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Best jokes of 2008

All 134 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2008 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 68, Self-deprecation 18, Wordplay 17, Satire 11, Callback 2, Running bit 10, Visual gag 3, Comic / parody song 5.

← Humor overview · 2007 · 2008 · 2009 · 2010 · 2011 · 2012 · 2013 · 2014 · 2015 · 2016 · 2017 · 2018 · 2019 · 2020 · 2021 · 2022 · 2023 · 2024 · 2025 · 2026

2008-01

  • After calling Musharraf's mustache a bad sign and listing mustachioed dictators, John reassesses Musharraf. → “as anti-democratic as Pervez Musharraf might be in the context of other mustachioed 20th century leaders, he's kind of a winner” — Absurd, John — Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton (2008-01-04, 00:02:04)
  • John notes the small difference between himself and Hillary Clinton, who made the same mistake about Musharraf. → “It's 3.10 in the afternoon and I'm wearing my jammy pants, whereas Senator Clinton wants to be our president.” — Self-deprecation, John — Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton (2008-01-04, 00:03:02)
  • For his fifth fact, Hank 'confesses' that John Green is not actually his brother and that he is a paid actor. → “I was hired by his publishing company to try and help him sell books.” — Absurd, Hank — Sledding and YouTube Tag (2008-01-08, 00:02:44)
  • Choosing a puppy-sized elephant, John writes a letter to Evolution. → “Dear Evolution, I have always believed in you, and I have always defended you. Now make me a puppy-sized elephant!” — Absurd, John — The Return of Question Tuesdays (2008-01-08, 00:00:00)
  • Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John describes Hank like Pluto in an encyclopedia entry, once the ninth planet. → “Hank is in fact just something orbiting out there in the distance.” — Absurd, John — The Return of Question Tuesdays (2008-01-08, 00:00:36)
  • Picking Harry Potter as the only real human among Game Boy, Teletubby, Harry Potter and George Lucas. → “everybody knows that episodes 1 through 3 were written and directed by the robot who killed George Lucas and invaded his body.” — Absurd, John — The Return of Question Tuesdays (2008-01-08, 00:01:35)
  • John imagines the letter Evolution would send back after humans may have killed off the dwarf elephants. → “We made you a puppy-sized elephant, but then you killed it.” — Running bit, John — A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT (2008-01-21, 00:01:59)
  • John phones Orlando Bloom and asks him to put on his elf ears and get out his bow and arrow. → “they're taking Hank Green to Isengard.” — Running bit, John — A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT (2008-01-21, 00:03:14)

2008-02

  • Hank imagines River Tam and the new Terminator running on a platform of kicking his ass. → “that would not scare me more than a Huckabee Romney ticket.” — Absurd, Hank — Obama Says Subscribe (2008-02-04, 00:01:06)
  • Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John recites a special-forces spy biography for his brother. → “When in the field, Hank prefers to work alone.” — Running bit, John — QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) (2008-02-08, 00:01:05)
  • After wishing English had a word meaning both yes and no, 'Ness', John is asked his favorite video game console. → “Strangely, the answer to that question is also Ness.” — Wordplay, John — QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) (2008-02-08, 00:02:36)
  • John imagines Hank objecting that his toddler puff, maybe three inches, is surely smaller than his puff now. → “At the time of my record puff level, I myself was only 33 inches tall.” — Running bit, John — The Puff Pwns Gravity (2008-02-14, 00:00:00)
  • A nerdfighter checking in books for third graders discovers an easy reader called 'Pooh Gets Stuck'. → “Pooh gets stuck in your pants!” — Running bit, John — The Puff Pwns Gravity (2008-02-14, 00:02:05)
  • John says his love life wasn't always as good as it is with the Yeti. → “you can ask any of the 54 girls who dumped me before I met the Yeti.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Puff Pwns Gravity (2008-02-14, 00:03:01)
  • Hank reads out Nerdfighters' Amazon purchases, shouting 'Nerdfighters!' after each one. → “Solar Energy Projects for the Evil Genius. EcoGeek Nerdfighters.” — Absurd, Hank — Your Spying Thieving Valentine: Hank (2008-02-19, 00:01:27)
  • Asked why Hank's videos get the most views, John points to one whose screenshot shows two giraffes having sex. → “We're people who love giraffes who love girrafes.” — Running bit, John — People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (2008-02-21, 00:01:43)
  • A riddle: a plane crashed and every single person on board was killed, yet there were survivors. → “Every single person on board was killed, but many married people survived.” — Wordplay, John — People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (2008-02-21, 00:02:41)
  • John explains that Ron Paul's version of Twister has only yellow dots, for more freedom of choice and lower cost. → “the red dots, the blue dots, and the green dots. And also the spinner.” — Satire, John — People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (2008-02-21, 00:03:17)
  • John's memo to teenage Nerdfighters wondering if their self-consciousness will ever go away. → “Yeah, no, it won't. Best wishes.” — Self-deprecation, John — Best Wishes! (2008-02-26, 00:00:31)
  • After the barber leaves him nearly bald and asks if that's short enough, John explains what 'a little off the top, long and messy' meant. → “what I meant was: I'm joining the marines.” — Absurd, John — Best Wishes! (2008-02-26, 00:01:03)
  • John announces that secret siblings Abbey and Todd are in nerdfighter-like. → “They're touching and hugging and nothing else.” — Absurd, John — Best Wishes! (2008-02-26, 00:03:33)
  • Hank sings that love can be pretty screwed up. → “Like that homosexual necrophiliac duck” — Absurd, Hank — People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) (2008-02-27, 00:01:28)

