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Best jokes of 2018

All 55 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2018 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 26, Self-deprecation 13, Wordplay 5, Satire 7, Callback 1, Running bit 2, Comic / parody song 1.

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2018-01

2018-02

2018-03

  • John cites an 'old saying' about God closing a door → “But you know the old saying, when God closes a door how do you lose to Trinidad and Tobago?” — Absurd, John — Who Should We Root For? (2018-03-13, 00:01:09)
  • Laugh-In's joke that in the old country television watches you got a laugh → “That's funny, everyone said before our television started gathering reams of information about our viewing habits.” — Satire, John — The Russian Reversal (2018-03-20, 00:00:30)

2018-04

2018-05

  • John has made a living writing about being young for 13 years → “I mean, I'm so old that my career is a teenager.” — Self-deprecation, John — Old Man Yells at Cloud (2018-05-08, 00:00:57)
  • Hank explains why his baby screamed off camera while he praised the word 'moist' → “Because he was like, no dad, don't talk about the word moist.” — Absurd, Hank — Laurel or Yanny and Baby Dance Moves - It's Question Friday (2018-05-18, 00:03:01)
  • To massage the peas, John tries to fit as many as possible into a pea mustache. → “But my favorite way is to try to see how many peas I can fit in a pea mustache.” — Absurd, John — How to Cook Eight Peas (2018-05-29, 00:01:21)
  • John gently but firmly explains to the peas that he is about to eat them. → “My body is going to turn you into energy that I will then use to probably watch TV.” — Absurd, John — How to Cook Eight Peas (2018-05-29, 00:01:51)

2018-06

2018-07

  • Hank reenacts calmly going to check John's new video, then growls on reading its title. → “It ends in death, John” — Absurd, Hank — This Ends in Death (2018-07-06, 00:00:13)
  • Having snacked on two tomatoes while picking, John renames the video on the spot. → “New video title, "How to Eat 213 Tomatoes in a Single Sitting"” — Running bit, John — How to Eat 213 Tomatoes (2018-07-17, 00:00:48)
  • Hank calls Dad's childhood sugar bread a habit. → “It wasn't a habit. I could stop any time I wanted to.” — Absurd, Hank — Making Bad Decisions with My Dad (2018-07-20, 00:00:05)
  • Dad asks whether he has to eat the whole slice. → “He's like 90% done.” — Absurd, Hank — Making Bad Decisions with My Dad (2018-07-20, 00:01:45)
  • John quotes Teen Boat's creator on what makes the comic unique. → “The thrill of being a boat” — Wordplay, John — Other John Greens (2018-07-24, 00:01:28)
  • John lists the horse sticker-book author's many titles. → “That guy has published more books about horses than I have published books.” — Self-deprecation, John — Other John Greens (2018-07-24, 00:01:56)

2018-08

  • Asked whether he is writing a new book → “Sometimes, but not usually.” — Absurd, John — Question Tuesday: Secrets & Primes (2018-08-14, 00:01:51)
  • AFC Wimbledon stadium ads that John calls 'our' advertisements now advertise Hank's novel → “so Hank, you'll definitely be reaching that coveted demographic of third-tier English football supporters.” — Satire, John — Question Tuesday: Secrets & Primes (2018-08-14, 00:02:53)
  • Katherine disliked the man who mocked Hank's cover letter so much that she took petty revenge. → “sneak into the kitchen sometimes and squeeze his pears just a little bit” — Absurd, Hank — My Worst Job Search Fail (2018-08-17, 00:01:59)
  • Hank explains why we rarely see John's happy dance these days. → “Not because you aren't happy, of course, but because you're old.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — The Top 10 John Green GIFs (2018-08-24, 00:00:56)
  • The top John Green GIF on Twitter is revealed. → “it's you sniffing your own book, which has now once again destroyed my faith in the internet” — Absurd, Hank — The Top 10 John Green GIFs (2018-08-24, 00:02:00)
  • Asked about his writing routine, Hank gives the most literal possible answer. → “Open my laptop. Unless it's already open. And then I type.” — Absurd, Hank — Beautiful if Damp: Answering Questions in Melbourne (2018-08-31, 00:00:29)
  • Asked at what point he decides an idea will become a book. → “About when I'm finished.” — Absurd, Hank — Beautiful if Damp: Answering Questions in Melbourne (2018-08-31, 00:02:17)

2018-09

  • After a pun that the leech device 'didn't suck', the pair add another leech pun. → “Sorry, to leech their own.” — Wordplay, Hank — Frightened Leech Science with Tessa Violet (2018-09-07, 00:02:20)
  • Instead of letting him play, John's parents had a trophy made for him at the trophy store. → “John Green 1984 All-Star In Our Hearts.” — Self-deprecation, John — On the Participation Trophy (2018-09-18, 00:02:26)
  • John breaks down laughing before finishing 'Roses are red, I'm not a hero'. → “Gas leak at Cyber Goth Rave kills zero.” — Absurd, John — You Did It! (2018-09-25, 00:01:27)
  • Hank calls John a mountain goat fan, not a billy goat fan, then claims mountain goats aren't goats. → “I don't think mountain goats are actually goats. Shut your mouth.” — Wordplay, Hank — REUNION!!! Mountain Goats Aren't Goats (2018-09-28, 00:00:42)

2018-10

  • Asked for their one-word difference now that both are authors. → “I'm the science one and he's the old one.” — Wordplay, John — How Much Do You Love Each Other? It's Question Tuesday (2018-10-02, 00:01:58)
  • Why North Dakotans don't need to register to vote. → “One assumes that this is because there's only a few dozen North Dakotans.” — Absurd, Hank — We've Got Some Weird Voting Laws… (2018-10-05, 00:02:12)
  • Opening the box, John cries that something terrible has happened: his mustache is back. → “You know, there are some people who can pull off a mustache, and I am one of them.” — Callback, John — PIZZAMAS IS HERE! (2018-10-29, 00:00:59)
  • John puts on every designer Pizza John shirt at once. → “I mean, why buy one when you can comfortably wear five Pizza John t-shirts at a time?” — Absurd, John — PIZZAMAS IS HERE! (2018-10-29, 00:01:28)
  • Mid-sentence about not needing a fancy dance break, music starts and a dance break begins. → “Why is there music playing right now?” — Absurd, Hank — Watch My Dumb Dancing (2018-10-30, 00:00:44)
  • Among the things on his mind, Hank reports soup. → “Also, John, I've been thinking a lot about soup. That's the whole sentence.” — Absurd, Hank — Watch My Dumb Dancing (2018-10-30, 00:02:50)

2018-11

  • Told that James Potter died at 21 and was never middle-aged, John claims the role. → “There was never a middle-aged James Potter. That never happened. Until me.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Reading Mean Comments with John (2018-11-05, 00:01:34)
  • Among the mustache comments, John singles out 'the guy you glance at at Walmart'. → “The guy you glance at at Walmart might be the greatest burn I've ever received in my whole life.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Reading Mean Comments with John (2018-11-05, 00:03:35)
  • Ten weeks after confidently declining to book another haircut, he wakes up one morning → “look in the mirror, and there's Doc Brown.” — Self-deprecation, John — HAIRMERGENCY! (2018-11-13, 00:00:58)
  • Pointing at his corduroy pants, Orin names his corduroy-loving grandfather → “Papa pants.” — Absurd, Hank — Four Jokes from a Two year Old (2018-11-23, 00:01:32)
  • Asked which baby is in a photo of himself, Orin answers → “And he says, coconut.” — Absurd, Hank — Four Jokes from a Two year Old (2018-11-23, 00:02:01)

2018-12