
  • 2011-03-07 · Why is Haiti Poor? — Hank relays his travel doctor's 'good news' that Haiti's malaria is the killer strain, because that is the kind the medication always works against. — hedged: “apparently” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:34)
  • 2011-03-07 · This Machine Pwns n00bs Video LP — Hank says he needs to clean his office while listening to good music, and that viewers don't want to see what it looks like behind the camera. (00:00:48)
  • 2011-03-11 · Superhero Creation Myths — Hank says zombies are a disease based in violence and vampires one based in romance, which is why women prefer vampires and men zombies, like action movies versus chick flicks. — hedged: “kinda” [epistemic doubt] (00:01:05)
  • 2011-03-11 · Superhero Creation Myths — Hank tells John his zombie apocalypse novella did the same, mixing genetically engineered crops with the zombie myth to get corn-planting zombies: he fell into the archetype like everyone. (00:02:47)
  • 2011-03-16 · Why Did Fukushima Explode? — Hank jokes that some people will assume anyone saying 'nookyoolar' is a dumbass, so to be thought an idiot by fewer people, probably switch to nuclear. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:17)
  • 2011-03-25 · Hank is an Adorable, Drunk Princess — Hank says he is filming on Thursday because Friday is another show day, in Portland, Oregon, and asks Portland viewers why they wouldn't be at his show. (00:01:46)
  • 2011-03-25 · Hank is an Adorable, Drunk Princess — Hank mocks a Geico ad offering him 'up to 15% or more' off car insurance as the most non-specific statement possible. (00:02:32)
  • 2011-03-25 · Hank is an Adorable, Drunk Princess — Hank calls Toyota's new commercials very evil: a child shames his dad over an old car, implying a father should be ashamed of being poor or fiscally responsible. (00:02:46)
  • 2011-03-30 · The Ice Cream Changes — Hank prefers the alternate name the Ice Cream Changes: smooth and sweet like ice cream and liked by everybody, except lactose-intolerant people. (00:00:37)
  • 2011-03-30 · The Ice Cream Changes — Hank says no one is exempt: his own song I'm Not Edward Cullen uses the Ice Cream Changes too. (00:02:12)
  • 2011-03-30 · The Ice Cream Changes — Hank says it was sweetened up for the 2000s for 'our little friends', as in Justin Bieber's Baby. (00:02:34)
  • 2011-04-04 · Thoughts from The Well — Hank likens the food stores on stilts to a squirrel-proof bird feeder with four poles, human food and rats. (00:01:19)
  • 2011-04-04 · Thoughts from The Well — Given sugar cane, which tasted like honey but wetter, Hank followed his guide and shared it with kids, then worried about their sugar intake and felt like a douche: childhood obesity is not among Haiti's problems. (00:01:28)
  • 2011-04-04 · Thoughts from The Well — Isaiid teased that Hank's teeth must be rotten like his if he didn't want all the sugar cane for himself; Genna defended Hank as just a nice guy. (00:01:50)
  • 2011-04-06 · Live on YouTube — Hank is vlogging in an airport and, finding people don't look at you funny if you seem to be on the phone, pretends to be talking to John on the phone. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-04-13 · 31 Jokes for NERDS! — Saying he likes funny stuff and nerdy stuff, Hank presents a video of funny nerdy stuff: 31 Jokes for Nerds. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-04-13 · 31 Jokes for NERDS! — Hank writes that he made the video before Humpy Hank became a thing, but expects Humpy Hank to become more of a thing soon. (video description)
  • 2011-04-13 · 31 Jokes for NERDS! — Hank says the Vlogbrothers is all about self-improvement, becoming more nerdy every day of your life, and calls that a really good tagline. (00:03:32)
  • 2011-04-18 · 2D Glasses! Take the Headache out of 3D — Hank dragged Katherine to Tron anyway; she watched half of it pirate-style and still got a headache. (00:00:54)
  • 2011-04-18 · 2D Glasses! Take the Headache out of 3D — Hank says, in a skit call with a 3D-glasses maker, that glasses with the same polarization in each lens ruin a 3D movie's effect, leaving a crisp, clear two-dimensional image. (00:01:08)
  • 2011-04-18 · 2D Glasses! Take the Headache out of 3D — Hank says Katherine has watched several movies with the glasses and prototypes and calls them wonderful, joking she can't just be saying so because she's his wife. (00:01:27)
  • 2011-04-22 · 500,000 Subscribers (Almost...and Thank You) — Hank says Nerdfighteria's support runs from that to him humping things on Tumblr; he admits he did not mention it in his last video but was impressed. (00:02:47)