2008-03

  • A question about whether John and the Yeti plan kids soon. → “Mom, why are you leaving me questions for Question Tuesday? I'm trying to be professional here.” — Absurd, John — SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD (2008-03-04, 00:00:28)
  • 'Who the F is Hank?' → “Hank is a sausage covered in cornbread batter and deep fried.” — Running bit, John — SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD (2008-03-04, 00:02:51)
  • Four questions in a row: a trip to Nepal, a radio piece as a monologue, one world problem to end, and cheese. → “Yes, yes, poverty and yes.” — Absurd, John — SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD (2008-03-04, 00:03:20)
  • Nobody tweets about their bowel movements, Hank observes, except that he has reason to. → “I could tweet my poops. I think my doctor actually suggested that I tweet my poops. I'm so old.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Twitter After School Time (2008-03-21, 00:01:02)
  • Some say not to eat Peeps after Easter because they might go bad, but Peeps are not milk. → “The expiration date on those Peeps that Nerdfighter gave me several weeks ago? November of 2009.” — Absurd, John — PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful (2008-03-27, 00:00:42)

2008-04

  • Hank claims he is good at defusing conflict, e.g. when John sprang the Peeps contest on him. → “I was able to defuse the situation by sticking safety pins into the head of a peep version of my brother.” — Absurd, Hank — Please Google, Take Me to Mars (2008-04-01, 00:01:23)
  • Hank explains that Peeps vanish from stores after Easter. → “They shipped them back to the Peep farm to be happy, jumpy Peeps, uneaten by human mouths.” — Absurd, Hank — Please Google, Take Me to Mars (2008-04-01, 00:03:00)
  • Hank blames his viral rash on the Obama rally he attended. → “Barack Obama gave me a disease. He shook my hand right after he sneezed.” — Absurd, Hank — ITCHY MUSIC! (2008-04-16, 00:00:00)
  • John's early-voting sticker reads 'I vote count', which isn't a sentence; maybe something was cut off. → “maybe what they meant to say was I vote count chocula.” — Wordplay, John — Belated Book-tacular Questions (2008-04-21, 00:00:00)
  • Asked who would win a fight between E. Lockhart and Libba Bray, John names a third author. → “Surprisingly, Maureen Johnson.” — Absurd, John — Belated Book-tacular Questions (2008-04-21, 00:00:53)
  • Hank explains how pricey his good medication is. → “So when I drop one of these things on the bathroom floor, I eat it!” — Absurd, Hank — Pills Pills Pills (2008-04-24, 00:00:44)
  • Steroids made Hank emotional while watching shows online. → “And then I watched a commercial for Cisco the human network” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Pills Pills Pills (2008-04-24, 00:02:22)
  • The rash now covers Hank's whole body except two parts. → “You're seeing one of them right now, and the other one is less mentionable.” — Absurd, Hank — Pills Pills Pills (2008-04-24, 00:02:22)
  • Nepal's election is good news for John personally. → “it makes it less likely that I am again going to have to eat toilet paper” — Callback, John — Ranting and Giving Stuff Away (2008-04-28, 00:01:17)
  • Hank divides total viewing time into years. → “77.4 years divided by the lifespan of one human is one. I have blood on my hands.” — Absurd, Hank — BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! (2008-04-30, 00:00:48)

