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Best jokes of 2012

All 100 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2012 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 51, Self-deprecation 14, Wordplay 16, Satire 10, Callback 5, Running bit 3, Visual gag 1.

← Humor overview · 2007 · 2008 · 2009 · 2010 · 2011 · 2012 · 2013 · 2014 · 2015 · 2016 · 2017 · 2018 · 2019 · 2020 · 2021 · 2022 · 2023 · 2024 · 2025 · 2026

2012-01

  • Announcing that the Your Pants forum is returning after a hack, John phrases the outage as an 'in your pants' joke. → “for the past several months your pants have been down due to Russian hackers” — Wordplay, John — Changes to Vlogbrothers (2012-01-02, 00:01:08)
  • Signing off, John says he's going to go play with 'that guy', pointing upward. → “It sounded like I was talking about God, but I was talking about Henry.” — Wordplay, John — Changes to Vlogbrothers (2012-01-02, 00:02:06)
  • Complaining that a five-second gap now separates pressing the up button from the next channel, Hank stops mid-sentence and waits out a full five seconds. → “and when the next channel comes up.” — Visual gag, Hank — Kill your TV (2012-01-06, 00:00:33)
  • Hank protests that Animal Planet, meant to be about animals, advertises Finding Bigfoot about a fake animal, then corrects himself. → “insane people wandering around in forests are technically animals too.” — Satire, Hank — Kill your TV (2012-01-06, 00:01:43)
  • A viewer asks whether an unladen swallow could carry a copy of TFIOS in its talons. → “Well definitionally not, as it would then be a laden swallow.” — Wordplay, John — The Fault in Our Stars (2012-01-10, 00:00:49)
  • John sings and dances that people in the airport think he's crazy, then admits there is nobody in the airport. → “but they left when I started talking into a video camera.” — Absurd, John — The Fault in Our Stars (2012-01-10, 00:01:56)
  • John explains why he won't show much of the five hours of signing. → “the only thing more boring than standing in line, is watching other people stand in line.” — Absurd, John — Thoughts from Places: The Tour (2012-01-17, 00:02:10)
  • Walking into the luxurious hotel room, John spots an armoire. → “Armoire? More like Armoi-some” — Wordplay, John — Nicest Hotel Room in the World (2012-01-24, 00:00:23)
  • Hank teases John that Time called him only 'damn near' genius and asks how it feels to be near genius. → “I don't know. You tell me.” — Wordplay, Hank — In 'N' Out-Erview (2012-01-27, 00:01:27)
  • Testing whether he is 'empathic', one brother asks the other to guess the word he is thinking of. → “Moist. You're right!” — Absurd, Hank — In 'N' Out-Erview (2012-01-27, 00:02:00)

2012-02

  • After real senses like thermoception and equilibrioception, John adds one more sense. → “You can also sense the need to go deeper, which is called inception.” — Wordplay, John — 10 Misconceptions Debunked! (2012-02-07, 00:02:44)
  • Hank says the universe may be both infinite and expanding. → “No edge! I know! I'm right there with you, dude.” — Running bit, Hank — How Big is the Universe? (2012-02-10, 00:02:02)
  • After describing the internet as a place to make things with and for people you care about, John turns to grammar. → “Unfortunately, due to overeager grammarians, the internet will never be a place where it is okay to end a sentence with a preposition” — Wordplay, John — Things I Can Do (2012-02-14, 00:03:24)
  • Hank turns the viral 'honey badger don't care' line on tardigrades, which survive the vacuum of space. → “Maybe shove honey badger out of an airlock into the vacuum of space and see if he cares then.” — Callback, Hank — World's Smallest Animals (2012-02-17, 00:00:23)
  • Hank notes most biologists exclude the male anglerfish from the smallest-vertebrate title. → “I'm on the anglerfish side of every debate!” — Absurd, Hank — World's Smallest Animals (2012-02-17, 00:01:34)
  • John once thought adulthood would be a series of interesting conversations about great books. → “It turns out that adulthood primarily consists of standing in line and being on hold, but yeah.” — Absurd, John — Life is Weird. Also beautiful. (2012-02-21, 00:01:05)
  • Hank proposes a cute tax on over-quota viewers, Emergency Puppy followers and Pinterest otter searchers. → “The cute tax will not only help balance our national psyche, it will also help balance our budget.” — Satire, Hank — CUTE-OCALYPSE! (2012-02-24, 00:02:13)
  • A new cuteness czar must oversee the cute-regulation system. → “I would like to personally nominate Jack Donaghy for that position.” — Absurd, Hank — CUTE-OCALYPSE! (2012-02-24, 00:02:13)
  • Believing he had 'cuties', young John asks girls at the monkey bars whether they've had their cuties shot and invites them to the sandbox. → “And then they would scream,” — Self-deprecation, John — On Cuties and Cooties (2012-02-28, 00:00:58)