  • 2011-04-27 · NASA: Increasing Awesome — Closing his list of NASA projects ironically, Hank says that besides all that, NASA does not do much with its money. (00:03:25)
  • 2011-04-27 · NASA: Increasing Awesome — Hank thanks NASA and says he can almost not wait to give it his money again in 2012. (00:03:47)
  • 2011-05-06 · Happy Birthday To Me! — Hank calls a viewer-made 'Humpy Hank' birthday card, whose figure can hump different things at different speeds, the best birthday card of all time. (00:01:44)
  • 2011-05-11 · 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — Hank's description jokes that he does a very good job of not complaining about how mindless gaming has become. (video description)
  • 2011-05-11 · 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — Hank says that because John hogged the family Nintendo (when it wasn't filled with poop), he grew up playing DOS simulation games instead. (00:00:21)
  • 2011-05-11 · 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — Hank got SimCity at nine and was always a benevolent mayor; he never does the evil thing in games, except stabbing people when bored in Assassin's Creed. (00:02:34)
  • 2011-05-16 · Grab It By The Testicle — Hank warns graduates that what comes next is kind of going to suck, but they cannot abstain from it. — hedged: “kinda” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:23)
  • 2011-05-25 · Thoughts from a Battlefield — Hank introduces 'the board', a whiteboard format he says he is experimenting with. (00:01:53)
  • 2011-05-30 · Horatio, the Newest Member of our Family — Hank asks at what stage in an adult man's life the gigantic zits stop, saying he has waited a long time for that day. (00:00:25)
  • 2011-05-30 · Horatio, the Newest Member of our Family — Hank got a haircut; it is now a little messy, ending his dreams of looking like Topher from Dollhouse. (00:01:36)
  • 2011-06-08 · Punishments, Floods, and Pink Hitler Babies — Hank asks what John was thinking when he gave himself a punishment, since he now has two because of the Helen Hunt thing. (00:00:07)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — Having skipped brushing his teeth, Hank says about a hundred billion living organisms are in his mouth. (00:03:23)
  • 2011-06-13 · Google Is Alive! — Those organisms have no value and Hank doesn't care if they die; he hopes viewers don't either, since they kill billions every day. (00:03:35)
  • 2011-06-17 · Top 7 Tips for LIFE — Flossing with string hurts the fingers, so Hank recommends an inexpensive gadget he shows ('one of these', unnamed) that lets you floss without fingers in your mouth. (00:01:51)
  • 2011-06-17 · Top 7 Tips for LIFE — Hank's final trick, presented as a way to relax, eliminate pee spatter, decrease marital strife and quieten urination: men should pee sitting down. (00:03:05)
  • 2011-06-17 · Top 7 Tips for LIFE — Hank says a man who pees sitting down is comfortable with his sexuality and not overly concerned with irrational constructions of society and culture. (00:03:23)
  • 2011-06-17 · Top 7 Tips for LIFE — Hank tells John to stop trolling and say what the title of his new book is. (00:03:54)
  • 2011-06-27 · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety — Hank says he'd rather have school anxiety dreams, which he still has; leaving school won't stop them: 'our brains are stupid'. (00:00:28)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank jokingly claims a share of the credit: 'you' means 'us', because he made half of their 875 videos. (00:00:12)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank says Wall Street Journal readers are very important people who could affect John's career and are probably coming to the channel now, so he must put their best foot forward. (00:00:43)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank performs his punishment, humping things around town to a dance track, and calls it a very punishing punishment. (00:02:20)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank says Geoff Pepos filmed it because Katherine probably wouldn't want to, and once told it was a punishment he made sure it was punishing, as in a long shot of Hank humping a restaurant sign. (00:02:20)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — Hank says Ellen Hardcastle will have no pre-order, unlike John's book with its very long pre-order time; they have decided. (00:02:54)
  • 2011-07-01 · Humping the Town — At the end a Nerdfighter they meet agrees to let Hank hump his car. (00:03:31)
