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Best jokes of 2017

All 63 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2017 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 35, Self-deprecation 6, Wordplay 7, Satire 9, Callback 1, Running bit 2, Visual gag 2, Comic / parody song 1.

← Humor overview · 2007 · 2008 · 2009 · 2010 · 2011 · 2012 · 2013 · 2014 · 2015 · 2016 · 2017 · 2018 · 2019 · 2020 · 2021 · 2022 · 2023 · 2024 · 2025 · 2026

2017-01

  • After lovingly describing knifing through a soft Bartlett pear, Hank catches himself. → “I may get too excited about pears. I just realized that for the first time.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Too Excited about Pears! (Question Tuesday with Hank) (2017-01-06, 00:02:12)
  • Hank claims a little-known fact about the actors who played Alvin and the Chipmunks in The Squeakquel → “actually very small dogs!” — Absurd, Hank — Top 10 Best Dogs Ever (2017-01-13, 00:02:08)
  • Canaries are named after the Canary Islands, named after the Latin word for dog → “So, by the transitive property, Tweety Bird is a dog.” — Wordplay, Hank — Top 10 Best Dogs Ever (2017-01-13, 00:02:49)
  • John lists cheesy motivational quotes, the last of which turns out to be his own → “which is actually a quote from my book, An Abundance of Katherines, so my bad.” — Self-deprecation, John — On Motivation (2017-01-24, 00:00:19)
  • To disprove 'if you can dream it, you can do it', John asks if we've ever had a dream → “I once had a dream I was a tuatara.” — Absurd, John — On Motivation (2017-01-24, 00:00:54)
  • Hank has always wanted to be punched by a Wheezy clone; Craig returns 'as a clone' → “Finally my dreams are coming true.” — Absurd, Hank — Screaming for Four Minutes Straight (with WheezyWaiter) (2017-01-27, 00:01:47)
  • Asked by a viewer to scream for four minutes, Hank says he wants to anyway, given the week → “which is a thing that I feel like doing anyway after this week.” — Absurd, Hank — Screaming for Four Minutes Straight (with WheezyWaiter) (2017-01-27, 00:02:08)

2017-02

2017-03

  • After sniffing the blend before Hank drinks it, a co-host (unlabelled; not Hank) wishes for smell-o-vision → “and we could just pump the whole auditorium full of what I just smelled.” — Absurd, Hank — PUNISHED: Blenderized Audience Choice: LIVE! (2017-03-03, 00:02:26)
  • Asked which Pokémon could keep a steady job, Hank imagines Charizard managing a Wendy's when the grill breaks → “Oh my God, he can cook the burgers!” — Absurd, John — Green Brothers Reunited! (2017-03-14, 00:01:21)
  • Asked his favourite type of plate, Hank answers with tectonic plates → “for me, it's the, the kind that the Earth's crust is on” — Wordplay, John — Green Brothers Reunited! (2017-03-14, 00:02:50)
  • Asked whether he would rather have C-3PO or R2-D2 in his house, John picks R2-D2 with a jab at Hank → “whenever I hang out with you I kind of feel like I do have C-3PO in my house” — Absurd, John — Green Brothers Reunited! (2017-03-14, 00:03:14)

