Best jokes of 2024

All 48 jokes rated strength 3 (the top of the 1–3 scale) in 2024 videos, in upload order: the setup (paraphrase), then the punchline as said, the kind of joke and who tells it.

Kinds this year: Absurd 19, Self-deprecation 16, Wordplay 6, Satire 4, Callback 1, Running bit 2.

← Humor overview · 2007 · 2008 · 2009 · 2010 · 2011 · 2012 · 2013 · 2014 · 2015 · 2016 · 2017 · 2018 · 2019 · 2020 · 2021 · 2022 · 2023 · 2024 · 2025 · 2026

2024-02

• Asked whether he'd rather be the juiciest or driest Hank in the world, Hank picks juicy. → “Average Hank, even average any human, is far juicier than they are dry.” — Absurd, Hank — The Juiciest Hank in the World (2024-02-23, 00:00:42)
• Shrunk to ant size, Hank plans to spell out a crumb message on his office carpet for Katherine. → “Catherine, it's Hank. I've been turned into an ant by evil wizard Tyler Thrasher.” — Absurd, Hank — The Juiciest Hank in the World (2024-02-23, 00:02:16)
• An outro character, Jared, says he would have answered the questions differently. → “For example, I would desperately like to be dry.” — Callback, Hank — The Juiciest Hank in the World (2024-02-23, 00:05:21)

2024-03

• Told he looks 33, Hank links Jesus' age to his own cancer → “When I got sick and I might die, I was like, well, Jesus only got 33 years.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Flyana Boss Asks Hank Anything (2024-03-01, 00:01:07)
• A guest had assumed Hank and John were twins → “I mean, a lot of white people do look alike.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Flyana Boss Asks Hank Anything (2024-03-01, 00:05:40)
• Hank says he loves it when algorithms reward him with numbers. → “that i put inside of the hole inside of me that can fit an infinite number of numbers” — Self-deprecation, Hank — The Internet Needs to Change (2024-03-22, 00:00:00)

2024-04

• Wanting to rent a roadside sign to counter its Jesus messaging, John proposes promoting Zeus instead. → “I would have a sign that was like, Zeus, follow him.” — Absurd, John — Hank and John Reunited WITH RAX (2024-04-09, 00:03:51)
• Hank opens by speaking April's tweet in the first person, as if aliens built him and he closed his own boob in a door → “I would be coordinated enough to not close my boob in a door. And yet!” — Absurd, Hank — I Closed My Boob in a Door (2024-04-19, 00:00:00)
• After reading tweets from women who closed their boobs in doors, Hank says he doesn't know how they do it either → “I don't know what it's like to have a boob, let alone two.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — I Closed My Boob in a Door (2024-04-19, 00:01:27)
• John adapts Augustine's prayer to be made chaste, but not yet, to work-life balance. → “Lord, make me work life balanced. But not yet.” — Wordplay, John — Full Hank (2024-04-23, 00:03:54)