2008-05

  • If the Nerdfighters don't make something awesome, Hank will drop out of the channel. → “We're going to have to call it Vlog Brother.” — Wordplay, John — A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! (2008-05-05, 00:00:00)
  • John coins 'Hankian' for being excited and busy. → “It's like Nietzschean, but, you know, less frighteningly nihilistic.” — Wordplay, John — Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project (2008-05-06, 00:00:00)
  • John reminds Indiana and North Carolina Nerdfighters to vote today. → “Remember, Nerdfighters, you vote count. Chocula.” — Wordplay, John — Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project (2008-05-06, 00:01:05)
  • The punishment turns out to be Hank earnestly singing a bubblegum pop song about online romance. → “I'm a World Wide Web girl in a World Wide Web world” — Absurd, Hank — Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) (2008-05-16, 00:00:59)
  • John describes the noise Willy makes when not getting full attention. → “all the kittens in the world have united with all the birds in the world and they've gone to war with monkeys and puppy-sized elephants.” — Callback, John — A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! (2008-05-18, 00:02:01)
  • John and the Yeti wanted to replace their whole lawn with native plants and vegetables. → “the only thing I fear more than our planet becoming uninhabitable to humans is my neighbors thinking that I'm a crazy liberal.” — Self-deprecation, John — Three Things (2008-05-19, 00:00:36)
  • Only two of the brothers' 296 videos were watched by more men than women. → “The two exceptions? Both feature giraffe sex as the center screenshot.” — Running bit, John — Guys Love Giraffe Love (2008-05-20, 00:01:10)
  • John imagines the time machine's buyer going back and killing him before he rescues the evil babies. → “I would be both alive and dead, and evil baby Hitler would live both in 19th century Austria and in 21st century Tibet.” — Absurd, John — Guys Love Giraffe Love (2008-05-20, 00:03:11)
  • John's puppy Willy appears with his broken foot in a cast. → “So that's why John's excused. Because his puppy has a peg leg.” — Visual gag, Hank — Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! (2008-05-22, 00:01:34)
  • Hank starts introducing the questions part while waiting for the espresso to kick in. → “wow the caffeine has taken effect!” — Visual gag, Hank — Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! (2008-05-22, 00:01:56)
  • A Nerdfighter reports receiving their voter information. → “I guess the government thought I was awesome enough to actually change my middle name to Awesome.” — Absurd, John — Happy (Belated) Birthday, Hank (2008-05-23, 00:04:54)
  • Willy doesn't just enjoy chewing shoes. → “He wants his self to be annihilated into the bright, shining light of shooness.” — Absurd, John — The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) (2008-05-30, 00:00:48)
  • The vet puts a heart on Willy's new cast. → “You can't be the Dread Pirate Fireball Wilson Roberts with a heart on your cast!” — Absurd, John — The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) (2008-05-30, 00:01:49)
  • John admits the brothers are slow to deliver contest prizes. → “We're like the opposite of Ed McMahon.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) (2008-05-30, 00:02:19)

2008-06

  • Schweitzer's downside: he wears a lot of bolo ties. → “I'm not sure the American people are ready to be one heartbeat away from a bolo tie presidency.” — Absurd, John — VEEPSTAKES! (2008-06-04, 00:01:15)
  • Tester has almost no political experience, but only seven fingers from a farming accident. → “You can buy political experience. You can't buy seven fingers.” — Absurd, John — VEEPSTAKES! (2008-06-04, 00:02:42)
  • Hank's zoo song lists animals from every corner of the world, then the refrain. → “But mostly we just saw monkeys with pants.” — Comic / parody song, Hank — Monkeys!!! (with pants) (2008-06-08, 00:01:58)
  • Ending his memo on the future course of history, John addresses the 14th-century peoples outside Europe. → “Listen closely, peoples of non-Europe. If you see a dude who looks like me, kill him.” — Satire, John — Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) (2008-06-19, 00:03:17)
  • Hank notes TV has more murders per capita, so if certain TV detectives show up at your party, just leave. → “Run away because I think your jewels are going to get stolen or you are going to get whacked!” — Absurd, Hank — Questions Answered! (2008-06-24, 00:01:54)
  • John promises to speak real Tobian from a language website whose phrasebook sentences are ridiculous. → “He is sucking the bark of the tree. Take the pumpkin. Don't suck on that bone.” — Absurd, John — Don't Suck on That Bone (2008-06-26, 00:00:48)
  • John says he already gave an Xbox worth of money to charity before he left, to save the children. → “You're welcome, the children.” — Wordplay, John — Don't Suck on That Bone (2008-06-26, 00:02:45)
  • Marion, holding the signed book, examines John's signature; Hank's remix loops her verdict. → “It's like J--J, scribble.” — Absurd, Hank — Marion the Nerdfightarion (2008-06-27, 00:01:48)
  • After the fan's ecstatic reaction to John's signed book, Hank compares his own site. → “I can't imagine anyone having that reaction when going to "Eco Geek".” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Marion the Nerdfightarion (2008-06-27, 00:02:14)