2012-03

  • Mid-build, Michael Aranda abruptly tells Hank to be careful, then gives his reason. → “I dropped an egg in my cleavage.” — Absurd, Hank — LEGO Millenium Falcon Fun (2012-03-02, 00:01:50)
  • Starting a new bag makes finding pieces hard again, and Hank riffs on the rhyme. → “It's hard again! Cardigan! Madmartigan!! Tartigrade!” — Wordplay, Hank — LEGO Millenium Falcon Fun (2012-03-02, 00:02:19)
  • After Henry's Honey Badger eats remotes and dinosaurs, John asks him why the universe has no edge. → “That's right, Hank. Honey Badger ate the edge.” — Callback, John — Actually Free Money! (Really.) The Bank of Nerdfighteria's Quarterly Report (2012-03-13, 00:03:21)
  • Hank says he was like a magnifying glass, his love the sun, and the person a tiny ant at the end of the beam. → “just being crushed under the tremendous power of the fire of my desire.” — Absurd, Hank — Exiting the FRIENDZONE (2012-03-16, 00:02:19)
  • Through the exit door, you can tell them you couldn't handle not having your tongue in their mouth all the time. → “So you had to leave and go put your tongue in someone else's mouth for a while.” — Absurd, Hank — Exiting the FRIENDZONE (2012-03-16, 00:03:20)
  • John explains champagne poppers no longer fit his serious grown-man brand, then learns the Kiva group's total. → “What, the nerdfighter Kiva group hit $500,000? Shibam! Ow.” — Running bit, John — Sharpie Face Question Tuesday (2012-03-20, 00:00:44)
  • Asked if he has had any experience with drugs, John says yes, quite a lot. → “this class of drugs called Antibiotics did an amazing job of helping me to not be dead.” — Absurd, John — Sharpie Face Question Tuesday (2012-03-20, 00:00:55)
  • Asked what Batman and sixteen sodiums have in common. → “Na na na na na na na na na na” — Wordplay, John — Sharpie Face Question Tuesday (2012-03-20, 00:02:21)
  • Hank says he is now the opposite of hungry and would like to take the food out of his body; Michael asks which end. → “-Which end? -Either.” — Absurd, Hank — Disgusting Cookies - The 2012 Hungry Games (2012-03-24, 00:03:35)
  • Wrapping up the 'first annual' Hunger Games of forced disgusting eating, named after a story of children made to kill each other. → “We are aware of the metaphorical implications of what we've just done.” — Satire, Hank — Disgusting Cookies - The 2012 Hungry Games (2012-03-24, 00:03:48)

2012-04

2012-05

2012-06

  • Asked what he has left undone for years, Hank tops a liposuction quip. → “The elimination of death. I've been meaning to get to that.” — Absurd, John — Adorable Squirrel and Table Topics (2012-06-01, 00:02:55)
  • Explaining his poor eyesight, John recalls their nearly blind dad asking him to move some clothes. → “"Dad, that's Hank."” — Absurd, John — The Dangling Rope of Terror: It's Question Tuesday (2012-06-05, 00:01:41)
  • John says he can't be trusted with casting because his sense of actors' ages is decades out of date. → “that charming, young, up and coming Hugh Grant for Augustus.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Dangling Rope of Terror: It's Question Tuesday (2012-06-05, 00:02:41)
  • Hank wrote a script that emails his wife romantic messages on holidays, but he was too busy to write all of it. → “It was based on a Russian spam writing algorithm” — Absurd, Hank — How to be More Productive...With Hank! (2012-06-08, 00:01:14)
  • A viewer fears someone under her open stairs will grab her ankles; John walks through the scenario. → “Frankly of all the possible home intruder outcomes, grabbed by the ankle is like the best!” — Absurd, John — Solving Your Problems! (2012-06-19, 00:01:52)
  • Hank praises NutraSweet for decreasing America's weight and shows a graph of NutraSweet use against Americans' weight. → “Wha- How did that happen!?” — Satire, Hank — Hank is Maybe Crazy (2012-06-22, 00:01:05)
  • Hank proposes a business model: give him five dollars and he'll say anything you want in a Vlogbrothers video. → “Fart fart fart” — Absurd, Hank — Hank is Maybe Crazy (2012-06-22, 00:02:12)
  • John asks the border officer whether he could clear his name, perhaps by donating to Canada's health care system. → “Mister Green you're gonna die on that list” — Absurd, John — Insufficient Funds: A Story of Canada (2012-06-26, 00:02:05)