2024-05

• Hank objects that the stick the characters play with in the woods is unrealistically good → “Nobody ever finds a stick that good.” — Absurd, Hank — Everything Wrong with Turtles All the Way Down (2024-05-03, 00:00:29)
• After explaining the gift tax, Hank says Davis as a high net worth individual should know about it → “And thus, in effect, Davis has turned Daisy and Aza into tax criminals.” — Satire, Hank — Everything Wrong with Turtles All the Way Down (2024-05-03, 00:01:42)
• John contrasts pouring yourself into the film with pouring yourself into this video's gag → “Other times, you get the Wish.com step-and-repeat.” — Self-deprecation, John — A Secret about Art (2024-05-07, 00:03:40)
• Pete says the DOT pin is called a triskelion; Hank repeats it as → “Three whole onions.” — Wordplay, Hank — Three Whole Onions with Secretary Pete Buttigieg (2024-05-10, 00:00:31)
• After Pete says he sticks to bagged snacks like beef jerky, Hank offers his beef jerky drawer → “That's actually mushroom jerky, so now I'm one of the elites.” — Absurd, Hank — Three Whole Onions with Secretary Pete Buttigieg (2024-05-10, 00:09:04)
• Hank's son Orin whispers a question for the Secretary of Transportation → “He wants to know, since you're the Secretary of Transportation, if you own secretary birds.” — Absurd, Hank — Three Whole Onions with Secretary Pete Buttigieg (2024-05-10, 00:17:33)
• Trailing two to one, Hank says even a tie would be a triumph. → “Yeah, but tie would be a huge win for me against a word guy.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — John and Hank FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE!!! (2024-05-17, 00:04:32)
• Hank recalls donating $5,000 to push Jared ahead in the mascot poll, then forgetting to vote. → “i just donated the money it was fine” — Absurd, Hank — Hang on tight, spider monkey, it's the P4A 2024 MEME REVIEW!! (2024-05-20, 00:07:53)
• On the Punnett square of firm or floppy Jareds, Hank vouches from personal acquaintance. → “He's never that firm. I can tell you having met him. It's always a little floppy.” — Running bit, Hank — Hang on tight, spider monkey, it's the P4A 2024 MEME REVIEW!! (2024-05-20, 00:08:53)
• Hank explains the origin of Old Trashwater's name. → “which is just some old trash water” — Absurd, Hank — Hang on tight, spider monkey, it's the P4A 2024 MEME REVIEW!! (2024-05-20, 00:13:59)

2024-07

• After asking a player whether he plays baseball, Hank explains himself → “I don't know what to say to baseball players. This is the first one I ever met.” — Self-deprecation, John — Is the Inside of Your Mouth a Soup? (a vidcon reunion video) (2024-07-09, 00:01:13)
• The soup logic is extended to preserved corpses → “Mummies are just ramen noodles.” — Absurd, John and Hank — Is the Inside of Your Mouth a Soup? (a vidcon reunion video) (2024-07-09, 00:01:38)
• Hank anticipates jokes about a man pushing socks so hard → “Hank Green out here soliciting feet pics” — Self-deprecation, Hank — My Identity Crisis (2024-07-12, 00:01:27)
• Asked whether he's the science guy or the sock guy, Hank imagines growling a mock-epic reply → “I do not ride the storm. I am the storm.” — Absurd, Hank — My Identity Crisis (2024-07-12, 00:02:45)
• One recent coconut victim died when an earthquake shook many coconuts through his roof. → “So he was kind of killed by a coconut, and kind of killed by an earthquake.” — Absurd, Hank — Hank Green's Top 7 Best Coconut Tree Facts!! (2024-07-26, 00:00:37)

2024-08

• John tries to break the ice by telling the visitor his job title sounds like a spy's. → “Just dead, dead eyes. Absolute silence.” — Absurd, John — The Time a Spy Visited Me Because of P*tin. (2024-08-13, 00:00:58)
• John describes how completely the man got him to talk. → “If he'd asked for my ATM pin number, I would have given it to him.” — Self-deprecation, John — The Time a Spy Visited Me Because of P*tin. (2024-08-13, 00:03:03)
• The normalized chart shows his Europe mystery vanishing → “Should I take the video down?” — Self-deprecation, Hank — The Olympics Mystery Explained!!! (2024-08-19, 00:02:43)
• John lists Bromley's famous former residents, its TK Maxx and its tanning salon. → “The white-hot center of British culture.” — Satire, John — Thoughts from Places: BROMLEY! (2024-08-20, 00:00:29)