2008-07

  • An old lady tells John she loved the first half of Looking for Alaska but the second half fell apart. → “i was like well i really liked the first half of your comment” — Wordplay, John — Live from LAX (2008-07-01, 00:01:42)
  • Asked what books aspiring writers should read for inspiration, John names his own. → “get inspired to write is to buy twenty or thirty copies of each of my books.” — Self-deprecation, John — Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer (2008-07-08, 00:01:04)
  • Unsure whether he or Hank wielded the hammer, John phones Mom to ask if he tried to kill Hank; she says it was the other way around. → “He tried to kill me!” — Absurd, John — Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer (2008-07-08, 00:01:41)
  • Mom says John's attempt on Hank's life was trying to smother him. → “I tried to smother him. That's not, that's just hugging.” — Absurd, John — Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer (2008-07-08, 00:01:54)
  • A nervous new commander frets about failing with the Borg on his tail and gets brushed off by name. → “Wesley. Give me a break.” — Absurd, Hank — What Would Captain Picard Do (2008-07-10, 00:00:09)
  • The captain resisted forty days and nights of torture. → “He told that Cardassian that there were still four lights” — Absurd, Hank — What Would Captain Picard Do (2008-07-10, 00:03:54)
  • Hank wants to know more about Grindelwald and Dumbledore. → “I really do think that they both batted lefty” — Wordplay, Hank — Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song (2008-07-18, 00:01:42)
  • Hank lists what he wants J.K. Rowling to announce. → “cause we all know it was crap.” — Absurd, Hank — Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song (2008-07-18, 00:01:42)
  • Hank explains how he lost his glasses while tubing on the Clark Fork River. → “I gave them to the Clark Fork as a solemn offering of my appreciation for its beauty and awesomeness.” — Absurd, Hank — How to Buy Glasses Cheap...and Help Hank Pick Frames! (2008-07-27, 00:00:00)
  • John declares The Bean the best public sculpture in American history. → “Sorry Washington Monument, but you got pwned by a beautiful silver bean.” — Absurd, John — Audiobooks and 8 8 08 (2008-07-30, 00:01:17)
  • John praises Dan John Miller and recalls first seeing him in the studio at Brilliance. → “I'm gonna kill that guy and take his suit.” — Absurd, John — Audiobooks and 8 8 08 (2008-07-30, 00:02:45)