  • 2011-07-06 · John Green is an IDIOT! And so are you. — Hank tells John, lovingly, that he is a stupid idiot, because we are all stupid idiots: some of us are racist, pay $600 for a Gucci purse or watch Jersey Shore. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-07-06 · John Green is an IDIOT! And so are you. — Hank's example: John would reject an otherwise wonderful girl who hated the Mountain Goats, and thinks he is right to discount people who don't enjoy their music. (00:01:41)
  • 2011-07-11 · Hank Talks to NASA About the Space Shuttle — Asked how he feels about the end of crewed space exploration with the final shuttle launch, Hank compares it to Seinfeld ending: maybe the best program of its time. — hedged: “may have” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-07-11 · Hank Talks to NASA About the Space Shuttle — Hank notes, playfully stressing the coincidence, that Massimino is speaking at VidCon about social media and outer space. — hedged: “I suppose” [other hedge] (00:02:26)
  • 2011-07-20 · HARDCASTLED! — Hank says those who were there can attest the gathering was fun without John. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:03)
  • 2011-07-20 · HARDCASTLED! — Hank says Evanna Lynch both looks and sounds like Luna Lovegood. (00:00:03)
  • 2011-07-20 · HARDCASTLED! — Hank models the Ellen Hardcastle shirt, playfully pitching it as good for showing off pecs, and mentions a ladies' version. (00:00:24)
  • 2011-07-20 · HARDCASTLED! — Hank acts out all 15 songs of Ellen Hardcastle with the giraffes in a minute and 20 seconds, saying the words were descriptions, not lyrics, which are online. (00:01:15)
  • 2011-07-25 · I Am Not a P#$$Y - this video contains mild swear words. — Hank warns that a driver distracted by a pressing text message could kill a cyclist, adding that the jab is aimed at everyone, not just the man who taunted him. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank opens by announcing it is Esther Day and trying out 'I love you' on John, promising he'll get there eventually. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-03 · I Love My Brother — Hank says he and John have a long-standing agreement (jokingly 'from birth') not to use the L-word about each other, though Nerdfighteria kept asking why they never say they love each other. (00:00:58)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says that since Your Pants was hacked he has been thinking about the apocalypse: script kiddies taking down the forum and the end of the world have surprising similarities. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank hates the prefix 'cyber' and uses it unwillingly because it became standard, since older newspaper readers and cable-news viewers are comfortable with it; he adds that he loves William Gibson. (video description)
  • 2011-08-08 · Hackers, Cyber crime, and a New Kind of War. — Hank says he wanted more people to know about this but has no solutions; we must hope hackers are smart enough to know destroying the world is a bad idea. — hedged: “hopefully” [wish / hope] (00:03:38)
  • 2011-08-12 · The Fair: Testacular! — Hank muses that 'Good morning, John' may be the most important words in the videos: it reminds him John is the key audience member and links every Vlogbrothers video to every other. — hedged: “Sometimes I feel like” [opinion marker] (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-12 · The Fair: Testacular! — Hank lists what the fair offers: deep-fried meatballs, cheese curds and corn dogs, llamas, chickens, geese, ducks, bunnies, and eerily violent Lego Star Wars sets. (00:01:27)
  • 2011-08-15 · HANKLERFISH! — Hank's shirt reads 'Don't talk to me about my shirt or I will put forks in you', a line from a really old Vlogbrothers video, made by Ningmaster Tom; John says they have inside jokes even he doesn't get. (00:03:24)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — Asked about their biggest childhood argument, Hank thinks the problem was John lying: Hank got blamed because John was the better liar, and still is. — hedged: “I think” [opinion marker] (00:00:10)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — Hank would rather have a pegasus than a unicorn: it has wings, while a unicorn is just a horse; John disagrees. (00:00:28)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — Hank says the giant squid of anger and the Star Wars sarlacc cannot share an evolutionary link, since genetic material cannot travel between galaxies. (00:00:44)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — In grade school Hank told a classmate that butterflies' microscopic wing scales rub off when touched and they die; the classmate said that was ridiculous and punched him. (00:00:59)