2024-09

• John marvels that there is now a Pizza John Magic 8-Ball. → “when he's 47, he's still gonna be making videos, and not only that, there will be a Pizza John Magic 8-Ball.” — Self-deprecation, John — IT'S HERE! (2024-09-23, 00:00:29)
• A Pizzamas t-shirt riffs on Charli XCX's brat summer. → “It was a brat summer, but it's gonna be a pizza fall, baby.” — Wordplay, John — IT'S HERE! (2024-09-23, 00:02:42)
• Hank lists Gal Gadot's celebrity Imagine video among the harms of the pandemic. → “sang the John Lennon song Imagine in a bunch of different keys.” — Satire, Hank — The Forgotten Viral Video that Could Never be Made Today (2024-09-24, 00:00:00)
• Colleges installed fast internet, Hank says, for one reason. → “so that they could do the important work of distributing fansubbed anime.” — Absurd, Hank — The Forgotten Viral Video that Could Never be Made Today (2024-09-24, 00:04:23)
• John relishes the game's mangled closing line. → “which is maybe my favorite run-on sentence in the history of the English language” — Wordplay, John — You have no chance to survive make your time. (2024-09-25, 00:01:22)
• After earnestly interpreting the line, John admits it is also funny. → “especially now that someone has spent several minutes explaining the joke to you” — Self-deprecation, John — You have no chance to survive make your time. (2024-09-25, 00:04:19)
• Hank praises the people at his Youngstown event. → “These people are really great. Except for a couple of them. They know who they are. And Chris” — Absurd, Hank — Put a little bit of cinnamon in it (2024-09-30, 00:02:49)

2024-10

• John recalls finishing a talk he thought he crushed, only to be told his fly was down. → “are there any other questions? Silence.” — Self-deprecation, Hank — October 11, 2024 - Goofing off with John (a Vlogbrothers Video) (2024-10-11, 00:00:58)
• As the brothers conclude being God is hard, Hank interjects his plan again. → “Four feet tall! You've decided that this is the hill you're gonna die on.” — Running bit, John — If Hank and John Were God for 15 Minutes (2024-10-29, 00:04:01)
• Hank agrees power-seekers lack good ideas like making four feet tall, then decides he would be qualified. → “And actually maybe I would be good at it. Oh, Jesus Christ.” — Self-deprecation, John — If Hank and John Were God for 15 Minutes (2024-10-29, 00:05:19)
• After John's oven mitt catches fire off camera, Hank regrets the lost footage. → “Well, because that would have been great cinema.” — Self-deprecation, John — Sipping the Tea with Hank (2024-10-30, 00:17:25)
• John lists therapy and medication as proven strategies for Hank's anxiety. → “cbt has proven effective for anxiety unlike making a video with your brother” — Wordplay, Hank — Sipping the Tea with Hank (2024-10-30, 00:56:15)

2024-11

• The brothers imagine the scammer's relief when Hank said he never goes on Facebook. → “I've had a long, bad day as a scammer, but this guy's coming through for me big time.” — Absurd, John — Some New Things… (2024-11-13, 00:21:28)
• After a bad week following the election, John offers some good news. → “fortunately matt gates is going to be our next attorney general which is a huge relief to me” — Satire, John — Some New Things… (2024-11-13, 00:26:22)
• Hank repeats that a quarter of all animals are beetles, then tops it with a statistic about the band. → “And four quarters of all of the Beatles–” — Wordplay, Hank — Whales are Fish (and Everything Else is Beetles) with Lindsay Nikole (2024-11-15, 00:00:58)
• They name Tiktaalik, the fossil ancestor of land animals, as the reason for taxes. → “The reason you have to pay rent is that. Piece of junk. Decided to crawl out of the water.” — Absurd, Hank — Whales are Fish (and Everything Else is Beetles) with Lindsay Nikole (2024-11-15, 00:03:04)

2024-12

• Hank's dachshund famously pooped in the Nintendo. → “which does seem like something that a child did and then blamed on a dog, but I don't remember” — Self-deprecation, Hank — Cats are Better than Dogs, I Proved It. (PG-13) (2024-12-27, 00:00:59)
• A dog roommate runs to the door and screams whenever a friend knocks. → “I'd rather have a roommate that kills small animals.” — Absurd, Hank — Cats are Better than Dogs, I Proved It. (PG-13) (2024-12-27, 00:02:45)
• Explaining why pets eating their dead owners is fine, Hank describes feeling his leg after a squat at the gym. → “That's meat in there.” — Absurd, Hank — Cats are Better than Dogs, I Proved It. (PG-13) (2024-12-27, 00:03:51)