2008-08

  • John tells how Hendrik Hertzberg inscribed a book to Sarah asking her to marry John. → “but no one can say no to Hendrick Hertzberg.” — Absurd, John — Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) (2008-08-06, 00:02:09)
  • Asked what Hank does for money, John imagines Hank robbing a bank with an environmental twist. → “contemplate the size of your carbon footprints, and give me all your money because Daddy needs some new corn dogs.” — Absurd, John — Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) (2008-08-06, 00:03:07)
  • John explains South Ossetia and Abkhazia wanted to be independent countries. → “presumably because the world does not contain enough Luxembourg's.” — Absurd, John — PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) (2008-08-12, 00:00:51)
  • Hank answers viewers upset that he is killing spiders. → “I wouldn't do it if they weren't the kind that eat you and then your leg rots off.” — Absurd, Hank — Metric Sabbath (2008-08-15, 00:01:07)
  • Hank rests after ten days of awesome, recasting the Genesis Sabbath in base ten. → “On the tenth day, he rested, and it was awesome.” — Wordplay, Hank — Metric Sabbath (2008-08-15, 00:01:36)
  • Hank, announcing numbered parts, loses count mid-video. → “No idea what number I'm on. This is why I don't do parts videos.” — Running bit, Hank — This Video Comes in Threven Parts (2008-08-18, 00:02:03)
  • Hank mocks the report's 'internet sensation' label by pointing to his makeshift blue screen. → “I'm enough of an internet sensation that I've just taped several pieces of blue construction paper behind me” — Self-deprecation, Hank — INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH (2008-08-21, 00:00:00)
  • Hank reads the news report's description of the brothers as an internet sensation. → “Internet sensation, b****! It says so right there!” — Absurd, Hank — INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH (2008-08-21, 00:00:00)
  • Hank addresses the reporter about how she pronounced 'Nerdfighters'. → “really the Velociraptor air quotes were not necessary” — Absurd, Hank — INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH (2008-08-21, 00:02:08)
  • Nerdfighters recite anagrams of 'Happy birthday John'. → “Hi, hybrid Papa John. Hippie brand Hathjoy. Had thigh banjo.” — Wordplay, a guest — Oh John Green, You're 31 (2008-08-25, 00:03:00)
  • John, who briefly lived in Alaska, explains why her anti-corruption reputation stands out. → “Alaska has about as many uncorrupt politicians as it has pleasant winter days” — Satire, John — Sarah Palin: An Introduction (2008-08-29, 00:00:57)
  • John imagines McCain answering Joe Biden, whose son is going to Iraq, in poker terms. → “I raise you an Alaskan infantryman named Track.” — Satire, John — Sarah Palin: An Introduction (2008-08-29, 00:01:26)
  • McCain's camp will say her lack of foreign policy experience is fine because McCain has loads. → “Just so long as McCain is you know, alive.” — Satire, John — Sarah Palin: An Introduction (2008-08-29, 00:01:54)

2008-09

  • On returning to Columbus, John credits Queen Isabella with an obscure pun about Christopher Columbus. → “I can't get enough Columbus!” — Wordplay, John — Paper Towns Tour Dates! (2008-09-04, 00:02:13)
  • To be sure the Vlogbrothers passed Oprah, John phones a trained mathematician with an MIT PhD for a professional opinion. → “Is the number 41,818 larger than the number 41,365?” — Absurd, John — The Pwning of Oprah (2008-09-21, 00:01:46)
  • In a voicemail for Oprah, John explains why he will not give her his own phone number. → “I generally like to reserve my cell phone number for people who I have not yet pwned.” — Absurd, John — The Pwning of Oprah (2008-09-21, 00:02:32)
  • John tells Nerdfighters to bring their friends to tour events. → “Unless you're too much of a Nerdfighter to have friends in real life, in which case, bring your bullies.” — Self-deprecation, John — Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday (2008-09-23, 00:01:12)
  • Hank sings a pro-Obama version of the viral Llama Song. → “One Obama, two Obama, three Obama, four Obama, hot Obama, vote Barack Obama” — Comic / parody song, Hank — Obama llama Duck (2008-09-25, 00:00:45)
  • The Llama Song's counting chorus is rewritten as a pro-Obama campaign chant. → “One Obama, Two Obama, Three Obama, Four Obama, Hot Obama, Vote Barack Obama” — Comic / parody song, Hank — Obama Llama Song (2008-09-26, 00:00:26)
  • The bank decides how to name the really bad mortgages it is selling. → “which sounds way better than 'Really, Really Bad Mortgages'!” — Satire, Hank — The Financial Crisis...Simplified (2008-09-29, 00:02:06)
  • The bank apologises to an investor whose securities are worthless. → “it's possible that we may have triggered somewhat of a tiny, massive global recession” — Absurd, Hank — The Financial Crisis...Simplified (2008-09-29, 00:03:39)

