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Best jokes of 2014

All 90 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2014 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 37, Self-deprecation 18, Wordplay 20, Satire 7, Callback 3, Running bit 2, Visual gag 2, Comic / parody song 1.

← Humor overview · 2007 · 2008 · 2009 · 2010 · 2011 · 2012 · 2013 · 2014 · 2015 · 2016 · 2017 · 2018 · 2019 · 2020 · 2021 · 2022 · 2023 · 2024 · 2025 · 2026

2014-01

2014-02

  • John tells Sarah he feels he looks like a middle-aged man in his cocktail-party outfit. → “And then Sarah paused for like a quarter second too long before saying, "Nonono you look great!"” — Self-deprecation, John — A Middle Aged Man (2014-02-11, 00:00:16)
  • Mid-argument, John suddenly realises 'Baby' is familiar only because Hank used it in his Ice Cream Changes song. → “I'm still zero for Bieber!” — Callback, John — A Middle Aged Man (2014-02-11, 00:02:49)
  • Defending ice dancing and hockey as his two favourite events, Hank redefines hockey. → “Hockey is basically just full-contact team ice-dancing with sticks! And less awesome outfits!” — Absurd, Hank — Happy Third Chocolate Day! (2014-02-14, 00:01:31)
  • Unable to choose between Tina Maze and the Swiss skier, Hank learns they tied for first. → “I don't care about this WHY AM I CRYING!!!?” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Happy Third Chocolate Day! (2014-02-14, 00:02:04)
  • Complaining about fantasy covers, Hank garbles 'a half-naked guy on a horse with a sword' into 'on a sword with a horse' and reconsiders. → “If there's a half-naked guy on a sword, then I'll probably buy that book.” — Wordplay, Hank — Ranting about Books (2014-02-21, 00:01:59)
  • Calling Vlogbrothers videos 'the Cadillac of the ultimate', Hank adds a correction. → “Not penultimate, which does not mean the same thing, which I learned while I was giving an oral presentation and somebody laughed at me.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Ranting about Books (2014-02-21, 00:03:32)
  • John says he brought Chris a book; Chris admits what he expected. → “No, I thought it was going to be an unnecessary plug for The Fault in Our Stars.” — Satire, John — John and Chris Meet in the Middle (2014-02-25, 00:03:09)

2014-03

2014-04

  • Brontosaurus means 'thunder lizard' but is just an apatosaurus, 'deceptive lizard' → “I don't want my gigantic lizards to bring the lies, I want them to bring the thunder.” — Wordplay, John — VELOCIRAPTORS (2014-04-01, 00:02:01)
  • Right after saying they don't rely on pratfalls for laughs, John trips while restarting his point → “That actually turned into a very painful pratfall.” — Visual gag, John — I Don't Even Know (2014-04-08, 00:00:38)
  • Imagining the Time 100 party with Putin and Kim Il Sung ('Probably not Kim Il Sung'), John makes a pledge. → “if he is there, I promise I will take a selfie with him and then I will make a citizen's arrest for human rights violations.” — Absurd, John — Influence, Airports, and the Nerdfighter Book Club (2014-04-29, 00:00:55)
  • Time called John a teen whisperer; he claims to know what teens love to talk about. → “Pulitzer Prize winning non-fiction books about people living in a slum in Mumbai.” — Self-deprecation, John — Influence, Airports, and the Nerdfighter Book Club (2014-04-29, 00:01:13)

2014-05

  • Counting the headless and faceless figures in his hotel room, John points to one with half a face. → “This guy has half a face which by the standards of this hotel room puts him in like the top 1% of facedness.” — Absurd, John — TFIOS Movie Madness, Incongruent, and Headless Hotel People (2014-05-06, 00:01:53)
  • After 'considering this one pretty carefully', Hank begs Rowling not to make an MMORPG. → “Cause that totally destroy my productivity” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Oh JK Rowling - Kinetic Typography (2014-05-09, 00:00:57)
  • Hank builds up a lifelong, mesmerizing skill needing muscle control that only one in 8.7 million species has. → “Talking.” — Absurd, Hank — My Freakish Talent (2014-05-23, 00:00:24)
  • Hank ties himself in knots over whether 'heterological' describes itself, then groans. → “Luckily, we got a word for that too.” — Wordplay, Hank — My Freakish Talent (2014-05-23, 00:02:39)
  • John promises to be the most committed fan in the world of whichever team donors choose. → “Unless someone else pays me more.” — Self-deprecation, John — ALL THE SHIRTS (and some paths to community) (2014-05-27, 00:01:04)
  • John frets over the well-being of FIFA 14 players who are technically made of ones and zeros, while his movie comes out. → “Although to be fair, so is the movie.” — Wordplay, John — ALL THE SHIRTS (and some paths to community) (2014-05-27, 00:01:55)

2014-06

  • Among the oddities of New York Hank spots in Times Square, he casually notes one billboard. → “That is just an advertisement for the movie that they are making out of my brother's book.” — Absurd, Hank — Thoughts from the TFiOS Premiere! (2014-06-06, 00:00:54)
  • Hank describes the online debate over whether to toast before buttering. → “People died. I mean, people did die, in the world, while we were having the debate, but not actually because of the debate.” — Absurd, Hank — How to Make Cinnamon Toast (two ways) (2014-06-13, 00:01:11)
  • Asked how one injures oneself playing a video game, John corrects the record. → “I injured myself celebrating my success playing a video game.” — Self-deprecation, John — Old. (2014-06-17, 00:01:47)
  • Hank says the old online videos he assigns are better than anything made today. → “despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Pre-History of Online Video (2014-06-20, 00:01:03)
  • John asks who knows the quietest place in an airport. → “TSA employees on a break.” — Absurd, John — In Pursuit of Quiet (2014-06-24, 00:01:28)
  • Hank points out his VidCon badge has higher clearance than John's; John replies. → “To me, that represents progress.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — My Day Before VidCon (2014-06-27, 00:01:47)
  • John says Hank's ability to come up with and execute new ideas astonishes him, and Hank says aww. → “but not in a good way really, more in an overwhelmed way, so don't say awww.” — Absurd, Hank — My Day Before VidCon (2014-06-27, 00:02:40)