  • 2011-08-22 · Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — With so many butterflies, every predator was full: chipmunks, which don't normally eat them, ate them; chickadees could hardly fly; spider webs were torn apart. (00:02:43)
  • 2011-08-24 · HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN! — Hank pretends his present is an insight: the world gives us gifts every day as if every day were our birthday, amazing things to enjoy and love; then asks if John fell for it. (00:00:58)
  • 2011-08-29 · A Letter to the Aliens — Hank says this video is not for John but for the aliens: a quick primer on our species to save them research time. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-08-29 · A Letter to the Aliens — Hank tells the aliens that a standing human is roughly 3.77 x 10^10 times the average radius of a hydrogen atom, assuming hydrogen atoms are the same size where they are. — hedged: “which we think they probably should be” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:14)
  • 2011-08-29 · A Letter to the Aliens — Hank tells the aliens that reproduction is one of humans' very favourite things to do, enjoyed a great deal. (00:01:48)
  • 2011-08-29 · A Letter to the Aliens — Hank asks the aliens, if they have any guidance, to send ideas for human culture to make it through to the next stage of development. (00:03:26)
  • 2011-09-02 · Tattoo Typos, Senses, Posters and Bad Movies — Hank says comments praised his hair in his last video, which troubled him, so he got it cut, but jokes it now looks too good to make bad. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-09-02 · Tattoo Typos, Senses, Posters and Bad Movies — Hank says New York Times editors, novelists and copy editors may make mistakes, but one profession must never get grammar wrong: tattoo artists, since tattoos are permanent. (00:00:55)
  • 2011-09-02 · Tattoo Typos, Senses, Posters and Bad Movies — Hank says these are two problems viewers had with his last video that he does not accept were actually his fault. (00:01:51)
  • 2011-09-02 · Tattoo Typos, Senses, Posters and Bad Movies — Mocking the Shark Night 3D trailer, Hank advises its protagonists that once a friend is eaten by a lake shark, they are safe if they stay out of the water. (00:02:20)
  • 2011-09-09 · 10 Years after September 11th, and Diablo III — Hank says that whenever a news show explains what we must do to win the war on terror, he wants to vomit. (00:00:46)
  • 2011-09-23 · The Improbability of Place - Thoughts from the San Juans — Hank jokingly asks viewers to say in the comments what devastating diseases he should worry about because of this. (00:00:51)
  • 2011-09-28 · Cup Stacking and Glasses Picking — Since Alex Day has no poster and said in his recent video people could put his vinyl album on the wall, Hank has done that. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Hank tries to start with his LHC interview but is repeatedly told 'Tell us about your first kiss' and gives in to doing the survey first. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — In third grade Hank 'dated' a girl for about six months, kissing her on the forehead, cheek and hand; friends staged a mock wedding at his pool, but she got cold feet. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Hank's first real mouth kiss was with a girl he identifies by her surname, who he says liked boys, including him. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Asked for his most expensive casual clothing, Hank shows a winter garment (prepared for Montana winters) and finds six dollars and a receipt for only a six-pack of Miller High Life in its pocket. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — As a kid Hank, like around 85% of his elementary class, wanted to be an oceanographer, and recites a haiku he wrote about it. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Hank won't name his kids Hunter, Olive, Forest, Lime or Asparagus, names that make a shade of green with his surname; cute names are cute for a tiny part of a child's life. (00:01:44)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Asked who should answer the survey next, Hank names all his ex-girlfriends, to learn whether he was anyone's first kiss (he suspects not), and especially Hatchetface from Cry-Baby. (00:01:44)
  • 2011-10-03 · The LHC and Alex's Survey — Hank proposes 'The coolest thing that happened to me like ever' as a new Vlogbrothers segment. (00:02:36)
  • 2011-10-07 · Steve Jobs and a Song — Hank made this video in black and white to do something different, and so viewers wouldn't see the natural colour of his teeth. (00:02:17)