2017-04

  • Four of Illinois's past ten governors have been imprisoned for corruption. → “an incarceration rate that is, you know, somewhat higher than the one seen among professors of mathematics.” — Satire, John — Why I Won't Run for Office (2017-04-04, 00:00:32)
  • Stan, over ping-pong, floats more Crash Course Literature and suggests books to read. → “Wait a second, Stan, did you just use the magic of Ping-Pong to trick me into a damn meeting?” — Absurd, John — Why I Won't Run for Office (2017-04-04, 00:01:36)
  • The governor of Indiana is attending a public meeting of the Indiana Economic Development Corporation. → “I will spend eternity thinking: "Well, at least I am not at a meeting of the Indiana Economic Development Corporation.” — Absurd, John — Why I Won't Run for Office (2017-04-04, 00:02:37)
  • Joanna calls the bench the best free attraction in Amsterdam → “Though to be fair, there are no other free attractions in Amsterdam.” — Absurd, Hank — ★★★★ Review: The TFiOS Bench - Amsterdam (2017-04-14, 00:02:19)
  • John asked his son what the Professor does with transferred Pokémon → “Dad, Pokémons do not like going to the professor.” — Absurd, John — Pokemon, Reviewed by a Dad Who Knows Nothing about Pokemon (2017-04-25, 00:01:41)
  • Pokémon battles end in 'fainting', not death, though that's not tricking anyone → “Dad, 'fainting' is what Pokémons call dying.” — Absurd, John — Pokemon, Reviewed by a Dad Who Knows Nothing about Pokemon (2017-04-25, 00:02:01)

2017-05

2017-06

2017-07

2017-08

  • Asked how much plasma she would have to sell for an engineering degree, Hank says way more than she has. → “You're gonna have to harvest it from other people.” — Absurd, Hank — Life is not a Job Training Program (2017-08-11, 00:00:24)

2017-09

2017-10

  • After a spindly grass seed is bred and bred and bred, Hank reveals what it became → “until finally we got frickin' corn!” — Absurd, Hank — The World's Largest Fruits (2017-10-06, 00:00:33)
  • Hank claims the pumpkin weigh-off will take over all his anxiety, implicitly for John's release week → “Nothing else is gonna stress me out.” — Absurd, Hank — The World's Largest Fruits (2017-10-06, 00:03:19)
  • Hank says they could have made merch from the fan-designed secret under the dust jacket → “We have merch from it: it's called Turtles All the Way Down.” — Absurd, John — Turtles All the Way Down!!! A Reunion Video (2017-10-10, 00:02:14)
  • Hank wants to play the book's tuatara in a film adaptation and gives it lines in an exaggerated accent → “Hello, Aza! I'm the tuatara!” — Visual gag, John — Turtles All the Way Down!!! A Reunion Video (2017-10-10, 00:03:19)
  • At his Runner's World photo shoot, John calls himself literally a fitness model and poses. → “Is that a middle-aged person or a gazelle?” — Self-deprecation, John — Look at Tiny Baby Hank (2017-10-17, 00:00:34)
  • Unable to cut the sentimentality himself, John asks his daughter for a cutting insult about Uncle Hank. → “Hank, you have a stupid butt.” — Absurd, John — Look at Tiny Baby Hank (2017-10-17, 00:02:39)
  • John bit down on his memory card, mistaking it for a pretzel chip. → “my first thought was, huh, that pretzel chip is very crunchy. And so my natural reaction was to attempt to chew it again.” — Absurd, John — Tour Bus Bus Tour (2017-10-24, 00:00:45)
  • Thanking Sioux Falls, John returns to the chewed memory card with the footage of the day. → “sorry that I chewed on all of our memories.” — Callback, John — Tour Bus Bus Tour (2017-10-24, 00:03:14)
  • Asked why he hasn't shaved since the book came out, John rejects Hank's guesses of luck and AFC Wimbledon. → “That's the business!” — Running bit, John — I Mustache You: A Pizzamas Reunion! (2017-10-30, 00:00:22)
  • The Pizzamas car sunshade shows John's face. → “because nobody wants to rob this car.” — Absurd, John — I Mustache You: A Pizzamas Reunion! (2017-10-30, 00:00:47)
  • John imagines being swept down a whale's blood vessel into a junction; Hank asks if whales have nuts. → “No, in my nuts.” — Absurd, Hank — Where are Whale Balls? Question Tuesday: Pizza Edition (2017-10-31, 00:02:19)
  • After Hank confirms whale testes are on the inside. → “And people say you don't learn anything from Vlogbrothers videos.” — Satire, Hank — Where are Whale Balls? Question Tuesday: Pizza Edition (2017-10-31, 00:02:29)

2017-11

2017-12