2014-07

2014-08

2014-09

  • At his two-person first signing John reads a line about parties attended by two deeply uninteresting people. → “thereby managing to insult the only two people nice enough to come to my signing.” — Self-deprecation, John — MORTIFICATION (2014-09-02, 00:01:05)
  • John teaches Hank that hectare rhymes with nectar 'almost' and with lecture 'not really'. → “Those, by the way, are called slant rhymes, he said confidently, feeling a whisper of doubt.” — Wordplay, John — MORTIFICATION (2014-09-02, 00:03:31)
  • Asked who plays Margo in the Paper Towns movie, Hank claims the role, purely for money. → “I'm the Nick Cage of John Green movies.” — Absurd, John and Hank — REUNION TUESDAY! FRIDAY! WHATEVER! (2014-09-05, 00:01:30)
  • John tells his young son that Lego villains are complicated and must be imagined complexly. → “Henry would say "He's REALLY bad."” — Callback, John and Hank — REUNION TUESDAY! FRIDAY! WHATEVER! (2014-09-05, 00:02:41)
  • Reviewing his teenage drawings of over-muscled creatures, Hank looks at a four-armed merman he drew. → “Glad that I gave him two sets of pecs there so he would be more anatomically correct” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Hanging with High School Hank (2014-09-12, 00:01:03)
  • Hank's childhood life timeline schedules finding the Loch Ness Monster in 2018. → “So I've got some years to find the Loch Ness Monster.” — Absurd, Hank — Hanging with High School Hank (2014-09-12, 00:02:37)
  • The same timeline describes his big brother: John Green, age 14. → “Loves football and beating up little kids.” — Absurd, Hank — Hanging with High School Hank (2014-09-12, 00:02:43)
  • John says his TFiOS cameo was cut because his screen presence was too powerful: viewers couldn't follow Hazel's love affair with Augustus. → “because they would be distracted by the camera's love affair with me.” — Self-deprecation, John — It's Question Tuesday! Cheesy Jokes, Paper Towns Movie, and Dinosaur Butt Brains (2014-09-16, 00:00:48)
  • Asked how many boys are in One Direction, John fumbles the names, counts four, then corrects himself. → “There are no boys in One Direction, they are all adults!” — Wordplay, John — It's Question Tuesday! Cheesy Jokes, Paper Towns Movie, and Dinosaur Butt Brains (2014-09-16, 00:03:04)
  • Since John doesn't want a tattoo, Hank's punishment is a tattoo with no ink in the gun. → “It's just gonna hurt a lot, and you won't have anything to show for it.” — Absurd, Hank — The Oculus Rift is Freakin Me Out (2014-09-19, 00:03:18)

2014-10

  • After listing his own frivolous billionaire purchases, John concedes he'd be no great billionaire. → “one thing I wouldn't do is spend a gajillion dollars developing a Batmobile that only I am allowed to drive.” — Satire, John — I Kind of Hate Batman (2014-10-07, 00:00:41)
  • John loses his temper over Batman wrecking the city's infrastructure during fights. → “does Batman understand how difficult it is for an under-funded city like Gotham to replace roads and bridges?” — Satire, John — I Kind of Hate Batman (2014-10-07, 00:02:20)
  • John says today's video is like A Song of Ice and Fire: it comes in three parts... → “unless its creator decides midway through to expand it dramatically” — Satire, John — A Minor Crisis (2014-10-14, 00:00:01)
  • Pointing to the sponsorship on AFC Wimbledon's shorts, John anticipates the viewer's question: if the shorts are up here, what's down there? → “That's none of your business!” — Absurd, John — A Minor Crisis (2014-10-14, 00:02:14)
  • Hank proposes capturing zombies and putting them in hamster wheels chasing a brain for infinite free power. → “We could go from the zombie apocalypse to a complete utopia!” — Absurd, Hank — MY FACE ON A BUS (2014-10-17, 00:02:04)
  • To prove Vlogbrothers must stay weird, Hank shouts a string of Nerdfighter in-jokes. → “THE PIZZA JOHN HAS TO HUMP THE PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT WHILE SWOODILYPOOPING IN AGLOE, NEW YORK!” — Callback, Hank — MY FACE ON A BUS (2014-10-17, 00:03:48)
  • Hank explains # is called the number sign because you put it before a number to show it's a number. → “I know it's a number because it's a number!” — Satire, Hank — #Octothorpe - A Symbolistic Journey (2014-10-24, 00:01:27)
  • Hank sides with the cheeky 1960s nerds over the whims of social media, echoing a famous film line. → “for us, we'll always have octothorpe!” — Wordplay, Hank — #Octothorpe - A Symbolistic Journey (2014-10-24, 00:03:05)
  • John lists that he slept in the director's apartment and had pizza with Cara Delevingne before filming. → “I'm getting to know everyone pretty intimately.” — Wordplay, John — The Paper Towns Movie IS HERE! (2014-10-28, 00:00:10)
  • John says he's 6'1" but not to tell his brother, who is also 6'1" and about an inch taller. → “So you're NOT 6'1".” — Self-deprecation, John — The Paper Towns Movie IS HERE! (2014-10-28, 00:01:52)

2014-11

2014-12