2008-10

  • John failed to notice the church outside his hotel window was missing its steeple until Sarah pointed it out. → “So much for the theory that writers have to have unusually developed powers of observation.” — Self-deprecation, John — Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) (2008-10-06, 00:00:41)
  • The actor who read John's book is a champion chess boxer, fighting at both chess and boxing. → “I mean, Hank, that is an actual, literal nerdfighter.” — Wordplay, John — Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) (2008-10-06, 00:03:18)
  • John learns Dan Rather is still alive and now on HDNet. → “Jesus, I'd rather be in a home.” — Wordplay, John — John Green on the Debate (2008-10-07, 00:00:24)
  • Katherine sees what looks like a naked dead body behind razor wire; Hank stops, walks up and opens his phone. → “and I look, and it is a freaking mannequin!” — Absurd, Hank — Hanks actual Vlog (2008-10-08, 00:02:55)
  • John cuts up Paper Towns manuscript pages for the notes, including page 308. → “which is blank and therefore the only incontestably perfect page in the whole novel” — Self-deprecation, John — J Scribble Goes to Borders (2008-10-08, 00:00:48)
  • If bookstores sold Harry Potter early, JK Rowling would send an army of mercenaries to kill Barnes & Noble. → “with special wands that shoot bullets out of them and are called AK-47s” — Absurd, Hank — Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow (2008-10-09, 00:00:31)
  • Asked whether the Nerdfighting puppy is neutered, John recalls warning Willy about peeing inside. → “I am gonna chop your balls off, and then I did it.” — Absurd, John — Question Friday (2008-10-11, 00:00:58)
  • Asked if he is an octopus, John counts his limbs and wonders if he lost four legs, then tests by jumping at the wall. → “If I jumped against the wall, I would stick. I am not an octopus.” — Absurd, John — Question Friday (2008-10-11, 00:01:43)
  • John has been timing how long he can go without mentioning Paper Towns. → “Okay, that's it. That's as long as I can go without mentioning paper towns.” — Self-deprecation, John — Question Friday (2008-10-11, 00:01:43)
  • Asked why Y is only sometimes a vowel. → “Because if it were always a vowel, there would be no Yeti, and then I would be all alone in the world.” — Wordplay, John — Question Friday (2008-10-11, 00:02:37)
  • Hank wants to show viewers around his new house. → “So I'm going to show you my house while doing a Numa Numa dance.” — Visual gag, Hank — Numa Numa Hank Dance (2008-10-14, 00:00:29)
  • A guest who hasn't read Paper Towns claims it is being made into a movie. → “Tom Cruise is going to play the towns.” — Absurd, Hank — Vital Status Report from NYC (2008-10-17, 00:02:32)
  • John reveals how he travels 33 days with carry-on only: wearing dirty clothes. → “After like three days, you completely stop smelling yourself.” — Absurd, John — Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely (2008-10-21, 00:02:07)
  • Explaining the publicist's Palin comparison, John casts himself as the serious old running mate. → “I’m the one who’s like “my friends, I think that we should read books.”” — Satire, John — Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. (2008-10-22, 00:03:30)
  • Hank interrupts his greeting to take a phone call, and the caller is Hank. → “Hey, Hank. It's Hank.” — Absurd, Hank — Talking to Myself (2008-10-24, 00:00:00)
  • John describes the release day of his second novel: no copies in the bookstore. → “Then I went home and we had some soup. Then we watched CSI and went to bed.” — Self-deprecation, John — Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! (2008-10-24, 00:01:50)
  • John realises he gave his whole talk on imagining others complexly while unzipped. → “with, like a massively unzipped zipper.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) (2008-10-28, 00:02:22)
  • John imagines Willy walking around in his puppy-sized elephant costume, speaking. → “My name is Willy. I'm gonna pee on some stuff.” — Absurd, John — Show 'n Tell Thursday (2008-10-31, 00:01:06)
  • The spoon-fingered couple's hard life, sung. → “They can hardly eat cereal And they can only type about three words a minute” — Running bit, Hank — SPWNING Halloween (2008-10-31, 00:01:03)