  • 2011-10-12 · Coming Out and Sperm Spikes — Hank says that as a younger man he was 'a bit of an electron', unsure whether he was a particle or a wave, except when someone was observing, when he was 'definitely a particle'. (00:01:33)
  • 2011-10-17 · VidCon 2012!!! — Hank wishes John luck as he keeps signing 'like a madman' and refers to John's inflamed right hand. (00:03:49)
  • 2011-10-21 · Signing Psychosis, BlizzCon, TFiOS, Awesome Adventures, and URLatron — Hank diagnoses John with 'signing psychosis', a disease that makes him dress poorly, and dresses poorly himself in commiseration (a 'Weekend at Bernie's' look). (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-21 · Signing Psychosis, BlizzCon, TFiOS, Awesome Adventures, and URLatron — Hank asks all of Nerdfighteria to dress poorly in commiseration with John and post photos tagged 'signing psychosis', preferably on Tumblr or Twitter, so they can laugh at them. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-21 · Signing Psychosis, BlizzCon, TFiOS, Awesome Adventures, and URLatron — Hank is in Anaheim, where VidCon will be held, during BlizzCon, because he wanted to steal BlizzCon's ideas for making conferences epic. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-26 · 7,000,000,000 People — Hank admits it is a little silly to discuss the pressing issue of global population while suffering from 'contact-signing psychosis'. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-26 · 7,000,000,000 People — Hank jokes that there is 'like a 10% chance' of a 7 billionth person, then a death, then another 7 billionth person. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-10-26 · 7,000,000,000 People — On the end screen Hank says his goatee is prepared for Halloween, his costume will be revealed in his next video, and viewers can guess in the comments. (00:03:18)
  • 2011-10-31 · Pumpkin Slashing, Sexy Watermelons, and Zombie Tools with Jayne — Katherine is dressed as Kaylee, Firefly's mechanic; Hank says they are exploring an alternate future in which the two characters got together. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-10-31 · Pumpkin Slashing, Sexy Watermelons, and Zombie Tools with Jayne — Saying Halloween can sexify anything, Hank playfully challenges the world and Nerdfighteria to create a sexy Marie Curie costume for him; he has not found one yet. (00:00:20)
  • 2011-10-31 · Pumpkin Slashing, Sexy Watermelons, and Zombie Tools with Jayne — Hank jokes that Zombie Tools lets visitors watch them work in exchange for payment in pumpkins and other things to slash with swords; he brought them pumpkins. (00:01:03)
  • 2011-11-09 · 27 Part Video — Hank thinks Minecraft is totally amazing; he plays, finds a spot for a new house, digs and dies. (00:02:02)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — In the song, Hank says his T-shirt and jeans don't mean anything: he tries not to say much with his clothes, so people must talk to him to find out who he is. (00:00:54)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank sings that jeans are durable and comfortable, and that he likes shirts with unironic images of things he likes. (00:01:13)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank sings that what he loves most about his wardrobe is that it reveals little, not even whether he is a thousandaire or a billionaire; he wants to speak with his mouth, not his clothes. (00:01:33)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank sings that he finds it odd that rebels put on uniforms, like eyeliner or factory pre-torn fancy pants. (00:01:57)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank sings that it is easy to assume a guy must be a certain way because he dresses offbeat; a subcultural shortcut may be what he wants, but it is always incomplete. (00:02:07)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank thanks his friend Jessalyn for rescuing him when he got stuck inside the shirts he was wearing. (00:03:11)
  • 2011-11-14 · T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — Hank teases who is coming to HankGames tomorrow ('Stabby Stab'). (00:03:47)
  • 2011-11-18 · Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — Hank recalls that their dad took him to see Akira in a dinner theater when he was 10, which he says he will never forgive. (00:00:08)
  • 2011-11-18 · Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — Hank plays a song from a creepy part of Akira and calls it the creepiest piece of media ever created. (00:00:15)
  • 2011-11-18 · Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — Hank's second reason mocks the contrived acronym name of the PROTECT IP Act (Preventing Real Online Threats to Economic Creativity and Theft of Intellectual Property Act). (00:01:26)