2012-07

  • John muses that 'taste the rain' would be a catchphrase if he became a professional wrestler named The Rain. → “Get ready to taste The Rain!” — Self-deprecation, John — Feeling More Alive: Fahrenheit 451's The Hearth and the Salamander (2012-07-10, 00:01:45)
  • Since dystopian fiction tends to come true, John wants it on record now what he will do if there is ever a Hunger Games. → “I will not be volunteering as tribute on your behalf.” — Absurd, John — Feeling More Alive: Fahrenheit 451's The Hearth and the Salamander (2012-07-10, 00:02:12)
  • Hitler's foldable sex-doll plan for the troops is abandoned because the troops said: → “"Actually, we just prefer Syphilis."” — Absurd, John — Hitler and Sex! (2012-07-17, 00:00:33)
  • John thought the sitting statistic wouldn't apply to him because he usually doesn't sit... → “... I recline.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Treadmill Desk! Fitness for Nerds (2012-07-24, 00:01:43)
  • Scrolling Tumblr, the singer finds the President has joined and reacts like a hipster → “I can't believe Obama's tumbling. Ugh, lame. It's so mainstream.” — Satire, Hank — Tumblr: The Musical (2012-07-27, 00:00:38)
  • John can't show Jennifer Pinches's Nerdfighter sign because of IOC rules → “If you violate their copyright, they take your baby.” — Absurd, John — Nerd Olympics (2012-07-31, 00:00:29)

2012-08

  • Who wants to read The Taming of the Shrew? You basically have to translate it from Shakespeare into English, which is ridiculous because there is already → “an excellent filmic translation available in the form of Ten Things I Hate About You.” — Absurd, John — An Open Letter to Students Returning to School (2012-08-07, 00:01:32)
  • Answering the complaint that French is useless → “French is useful because the French do speak English, but they pretend not to.” — Absurd, John — An Open Letter to Students Returning to School (2012-08-07, 00:02:07)
  • After 'never seen that show', '31 years old' and 'self-respecting dude', the last reason in the chorus → “And I don't have a favorite pony 'cuz I... I just can't... choooooose!” — Absurd, Hank — I Don't Have a Favorite Pony (2012-08-10, 00:00:54)
  • His goal is to make the planet better, but it is equally probable that instead of changing the world → “I spent the last 6 hours watching a cartoon made for little girls.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — I Don't Have a Favorite Pony (2012-08-10, 00:01:43)
  • Having insisted he has no favorite pony, the song's last line → “I like Spike!” — Absurd, Hank — I Don't Have a Favorite Pony (2012-08-10, 00:02:06)
  • Rainn describes how much bigger one side of his swollen scrotum was than the other → “A golf ball and a baseball.” — Absurd, John — John and Rainn Wilson Talk Romance (2012-08-13, 00:01:47)
  • Having set out to give romantic advice, John reflects on where the conversation went → “the one thing that I was confident about is that we were not going to discuss scrotal swelling” — Absurd, John — John and Rainn Wilson Talk Romance (2012-08-13, 00:02:15)
  • Asked whether he has any YouTube channel pointers for SoulPancake's new channel → “the thing that's worked best for us is just to use giraffe sex as the thumbnail” — Callback, John — John and Rainn Wilson Talk Romance (2012-08-13, 00:02:49)
  • John reads aloud the injured-firefly story he wrote for his high-school literary journal → “What will we do without a gun?” — Self-deprecation, John — To Be Anything At All: Thoughts from Places, Chicago and LeakyCon 2012 (2012-08-14, 00:01:26)
  • After the wizards' isolationism and their known racists playing politics, the song adds what makes their food → “Yeah, SLAVES making your food!” — Satire, Hank — Open Letter to the Wizards (2012-08-17, 00:02:17)
  • Hank holds up a forgotten toy, calls it a puppy-sized llama elephant, then corrects himself → “French, the puppy-sized llamaphant!” — Callback, Hank — Open Letter to the Wizards (2012-08-17, 00:03:40)
  • After surviving the LLRV explosion, Armstrong goes back to work and colleagues ask what he's doing there → “And Neil was like "I had some paperwork to do."” — Absurd, Hank — Six Reasons Neil Armstrong was a BADASS (2012-08-27, 00:02:35)
  • John shows his earlier foreign-language covers one by one. → “Feet, feet, feet, whispering girl, feet, feet, whispering girl, feet, feet, feet, whispering dog, girl, you freak me out.” — Absurd, John — In Which the Candle Dies (2012-08-28, 00:01:27)