2008-11

  • A man says his copy of Looking for Alaska was half eaten by a Hawaiian mongoose. → “I totally believe him because he looked like the kind of guy who did professionally wrestle Hawaiian mongooses.” — Absurd, John — Hank and John from the Road (2008-11-03, 00:01:48)
  • Hank, losing the cow-spotting game, finally shouts that he has spotted some. → “Oh, horses! It was not cows! I thought I had it, but it was horses!” — Absurd, Hank — Hank and John from the Road (2008-11-03, 00:03:41)
  • John laments that elections lack football's spectacle of 'well-trained, well-oiled young men', and the image turns into innuendo. → “each other in the behinds.” — Absurd, John and Hank — Election Night In Indianapolis! (2008-11-04, 00:00:44)
  • John tells Hank that all Nerdfighters want from his video is funny noises; Hank then screams at length. → “Is that all you want from me? Funny noises? Because I can do that.” — Absurd, Hank — Funny Noises from Tennessee (2008-11-06, 00:01:08)
  • The day after the 2008 election, Hank mourns John Green's historic presidential run. → “he lost to this scoundrel named Barack Obama.” — Satire, Hank — Vlogging from Gadsden (2008-11-07, 00:00:00)
  • Stuck in traffic, John strains to appreciate natural beauty from the minivan. → “Look, natural beauty. Stupid truck. Stupid crane.” — Absurd, John — Life on Tour (2008-11-17, 00:01:04)
  • Opening an elephant piggy bank, they warn viewers not to put too much money in it. → “It's just like the American economy. Oh, empty.” — Satire, John — Sharing Presents in Westport (2008-11-19, 00:01:19)
  • John's hands, filling the widescreen, answer back to his sincere message. → “That Thanksgiving message sucked. You should just try to be funny.” — Self-deprecation, John — Thanksgiving in Asheville (2008-11-27, 00:01:43)
  • The hands order John to throw himself at the wall; he gives in and runs at it. → “I am NOT an octopus” — Absurd, John — Thanksgiving in Asheville (2008-11-27, 00:02:16)
  • Escalating elephant-killing riddles (blue, red, purple elephants) answered by a second Hank. → “There is no such thing as a purple elephant.” — Absurd, Hank — 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) (2008-11-30, 00:01:06)
  • A pirate walks around wearing a paper towel for a hat; asked why. → “Arr, I got a bounty on me head.” — Wordplay, Hank — 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) (2008-11-30, 00:01:56)
  • Hank wishes to die peacefully in his sleep like his grandfather. → “Not panicking. Like his passengers.” — Absurd, Hank — 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) (2008-11-30, 00:02:48)
  • What's the difference between a writer and a park bench? (followed by 'John, just kidding') → “A park bench can support a family.” — Satire, Hank — 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) (2008-11-30, 00:03:52)

2008-12

  • John cites Franklin Delano Roosevelt: we have nothing to fear but fear itself. → “And heights.” — Self-deprecation, John — I Am Afraid of Heights (2008-12-08, 00:03:07)
  • J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, said 'I can't sleep' as his last words → “Yes, you can.” — Absurd, John — Famous Last Words (2008-12-15, 00:03:00)
  • Conrad Hilton's parting wisdom was to leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub → “I would have preferred it if he'd said, "Never let my granddaughter, Paris, in front of a video camera."” — Satire, John — Famous Last Words (2008-12-15, 00:03:11)
  • John, holding steel wool and a battery, asks Hank how they get the steel wool → “Does it involve steel sheep?” — Wordplay, Hank — Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org (2008-12-17, 00:00:58)
  • John admits five llama butts cost as much as a whole llama. → “I wanted you to get a lot of llama butt.” — Absurd, John — Introducing...The Awesome (2008-12-18, 00:01:10)
  • Grown-up Jesus's secret Christmas wish, after a childhood without presents. → “he really wants that 24-piece metric drill bit set.” — Comic / parody song, Hank — A Christmas Song! (2008-12-22, 00:00:35)
  • Jesus wants to end violence and war, but also has a less saintly wish. → “But he also kinda wants to try out Grand Theft Auto 4” — Comic / parody song, Hank — A Christmas Song! (2008-12-22, 00:01:50)
  • John's high-school girlfriend asks Nanny what 'Scootily Poopin'' means. → “And Nanny just looked at her and said, as if you don't. know.” — Absurd, John — Skoodilypooping (2008-12-26, 00:02:07)
  • Hank accepts a hater's label 'gay nerd homo sapiens activist'. → “My wife might get a little bit angry about the gay part, but everything else, I'm sure she will be 100% in favor of.” — Absurd, Hank — Comment Haters and Christmas (2008-12-29, 00:00:00)
  • Hank finds comfort that many haters are the same person commenting over and over. → “at least it's not tens of thousands of evil people, it's just, you know, ten evil people commenting thousands of times each.” — Absurd, Hank — Comment Haters and Christmas (2008-12-29, 00:01:22)