  • 2011-11-18 · Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — Hank, unsure what day it is, says he'll see John on Monday and sings that they are having a blizzard. (00:03:31)
  • 2011-11-23 · Why are Barns Red and Kardashians Famous — Not knowing who Dina and Caroline are, Hank guesses they are fighting because they're not imagining each other complexly. — speculative: “venture a guess” [other hedge] (00:01:29)
  • 2011-11-23 · Why are Barns Red and Kardashians Famous — Hank dismisses the loaded autocomplete questions 'Why are Jews liberal?' and 'Why are Republicans stupid?' with exasperation rather than answering. (00:02:01)
  • 2011-11-23 · Why are Barns Red and Kardashians Famous — Asked why the Kardashians are famous, Hank says audiences decide who is famous and he has decided they aren't. (00:02:04)
  • 2011-11-23 · Why are Barns Red and Kardashians Famous — Asked why unions are bad, Hank questions the premise: who told you unions were bad? (00:03:14)
  • 2011-11-28 · Stuffed with STUFF! — Hank jokes that his outdoorsy Montana friends mostly watch his videos of humping things or wearing a dress, and thanks Nerdfighteria for paying attention without the dress. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-12-02 · F#*%? An Explanation of Curse Words — So, Hank says, screaming a swear word when you stub your toe is perfectly legitimate and probably a good idea. — hedged: “probably” [epistemic doubt] (00:00:47)
  • 2011-12-02 · F#*%? An Explanation of Curse Words — The new YouTube lets you tag top-ten subscriptions; since vlogbrothers starts with a V it would sit below the fold, so Hank jokingly asks viewers to tag only five. (00:03:18)
  • 2011-12-07 · World's Stupidest Dog — Hank introduces his dog Lemon as, put delicately, a 'derp', illustrated with a string of derp puns. (00:00:07)
  • 2011-12-07 · World's Stupidest Dog — Hank says Lemon loves getting into cars but hates being in them, loves the little children's section of the playground, and avoids any toy she has heard squeak. (00:00:27)
  • 2011-12-12 · Our Grandfather — Noting the exception of the jellyfish that doesn't die, Hank says he would rather be a mortal person than a jellyfish, even one that lives forever. (00:01:26)
  • 2011-12-12 · Our Grandfather — Hank looked up the stages of grief and finds himself in stage two; he is also in the 'stage' of eating lots of potato chips and watching QI for hours. (00:01:50)
  • 2011-12-14 · Greek Phallic Disco Golf Balls: A Free Association Game — Associating from 'rich people', Hank names Mountain Brook and says that is where the brothers are right now. (00:01:01)
  • 2011-12-16 · Project for Awesome Logistics — Hank got a confetti cannon; he fires it at the start and, despite the warning never to point one at your face, fires one at his face at the end. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — In 2008, in the vlogbrothers' first year, Hank anagrammed the presidential candidates' names; now, nearly in 2012, he anagrams this year's (2011) Republican presidential hopefuls. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-12-21 · 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — Hank says Herman Cain is no longer really running, hoping only for money at think tanks or on Fox News; he rejects 'canine harm' for 'inane charm', which sums up Cain's campaign. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-12-26 · Project for Awesome and Truth or Fail — Hank says Nerdfighteria knows what it's doing (of the Harry Potter Alliance) and notes Water.org was the one he suggested. (00:00:29)
  • 2011-12-26 · Project for Awesome and Truth or Fail — Truth or Fail option one: PNC Wealth Management yearly prices the gifts in The Twelve Days of Christmas, and this year (2011) the seven swans a-swimming were the most expensive at $6,300. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:18)
  • 2011-12-26 · Project for Awesome and Truth or Fail — Truth or Fail option two: The Twelve Days of Christmas, written in 1909, is still under copyright after repeated extensions and cannot be performed on the show. — explicitly uncertain (hedge words not recorded) (00:02:18)
  • 2011-12-30 · How to Tip Properly — Hank calls tipping a peculiar American practice, illogical, economically troubling and psychologically dubious: he gives money unasked and not required by law, without knowing why he feels he should. (00:00:00)
  • 2011-12-30 · How to Tip Properly — Hank's rule for a restaurant with a tip jar: a dollar goes in the jar if he has a single; if he doesn't, 'you're screwed'. (00:00:37)