2012-09

  • After puking into a party host's floor vent, John asks who paid to replace the ducts. → “The puker. In my experience, the puker is held responsible.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Five Worst Places to Vomit (2012-09-04, 00:01:19)
  • John holds baby Henry up and starts cooing at him. → “OH MY GOD! What just happened to me?!” — Self-deprecation, John — The Five Worst Places to Vomit (2012-09-04, 00:03:07)
  • Advice for when you think your parents are terrible. → “you vomited on them and they kept you.” — Absurd, John — The Five Worst Places to Vomit (2012-09-04, 00:03:13)
  • If souls could really be sold, Hank reasons, there would be evidence online. → “you'd see it on Craigslist all the time. It'd have its own category.” — Absurd, Hank — Can You Really Light a Fart? (2012-09-07, 00:00:54)
  • Asked whether you can really curve a bullet, Hank answers no. → “Only Angelina Jolie can do that. It's a genetic thing.” — Absurd, Hank — Can You Really Light a Fart? (2012-09-07, 00:01:35)
  • Hank calls the big London Ferris wheel "the Eye of London" and is corrected on the chairlift. → “The London Eye. Not the Eye of London.” — Wordplay, Hank — THE EYE OF LONDON: Thoughts from Northern Montana (2012-09-28, 00:01:56)

2012-10

2012-11

  • Describing the novelty hot sauce: named like Satan's revenge, hotness in megatons, coffin-shaped bottles. → “And lists insanity as the first ingredient.” — Absurd, Hank — Spicy Summer Camp Story (2012-11-05, 00:02:42)
  • After a whole night of hot-sauce agony, Hank draws the moral of his spicy summer camp story. → “And the moral of this story is: vote!” — Absurd, Hank — Spicy Summer Camp Story (2012-11-05, 00:03:34)
  • John says the school board election decides the central issue of our time. → “should my novel, 'Looking for Alaska', be banned from high school classrooms?” — Self-deprecation, John — Terrible at Frenching: My Spicy Summer Camp Story (2012-11-06, 00:00:59)
  • Believing that saying "I like you" meant maximising face licking, John was really bad at kissing. → “I was like a cat trying to clean the face of my beloved.” — Self-deprecation, John — Terrible at Frenching: My Spicy Summer Camp Story (2012-11-06, 00:02:22)
  • John warns that ambition can drive you mad, citing Captain Ahab and his white whale and Gatsby and his Daisy. → “Kim Kardashian and her burning desire to have a sham wedding.” — Absurd, John — VOLT! A Dream Comes True. (2012-11-08, 00:00:29)
  • The car chimes about his seatbelt. → “Oh, it's just like Nerdfighters. Always telling me to put my seatbelt on even when I'm in a cul-de-sac.” — Absurd, John — VOLT! A Dream Comes True. (2012-11-08, 00:01:42)
  • By around 1910, adding a seat for every 60,000 new people was clearly a terrible idea. → “because they were going to have to rename it the stadium instead of the house.” — Absurd, Hank — The Stadium of Representatives: The End of B20 Week :-( (2012-11-09, 00:01:27)
  • A report card praises John's empathy for people in the past but says 'her analyzing' needs work. → “Well, I think your pronoun use has room for improvement.” — Self-deprecation, John — I Was a Child Poet. And a Bad One. (2012-11-13, 00:01:29)
  • Among John's mediocre report cards he finds an all-A third-grade card and gets excited. → “yeah, it's Hank Green's report card! Dangit!” — Self-deprecation, John — I Was a Child Poet. And a Bad One. (2012-11-13, 00:01:45)
  • John suspects the poem's first and last lines frame a boxer-style nickname. → “I think I might've wanted to be known as John "Nice-Peaceful-Visionary-Joyous-Lover-Of-Peace-Hope-And” — Absurd, John — I Was a Child Poet. And a Bad One. (2012-11-13, 00:02:53)
  • John lists his four favorite bands, all of whom will be at Carnegie Hall: the Mountain Goats, also the Mountain Goats... → “my third favorite band is you, Hank, and my fourth favorite band is the Mountain Goats” — Absurd, John — Great at Being Terrible: The Florence Foster Jenkins Story (2012-11-20, 00:01:43)
  • John demonstrates his if-you-then-you gift-guide format with Fifty Shades of Grey fans. → “if you like Fifty Shades of Grey, then you can find lots of that stuff on the internet for free.” — Absurd, John — Nerdfighter Book Recommendations: A Gift Giving Guide for Nerdfightastic Readers (2012-11-27, 00:00:00)
  • John warns Sherlock fans that his pick will sound crazy. → “I recommend that you read The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” — Absurd, John — Nerdfighter Book Recommendations: A Gift Giving Guide for Nerdfightastic Readers (2012-11-27, 00:02:55)

2012-12

  • Emily explains that old bird specimens were preserved with arsenic. → “Highly effective for preserving the birds, not highly effective for preserving the curators.” — Wordplay, Hank — Thoughts from Dead Animals (2012-12-07, 00:00:59)
  • After a serious-sounding argument that HHS, not the USDA, should judge food health, Hank dismisses both agencies. → “But I'm not paying attention to either of them, because donut.” — Absurd, Hank — Nood Ood, Drums, Donuts, Fish, the USDA, P4A and SLEDDING! (2012-12-28, 00:01:19)