  • 2011-12-30 · How to Tip Properly — Hank asks for the most interesting comment, which wins his Winnie the Pooh wall poster (the 'Pooster'). (00:03:30)

Other voices

42 statements · sincere 52% · playful 14% · other bits 33% · hedged or unsure 0%

Fiction (13)

a story or novel read aloud; the words belong to characters

  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): In the novel, Hazel says depression is not a side effect of cancer but of dying, as is cancer and almost everything else. (00:03:10)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Hazel describes the weekly church-basement support group: leader Patrick retells his survival story, and members compete to outlast one another. (00:03:52)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): At group, Hazel meets Augustus Waters, 17, who had osteosarcoma, came at his friend Isaac's request, and says he fears oblivion. (00:13:59)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Hazel answers that a time will come when everyone is dead and all human work forgotten; if that worries you, ignore it, as everyone else does. (00:15:55)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Augustus Waters (character): Augustus tells Hazel she is beautiful, likens her to V for Vendetta-era Natalie Portman and invites her to watch the film at his house. (00:20:54)
  • 2011-10-28 · Reading Chapter One of The Fault in Our Stars — Augustus Waters (character): Augustus explains his unlit cigarette as a metaphor: holding the killing thing between your teeth without giving it the power to kill; Hazel then goes to the movie with him. (00:26:29)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): In the novel, Hazel suspects Augustus's licence was a 'cancer perk': the little things cancer kids get that regular kids don't, like signed basketballs or homework passes. (00:02:50)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Hazel recounts her stage 4 thyroid cancer, diagnosed at 13, nearly dying with fluid in her lungs, and her survival on an experimental drug that didn't work in about 70% of people but worked in her. (00:03:45)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Augustus's parents fill their house with sayings on plaques and pillows that they call 'encouragements'. (00:07:16)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Augustus Waters (character): Augustus tells how, shooting free throws on his last day with both legs, basketball suddenly seemed pointless and made him think of hurdlers jumping arbitrary obstacles. (00:12:01)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Augustus Waters (character): Augustus asks for Hazel's story, not her cancer story, and urges her not to become her disease, since cancer is in the business of taking people over. (00:15:10)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Hazel's favourite book is An Imperial Affliction, a book so personal that recommending it feels like betrayal; Augustus promises to read it and gives her The Price of Dawn. (00:16:31)
  • 2011-11-25 · Chapter TWO of The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel Grace Lancaster (character): Facing the encouragement 'Without pain, how could we know joy?', Hazel dismisses the argument: broccoli existing does not affect how chocolate tastes. (00:19:51)

Joke (1)

a gag; not a claim

Playful (6)

a real point made in a joking way; the paraphrase records the meant core

  • 2011-01-19 · YOU ARE WRONG! — Hank Sock (character): Hank Sock says there are good reasons we don't drink pig's milk, having to do with pigs' reproductive system and the practice of breeding pigs for meat rather than dairy. (00:01:42)
  • 2011-07-11 · Hank Talks to NASA About the Space Shuttle — Lori Garver: Lori Garver gives the final word: NASA is excited about the future and is all about increasing the awesome. (00:03:24)
  • 2011-08-15 · HANKLERFISH! — both: Hank coins the verb 'to Hanklerfish'; John sums up a Hanklerfish as an anglerfish drawn by a Hank, Hank agrees any Hank can make one, and John offers Hank Williams III. (00:02:40)
  • 2011-08-17 · Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — both: Hank keeps Kermit on his ceiling as his 'household god'; John says that is where he keeps Padre Pio, a Roman Catholic saint. (00:01:33)
  • 2011-08-19 · Outtake Insanity and NERD FACTOR — both: The brothers fumble the Hanklerfish maths: 7,500 of 150,000 sheets is 5%, after guessing half a percent and getting 20 on Hank's calculator. (00:00:40)
  • 2011-09-20 · Fifth Anniversary with The Katherine — Katherine Green: Katherine says she could stay married for another five years at least, and tells Hank to ask her again in five years. (00:00:21)